|Tori|

It's like no one else even sees her.

Sikowitz is talking but I'm not listening, my eyes narrowed on Cat across the way. Her face is all torn up, her eyes out the window, fingers to her lips and her mind far off. It's obvious, at least to me, that what happened yesterday is still plaguing her. I can't say that it's not still plaguing me, either. I chew the tip of my pencil. I still don't get why I'm so ... involved all of a sudden. Cat and I have been friends since I started attending Hollywood Arts, but it's always been silly, go-out-for-lunch-sometimes, talk-about-ex-boyfriends, gossip-about-other-girls kind of friendship. It was easy and light hearted, just like I assumed Cat was one hundred percent of the time.

But this is new. This is darker, more ... more deep, and I don't know how to handle it, really. I'm so used to her being bright as the sun and cheery and warm and now she's the moon, the light that normally makes her so bright dimming and flickering. I never knew how much I really adored that about her - her contagious happiness, her smile, her laugh, until it was gone, snuffed out like breath on a flame. I don't want her to burn out.

I really do care about Cat. I mean, I seem to be the only person who has even looked at her twice all morning. How can people not see her? How can they not notice how opposite she is? Even her clothes are dark and washed out, a gray sweatshirt and jeans. No earrings, no necklaces, and most of all, no smile. She's just blank and empty looking and when the bell rings the room explodes with noise and kids shoving toward the door. I weave through the students, watching through the gaps as Cat stands and swings her purse over her shoulder. She looks so much like a robot going through the motions that it hurts me. No bounce in her step, no sunshine. I finally make it to her side, clutching her elbow before she can move any further.

"Cat?"

She meets my eyes with surprise, the soft brown of her irises softening when she meets mine.

"Hey, Tori. What's up?"

I can tell she's trying. She adjusts her purse and struggles to make her face bright and open and pleasant like she usually is, but I can tell it's killing her. My eyes flick over her shoulder briefly and Jade's hovering in the doorway like a ghost, her eyes black from the distance. My mouth drops open awkwardly as Jade's hawk-like eyes pin me to the spot, shifting from me to Cat and my hand on her elbow and then she spins, a wave of brunette hair following after her and then she's gone.

I turn back to Cat. She's chewing her lip, watching me expectantly and I frown, shaking my head to clear the image of Jade glaring at me out of my mind. "Are you okay? You seem ... you seem off. Are you still upset about Jade?"

Cat's chest hitches. I frown. Just the girl's name is sending Cat into a mini panic. I study her face, watch the lines shift and strain to remain calm but I can tell by the trembling of her eyes that she's going to cry. I don't know what else to do so I just hug her, bringing her to my chest and her face buries in the crook of my neck. I still don't understand, but she holds onto me like I'm the only thing keeping her together, the only thing keeping the strings from snapping. Her nails are in my back and she smells like vanilla and she hugs me until the bell rings, her back shaking.

"It's okay, it's okay." I don't know what else to say. I didn't know Cat could feel things like this, could get sad ... it's so unlike her I don't even know how to react. I rub her back and finally she pulls away, her cheeks damp.

"I'm sorry." Her voice catches in her throat, a whimper of an apology and I bring her to me again, my hand on the back of her head.

"Don't worry, it's fine. Do you wanna go to the janitor's closet until you calm down?"

She nods in my neck and I find her hand, fingers slipping and filling the spaces between hers as I lead her out of the classroom and into the now empty hallway. I don't much care about being tardy - Cat's more important. I don't want her to break. I need answers. I need to know what's happening, what happened, what's going to happen, because Cat's someone that just can't be busted. I just ... I suddenly feel so protective. I want to make her better in anyway I can. I didn't notice until now how ... how weak she is, how fragile, how easily broken she can be. It tugs something instinctive in me, almost maternal. Cat is built for smiles, not frowns.

I close the door behind us, shifting a garbage can out of the way. Cat's hand slips from mine, her arms swinging lifelessly at her sides. She stares at the floor. Her hair even looks darker somehow, the red looking too much like blood, the way it hangs in front of her eyes. I stand there in silence for a moment, watching her. She was fine until I brought up Jade hugging me, and suddenly she just ... breaks. Right in front of me. I don't know how to put the pieces back together. I don't know why she's not whole to begin with.

"Tell me what happened, Cat." I reach out, touching her arm again. She looks up at me, the dark circles under her eyes like bruises. I wonder if she got much sleep last night, if she got any at all. I rub her arm in what I hope to be a comforting manner, stepping closer. Her chest hitches again, eyes darting away from me as they squeeze shut. "It's okay. You can talk to me."

"She said not to." Cat's voice is choking, catching in her throat. "She said not to talk about it to anyone."

I frown down at her. Her eyes are still shut, her hand lifting up to cover her mouth. I touch her hair, pulling it out of her eyes. "Talk about what?"

"Us. Then. Back then. Our time. She ... she said I wasn't allowed to talk about it because it didn't matter." Cat's eyes open to a flood of water falling over the brim of her eyes. She sucks in a breath that shatters in her lungs, exhaling so hard I think she might hyperventilate.

I glance around the empty janitor's closet pointedly. "Well, she's not here, so you can tell me."

Cat shakes her head almost violently, her hair whipping around her face. "No, I can't, I can't, Tori. It hurts and I'm supposed to be a good actress. I'm supposed to keep acting, like she said."

"Cat ..." I drift off, not sure how to get through to her. I know how scary Jade can be, and I'm what I would consider normal, but Cat ... well, pardon the comparison, but she's much like a kitten. Skittish and frightened, easily hurt, and I can see her bending to Jade's whim on command. It's just in her nature to try and make everyone happy, and if Jade insisted that Cat keep her mouth shut about whatever it was they used to do, or be, it seems like, then I don't doubt Cat would keep that promise.

Still. If Jade is responsible for reducing Cat to this, for causing her this much pain, then I can't just sit by and let it happen. It's not fair to her and I'm finding out that I care a lot more than I thought I would.

"Why don't you just ... show me, instead? She never said you couldn't show people, right?"

It's a cruel trick, really, a manipulative tool to get what I want to know. Cat's eyes flutter up to me and I can practically see the wheels turning in her brain, the connections electrifying in her pupils. There's almost a smile there, a quirk of her lips as she nods vigorously.

"No, no, she never said I couldn't do that. I could show you. I could show you and then you'd know." Cat's face grows serious again, her hand reaching down to circle around my wrist. I watch her face as she raises it, pressing it under her collarbone. "It started here. Right here. Warm and soft. Beatbeatbeat, feel it, Tori? It said her name. Jade, Jade, Jade. And hers said mine. I remember. We used to -" She halts, biting her lip. "Showing, showing. Okay."

She steps closer to me. The air suddenly feels thick and heavy, and her eyes capture mine and it's like being hypnotized, in a trance, because I can't move. I feel the closet door on my back, keeping me from moving any further and Cat's flush against me now, her sweatshirt puddling between her chest and mine. I'm scared. I don't know why, but the fear tingling up my spine is enough to paralyze me, my lips falling open as Cat's face grows closer and closer.

"I'm showing you," she says, and her hands drift to rest against my hips. It's my turn to hitch a breath this time, swallowing hard, my throat forgetting it's function and oh my god this isn't happening, this isn't happening, I'm not here I don't know what's going on oh my god oh my god -

She's kissing me.

My eyes fall closed. I don't know if it's instinct or what, but as soon as her warm, soft lips mold against mine they fall like heavy blinds. My hands curl into fists at my sides. All thought is wiped out, replaced with just the smell of her, the way her lips feel on mine, my skull swirling with vanilla. I don't know what comes over me, electricity sparking in my stomach, my heart shuddering under my ribs, but I'm ... I'm kissing her back. It surprises her, because her body gets tense for a moment as my hands touch her neck to pull her closer. I don't ... I don't know why, I can't think, I'm just acting, just pulling her closer and kissing her back. She melts soon enough, her tongue teasing my lips and with a swallowed gasp I let her inside. She tastes like bubblegum. Like laughter and kindness, it invades me, swims down into my lungs as my fingers thread through her hair. Her hips meet mine, almost grinding me into the closet door. It's almost paranormal the way I feel what she's showing me; I can interpret her lips, her tongue - there is pain, there is regret, there is sorrow but there is something much more bold behind all of that. Love.

Cat loved her. Loves.

And that's when Jade slams in front of my eyes.

I pull back with a loud gasp, Cat falling into me as I try to make some space between us. Her eyes are bleary and my knees are weak, my hands spreading on the door behind me to keep myself up. I pant heavily, meeting Cat's eyes. She looks lost, confused, eyes shifting between me and her hands. She takes a step back, her head shaking.

"I'm ... I was just ... showing you ..."

I swallow, the sound seeming to echo in the room. "Cat -" It's a whisper, so I cough and try again. "Cat, it's, it's fine, it's okay. I ... I get it." I reach up, my hands shaking as I smooth back my hair. "You and Jade ... you were ... like that."

Cat nods, sucking her lower lip between her teeth. She holds it there and I find with a startle of my tongue that I'm doing the same thing - tasting her. I swallow again, trying to ignore the fact that I'm savoring her in my mouth.

"She was in my ribcage. Like a bird. It still talks about her." She frowns and rubs her collarbone. "But she said 'my dad, Cat, you know I can't' and 'just friends, Cat' and 'now I have Beck, Cat' and I hate pretending, Tori."

It's painful just watching her, seeing her face go from sad to angry to regret all at once. Those kinds of emotions don't belong on her face. Nothing but a smile belongs there. It's killing me, and my heart is still pounding unmercifully, so hard it hurts. I reach out and touch her arm, her eyes drifting up to mine.

"I could help you, right? Get over her, I mean. That's what friends are for, right?"

There's a spark in her eyes, a turn of her lips. "You'd do that for me?"

I smile, nodding, warmth spreading through my chest. "Of course."

Her arms swing around my shoulders. I hold her close, feel her smile against my neck.

"Thank you, Tori."

I nod, my hand on the back of her head. I can still feel her on my lips.

And it hits me then, and it's cliche and overdone, but really - what have I gotten myself into?

A/N: I'm back! Thanks so much for the feedback while I was away, I really do appreciate it.

Now, here's some momentum, hm? For your fancies. And your panties. And reviews.

But mostly your panties.