HI

NICE TO EAT YOU

Winnfield was very similar to Tallahassee in some ways. She had the same sense of humour, the same strong desire to kill the undead and, as it would later turn out, the same taste in music and film. But before they drove on, after she ran the face off of a zombie with her motorcycle, she ran back to her bike to retrieve a large duffel bag. At first glance Columbus had guessed it contained her travel items; clothes, toiletries, food and water, then he noticed that some areas of the bag were pointy. As Winnfield saw him staring at the unusual corners, she explained to him, unzipping the bag as she did so, that she was collecting novels. It seemed an unusual hobby to take up in Zombieland, but he could see where she was coming from; she wanted to preserve some small part of what civilization there used to be, before all the nothingness.

She was like the more educated version of Tallahassee; a kind of Tallahassee 2.0.

As the threesome continued down the highway towards their own personal destinations, they settled into a comfortable conversation. Columbus felt a lot more at ease with another person in the car.

"So you're from Louisiana?" he asked Winnfield, who was riding shotgun. Tallahassee had pretty much threatened to leave him on the side of the road – not necessarily alive, either – if he didn't move into the backseat.

"Yeah" she quickly replied to him, but then turned to Tallahassee, "Why are you going back this way? I thought you were heading west."

"I came from out west. There's nothing out there. I doubled back after I left your little set-up."

"He's hunting for Twinkies," Columbus explained.

Tallahassee gave him a dark look which quickly shut him up.

"I figured that when you asked me if I'd seen any. Still haven't I'm afraid," Winnfield told them.

"Well there's a town coming up in a few miles and there ought to be a grocery store there," Tallahassee announced.

"Really? You, uh, you wanna stop?" Columbus asked with a hint of fear.

"What's wrong, kid? You scared?" Winnfield asked with a slick smile, but after he gave her an unconvincing shake of the head, she exchanged her smile for a look of sympathy. "Nah, it's okay if you are. I was when this first started. I got used to it."

Tallahassee, as Columbus would have guessed, was shaking his head. "I wasn't scared."

"You want a fucking medal?" Winnfield asked him with mock sincerity. He gave her the same look he had given Columbus only moments earlier, but it seemed friendlier when directed at her. Columbus glanced from one to the other and then rested his gaze upon Winnfield's bag. She looked back at him.

"You can have a look if you like."

With strange level of curiosity, he looked through the various volumes contained in the duffel bag. It ranged from Stephen King and Anne Rice to Dickens, Voltaire and Sophocles. An interesting collection, most of which looked as though they had been read a number of times. He opened up a copy of The Origin of Species by Charles Darwin, and glanced up at the owner. She sat smiling calmly, resting her elbow on the open window. Every now and then Tallahassee would glance over at her as though making sure that she was still there, that he hadn't just imagined picking her up. Columbus wouldn't have thought of her as the type to read this kind of material.

"You know, I did have this kind of rule that I wouldn't go out of my way to get to know anyone that I met who wasn't trying to consume my flesh, but since everyone's being so quiet, I say to hell with it," Winnfield said, breaking the silence.

"What? You wanna play 'I Spy'?" Tallahassee joked, not very pleased with the idea.

"No. I had something in mind that'll help us get to know each other."

"A threesome?" Tallahassee joked again, only this time it sounded a little less of a joke.

"Like 20 questions or something?" Columbus asked.

"Yeah, something like that," Winnfield replied.

"Oh, great! I like this sort of thing. It helps break the ice, you know. Get rid of the awkwardness," Columbus smiled, showing enthusiasm for the idea.

"You think it would add to the awkwardness if I shoved this shotgun barrel up your ass?" Tallahassee asked him, making a thrusting motion with the sawn-off.

"Probably," Columbus replied.

"Enough flirting," Winnfield jumped in, "Come on, Hass. It won't kill you."

"No, but it might make me want to kill someone."

"Alright..." Ignoring his negative response, she began thinking up some questions to ask.

"Oh, I've got one!" Columbus said.

"Well, go on."

"Would you rather be stranded on an island alone, or with someone you hate?" he asked.

"Alone," Tallahassee replied straight away.

"But what if the person grew on you?" Columbus asked him.

"They haven't yet" he said back, glaring directly at him via the rear-view mirror.

Winnfield chuckled.

"Would you rather lose your legs, or lose your arms?" she asked.

"Well it wouldn't matter if a zombie chewed 'em off, because you'd be dead anyway," Tallahassee pointed out.

"So then let's say you lost them some other way."

"That's a tough one," Columbus frowned, taking it very seriously, "I mean, I could say arms because at least you could still run, but how would you open doors? And if you only had arms, you could open doors, but think of how slowly you'd move."

"Alright, I got one," Tallahassee announced, "Would you rather have sex with someone you really hate or screw an animal?"

Columbus looked at him with a combination of disgust and disapproval.

"Sex with someone I hate. Isn't that the best kind? When you're just like 'I freaking hate you so much I just want to screw your brains out'."

Tallahassee stared at her. "You have got to be the greatest woman I have ever met."

She smiled and looked back at Columbus, who was yet to reply.

"Yeah. Someone I hate," he replied, a little too fast.

"Aniphile," Tallahassee muttered just loud enough for them to hear.

"Speaking of animals," Winnfield said suddenly, "How about that goat?"

Tallahassee laughed, "Oh yeah. I nearly forgot about that."

"Goat?" Columbus frowned.

"Ever see a goat trying to get a mouthful of human flesh?" Tallahassee asked him.

The kid's eyes widened at the thought and he shook his head.

"That was hilarious," Winnfield reminisced.

"Not so much for the goat though," Tallahassee pointed out.