4. An Explanation
Brennan's eyes were huge pools of liquid blue, searching Booth's eyes for confirmation. "You love me?"
"Yea, Bones. I love you," Booth smiled and brushed her hair back from her face. "So, do I get punched this time, or are you going to run out of here?" he asked, only half joking.
"Since when?" she asked him, trying to pull back from his embrace.
"Since when did you punch me or since when have you run out on me?" Booth asked a bit sarcastically, trying to lighten the mood, but his arms weren't giving her room to pull away.
Brennan pulled a hand free to slap at Booth's chest, still trying to extricate herself from his encircling arms. "No, since when have you loved me?"
"Slapped. Okay, that's better than a punch. I can work with that," Booth said with a wry grin while he thought about her question. "If you want the exact date and time, I'm not sure I can give that to you. You sort of crept up on me. I guess I started thinking about it when I realized Kenton was going to kill you," he replied seriously.
"That long?" she asked. "Booth, that was before you and Cam got back together. It was years ago."
"Yea, it was, which is why I said I can live with just partnership and friendship between us, I've been living with it," he explained gently. He could see in her eyes that she was reliving those years in just moments, and he had a feeling he knew what was next.
"But, you told me to go away with Sully. If you loved me then, why would you do that?" she asked.
He did, indeed, know her too well. "Bones, I told you to go with Sully because I wanted you to be with someone who would love you as much as I do. I like Sully. He would have treated you right. Of all the men you've dated since I've known you, he's the only one I would trust with your heart," he said. "Besides me I mean," he added quietly.
Booth silently prayed she would ask him another question. The longer he held her, the harder it would be for her to run away.
"I don't know what to say, Booth. I...," Brennan began.
Booth sighed, and said, "Bones, you don't have to say anything. I told you because I don't want you to misinterpret why I'm turning you down." Booth's voice grew husky as he said, "I want you, but I want all of you. For now, I'm content to take what we already have, a great partnership and a great friendship. One that's strong enough to survive me baring my soul, I hope. And, if you ever decide that you love me too, well then, I think you know what to do," Booth said as he released her from their close embrace to squeeze her shoulders. He tucked back a strand of her hair and let his hand trail down her neck, and then dropped his hands to his sides and took a small step back.
Brennan's hair fell back into her eyes as she glanced down at the space Booth just created between them. She felt cold after being in his arms for so long. She shivered and began rubbing her arms. Booth removed his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. "Here, Bones. Come on. Let's head back to the car and get you home."
Brennan allowed him to lead her down the steps and over to the car. His hand warmed the small of back as usual. They walked in an uncomfortable silence, both knowing that their partnership might never be the same again.