Comment Reviews
ZenithTempest: So I'm glad that someone is trying to pick up 'Jaune's Video Diary', as it was essentially abandoned some time ago, but I feel you missed the point of the story you're updating. Your main criticism of it is that it was a large harem that was a too-happy ending, but it wasn't a story meant to be in the vein of a serious drama. It was a lighthearted piece with lots of fluff with a romantic comedy plot going on. That's not to say you can't make it your own, but if you try to depart from that style too much, you risk having a narrative that doesn't really fit.
I whole-heartedly agree with you're initial assessment. I even thought to myself that it was getting a little dark towards the end of the chapter but chose to leave it that way anyways, mainly because I felt that Jaune didn't struggle enough in the original (that's to say he literally faced absolutely 0 challenges on his journey to the final test). I don't intend to make it a really serious drama, as was conveyed through some comedy in the first chapter and I can promise it will get more light-hearted and raucous later on.
In terms of your last statement, in terms of risk of narrative not fitting, I'd say the path I've laid for this story is good enough. As for the narrative of the original, what narrative? There was no narrative. The writer of the original fell within the same trap as the writers of Legends of Korra. By intention or not, the writer of Jaune's Video Diary gave Jaune mastery of all powers and skills without showing their development. There is nothing to look forward to when we have the end result. Some may argue that there are examples of such development, but I would counter that they are few and kept only towards the beginning of the story. I intend to fully flesh them out, continuously, until the final test. And you can rest assured that my final product for Jaune's skill set and abilities will be drastically different from Video Diary's Jaune, so don't go predicting anything based off the original.
Just another Nobody of Nowhere: Interesting, I hope it's not a harem like the original.
You and me both, buddy.
Adislt: okay, very good, love it. First thing first, how he can get bleed by yat? As far as I know aura protect people from damage like that? Blunt injury is possible but to make a person bleed by an attack, they should be really low in aura or their aura was broke but my knowledge of rwby not really great so maybe I am wrong
"Bleed by yat?" But he was fighting Fox. Anyway, I get what you were saying. If you read the chapter thoroughly, you'll notice that Jaune almost literally passed out from having ½ of his aura sucked out to power the machine. Fox had forty minutes to use him as a punching bag directly following that incident. If I lowballed an estimation for how long it would take for Pyrrha to take Jaune's aura all the way down to zero, I'd give her five minutes, and that would be if he was tremendously lucky. Fox isn't quite at her level but he's still a third year with 8 times as much time with Jaune.
I also only described around 5-10 minutes of that period. For the rest of it, Fox could easily have re-armed himself with his gauntlets, Crocea Mors, or Jaune's shield. I don't know, which certainly means that you can't either. Hell, even if he didn't, close combat can be severely dangerous if it drags on for too long. From my understanding of aura, once it's gone, the wielder essentially becomes as weak as a normal person. IRL, any time an elbow is used pretty much guarantees a cut in whatever region it lands, especially for head hits.
Ch. 3
The JNPR dorm wasn't much to look at. Only about half the room was taken up by a line of 4 beds, divided in two by a window and bookshelf. The other half was rather sparse, considering it was an open space meant to be shared by four people, and had come with two wardrobes and two desks. Funnily enough, Jaune felt they'd actually been lucky enough to reduce it down to a single wardrobe since both he and Ren practically wore nothing more than their uniforms and combat attire. Growing up with seven other sisters, he was more than aware of how much larger an array of clothing for a girl could have been. Which was why he was rather surprised that Pyrrha also followed suit with him and Ren and thus the only real occupier of space was Nora. She delighted in filling it with a multitude of pink and white shirts with hearts and a disturbing abundance of "R+N" imagery.
As for the desks, Pyrrha had personally pointed out to him that JNPR was spending practically all of their study time at the library (or that they took the time to study while he read X-Ray and Vav). As such, only one desk was truly necessary, if it actually did see further use than a workshop for Magnhild.
So even with the extra space, Jaune found the room extremely plain and ordinary, not that he had minded. That typical nature definitely seemed to work against him in his current situation. He sat hands clasped, thumbs fiddling as his eyes flicked about without anything special to really focus on. Or maybe the space is odd but a month of living here made it commonplace. The other three members of JNPR faced him, Pyrrha and Ren on the former's bed while Nora bounced around in the background. The morning light that filtered through the window cut a very clear line between him and his team.
"So he doesn't know?"
He shook his head, an unspoken lie. "Not yet. My position here is still safe." Pyrrha's shoulders sagged in relief.
"Then why did he call for you? What did he say?" Ren's question wasn't suspecting and there wasn't anything to indicate doubt in his tone. But it was the gaze that unsettled Jaune the most; they'd lost the glint they usually held, the one he walked around with, where he knew just a bit more than he let on and was amused by it. Ren lost that glint whenever Nora fell quiet.
Jaune shrugged. "He just commented on how I'm a bit behind everyone else in our year and I need to step up my efforts." He noticed himself picking at his arm and hid the nervous tick behind his back. "Oobleck was less than satisfied with my knowledge and interpretation of history."
He echoed their rolling of eyes. "Yeah. We could see as much when he kept you and Cardin after class", Nora said, pulling her legs up midway through her jump before landing in monk's prayer position, briefly bouncing on the mattress.
"Apparently he complained hard enough. I'm supposed to neglect all classes, except for Ms. Goodwitch's combat class, so that I can go do research projects for him."
JNPR took that about as well as he expected, as calm as a herd of cats around a vacuum cleaner. Pyrrha came close to screeching. "What?! He can't do that! What about Grimm studies?!" Jaune raised an eyebrow. She looked down and flushed. "O-Okay, maybe not Port's but what about Dust Studies with Professor Peach? Arithmetic, physics, anatomy, aural balance! What about those?"
He sighed. "Ozpin must have gotten the green light from those teachers. I don't know what to tell you."
Ren's eyes narrowed and Nora brought up a hand to stroke her chin. "Maybe we should start messing up in history too! I mean, we'd get out of having to go see Port and that crazy doctor-"
"Nora, no." Ren shook his head and turned back to his leader. "So when next?"
Jaune leaned forward and pushed off the bed. "Now, actually." His back to her as he walked to the door, he didn't catch Pyrrha's downcast gaze.
"Have fun."
He closed the door behind him gently and brought a hand up to his head. His sigh into that hand brought no relief. Lying really isn't good for me. The *click* and slight scrapping of a nob brought his attention to the dorm across the hallway.
The door open, Ruby quickly walked out with Yang and Weiss in tow. All three were dressed for combat. "Come on! We need to go now!" She dragged them with her, Yang barely managing to close the door behind them, before they tore their wrists out of her grasp.
Yang displayed her frustration openly, arms crossing under (and, as Jaune noted, not over) her chest. "Relax, Ruby. Blake's a big girl. I'm sure she can handle herself."
"But what if she gets in trouble?!" Ruby accompanied her outcry by waving her arms around.
"You heard Yang. She'll be fine. Why should we worry about her anyway?" Both sisters glanced at the heiress critically. Yang gently shoved her shoulder.
"Come on, Weiss. She's still our teammate."
Weiss mirrored Yang's posture. "Is she? We all heard what she said."
"So? What about it?" Weiss didn't even put her hands in an attempt to tone down the hostility in Ruby's voice.
"So, we had a wanted criminal associated with a terrorist organization snooping around Beacon under our very noses, and in our team no less."
Yang swatted at Weiss again. "Stop using words like that. We don't know the fully story and spreading rumors isn't going to help anyone."
Weiss huffed and put her hands on her hips, leaning back on one foot. "I'd say it's pretty clear," she retorted, rolling her eyes.
Jaune interjected before he could stop himself. "Blake's a terrorist?" All three huntresses froze. Slowly, they turned to look at him.
…
Yang threw her hands in the air. "See what I mean?!" Weiss rolled her eyes again.
"What's going on? Is Blake really a criminal?" They fell silent again, sharing looks, glances, eyebrow movements and, at least in Weiss's case, occasional scans of the ceiling. The scene felt oddly familiar to Jaune, considering how many times he'd seen his sisters utilize that exclusively female power of silent, motionless communication to decide whether they wanted to let him in on a secret or prank. Somehow, he felt this secret was going to be a bit darker than he'd have liked.
They eventually reached a decision in a sequence of nods before turning back to him.
"Yes."
"No."
Ruby and Weiss immediately engaged in a glaring battle of wills while Yang palmed her face and exhaled sharply.
"What they mean is that we're not really sure ourselves. Right now, it looks like Blake might have been associated with the White Fang."
"What do you mean 'might have been'?!" Weiss's voice rose as high as it could without appearing like a shriek. "As far as any of us can tell, she could still be an active member!"
"You really think Ozpin would have let her in if she was?" Ruby raised an eyebrow. "You'd think the headmaster of Beacon would keep better track of future huntsmen than that. Blake wouldn't have stood a chance if she tried to enter with false documents."
Jaune coughed into his fist. Left unsaid is how much worse my chances were without her numerous resources. Awkward as the situation was, Jaune turned and proceeded down the hallway.
Yang called after him. "Where are you off to at 7:00 AM on a weekend?"
"Have to talk to Ozpin about something!", he shouted back. The girls watched his form vanish around the corner and continued to stare at the vacuum he'd left.
Ruby turned to Yang, doubt and worry etched into her expression. "You don't think he'll-"
"No." Yang shook her head. "He's not that kind of person." The sisters waited. The glances at the third wheel were not at all subtle.
Weiss sighed and uncrossed her arms. "Let's go."
/-/-/-/
"You are concerned for her."
"Well... yeah." Under normal circumstances, Jaune would have found it reasonable to stalk about the room, pacing to let off his pent-up stress. Sat as he was, the most he could manage were a few shuffles of his feet. "I mean, she's not a close friend but she's still a friend. I'm worried about what could happen to her."
Ozpin raised an eyebrow. "Her safety?"
Jaune shook his head, stating, "Vale is one of the four strongholds on Remnant. No Grimm will reach her here and if she really was a White Fang member, she'd fare better in the poorer districts than I would."
"So instead you burden yourself with doubts and nagging thoughts, most likely at how similar your two situations are. It is understandable. I did not judge you harshly so it would not be logical to treat her any differently." Ozpin smiled at his student's sheepishly lopsided smirk. The headmaster clasped his hands, laced his fingers, and brought them up to his chin. "You can rest knowing that her position here remains secure, should she choose to return and stay."
Sensing an end to the conversation, Jaune nodded, his acceptance more for his own mind than to convince the man in front of him. He stood up and measured his steps towards the elevator. He hesitated at the door and turned back to Ozpin. "Sir, perhaps JNPR can help RWBY with their search. Seven will do better than four."
"Will they?" Ozpin asked, causing Jaune to frown in confusion. "You are from Ansel, a village outside Vale borders. Ms. Nikos is from Mistral, as are Mr. Ren and Ms. Valkyrie. Between JNPR and RWBY, only Ms. Xiao-Long and Ms. Rose have regularly walked the streets of Vale."
"Yes, but more people can cover more area in a shorter amount of time."
"So you would rather Ms. Belladonna interpret your aide as a manhunt for the faunus?"
Jaune moved to speak and paused when he considered the headmaster's words.
Ozpin rose from his chair and made his way over. "Ms. Belladonna is the daughter of Ghira and Kali Belladonna. She inherited the cat-like traits of her mother. That means that in addition to excellent vision in the dark, the extent of her hearing abilities far exceeds that of regular humans by a combination of four ear drums. She will not be found unless she wishes to be. The best that you can do is have faith in her." The man lay his hand on the boy's shoulder and smiled reassuringly.
Jaune nodded, accepting the man's words.
/-/-/-/
Jaune was a huntsman-in-training. Well, before, maybe not, but Ozpin's dismissal of his false applications pretty much cemented his position. As a huntsman-in-training, fear should not have been existent, considering that negativity drew the banes of life itself.
Jaune was afraid. He immediately recognized the instrument of his demise. The blade was enormous, almost a foot taller than him. The bright orange sheen along the edge reflected the beams from the ceiling lights, creating a furious glow. He'd seen the weapon before, when Yatsuhashi had strapped it to his back. However, he'd never seen the weapon airborne and, perhaps more importantly, directed at his body.
The massive sword sailed towards him, cartwheeling lopsidedly. Jaune had some sinking feeling in the back of his mind that he was too young to see his life flash before his eyes. That did not stop the occurrence.
By some miracle, he managed to catch the odachi by its foot-long handle. His heart already beat a million times a second but in that moment, he believed it would burst into his ribcage from the simple feat of holding up the sword. By the beast's sheer weight alone, gravity and momentum simultaneously flipped him the bird and nearly forced the grip from his hands. The edge came mere centimeters from his nose. His entire hands turned white and his fingers tightened painfully, leather snagging onto the skin of his palms. There he stood for what felt like an eternity, pulse beating so hard that ringing consumed his ears. His muscles strained, flexing viciously with his veins sticking out, to support the ridiculous behemoth. Unintentionally, Jaune held his breath, his chest puffed out and his lungs screaming to rupture, all in the hopes that it would help him in his Atlas-like challenge. It did not last.
Like a scale, one side would have to give and between the 180 pound teen versus the easily 300 pound blade, the victor was obvious. Orange blurred and he sank to one knee. The tip of the odachi didn't so much fall as bury itself, cleaving into a floor panel. Jaune almost sagged forward and hung himself like a christmas tree ornament. Finally releasing his breath, he gasped and exhaled sharply in quick succession.
He wanted to raise his head, couldn't muster the strength, and settled to simply glare underneath his forehead at the assailant. "What(pant)... the hell(gasp)... do you(wheeze)... mean 'catch'?!"
Yatsuhashi didn't bat an eyelid at the question. "You are a small boy. You need to be strong, be a man. You need to train with bigger weapons."
"... What?!"
The giant walked to an edge of the floor, his footfalls bouncing echoes of stomping about the chamber. He mashed a few buttons into his scroll and looked towards the center of the room expectantly. Jaune heard a clicking sound that drew his gaze upwards. A hatch on the ceiling popped open, dropping three sphere-like objects on the ground, clanking metallically on landing. Upon closer look, they appeared to be dormant training automatons. Yatsuhashi thumbed his scroll, initiating a series of whirls and clicks emanating from the robots, until their eyes shone green. They unfolded slowly, almost rolling upwards, and stood motionless and at attention.
"Level One training sequence, commence operation."
"[~Voice command code required~]"
Jaune quickly stepped back. "I just heard a girl from the robot! And what operation?"
"[~Voice command code not recognized. Proceeding to power down.~]"
"Bypass, Daichi-14!" Yatsuhashi bellowed at the top of his voice.
Jaune's heartbeat picked up again. "No wait! Stop!"
"[~Recognized. Initiate operation.~]"
"No! Don't – EEEP!" The droids sprang to life instantly, leaping with outstretched knuckles. Jaune turned and attempted to flee for his life, only to clothesline himself with his own arm. The briefest feeling of weightlessness enveloped his senses as one robot sailed over his free-falling form. Looking back, he found his hand snagged to the handle of the odachi by a loop harness that had automatically tightened around his wrist..
"Did you tie my hand to this piece of scrap?!"
"From now on, you will use my sword during our training sessions. You will get used to swinging it so that when you swing your sword, you will swing air. Then you will also jump very high."
Were he not fighting for survival, Jaune's jaw would have frozen to the floor. As it was, he rushed to his feet just as a metal foot dented the space previously occupied by his own. He kicked the robot's face, yanked the tip out of the ground, and dragged it behind him as he sprinted for all he was worth. Sounds of screeching metal filled the room.
"Do I look like Cloud f*cking Strife to you? In what world do you live? An Anime?!"
"Yes." Jaune did stop that time, deadpanning his stare of complete disbelief at the older huntsman. One android rewarded the act by connecting its fist with his cheek.
"Stop asking questions and just fight."
"Fight with what?! I can't even lift this stupid thing!" Jaune ducked behind the sword as yet another bot took a swing at him. The metal fist clanged loudly against the improvised shield.
The third-year rolled his eyes and sighed deeply. Then, even at a distance, Jaune could hear the exaggerated intake of breath from the giant. "Level Three Training sequence, commence operation. Daichi-14!"
"[~Voice Command Recognized. Initiate operation~]"
Abruptly, the onslaught of pounding upon Yatsuhashi's blade ceased all together, leading Jaune to peek out from behind his cover. He watched the leg compartments in each automaton hiss and click open. A series of pops sounded from the hidden sections, launching standard Atlesian pistols into the hand of his opponents.
Jaune only had one thought as all firearms rose and pointed directly at his head. I should have just stayed in Ansel.
/-/-/-/
Hi, guys. This one is sure coming out late, just didn't want to be written for some reason. Also more of an update.
I do read Coeur Al'Aran's fanfics and even if I hadn't, I still watch Youtube so I'm well aware that Volume 6 of RWBY has been released for limited viewing and that Ozpin's real name is Ozma or Ozmar or something like that. I don't care. I pretty much gave up on following the series after the disaster that was Volume 5. I am willing to get back to it but I'd rather use you guys as a test run. If 80% of my follower list unanimously tell me that Volume 6 is worth the watch, I will check it out.
On a more serious note, that release date has quite adequately pointed out to me that I'm writing way too slowly. At the rate that I'm going, It could take well up to 4 years to get to the point where I've planned to. As such, I've come up with a new plan: I will begin writing and publishing chapters daily. The content of these chapters will change, naturally, and will be much, much shorter. Instead of the standard 3,000 words, I will definitely be keeping these under 1,000. Also, based on time limits, these may be published with more grammatical and spelling errors than usually. I ask for your patience with these.
Since I'm managing two different stories, I will be publishing 1 chapter per day. That means 1 chapter per story every other day. I also will not be making multi-sectioned chapters.
One of my biggest concerns with this plan is that there is the possibility sense of time may be lost to the audience, and more importantly, me. I will try to be as clear with time as best as I can.
One more thing. There should be another obvious part of this plan that can alter the structure immensely: responding to comments. I won't be able to respond to comments on a regular basis with each chapter. Ergo, that is also another thing I will be changing. Each and every Sunday, I will dedicate one update to each story and post my responses to your comments.
As usual, same rules of commentary:
1) No love or hate
2) Comment on both what works and what doesn't work
3) No labels
4) No plot ideas
For those either just joining or unaware, I also maintain another story called Loss of Identity. It is also a RWBY fic so please check it out.