Well I was unsure about what this chapter should be about, until just awhile ago. You better get ready for an emotional chapter. This will also be the first chapter so far I can personally relate to, mostly because I'm basing it around what happened to me today.
Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon.
Chapter 4: The Monthly Pain
Haruka was pretty happy these days. All was going well for him. Everyone was being so supportive of him, the council had made him into Tuxedo Uranus, and he had his first appointment with a therapist in two days. Nothing could possibly go wrong, except for possibly one thing. It had been a month since the last time he had his period. Haruka pushed this thought to the back of his head. 'Surely the gods won't be cruel enough to make me go through that just a couple days before my first appointment.' He thought, in a way trying to convince himself that he wouldn't get his period until after his appointment, but even then, he wasn't looking forward to it. Michiru then walked into the room.
"Haruka, I'm going out shopping." She announced, "Would you like to come with me?" Haruka nodded and stood up.
"Ya, there are a few things I could use." He said as he moved to grab his jacket and put his shoes on. As he stood up after putting his shoes on, he felt a cramp in the pit of his stomach, an oh so familiar cramp, one that spelt trouble. He froze as he waited for it to pass. Michiru noticed this.
"Haruka, is everything OK?" She asked in concern. Haruka turned to her, trying to seem fine to her.
"Ya, I'm fine. It's nothing to worry about." He told her, "Now let's get going." With that he moved out the door, feeling uneasy. 'Maybe I should stop in the bathroom first, just to make sure there is no blood.' He thought to himself in concern. He quickly decided against this though, because he really didn't want to see the blood if it was there. But then again, he didn't want to be embarrassed in public by blood dripping down his leg. But then again, it never started heavy and they wouldn't even be out long. He sighed as he got in his car and started it. Michiru sat down beside him with a concerned look on her face.
"Are you sure you're alright?" She asked in concern. Haruka turned to her with a smile on his face, like nothing was wrong.
"I'm sure. Nothing is wrong." He told her. And with that he started up the car and pulled out of the driveway.
At the store, Haruka did not feel any better. He still had cramps and he was beginning to feel something damp at his crotch. He hoped and prayed that it was not blood he was feeling. 'Please be anything but blood.' He thought to himself as Michiru looked for the things she needed. Michiru pretended to be caught up with her browsing, but secretly she was concerned about Haruka's behaviour today.
'I wonder what it is he's not telling me. He may say that he is fine, but I can tell by the tone in his voice that something is bothering him today.' She sighed as she continued looking, 'I just hope it isn't too serious.'
Meanwhile, Haruka was not feeling any better. The yucky feeling just wouldn't go away. He squeezed his legs together in hope to make it better. Michiru noticed this.
"Do you need to go to the bathroom?" She asked. "You know we've discussed this before. I have no problem with you using the men's room. And no one in there will know the difference. You pass perfectly." Haruka sighed at this.
"No, I don't need to go to the bathroom." He told her. Besides, even if he did go to the bathroom now, what would he do? Men's rooms weren't properly equipped for periods, since men didn't have periods. Besides, Haruka himself wasn't prepared for having his period right now either. Michiru still wasn't convinced.
"Well I think it'd probably be best if we went home now." She suggested, "I got everything I came here for anyways." And with that, they moved to check out. Haruka was silent while checking out. He really hoped he was not feeling blood right now. He hoped these cramps he was feeling were not related to him getting his period. He hoped and prayed that there was no blood spot on the back of his pants right now. Well he figured he'd know when he got home.
When he got home, he nervously walked to the bathroom. He really did not want to know if he had his period right now. What would he do if he did? Normally he'd just stay as close as possible to home when he had his period, but what about his appointment in two days? He needed to go to that. If he cancelled, it could be months before the next time he could be booked in, and he didn't want to wait any more months for help.
He entered the bathroom and took a deep breath as he slowly pulled down his pants. 'Please, don't be any blood. Anything but blood. Please, let there be no blood.' He hoped and prayed silently. Slowly, he looked down, only to find his prayers were not answered. There was blood on his boxers. He quickly pulled up his boxers and moved to him room. He opened up his drawer to pull out a clean pair of bowers as well as a pair of women's underwear he had for these occasions. He then moved back into the bathroom and changed. Michiru had noticed his actions as he moved back in the bathroom.
'So that's what was wrong with him today.'
Haruka couldn't help but cry as he changed his boxers. Why did this have to happen to him today? Everything had been going so well for him lately too. Why did this have to happen? He sighed as be put on the pair of women's underwear and quickly put a pad on it. He absolutely refused to use tampons. He did not like the idea of putting anything in the hole for any reason. The idea made him uncomfortable. Michiru had tried to tell him how it took the yucky feeling away, but it couldn't convince Haruka. He would not sacrifice his pride just to get rid of a yucky feeling. He pulled his boxers over the women's underwear. He would not stop wearing his boxers. It helped him forget a bit.
After he had finished changing, he took his bloody boxers and washed them off in the sink. He did not want to blood stains to dry and remain permanent. He just wanted the yucky blood to be gone, for good. He never wanted to have another period again. He could not stop the tears at these thoughts. He wanted all this, but knew they wouldn't just stop automatically. He knew that his appointment in two days was only the first appointment, and nothing would be recommended for him after one appointment. He knew that he would still have to put up with many more periods before anything that could end them would be recommended.
He finished washing his boxers then threw them on the shower curtain rod to dry. He then when to his room and collapsed on the bed and began to beat up his pillow. Why was his life so unfair? Why did he have to put up with all this shit? Why couldn't he have just been born a boy? Michiru entered the room and sighed at the sight of Haruka beating up his pillow. This happened whenever he got his period. She walked over and sat down on the bed beside him.
"It'll be alright, Haruka." She said as she rubbed his back in a comforting way. "You'll get through it." Tears still came out of Haruka's eyes, despite his attempts to stop them.
"Why do I have to put up with this, Michiru?" He asked. Michiru just sighed, knowing she couldn't say anything that would make him feel better.
"Haruka, almost all women have periods every month. Periods are just part of having a female body." She said, knowing this would not make Haruka feel any better.
"But I don't want to be a woman!" Haruka screamed. "I want to be a man, and men don't have periods!" At this he burst into tears again. Michiru continued to rub his back.
"You are a man." She told him, "You just happen to be a man with a female body, and because of that, you have to put up with the same bodily functions as women do." This did not make Haruka feel any better.
"But I'm sick of having a female body!" He screamed, "I want to have a male body! I don't want to have these things on my chest." He motioned towards his breasts. "I want to have a flat chest like most men have. I want to have a dick, like most men. One that I can actually use. I'm sick of always having to sit down to go pee! I want to have testosterone pumping through me, not this bloody estrogen." Michiru sweat dropped at Haruka's rant, knowing that it was mostly estrogen inspiring it right now. She found that sort of ironic.
"Haruka, I know it seems hopeless right now, but eventually things will get better for you. Your first appointment is in two days. Eventually they'll make recommendations for you to start hormone therapy. Then your periods will eventually stop and you won't have to deal with them any longer." Michiru told him.
"But how long will that be?" Haruka screamed.
"Well Haruka, I really don't know what to tell you." Michiru told him honestly. Right now she was finding it ironic how men always complained about how their girlfriends got when they had their periods, and their girlfriends would complain about them not knowing how it felt. Right now she was feeling lucky that the girlfriends didn't have to put up with their boyfriends having periods, because this was ten times worse. Setsuna then walked by the room and peeked in to find the sobbing Haruka and Michiru trying to comfort him. She looked at Michiru questionably.
"Period." Was all Michiru mouthed to her and Setsuna immediately understood everything and decided it was best to leave the two alone. Haruka continued to sob about his miserable life as Michiru embraced him in a hug.
"Haruka, crying isn't going to make anything better. It is not going to make your period go away. You just need to accept that there's nothing you can do about it right now and live with it for the next week. Just know that the day will come sooner to you that you won't have to deal with it anymore than it does for most women." She explained to him. Haruka snuffled a bit.
"I guess you're right." He finally admitted and turned to Michiru. "Thanks for comforting me."
"No problem." Michiru said.
To Be Continued...
Well there's that chapter. Periods can be quite a big pain during transition. Well I guess I'm lucky that even though I got it today, I have an appointment with an endo in a couple days and hopefully I'll get a recommendation to start something that will put an end to this bleeding once and for all. Feel free to leave a review.