A HUGE thank you to my beloved BETAs YNotJacob and Shawnie_F for keeping up with my crazy writing schedule :) I love you girls!

Bella reeled.

Jacob had brought her food. He'd come back and for a short moment, it had been like it always was. She forgot about everything except her hunger and having him near. And then...

What happened to him? How had Jacob gone from the boy who held her hand and the worst insult he could think of being to call Mike a 'marshmallow' to... to this...

It had to be the wolf.

She busied herself by picking up the contents of the blue bag. At some point in the night the water bottle she'd drank had been refilled and was sitting on the table. Jacob. He'd come back during the night to bring her water. She shook her head. Placing the cans of food on the table and what fresh food there was into cabinets so animals wouldn't eat it, she wondered, where had he gotten all of this food?

Bella's mind churned.

It was the wolf, she was sure of it. That stupid pack had ruined his life. He'd never had a temper until he phased and since then, he could be volatile sure, but she'd never feared he would hurt her before. Maybe Edward had been right all along, maybe it was dangerous to be friends with a werewolf. To anyone else that conclusion would be obvious, but to Bella, whose world was full of insanity, it struck her across the face and took her breath away.

A part of her had always assumed Jacob would come around. They would be friends again and he would find a way to accept who she became when she married Edward. She'd been deluding herself. It just wasn't possible for him to let her go. The question niggling in the back of her mind was, did she want him to?

Sitting with him had been so easy. She knew she was a mess, hair all akimbo and clothes that didn't fit. But it didn't even occur to her to be self-conscious. Aside from the fact it was entirely his fault she looked like this, she knew he wouldn't care. He never expected anything from her, only ever asked for her to love him.

That was what she missed about him the most, that she could just laugh, just be herself. She didn't have to agree to some stupid overdone wedding to make him happy and didn't have to wear some gaudy ring to show how she felt. She gave herself a mental slap. Why was she defending him after everything he'd done? Why was she letting the doubt that lived in the back of her mind about Edward have a say?

Bella finished putting everything away and found herself with nothing to do. The sun was just waking, it's light warming the horizon to the East. She pushed the cabin door open and looked around. No Jacob.

Despite everything, she knew he wouldn't go far. Hopefully he was out running off whatever had come over him. She blushed at the memory of Jacob's body, muscled and hard. He wanted her in a way no one ever had. Not even Edward seemed tempted by her, despite all his insistence that he was. Warmth rushed her system at the memory of Jake's kiss. The one from the mountain blurred with his passion from the night before. There was no doubt about how he felt.

Stupid misguided mutt she thought, stepping out of the cabin. She closed the door behind her, out of habit more than any real need. The forest was noisy, not the quiet expected in such a remote location. Instead the air was alive with life. Birds and insects danced in the sky while animals went about getting up or settling in to sleep away the day.

Bella wandered behind the cabin. She had nothing to do. There was no one else out here in the wilderness with her except Jake, who she wasn't sure she wanted to see yet. He was taller than she remembered, but he'd lost weight. The part of her in love with him wished she could cook for him. The part of her who still had some pride bristled at the thought.

Taking care of the person who kidnapped you was nuts. What was this? Stockholm Syndrome? But it wasn't. She'd always wanted to take care of him, to protect him from hurt. That's why she still resented the pack. They'd taken him away, his sweet sunny disposition, his innocence. Now it seemed like he'd lost the battle against turning into a monster. It was the thing he'd feared the most when he first phased, and now...

There was a time, not that long ago, when she'd been willing to run away with him. To forget Edward and the Cullens forever, just to bring Jacob's smile back. Perhaps he was too lost to the animal now, maybe she'd never get him back. Bella walked into the forest as the thought of never seeing Jacob smile again settled around her heart. It weighed her down with a sadness she hadn't known since she'd seen him that day in his room, since she'd said goodbye.

All this time, she'd been waiting, assuming he would come back. How could she get married without him there? She'd told herself that wasn't why she'd been dragging her feet. The wedding was more than she wanted, more attention. Agreeing to it was another piece of herself she gave up to be with Edward. Not having Jake there, when she thought about it, broke her heart a little more.

Now she was going to miss her own wedding. It struck her that she really didn't care. Why was that? It was her wedding day, it should be something she dreamt about, but all she felt was the sickening feeling of disappointment that she didn't. She knew her dad would be worried sick, and that Edward would be furious when he picked up Jake's scent behind her house. But missing the wedding, she was actually fine with that. Wasn't she supposed to be looking forward to her wedding day?

The doubts she harbored about her relationship with Edward, the nature of his desire to protect her, rose to the surface. Was it really love he felt for her or was it some need to control? They never listened to her, the Cullens. Instead they made her decisions for her: from what to eat, to what to wear, and even how she should lose her virginity. Even who she was allowed to be friends with. Everything was controlled and sanitized and provided for her before she even had a chance to decide what she wanted

Bella was further into the woods than she realized, lost in thought, but the path back to the house was still clear so she didn't worry. Farther ahead, a creek streamed by, splashing over rocks. This must be where Jake got me water.

She followed the sound, delighted to have found some way to take care of herself. It was cold in the morning sun so she didn't dare take off her clothes, but she splashed the cool water over her face and ran her hands through her hair. Then she filled her mouth and swished it around, wishing she had a toothbrush.

"Don't fall in," Jake's teasing voice came from behind her. When she turned, he was wearing clean clothes and had a backpack over one shoulder. His face and arms were still covered in mud and blood, but he looked better than she probably did.

"Where'd you come from?" Bella asked, trying to mask her surprise.

"It's possible I may have found a campsite that had clean clothes and some matches." He smirked and tossed the bag in her direction. It landed softly at her feet.

"Did you steal this stuff?"

"I didn't hurt anyone if that's what you mean," his face hardened. Was he insulted or did he just not like how possible she obviously thought that was?

"Thanks," Bella shrugged and picked up the bag. She wanted to head back to the house, but would mean having to go past him to get there. The idea of being close to him terrified her. He seemed to be in better control of himself, but what did she know. Is a wolf in a man suit better or worse than a man dressed as a wolf?

Awkward silence filled the peaceful scene. Even the animals quieted down. She couldn't blame them, she didn't want to be here either. She wanted to hide from his eyes. They bore down at her, not looking away. Her stockinged feet shuffled.

"Alright then." Jacob turned to walk away.

"Where are you going?" It surprised her how desperately she wanted him to stay. She didn't want to be alone out here, but she knew he wouldn't abandon her. It was him she wanted though, to talk to him, to see that smile.

"Back to the house to start a fire. I thought you would want to change."

His casual response infuriated her, and just as quickly as she'd wanted him to stay, she wished he'd leave. "What do you think this is Jake? A vacation?"

"No I... fuck... Nevermind..." He ran his hand through his greasy chin length hair.

"I'm not going to just play house with you out here. You have to take me home."

"No."

"No? NO? What..."

"No, I'm not taking you home. I'm not... I'm not going to let you kill yourself. I don't care if you hate me, I'm not letting it happen. If you asked me for anything else, I'd find a way to make it happen. But I'm not going to watch you die." It was the most he'd spoken yet, and although there was fire behind his words he remained calm, only his eyes betrayed how deadly serious he was.

"I'm not going to die, Jake."

"I'm done talking about it, you don't get it. I don't know why, but you're brainwashed or something and you don't understand what they are." He glanced up, desperation written on his face. "I can handle you hating me. I can't handle losing you completely. I won't survive it."

"Jake..." Bella's frustration melted at the earnest look in his eye.

"I'll make a fire, let's get something to eat."

He retreated into the forest as she watched. He kept saying the same thing, insisting that she was going to die. It didn't make sense. Why couldn't he see the Cullens weren't dead? But even as she complained to herself him being so stubborn, she couldn't help but compare Edward's stone lips to the fire that burned against her whenever Jake came near. When she would lay her head on his chest, the strong heartbeat lulled her into a contented sleep she never found in Edward's arms.

But when she was changed, these things wouldn't matter. She just had to play along, make the best of things until Edward found her. He would come, he'd never let her go. She held that thought tight and pushed away the strangling feeling that followed as she walked back to the cabin. She clung to the idea of Edward as her heart pulled her closer to Jacob.

At the cabin, Jake waited outside while Bella changed her clothes. Jeans, a long sleeve shirt, a fleece pullover and hiking boots. She wished for a shower and tooth brush, but the rubber band in her hair had survived the trip so she could pull her hair back in a tight knot.

He waited a few steps back from the door when she invited him back inside. Their eyes didn't meet and a tension hung in the air. He had kidnapped her and kissed her, knowing full well she was to marry another in just two more days. She couldn't sort through how angry she was with how much she wanted to pull him to her and tell him everything would be alright. She was the victim! But somehow, he was the one in need of rescuing.

They sat on the floor next to the fire, eating hunks of bread smeared with cheese and slices of pepperoni. It was the best thing she'd ever tasted.

"This is good." Bella passed him one of the the water bottles.

He drank it down in one swig, not speaking. Table manners were something that had gone the way of basic hygiene. Eating with bloody, muddy hands, Jake stuffed half the loaf of bread into his mouth before she'd finished her first bite.

"Sorry," crumbs fell from his mouth as he spoke.

"How long has it been since you ate with your hands?" Bella teased, curious about the last few months.

"Since I left. Since I got your invitation..."

"Oh. You know I didn't want Edward to send you-"

He cut her off, unable to listen to her excuses. "It doesn't matter. I would have found out one way or another."

"Why'd you leave?"

He looked at her, incredulous. His eyebrows shot up and she shrank back, expecting fury. "The same reason I came back," his explanation was calm. "I couldn't watch you die."

"Jake, I'm not going to die!" she protested, but it felt hollow, even to her.

"You are. You won't be Bella anymore. I can't - I can't just sit by and let that happen."

"You don't get to decide that." She stared at him, trying to impress herself on him. This wasn't his life. It was hers.

"Clearly I do." He stood and shook the crumbs off his lap. "I told you, I didn't want to talk about this. It's done. You're here and I'm not taking you back."

Bella cried out in frustration, "And what lets you think you get to make that decision?" She stood up to match him, facing off against the oversized possessive werewolf. Probably not the smartest thing she'd ever done.

Jacob took a deep breath and steadied his hands against his thighs. "I'm not a good person, Bella, I get that. I'm not what you want and I'm barely able to manage being inside let alone be the man you deserve. But no matter what else I do with my life, I will keep you safe. You are everything. You are... you're fucking everything!" Tears tipped over the corners of his eyes as he spoke.

"You are good Jake," she insisted, rushing to him, taking his ragged face in her hands. His hair hung around his cheeks, framing him in darkness as he looked down at her. The love she kept locked away broke free. No matter what he'd done, she loved him, she would always love him.

"I'm not. Good men don't do what I've done."

"What have you done?"

He shook his head, his hair clinging to his skin.

Leading him to the careworn couch, Bella ushered him to sit. She retrieved her pajama shirt and a bottle of water from the floor and came to sit beside him.

"There's a good person in you. We just have to find him." She wet the fabric and smoothed it across his forehead. The months of wildness had changed him, sloughing away the guise of a boy to make room for the leanness of a man. With strategic care she removed layer after layer of pain, revealing the boy she loved beneath. When his face was clean, she began cleaning his neck, reaching around to wash beneath his hair.

"I like your hair long".

Jacob closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. Watching him, he looked so much like the boy who'd held her hand, the boy she'd fallen in love with.

With tenderness, Bella pulled his arm out and set his hand on her lap, washing his arm. She traced the muscles of his bicep, wiping along the long lines of his strength. Slipping her hand up under the sleeve of his shirt, she cleaned his upper arm and shoulder. His bones protruded, muscles pulled taunt across sinewy flesh. Taking his hand in her own she bathed his toughened skin, slowly washing between each finger and over his torn nails.

When she finished the second arm he remained silent, eyes closed, waiting. After all she'd done, he still trusted her. He relinquished control, sitting vulnerable before her, always waiting.

She didn't mean to do it, didn't even know she was going to until her hand was against his cheek. His breath caught and, eyes still closed, he relaxed into her.

"It's going to be okay Jake," she soothed, rubbing her thumb across his cheek, until he opened his eyes and met hers.

"It will now. Now that you're here."

"I did miss you," she admitted, removing her hand reluctantly.

He nodded, taking her now free hand between his own. Tears fell; she thought they were his, but couldn't be sure. "I'm sorry, Bella. I know, I know you can't love me. Some part of me knows I shouldn't be doing this, but I just... I just can't..."

Running the fingers of her free hand through his hair, Bella brought her forehead to his. They sat, hand in hand, head to head, in silent understanding. They'd both lost so much, the life they should have had together, the dreams they could have lived. The pain of it was tangible and their tears mingled over what could have been.

"Tomorrow, I'll take you to town so you can call Charlie," Jake whispered, before pulling away with a weak smile. "He'll shoot me if you don't at least let him know you're alive."

"Thank you."

Bella was conflicted as she watched him pick up after their makeshift lunch. What did it mean to love someone with everything you are? Is it enough to protect what's yours or did real love mean letting someone go even if it kills you inside?