4. Hard decisions

When you hear the word love, what does it mean to you?

What is the first word that comes into your mind?

Reply, if you want…

For me? Foolishness.

It is really a very dim emotion. You can't control it. You can't chose when it is going to hit you. It just happens. You can only decide how you are going to handle it. It won't stop bothering you. But you can decide if you are going to hear you heart or your mind. The first one can make you happy. The other one will keep you safe. But if you want to find true love you have to make a completely fool of your self, no mater what your brain says. If you hear your brain and keep your ego, then I hope you'll be happy by yourself.

If you have a heart and you are afraid to use it because it might get hurt, what is the point of having it after all?

Back to our story. It is Double D's turn to decide after all. Marie is what his heart shouts, wants and desires. Sarah is what his mind tells and his logic conforms. This is his dilemma and there is probably no turning back to the path he will choose. Or he has already chosen it?

'Morning… again.', thought Double D as he opened his eyes. Heavy morning, the worst of its kind. How many kids had woken up that morning feeling the same? It was Monday after all. Monday morning, with a test waiting for them and a week full of homework straight ahead. What could be worst? For most kids that was the thing that made them consider it was a terrible morning. But Double D didn't care a bit about homework or about the test. 'What is a good grade really? Just a number or a letter. Just a 100 or an A+. Pointless and empty as it sounds.' That was how he was feeling. Empty.

He got up and went to the bathroom. He looked his reflection to the mirror. He wetted his face and stayed still. His reflection was showing him what he used to be. A person who use to got up of bed with a huge smile and desire for life. Now he was careless and sad. He had listened to his mind.

He dressed up. For one more time he didn't fix his bed. He didn't care. He just wanted to get over with the rest of the day. With the rest of his life. He got out of his home and started walking. He knew now very well what to do. He was thinking of it almost all night.

He stepped in front of the Kanker's house. He looked up at Marie's window and took a big breath.

"Goodbye…" he said sadly and forced himself to move on.

After a while he was near Rolf's yard. He heard him working. Rolf always makes his chores before he go to school. He feeds the pigs, the chickens and Ector, his goat. That is the reason he is so strong. He works much everyday because his 'nana' says so. And he never questions her.

Double D hesitated for a minute. Then he said to himself the only thing that he was thinking all day and night, even in his sleep.

"I love Marie, I love Marie, I love Marie…" He kept saying to himself quietly but very quickly, without taking a breath, trying to grab some courage and face reality. A tear felt from his eye down his chick. He wiped it and stood still. He had to do it. He approached Rolf.

"Good morning Rolf. I hope I don't bother you."

"Good morning Ed boy. What are you doing here so early in the morning? Shouldn't you be sleeping?" Rolf answered full of energy.

"I wanted to talk to you." He said trying to be brave, but he was barely standing.

"Rolf also wants to talk to you, about the big Math's test and I"

"About Marie." Double interrupted Rolf.

"…"

"I wanted to talk you about Marie. I saw you together in the woods the other day. I was walking to Eddy's house and I saw you. I don't mean to offend you but I need to inform you, you see, well I"

"What do you want Ed boy?"

"I want you to take good care of her." Double D said. "I know that you are happy together. She…" He stopped for a minute and breathed out. "Sheis happy with you and I want you to take good care of her."

"I will."

"And I want you to know that if you ever hurt her, I am going to make you feel sorry for any pain you might cause her." He said trying to control his emotions.

"Rolf would never hurt Marie." said Rolf knowing that he could smash Double D with one hand. "But why you, Ed boy, care so much about her?"

"Well, for no reason at all. Bye Rolf."

Double D left from Rolf's knowing that Marie was in good hands. He had to do that. He loved her after all. Not 'like', 'love'. He loved every inch of her. Every little detail. He loved the way she smiled, and her cute laughter and the accord look she took every time she was intrigued by something. And if she was happy with Rolf, then he was happy. Or that was what he was forcing himself to be because he should.

"That's love after all. To smile when she smiles, and cry when she cries. If she is happy, I am ha…" He hesitated. "I am happy." He finally said and moved on to his way to school.

Double D was feeling sadness and happiness at the same moment. Happiness because he knew it. She was happy. Sadness, because she was happy with someone else.

Marie had also woken up that morning very early. He thought she had seen Double D outside of her window when she opened her eyes. She even thought that she heard his voice. So that made her completely awake. She jumped of her bed and she went straight away to her window to look outside. But no one was there. Her disappointment was huge. She thought she was loosing her mind and she sat back at her bed, trying to calm herself.

She stayed at her bed for a while. She tried to fall asleep again but she just couldn't. After a while she heard someone knocking her door. Lee and May where already down, so they opened it. She tried to listen carefully. A familiar voice made her get up from bed. She dressed up quickly and came down the stairs. There she saw Rolf talking with her sisters.

"We'll talk another time." Lee said and stepped aside, so her sister could talk to him.

"Good morning everybody." Marie said. She hadn't heard Lee's last words.

"Good morning Marie." Said Rolf with a huge smile on his face. The moment he saw her, he suddenly became so happy. "Rolf came to take you to school."

"You didn't have to." Marie said, blushing. He seemed so cute.

"I wanted to. Unless you don't want…"

"Why shouldn't I. Thanks. Just wait a second to take my bag." And she left upstairs.

"You have to keep Marie happy. And away from Double D if you want to be sure she will forget all about him. I am sure you are smart enough to understand." Said Lee the minute Marie was gone from the room.

"Yes I know. I love Marie and I don't want her to be with someone that made her feel so badly. She doesn't deserve it. I just wanted you to know what have happened." Rolf said.

"What have happened?" asked Marie who overheard Rolf.

"He was just saying us about you two." Said May, trying to cover things up.

'He is so sweet.' Marie thought and they left together to go to school.

When they got there Eddy was, as usual looking at a mirror and Ed was standing next to him eating some gravy. But Double D wasn't anywhere near them. After a couple of minutes she saw him talking with Sarah. They seemed pretty much ok. Double D was making her laugh while he was trying to explain her some Math theories for the big test. Marie took a big breath and grasped Rolfs arm hard.

Rolf touched her hand, which was holding his arm, and held it into his. He knew very well that she still liked Double D, but he loved her too much to let her hand go. He was feeling the same pain as she but for a different reason. She saw the one she loved with someone else. He had the one he loved, but she was suffering for someone else. He wanted to make her forget all the pain Double D had caused her.

But how did Double D ended up with Sarah again, or didn't he?

Double D after his visit to Rolf, went by Ed's house. Having nothing better to do he decided to wait for him so they would go to school together. When he ringed the door Ed's little sister came out. His mind became blank for a minute. What he could possibly tell her? And they both were staring each other in silence.

Finally he gathered the bravery he needed and started talking.

"Good morning Sarah. Is Ed coming?" He asked as seriously as nothing had happened.

"Yeah. He is coming any minute now. Our mother made him have a bath and now he is trying to get a bit dirty again." Sarah said. "You are looking much better now than you did yesterday." She tried to continue the conversation.

"Fortunately it was just an infection. Now I am very well."

"I am glad."

"Listen Sarah, I want to tell you something I"

"Please don't. I have understand very well what is your opinion about me, and you"

"I wasn't prepared. I am not sure if I want to be with you. I mean you are very attractive and I have a good time with you. I… I just, I am not sure. And I don't want to harm your feelings. But please allow me to be your friend. Let's hand around and we are going to see if it'll lead us anywhere. Please."

"Ok Double D. we are going to be just friends for now." She said. She wanted to say and something else but Double D didn't give her any time.

"Would you like to accompany me till school?"

"Ok." She said surprised and they went to school together.

That's how they got up together. Sarah decided to give all the time he needed. In any other occasion she wouldn't be able to forgive him. However either she was sure about her feelings for him. Lately she had been feeling a bit strange when she was near a specific person and that had completely confused her. Double D on the other hand wanted to be completely certain about his decision before he could start seeing Sarah. He didn't want to hurt neither of them, again.

Rolf was sure now that Double D was only good for troubles. He couldn't stand looking at him hurting Marie in the worst way possible. He took Marie and heeded to the back yard of the school, so she wouldn't have to see him with Sarah. The back yard was empty. Actually most of the kids hadn't even arrived to school. The bell would ring no less than after fifteen minutes, so most of the children were still at their homes eating breakfast.

When he was convinced they were alone he turned towards her and pushed her back to the wall behind them. He approached very close to her face. She could feel his breath on her mouth. He started kissing her, holding every part of her body near his. He wasn't stopping, except only to let her breathe. He just couldn't stop kissing her. He thought that was a way to make her forget. Forget Double D and with him all her pain.

Marie was astounded by his behavior. She tried to resist but she really couldn't. It was his strength combined with his will that didn't give her much choice. She wanted too hard to forget Double D that she tried to fill her every space on her body with Rolfs. She grabbed him tense and she was dragging him near her. She wanted to feel more and more of him. She wanted to sense his affectionate body on her cold heart. She thought that would replace the emptiness inside her. Her mind was completely blank so it did actually help her. But she was still feeling empty deep inside her.

At some point Jonny showed up. He was holding a notebook with his one hand and Plank with his jaws. He was running very fast because someone was running after him.

Rolf and Marie didn't realize his existence till someone behind him started shouting.

"Jonny please, give me back my notb"

It was Double D who was running after Jonny.

Jonny was bored hearing him talking about the exams, so he took his notebook to rib him. Double D tried to caught him but didn't succeed as he wasn't doing well with physics. He was running after him for about two minutes, when Jonny exited school and went to the back yard trying to escape. Unfortunately Double D followed him.

When Double D saw Rolf and Marie making out, he forgot about his notebook. He stopped and headed back inside. He had memorized his notes so it was unnecessary to run after Jonny. He went near Eddy who was talking about something as he was still admiring his "handsome" reflection at his mirror which he had hanged into his locker.

Double didn't care to listen to what his friend was saying. If he had he would notice something deferent in him. And if he had observed carefully he would notice that Eddy wasn't actually looking at his reflection in the mirror but someone else's. But Double D didn't care at the moment. He didn't care about the test. He didn't care about anything. He wanted Marie to be happy. But his heart couldn't stand watching them. He had a hard time to erase the previous memory, however this one was inerasable. He didn't want to think of anything anymore. Because if he did, he would think only for a way to take her back. And then only pain would cover his broken heart.

Ok. I wish I didn't overdo it with the love scenes. Well it is a romance but I don't want it too sugary. Anyway I would really like to hear your opinion! Double D will ever get over Marie or will he at last do something? Further more in the next chapter, where someone finally sees the obvious and decides what he or she has to do.