There was an interesting accidental death at an old hotel in a small town in Montana that he was now driving to. Looked pretty straightforward poltergeist from the looks of it since the hotel is under renovation. Simple salt and burn should take a day, maybe two at best. At least, that was the plan until he rolled into the one and only motel in the area.

There sitting in one of the parking spots was the truck he fixed for Cas. No mistaking it, he knew ever dent and chip in that thing. And if the truck was here, that meant that the owner was too. This was a no brainer, he had to get the hell out of dodge…which was the plan before Cas walked out of the office and saw him.

"Shit," he mumbled to himself. Now he has to stay because if he leaves, Cas will think that he left because of him. Which is true, but unfair to him since Cas had no idea why he'd been avoiding him. With no choice, he parked baby next to the truck.

"Hello Dean," Cas said with a hint of a smile when he got out of the car.

"Hey Cas," he replied on guard. "What brings you out here?"

"Same as you I assume."

"So you're a hunter now? What about your job?"

"It's not a far drive here and I have the next three days off. This is what you would call a 'salt and burn' right?"

"Pretty much," he agreed.

"I can change my room to a double," Cas suggested.

"Uh…sure," he said hesitantly. Why did it feel like he was digging his own grave?

"Be right back then," Cas replied before heading off the office.

Opening the door, they put their bags on their respective beds. The room was like the endless motels he had lived in all his life. "So…Cas, how's it been?"

"Good for the most part. I am now an assistant manager at the Gas'N'Sip. I have…decorated my apartment some more." Cas then sat on his bed facing him, "and you Dean? I've been receiving your postcards and relaying them to Sam."

"Thanks for doing that Cas…Sam and I we had a-"

"A fight, I know. Sam said as much but he did not say as to why. He is truly worried about you Dean."

"I know Cas," he said as he sat across from him. "It's…I just need my own space right now."

"You haven't visited the bunker in almost three months Dean. You avoid talking to me or Sam. Is it something…something I did?" There was hesitation in his friends voice with a dash of guilt. Cas was looking at him worried, truly worried for him. It was the same look Cas gave him when he went to drive off to Stull by himself. The guilt came bubbling up and the wall he had built began to crumble.

"No, it's nothing that you did Cas."

"Are you certain Dean? Last we meet you seemed angered at me."

He looked at Cas, "Cas…trust me, it isn't you. Now," he said pulling at his bag, "what do you say we get started on this case." Cas sighed but didn't ask any more questions. Together they fell into the familiar motions of being on a case.

As he predicted, it was fairly simple and they were able to figure out the culprit. However they ran into trouble because the body was cremated. The spent the day trying to track down whatever object may be tying the ghost to the place. Crisscrossing the small town, they tried in vain to locate whatever it was. Having no luck, they went back to the motel with dinner in hand.

They sat across from each other as they ate their burgers in silence. For him, the day had been okay but trying to bury his emotions to do his job. But he dared not take a drink for fear he might say something he might regret or worse, let the truth slip out.

"Scott's been asking if you're ever going to come back," Cas said out of the blue.

Again, the image of Cas and Scott fucking flew into his mind. "Umm. I dunno. How is he?"

"I believe fine. He has a boyfriend and I don't think Eric likes me much."

"Why?" he asked when he really shouldn't have. Dammit.

He must've made a face because Cas looked at him curiously before answering, "Scott and I engaged in sexual relations on more than one occasion. I believe Eric thinks of me as a threat to their commitment to monogamy.

Putting the burger down because he lost his appetite. "Oh…," was all he was able to muster.

"You are not upset that I had sex with a man?"

"Why should I be? Who you have sex with is your business," he spat out a bit more forcefully than needed.

"You seemed interested in my sex life when you took me to that brothel."

"That was years ago Cas! No person, angel…whatever, should die a virgin. Now that you're not, you can fuck whoever you want. And it seems you're doing just fine."

"There is no need to get upset Dean," Cas said cautiously.

"I'm not upset."

"Yes, you are. I know you well enough to know that. You can tell me Dean, perhaps I can help you?"

That's rich coming from Cas so he let out a dark laugh. "I don't think so, you're helping might make it worse." Looking at Cas though, he immediately knew he made a poor choice of words.

However if it fazed Cas, he didn't show it on his face. His voice though belied his mask, "I'm sorry you feel that way Dean. I-I try to do my best."

"Hey, Cas I know okay. Sorry for being an ass. It's not you alright?" Reaching over he placed a hand on his friend shoulder.

Cas looked at his hand before turning to him, "then why can't I help Dean?"

"It's….it's hard to explain okay? You just have to trust me on this one."

"I do trust you but I also worry for you. The behavior you've been showing is not like you Dean." Cas took his hand and held it, "you don't need to do this alone, whatever you're going through. I'll stand with you no matter what."

"Cas…," he breathed as he focused on their intertwined hands. For a second, he reveled in the warmth of those long fingers. That annoying voice, the one he has been trying to bury came broke through his wall and let out a sigh. The words that Cas spoke sunk in deep and touched his soul. Right here, right now, he was actually happy to hear that.

"Yes Dean," answered Cas bringing him back down.

Quickly he took his hand back, "uh…that means a lot Cas. It does."

The next day they found the object, which was curiously a jar of toe clippings kept by the spirit. It was bitch to find, but they finished the job. Cas invited him back to his place since it was only a couple of hours away. Against his better judgement, he followed Cas back to the apartment.

In the drive over, he wrestled with his emotions. His plan of running from it didn't work. If anything, he just stalled the inevitable. Since he is Dean Winchester, the fates made sure he always had rough seas. Then again, most of the problems he had was because he started them somehow. In essence, he is the cause of his own unhappiness. However, if he got himself in, he can get himself out. He'll just have to man up.

Cas opened the door and turned on the light to his place. It had changed, the living room had a book shelf all filled with books. There was a miniature tree in the window and a couple more pictures. It looked disparate but somehow, it just seemed right. It smelled of apple pie faintly and he saw that the source was a candle like the one they bought when they went shopping.

"You got more stuff I see."

Smiling proudly, "I took your advice on to make the place mine."

Stepping further in, the place was…different, it was more Cas. Peeking into the bedroom, he saw that Cas got an actual bed now, no frame but a bed at least. Then he saw it. His postcards were all tacked onto a large map of the US. Strings attached to each card to a point on the map. Underneath each postcard was a sticky-note with details on whatever case he was working on.

"I tried to keep track of where you were going," Cas said behind him. Looking back, he didn't even notice that he walked into the bedroom. "You're pattern was erratic, unpredictable. In the end, I just put a point from each place you visited."

"Why?"

"I may not be an angel any longer, but I still consider you my charge. And more importantly, my…friend." There was hesitation in Cas's voice before he spoke again. "Do you want to go to the bar?"

"Yeah…that sounds great."

Walking to the bar since it was down the street, the waitress waved at them and immediately came over. She was a pretty women that winked at him as she brought a pitcher of beer. "I'm a regular here," he explained before turning to the waitress. "Thank you Melody."

"Is this Dean?" she asked her eyes undressing him.

"I am…hope he's been telling good things about me."

"Steve does, though with the way he talks about you, one might think he was in love with you." He looked over at Cas who blushed. "I'm just pulling your tail sweetie," she teased Cas. "Anything you want?"

"Whiskey, Jack if you got it."

"Can you make it a double?" Cas asked.

"Sure thing hun," she wrote before walking away.

"So you talk about me then?" Somehow, this made him feel good inside.

"To be fair Dean, my circle of friends is rather limited. I did not mean to embarrass you. Melody can be rather…playful." The way Cas smiled deflated him a bit.

"You tap that?" he asked looking over at Melody who was coming back.

"If you mean sex, then yes."

"Here you boys are, anything else just holler."

"Yeah, another round?" he requested as he drained the glass as soon as she put it down.

She looked at him concerned as did Cas. "Sure thing, be back in a jiff."

"Dean…" Cas began.

"Relax, I can handle my alcohol better than you can."

"Are you certain about that Dean?"

"Yes I am. Who was keeping you up while you puked in the bushes? Me."

Cas huffed at the thought, "that was then. I have since developed a more…iron stomach."

"Is that a challenge then?"

It was and they both knew it. Smiling they both asked Melody to bring several shots for them each. After the first three, they paced themselves and went onto more casual subjects. For a while, it was just a night out with a friend. In the back of his mind though, he knew that this was just a prelude.

"So…you get around enjoying yourself?" he asked an hour later.

Taking a more measured drink of his glass Cas looked at him with confusion, "I don't understand Dean."

He sighed, "I mean, you hook up a lot?"

"Oh…yes I suppose. I find sex to be a great stress reliever. In fact, it was the day after you left Scott came over to check up on me. We had a couple more drinks and well…"

He wasn't even gone a day and Cas was already sowing the fields. He poured their beer and they both took a long drink. "So…is there anyone you're interested in then? Like for a relationship?" If he was going to go through with it, he had a gauge where Cas felt.

"No," Cas said flatly.

That felt like a dagger. "Why?"

"Because I like having sex. Why limit oneself? As a human, I feel things like I never could have with my grace." Cas finished his third shot glass. "Scott introduced me to the concept of casual sex. I meet other people who felt the same as I do."

"What's that?"

"That sex is awesome," Cas replied with a smile. "Now I see why you humans engage in it so often. It feels good, it…it makes you feel whole."

He knows what Cas means. "You gotta be careful Cas-"

"I am careful Dean. I always use condoms and practice safe sex."

"Good, but not what I was going to say. I meant that sex can be a great escape but I can leave you feeling empty too."

"Easily solved by having more sex, or drugs."

He became alarmed, "drugs? Don't tell me you've been smoking or shooting shit up Cas."

"No, I don't. Others do though, some of my partners find that it enhances the experience. I am content with just having sex. But I know what you speak of Dean," Cas's smile faded a bit. "Some articles and books suggest that some people use sex, or drugs, as a coping mechanism. Usually a reflection on what they want." Cas picked up his fourth glass and so did he, but they only took a sip.

"And what do you want Cas," he asked with apprehension.

"What everyone wants…what they can't have."

"And what can't you have?"

Cas finished his drink again so he had to too. Letting the burn settle, Cas looked at him, "You know Dean…I dream now. At first it was unsettling since some seemed so real. There was one that I have every so often, with you."

His heart began to beat faster as he listened.

"You cupped my face and kissed me. I remember it like it was real, and it felt good. But," Cas paused. "It would never happen because you're straight as you pointed out several times. In my dream, you started it, hell, it ended with us jacking off. So I don't hope for that. So I go and have sex with whoever because I can do that. Which is why I don't blame you for leaving suddenly. I can recall having sex with someone that night, but they left. I guess you must've left because you were upset by it…"

"Cas…" he was going to do it. He was going to tell the truth to Cas.

"And you know what worse? Guy…girl, whatever, didn't leave a trace. No message, no thanks, just gone. That's when I realized that sex is just an ends to a means. Doesn't matter if they're human or a reaper, demon or angel. Sex is just a tool."

Cas said that so bitterly that it almost broke his heart. Hell, it is breaking his heart because without even knowing it, he had damaged Cas. Disillusioned from having romance, a relationship with him would be impossible. And the truth? Well, he was back between a rock and a hard place.

"Look Cas, about that night…what if…what if it was me?"

Cas looked at him, "what do you mean?"

He gulped, "what if it wasn't some guy you had sex with, but me. What if we had sex?"

Cas scoffed at the last word, "couldn't have been cause it would never happen," he continued picking up his beer. "And even if it was, then you weren't that great of a lay," Cas laughed darkly at what he thought was a joke. Then he eyed Dean smiling thinking he was playing along, "seriously Dean, I would expect more from you than a lousy handjob."

It took all his strength to remain composed. He swallowed his pain with some whiskey before pulling out his wallet. Throwing the money down he looked at Cas who looked at him confused. Trying to keep his voice level, he nodded at Cas, "sorry to disappoint you and your high standards Cas. You really know how to make guy feel…," he couldn't finish. Instead, he walked out the door leaving Cas behind him stunned.

It wasn't until he was opening the door to the Impala that he stopped. Part of him kinda hoped Cas would come after him. But there was nothing, no one following him. Then he laughed to himself, what was this? A chick flick? Hell no. Cas can take the truth or not, he didn't care. He's done enough damage to the guy. "Huh, I fucked Cas over without even fucking him," he smiled. So what if his own heart was broken? It would just compliment the broken person that he is. Wiping away a tear, he blazed out of the parking lot.

He opened a bottle of jack and poured himself a glass. So what if it had been sitting in the disused sink at the cabin for several months. Driving all night with all his worthless feelings dragging him down would only be remedied right now with a stiff drink. The road lead him here and he was fine with that. Right now, he wouldn't be able to withstand his brother, though well intentioned, nosy questions. This is between Cas and him.

Or at least, it was. And he can only kick himself in the ass for that. If he had been honest with Cas from the get go, if he had stayed and not run off like a chicken shit he is, then this would have never have happened. Sam is right, he is a coward and now he's reaping the benefits of that. Taking a sip he looked at the amber fluid that he sought oblivion in.

Angered, he threw it across the room and watched hit shatter against the wall. "Fuck," he yelled at the running stain. What the hell has alcohol done for him? It only made things worse. Sure, he needed to be drunk a bit to actually have sex with Cas, but he would never have had if he was sober. Damn thing wouldn't fix this, it would mask his pain. He's worn so many masks and told so many lies that he doesn't even know what he is anymore now.

Sending his gaze upward, "I know you can't hear me anymore Cas, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being jackass, for kicking you out, for lying to you. I'm messed up. Broken. I…" the words were caught in his throat, tears welling, "I love you."With that last admission, his last piece of resistance to the inevitable truth crumbled. There was no shame in him to cry, there was no one here to see it. He had to recognize that he loved Cas. He had to because it's the first step in letting go.

It snowed the next day. Not surprising that Rufus's cabin was located in the mountains. There was some regret that he dumped all the alcohol, even the beer into the sink the night before. Stoking the fire, he sat down and watched the flames dance for a while before he picked up a random book. You never know when you might run into Pacific Islander monsters.

His phone rang so often. All from Sam. None from Cas. The only message he sent was to assure Sam he was alive. After that, he turned it off. There was a Dr. Sexy marathon right now after all.

Apparently today is Thanksgiving. He didn't care though as he changed the oil in baby.

He found his old porn stash. Might've chafed a bit down there now. But hey, he was able to get off without thinking about Cas. Well, mostly.

Sam called again, answered. Hung up as soon as Cas came up.

It wasn't until Cas threw the door open that he knew the shit had hit the fan.

Cas grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him against the wall. "Dean Winchester, you will explain yourself."

Instinct told him to fight back, guilt made complaint. "About what?"

"About why you lied," Cas glared at him, daring him to defy him. It recalled the times when Cas let show his celestial power and wrath. It was moments like these that he truly knew Cas was one bad ass mother fucker when he wanted to be.

"Because…because I didn't want it to change what we had," he confessed. "I…couldn't deal with it Cas, I freaked out."

The grip on him only tightened before Cas through him to the floor. "That's your excuse!?" You 'freaked' out!?"

"Yes! I did freak the fuck out!" he yelled back, his instinct to fight back coming back. Getting up he got up right into Cas's personal space, "you're the first guy I've done anything with, so yeah, I freaked out!"

"So why me? Or were you too drunk to care who you fucked?"

Cas's blue eyes were cold and unforgiving as they pierced him. So much so that again, the heat of anger died down and the guilt overwhelmed him. "Is that what you think happened Cas? That we had sex because we were drunk?"

"It's not the first time that's happened Dean." The accusation in his voice was heavy.

"No Cas…I mean, yeah, we were drunk, but I remember everything alright? I…I started it."

"Because you were drunk and horny," Cas said in flat tone.

"No…yes, dammit! We were okay? But because I was, or close enough to it, I…I let my feelings go." Tilting his head and squinting his eye, Cas invited him to continue. He took a deep breath, "that week living with you…it made me realize I…care for you. A lot."

Cas laughed, "but not enough to stick around after we've had sex."

He's going to have to say it, he has to. Reaching out he gripped Cas' shoulder and looked in right in the eye. "I love you okay? I'm just too much of a dick to admit that before."

The response he got was a shove back, "you love me? You think saying that will fix this Dean? Because if you did love me as much as I loved you, you would have been honest with me. You would've stayed."

All he heard was Cas loved him, everything else was irrelevant. "You…you love me Cas?"

Cas's nostrils flared in anger, "I loved you the day I pulled you from Hell Dean. I loved you so much I rebelled, I died, I lost my mind and wings for you. For you," Cas spat. "But for what? For you to treat me like shit half the time and the other half as a tool? When I fell, I hoped, I longed for you to finally accept me as a person, not as an angel, not a joke or tool you can use. No, you threw me back out like you didn't care!'

"I had to! I didn't want to Cas! You have to believe me!"

"And I do, but you didn't try hard enough Dean. You didn't trust me enough to tell the truth. I could've helped!"

"I had to for Sam! I can't risk Sam Cas, you know that," he yelled back in defense.

"And I do Dean, I do. Sam will always come first to you," Cas looked away from him.

"He's my brother Cas, he's-"

"He's all you have left. I know, you use that excuse often. But what about my family Dean? The brothers and sisters I had to kill to protect you? Do you ever ask yourself, ever wonder how I felt about that?"

"Some of them were douchebags, assholes trying to destroy the world," he replied with confidence.

"What about Inias? Or Rachel? Did you know I had to kill her because she threated you? Or how many angels died in the war with Raphael to divert attention from you? I never told you because at least I knew you were safe, I thought I could hold that burden, that I killed my own to protect you."

"Cas…I never knew," he replied softly.

"Well you do know now," Cas said in a defeated tone. "I never thought about sex, not really until I became human. When I lost my virginity to April, do you know who I thought of as I came?"

Biting his lip, "me?"

"You. I thought of you. I always thought of you." Cas looked at him with now sad eyes. "When you lived with me, I thought that maybe…just maybe there was hope."

"A hope?" he asked, wondering if what Cas meant was the idea of an apple pie life. A normal life.

"That we can be together, that…we can…have a different relationship than what we had."

'You'd you never tell me man?"

Scoffing, Cas shook his head. "After your entire explanation on how you don't have homosexual tendencies? That you don't mind if men find you attractive as long as they don't touch you? I may have found sexuality irrelevant to myself, but I know you pride yourself on your appetite for the female form. So I said nothing. I thought again I shall sacrifice a part of myself for your sake."

He was making himself out as a martyr and it was working. Cas always gave up so much and it was always for him. Why did it take so long for him to realize this? Or had he always known but refused to accept it because Cas had a dick.

His silence let Cas continue, "and then you left. I thought it was because I brought someone over, likely a man, and had sex. I thought it must have you were repulsed by it a went way. For months, I thought I was the reason. Then to find out it was you? That you," Cas poked him in the chest hard, "were the one who slept with me?"

"Look Cas," he tried to explain before he got cut off.

"No, you listen! Do you know the guilt I felt, the confusion, the hurt? I thought I brought this upon myself, when in reality, it was you. Because you couldn't handle it, you ran, leaving me to seek solace elsewhere."

"Like Scott and Melody?"

"Not just them, but anyone who would give me the time and day. I drank on my days off, I fucked or got fucked. The pain, the sadness…that emptiness I felt couldn't be filled. You lead me to believe that you would forever be untouchable by me, the only person I ever wanted to be with. And you killed that dream, because I was with you but I cannot remember it."

He grabbed Cas and smashed their mouths together in the vain hope that maybe, just maybe, they can restart. At first, he meet resistance, but soon Cas let go and kissed him back. He's had enough running away, avoiding and hurting those who care about him the most. For a moment, he allowed himself to believe that he and Cas can work things out.

That was shut down the instant that Cas pushed him back and punched him. His mind reeled from the pain but he secretly was relieved by it. Physical pain can be endured easier than emotional pain. Turning back to Cas, he saw Cas wipe his lips in disgust.

"You think a kiss is going to make me feel better?"

"Yeah…I did," he answered honestly. "I know I fucked this up Cas. Story of my fucking life alright?"

Cas stepped into his personal space and gave him a hard look over. "Yes you did," he said softly before he softly kissed him again. Letting Cas in immediately, he just gave himself over to Cas as an apology. Seemed like Cas accepted because his hands and then his own began roaming each other's bodies.

Closing the door and taking their clothes off, he stood bare before Cas in the bedroom. Standing before Cas who was sitting on the bed was awkward. There was something he needed to get off his chest before they went any further. "Cas…I, I just want you to know that I am sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you, to mess you up." Being naked and honest to his best friend felt good.

There was a sad look that passed over Cas's face before he smiled at him. Tugging at his arms, they fell into the bed together. "You never do Dean," Cas whispered in his ear before kissing his neck.

Together they took their time, truly exploring what the other had to offer. In a skewered sense of punishment and acceptance, he let Cas enter him. It hurt like hell, and maybe Cas was a bit rough, but he deserved a little bit of pain for what he had done. When his prostate was hit though, the high, that spike of pleasure was so delicious, he begged for more. Between them was no more shame and together, they spent all their energy in making love to the point sleep was a welcome release in itself.

He looked down at Dean's sleeping body barely covered in the sheets. Putting on his clothes, he sat next to Dean and laid his hand on the man's shoulder. The same shoulder that he gripped so long ago, the shoulder that marked Dean as his. His grace and Dean's soul intertwined as he flew through the pit back to Earth and it was then his fate was doom was laid.

Rebelling, dying, lying, dying, becoming god, dying, going insane and finally falling, he knew it all began when he meet Dean. By rights he should be angry, furious that one man had unfairly dominated his life so fully that he had no choice. If there was anything Dean had taught him though, it was choice, and he knew if given the choice, he would do it all again. Because he was in love with Dean Winchester even before he knew what love truly was.

That love had led him to become human and he had hope. Hope that he and Dean can be equals, that he can feel as a human does, understand Dean better. It was that hope that sustained him when he was lost, it was that hope that rejoiced that Dean had come to save him. But it was dashed, and he felt heartache for the first time.

Then Dean came to live with him and that hope was renewed. For a while, he thought he had found a nice equilibrium between his carnal desire and love for this sleeping man. Even when Dean unknowingly ended his lust for him, he never could let his love dissipate.

But it all changed, Dean left and he thought it was because he though t he had disgusted Dean by being so human. It was a painful, but he bore it best he could. Painful as that was, the truth of the it was far more destructive. It had shaken his core love to this man, a man willing to run and leave him, and everyone he knew, to suffer. A man willing to deceive them all in order for his own selfish needs.

Yet, it endured, or at least, there was enough of it left to embrace this loving act. Now the deed was done and that happiness was retreating consumed by the darkness of doubt. Dean had run away before, and there is always chance he will do so again. Even now, there was no promise between them. For once, he needed to look out for himself.

Taking his hand away, he did the hardest thing he had ever done. Kissing Dean on the cheek he whispered, "I love you," then he left.

It was cold and his ass hurt. Reaching over, he grabbed for some more blanket when he realized someone was missing. Opening his eyes, he looked at the empty space beside him. "Cas?" he called out. Maybe he went to the bathroom, or make something to eat? Listening, he heard nothing in the old cabin.

A cold seized his heart. Getting up, he walked around, with a bit a limp, but nope, there was no Cas. Looking out the window, he saw his car alone and tire tracks leading away. Maybe he went out to get something? Cas wouldn't just up and leave him. Would he?

He grabbed his phone and dialed Cas. "I'm sorry, but the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected. Please dial and try again."

"No…he couldn't have…," he murmured to himself. He tried again. And again. All the same.

Quickly, he grabbed his bag and hit the road. The tracks were impossible to follow once he hit the main road though. Setting course to Idaho, he figured Cas must've went home. Maybe he worked tomorrow? He'd be at his place. Yeah, Cas wouldn't leave him after last night.

"Steve? He quit a couple days ago. Family emergency he said," Nora said to him at the Gas'N'Sip.

"Did he say where?"

She shook her head, "in all the time he worked here, he never spoke of his family. Sorry."

Nodding, he felt weak as he went back to his car. Driving over to the apartment, he saw the truck was not there. Opening the door, he saw the place was mostly empty. There was some pictures on the wall and a dresser, but it was all gone. Cas packed up and left town.

Swallowing his pride, he knocked on Scott's door. "Hey Dean, long time no see," the blond smiled at him.

"Hiya there, umm, I was wondering if you knew where C-Steve went?"

Scott raised his eyebrow, "you're his best friend and he never told you he was moving?"

"Umm, we had a bit of a fight. I wanted to make it up to him."

He was given the look of genuine pity, "sorry Dean, but I have no idea. A couple days ago he packed everything into a small U-Haul and left. Didn't say where or anything."

His heart was officially done. "Thanks man. Sorry to bother you."

"No problem," Scott said as he closed the door.

"Dean!" his brother shouted as came into the kitchen. Immediately he was scooped up by Sam and nearly squeezed to death.

"Hey there Sammy," he said sadly as he was let go.

Sam looked at him with a critical eye, "you okay man?"

"No…not really," he was tired. Tired of the lies because look where it got him.

"Dean? What did you do?"

A tear rolled down his face, "he's gone."

"Who? Cas?" He nodded and wiped another tear away. "What happened?"

"I told him…I told him the truth," he forced out.

Sam sat him down at the table, "what truth?"

"It was me. I was the one Cas slept with that night after the club. I freaked so I ran." His brother's eye's widened a bit but comfortingly put his hand on his shoulder to assure him. "I ran into him on a hunt, I told him the truth and I ran again. He followed me to the cabin…," he hesitated. "I thought we made up yesterday, but…he was gone in the morning. Cells turned off, he quit his job and moved out. I don't know where he is."

"Oh…god, I'm sorry Dean," Sam calmly said as he wrapped his arms around him. "We'll find him okay?"

His response was to hug Sam tighter as his heart crumbled.