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Chapter 4- Rachel
It helps if no one notices you. If no one calls out to the teacher, "Hey, Rachel Roth isn't here." I know more than they ever will and honestly, I've one thing to gain from attending here.
The library. I would marry a book and raise book children if I were able to. As of now, I am not. Victor says my book obsession is unhealthy, and that I need to go outside once and awhile. Outside is for getting from one cozy book filled place to another. The outside is never as interesting as the outside inside a book. And frankly, it's safer in the book.
"If you could live in any fictional world, what would it be?" Victor ambushes me in the school library during lunch, offering me a sandwich as if I need sustenance to live. Well, I do, but that doesn't mean I'm going to accept handouts from him. I'll eat later, probably.
"I'd rather just read about fictional worlds," I mutter, though if by some miraculous power I ended up in some literary world, Middle Earth would be my first choice.
"Well, I personally would like to be in Spiderman's universe."
"Which one?"
"I don't care. Spider Gwen is pretty hot."
"That's gross. That's just gross." I had to chide. Victor is good evidence that all boys are chiefly consumed by thinking about girls. At least for Victor, it's comic book girls.
"Doesn't matter though. Marvel is too big. Too corporate. Everything they do is for money."
"Everything anyone does is for money." Victor pointed out, munching chips as quietly as possible. I willed my stomach not to grumble. Vic could probably bring an elephant in here and get away with it but if my stomach gurgles too loudly I might get kicked out. Victor finished his lunch and offered me food once more, but I ended that with a shake of my head. Then he left.
I never left, though. I spent the rest of the day there. As sixth hour began I noticed I was no longer alone with the aged yet ageless librarian. A pretty girl with pinkish red hair had walked in, browsing among the books. Not wanting to be seen, I pulled my hood over my head and went back to my book. When I glanced to the clock again, I was being stared at by the stranger.
"Hello!" I startle and the book nearly falls from my hands. I fumble to catch it so that I don't have to deal with the librarian's glare.
"...Hi," I say reluctantly.
"I am Kori." The girl introduced. I realize I've seen her talking to Victor and his little football friend. I don't remember that boy's name. Just that he and Victor play on the same team and that he's interrupted me reading once or twice. His new friend Kori is apparently just as unwise. I don't want to deal with her today, not now not while I'm reading, but whatever. I'll bite.
"Rachel."
"It is good to meet you," Kori said, smiling awkwardly at me. I am almost afraid of how big her smile is. It's even scarier that it doesn't look psychotic or forced. I don't believe that she legitimately has that much happiness inside of her. No one in this godforsaken school does. But then, perhaps Kori is too new here to have her happiness beat out of her. But I cannot relate.
"Did you need something?" I ask tentatively. "What are you reading?" Kori asked me. I showed her the cover of the book, To Kill A Mockingbird. I had read it dozens of times, but it just grows on me more and more. It gives me hope. People never have.
"Why would you kill a bird?" Kori seems troubled.
"It's not actually about killing birds. You should read it. It's very good. I'm sure the school has an extra copy you can check out." It's so unlike me to stand up like this and help someone out instead of reading.
"Thank you for the bird book!" Kori said, smiling that insanely warm smile. I nod, unable to mimic the smile, and unable to retreat into my hoodie when she wrapped her arms around me. I merely flinch. The only person who has ever hugged me is Victor and I promise I slammed him into the wall for doing something so ridiculous. I am not one for affection. However, I don't judo flip the new girl. Librarian and all. I shudder, though, until Kori steps away and leaves. The bell rings, and I am forced to check out To Kill A Mockingbird. I probably could have finished it. If Kori hadn't interrupted my read. I find people far too off-putting. Outside of stories, people are just… I have too much to worry about for myself to bring others into my sphere. I have Victor and that is all I can handle.
I get a bite to eat and go home to an empty apartment. My guardian is never home. But that doesn't matter to me. I want to be alone. If ever I don't, I take the bus to Victor's. Maybe his place is empty too, save for the servants, but it isn't alone and that's all that matters. I rarely ever want to not be alone anyways. I have books. Quiet. Sometimes I get phone calls from my dad that I won't try to answer. I used to try to talk to that cultist murderer. When I was a little girl Victor planted these weird seeds of normalcy in my head. He felt bad for not having both parents, and he inadvertently made me feel bad for having less. So I gave my dad a chance through phone calls. But that had been a bad idea. Soon it was clear to me that I wasn't supposed to be normal. I didn't pretend anymore that I was the characters in my books, normal or abnormal in their own worlds. Just like it's enough when I am lonely to sit in Victor's house, it is enough to walk through the books I read and close them in the end. It always closes. It always ends. But that's normal.