Chapter Four

The date on the calendar loomed over both Meredith and Derek's head as the circled fourth of February was almost illuminated against their kitchen wall. He could barely bring himself to look up, just staring straight at his breakfast, while she indecisively tried to cross off the daunting date that seemed to be tainting this day. The rain began to thrash against the roof, which was usually soothing, but at this moment flooded them both with memories that stung their hearts; piercing the bubble of love they'd immersed themselves in of baby filled bliss. This was anything, but pleasant, this was everything they had been avoiding. At her stool on the kitchen counter she let her head fall softly to the granite, feeling the cold against her skin, it felt nice, it felt even nicer when she let her tears slip onto her plate. He was too busy eyeing the eggs he couldn't even imagine trying to eat, figuring that he'd vomit anything he tried to digest; today was not the day to get sick, he was already sick enough. Her tears suddenly became soft sobs as she could not control all the emotions that had been surfacing for so long, but she masked so well. He noticed her cries, rubbing her back with his hand, still hesitant to speak, knowing that if he tried, his cries would appear, too.

"I'm sorry," she sat up, wiping her eyes with a kleenex, "I really shouldn't even be this upset right now."

She realized her wording was wrong, immediately refuting the statement, "I didn't mean that, of course I should be upset, but, you know, not as upset as you."

"No, I get it," he said quietly like he did whenever anything was too hard to talk about, he left his words dangling at the end, as if he had something to add, but couldn't bring himself to it, "I really do."

"You can talk about it, if you want," she turned to him, stroking his hair, "I'm here, I'm always here, to listen to you, if you need me."

"Thank you," he replied, almost a whisper, grabbing her hand, "I love you."

"I love you too," she stood up, wrapping her arms around him, hugging him like she didn't want to let go; she didn't want to tell him how thankful she was for him, because right now wasn't the time for that, right now was the time for him to know that she was there for him.

"This is harder then I thought it would be," he continued to use a low voice, blinking back tears, "and I've dealt with a lot of hard things."

"I know," she replied, letting the silence cloud over the conversation, her mind, however, continued to produce thoughts, and she had so many things to say, but she didn't know how to say them.

"I need to ask you something," she offered, "well, I need to share something with you, and I, uh, I don't know how you'll take it because this isn't like me to say and I don't know if you'll like it and I don't know if this is the day to say it, or if-"

"Meredith," he finally let out a smile, he loved it when she rambled, "just tell me."

"I think," she paused, trying to formulate some sort of presentation, "we should name the baby after him, and I think, I think also, we should name the baby after your dad."

He couldn't bring himself to words, he sat in his chair looking at his wife with such awe, as the tears finally began to stream down his face, because what she just announced not only split his heart down the middle, but also set something- free.

"I love you so much," he let his lips skim across hers, "and that idea, is perfect."

"I'm glad," she replied, as his finger trips brazed across the small bump that had begun to appear on her stomach, "and maybe, maybe, because I don't think Mark is good for a girl, we could name her, after Lexie."

"I think that that sounds even more perfect," he smiled wider, "god, you are amazing."

"But I think that Lexie or Mark should be the middle name, because I don't want to be calling our kid Lexie or Mark, that just seems a little weird."

"I agree completely."

"Christopher Mark," she let the name roll off of her tongue with ease, and a grin soon appeared on her face.

"And we could do a first name with a C if the baby's a girl," he mused, "like Cate Alexandra."

"I love that," she replied, "Christopher Mark or Cate Alexandra, that's perfect."

"I'm glad," he responded, "you made this day a lot better."

"That makes me happy," she quipped, "I'm happy when you're happy, or happier."

"I miss him a lot," he stared off into the window, looking at the rain that seemed to pound against the grass. "He was going to take me fishing for his birthday, and he hates fishing."

"Mark Sloane fishing?" she laughed, "that's a sight I wish I could have seen."

"I'm sure he's celebrating wherever he is," Derek stated, "I'm sure he's happy."

"Well he's with the love of his life," Meredith remarked, "how could he not be?"

"It's impossible not to be," he announced, "it's impossible to be upset when you're with the one you love."

"You're so cheesy," she laughed, "but in a romantic, cheesy way."

"What other kind of cheesy is there?"

"The kind that's on pizza," she licked her lips, "and I kind of want pizza."

"I kind of want something else," he looked straight at her, "and since someone is still asleep, I think we can get that done."

"Derek Shepard," she rolled her eyes, "the corniness, you're killing me."

He pulled her close, kissing her again, this time taking in every breath she took, "never leave my life."

"I promise," she broke away from him, "we're going to die when we're one hundred and five, in each other's arms, because that's how it's supposed to be."

sorry for the shortness! I just wanted to post something haha- reviews are appreciated, I hope you guys like the baby names, I just thought that was appropriate; Grey's hiatus almost half over hooray!