As the phone call kept going, Rin's body began shaking. Gou kept talking over the phone while Rin's mind was not even processing any of her words. His mind was tangled in wild thoughts and, once he became aware that Haruka had been extremely quit, he looked over his shoulder.
Haruka was gone.
His heart ached painfully inside his chest as realization hit him hard. Rin's body became colder than ice, frozen like he never thought it possible. He had been left alone, naked… on an unknown ally that rainy night. There was no longer such thing as pride inside his heart. His purple lips began shaking and the first tears began falling down those sad crimson eyes.
Gou's voice grew up concerned and Rin realized his sobs had been louder than he would ever allow them to be. Assuring his little sister that everything was alright and that he would be home soon, he hang up the phone and picked his soaked clothes. He got dressed, yet his soul felt entirely naked, vulnerable.
Before leaving the dark alley, Rin noticed Haruka's groceries scattered across the dirty floor. He bit his lower lip and remembered how this whole encounter started. That night, Rin walked home with nothing else inside his mind but Haruka.
When he arrived home after what felt like an eternity, he backed himself into the door and fell the ground. As sweet as that was, it had been a huge mistake. If he was miserable before, he was even more so now.
The pain in his chest was all consuming at this moment and his eyes refused to dry up. He sat there with his head in his hands and Rin refused to leave his mind. He could still feel his presence lingering on his body.
His mind raced with endless questions about the past and how could he feel so much for someone when they fell apart so easily back then. Why hadn't they tried harder. Why did he have to still be so in love with him? Why couldn't he just get over it?
As that week past, he came down with a cold thanks to the rain they had made love in. Another constant reminder of Rin, great.
It had already been one week after their last encounter and, ever since then, Rin was never himself anymore. Making up excuses, he postponed the job hunting and wasted his days and nights locked inside his room away from any human contact. His mother and sister where worried, yet both knew how Rin worked and decided to let him be.
The marks on his neck where still there, fading slowly on his skin. He could still remember Haruka's lips on him, how he touched him as he marked him as his. Rin closed his eyes and breathed in. There was no use on holding those memories, yet… Rin couldn't spend a single second without thinking on kissing those lips again.
He was hurt, but after kissing Haruka, he had never felt so alive.
That night it rained again and Rin couldn't even remember who thought it was a good idea to organize a reunion. He never kept in touch with anybody from Iwatobi High or Samezuka after he broke up with Haruka, he knew it was going to be quite awkward to see them after all this time. Gou insisted and he ended up agreeing, part of him hopping on meeting with Haruka once more.
Under the same umbrella, Rin walked his sister to Makoto's new apartment. His crimson eyes kept staring at the raindrops falling from the sky and all these memories surrounded his thoughts. He stopped, Gou stared at him in confusion as he extended his hand out of the umbrella. The raindrops fell on his hand and Rin could swear it was as if he could feel Haruka fingertips traveling on his wet skin like last time.
He sighed and ignored his sister's curious eyes on him. They arrived to their destination in no time, greeted by his old friends and making his way in.
Haru was over his cold by the time the week was up, he had almost forgot about the reunion. However, Nagisa had called and reminded him. He sighed, he wanted to go on one hand, but on the other, he was scared to see Rin again.
Ever since that night in the rain, it refused to leave his mind. He touched his finger to his lips. He could close his eyes and so easily recall what those kisses had felt like. He sighed, he wanted to forget it all but that was really just his head lying to his heart. He was trying to shut himself off but it wasn't working.
So if he saw Rin again, he was afraid that that night would repeat itself all over again. He couldn't resist him. He knew it, yet here he was walking in the rain to the reunion. The rain…how it made it that much worse. The last time it rained was when they were so intimate. Haru sighed.
He entered Makoto's, he hardly came here anymore. Everyone was already seated around the table, he took a seat that ended up being down away from Rin. However, he had a perfect view of him out of the corner of his eye.
God, he looked really good. Haru felt his heart swell and his insides heat up. He had better avoid him or….
Rin was awfully quiet that night. He was way different from how everybody else in that room remembered him from high school, he didn't even care. The whole room felt so alive, each of his old friends smiling and sharing old stories while Rin couldn't stop himself from staring at Haruka by the corner of his eyes.
Yes, he had been hoping on meeting with Haruka once more at this reunion but Rin didn't actually expected it to really happen. Rin's heart was on fire, beating so hard against his chest he felt it was going to pop out and hit somebody in the face at certain point. Haruka was so quiet, so mysterious like he had always been, and Rin really wished he could steal a glance from those blue eyes he was so in love with.
Nagisa poked one of Rin's hickeys and the red-head jumped on his chair. He covered that spot quickly with one hand and glared at the blond. "What's the big deal, Nagisa?!"
But Nagisa just flashed a grin and pointed out the love marks Rin had all over his neck. The red-head blushed right away and his whole world stopped for a brief moment. Was Nagisa really bringing that topic to the table? His crimson eyes wondered slowly to Haruka before he hear Gou giggling. She added how she first saw those marks ever since last week but decided not to say a thing because her older brother was so moody.
"Oh, shut up!" Rin replied quite annoyed and glared back at his sister. This was awkward, talking in front of Haruka about the marks he had left on his body. "What I do with my freaking body is none of your business!"
Despite the fact that he was not in a cheerful mood, the commotion caused by Nagisa and Kou to Rin, well he couldn't help but softly smile to himself. As much as he was sitting here with regrets, it was also like he was totally not sorry that it had happened and he would not take it back.
His eyes fell on Rin without being able to stop himself, he was so red and he always looked so good like that. All flustered. Haruka closed his eyes and pictured that night in his head. Maybe a little too long because someone made a comment.
"I was just remembering how nice the rain was last week…"
No one knew what he was referring to of course, he just got stares and no one was surprised because they knew Haru was awkward and quirky at times when it came to matters involving water.
He looked again across the table at Rin, somehow it felt safe with others around them and he made a slight face at the redhead as he held up the same two fingers he had used on Rin and made sure no one was looking as he licked some salt off his hand. Was it on purpose? Maybe.
Those words took Rin by surprise, his heart skipped a beat as a warm feeling spread inside his chest. His eyes quickly met Haruka across the table for the first time that night, admiring how handsome he looked on those neat clothes he was wearing. Deep inside his mind, Rin allowed himself to think he liked Haruka better when he was not wearing anything.
Rin licked his lips unconsciously; he could feel his whole body getting hotter just by listening to Haru's voice. He tried to hold himself, just staring at Haruka while his mind kept repeating over and over the memories of their last encounter under the rain.
"Yeah, it rained quite much and I forgot my umbrella at home." Rin heard himself speak. When did he even open his mouth? "I ended up pretty… wet."
Those words came out by themselves but Rin couldn't care less. Nobody else in that table actually understood what was really happening between those former rivals. Both talking between the lines in a coded language no one could even break down.
Just watching Haruka lick those fingers like he did made Rin hold his breathe unable to process what was actually happening. He had to look away, his pants suddenly felt tighter that before. What was this all about? Were they actually flirting?
Haru's gaze was locked with those red hues as Rin spoke, his heart sped up with each word. What had come over him? It turns out Nagisa had spiked the punch but Haru wasn't aware of it. His inhibitions had been altered but only a little, it was as if the combination of that and his warm friends around him that put him at ease.
"Wet huh? I was completely drenched…" Haru grazed his hand over his own neck, subtle to draw Rin's attention. Rin wasn't the only one who had been marked, the raven had been looking at what the redhead had done, every day since then as he brushed his teeth in the mornings. He had a hickey, a very dark one on one side of his neck. It was a miracle no one had noticed it.
At this moment, the two may be paying a little too much attention to each other, their friends hadn't noticed for now. But only after Haru had seen the look in Rin's eyes after he had licked his fingers, he looked uncomfortable and had looked away. The raven grinned, had he had the kind of effect he was trying to? There was something about teasing Rin across the crowded room.
"Hey, Haru-chan!" His eyes were forced to leave Rin to talk to Nagisa for a while, but he still stole a glance now and then. After some time, Haru turned his attention back to Rin, why is it that I cannot stop looking at you or thinking about you?
He found himself slightly frustrated because it kept reminding him of their little charade from the other day, those marks on Rin's neck, a constant reminder and he looked so good. Haru was sure that he smelled that way as well. He had to avoid him if possible, it was safer to not repeat the other night…
Haruka's glance upon his own neck made Rin notice the hickeys and bites he had left upon that pale skin. Rin could still remember the taste of that skin, his ultimate addiction, and bit his lower lip as he wished to taste it once again.
Suddenly the idea of flirting with Haruka made him feel nauseous, annoyed and uneasy. Why in the world where they flirting if they were and would never be more than nothing? It was as if he was teasing himself on eating his favorite dish knowing he would never be able to eat it again. Rin felt a knot being tied inside his stomach.
It seemed that his sister noticed something was wrong with her brother because she touched his shoulder and gave him a worried look. Rin forced a smile on his lips and shook his head, denying any material to worry his sister.
Slowly, his eyes went back to Haruka and a long sigh escaped his lips. This was bad…
He wanted Haruka back so badly…
Rin started looking uneasy in a way and this brought Haru back to reality. Right, they were no more. That night had been a fluke, it shouldn't have happened. Yet he also would never take it back, it had been too sweet and it had distracted him better than anything else could,
He twirled his fork as he started to over think once more and it brought the old stress back to his shoulders, a huge weight that seemed to never be evaded.
He got up to leave the room, "I need some air…" He didn't venture outside because that rain would not help him forget. He dragged his feet as he headed down a lone hallway that lead to the restroom.
Once inside he washed his face and stared at the marks on his skin, why did he want to be with him like that again. They had never shared such a raw desire when they were together… Somehow it was as if they both had just lost their minds….
He left the restroom and started back down the hallway. He just felt so lonesome in this moment.
The entire table became silent upon Haruka's departure, questioning looks were exchanged between all the guests, yet it was Makoto who spoke this time explaining that Haruka had always been like that. Haruka had always been a loner, a person that enjoyed his time alone rather than share it with too much people. Everyone agreed to that statement and the party continued… but not for Rin.
Victim of an overthinking mind, Rin hesitated on his places in silence, lost in his own thoughts. Where had Haruka gone? And how long was he going to take there? Should he follow him? Should he search for the answers that where tormenting him?
Rin couldn't remember the very second when he stood from the table and left the room without a word to the curious eyes on him. He went after Haruka, closing the living room door to give themselves more privacy.
There he found Haruka, standing at the other end of the hallway. Rin locked his eyes on Haruka's.
The hallway was soon felt as if all the air was sucked out of it, as he was suddenly there. Rin at the end of the other end of the hallway. Those eyes felt like they were burning into Haruka.
He just froze there for a moment and he couldn't seem to find his own voice, as if it had fled the situation and left him behind to fend without it.
In his now complete nervousness, he ran a hand through his hair and sighed heavily. His eyes not leaving Rin's and he heart betraying him as it beat too hard in his chest. A painful ache that only this guy could make him feel.
He didn't run but he also stayed put not getting any closer. He swallowed hard and his lips parted to speak but nothing came out.
The sound of the rain echoed through the dark hallway. Always there, following them as their own background music, the soundtrack song for a love unable to fade away. Rin stood there, frozen in his spot, eyes on deep blue.
There were so many things he wanted to say, so many questions he wanted to ask, but he couldn't find his own voice. Deep inside, he was afraid of breaking this silence between them and force themselves to face a side of reality that maybe they were not ready to face.
Would it be worth it? Remain in silence, overthink, assume the answers he would have and say nothing about the pain that drowned his own heart? Rin took a deep breathe, walking forward and taking the silent path he always took when Haruka was involved.
Maybe he should keep assuming; that was one of the things he was good at, assuming. He rather stay quiet, keep his feelings locked inside his chest and pretend he was ok.
And so, Rin broke the distance between them. He didn't waste any time and pinned Haruka up against the wall. His hands come to rest on Haruka's hips, leaning his forehead on his, staring down at him for brief seconds until he stole a kiss from those lips he wished were his.
All he could hear as he stood there was his own heart, betraying him because every beat was for Rin. The closer Rin got, the more anticipation grew, he didn't try to move or attempt to get away. It was as if he knew or maybe he just hoped.
Those eyes were burning into him as he stood there and watched Rin move, he closed his eyes again as he recalled once more what happened the last time it rained.
He opened his eyes once more and Rin was almost all the way to him, his breath hitched and he felt his heart stop for a moment.
How he wished to kiss those lips and hold that body against his again, His eyes slowly became half lidded as Rin took action.
He just surrendered it was the only thing he wanted for now, to just be like this with Rin. The way he just pressed his forehead to Haru's at first, Rin was such a sensual being in this moment. So sweetly intimate and he just knew how to push Haru's buttons like no one else ever could or would.
He felt like putty as he was kissed melting into the ground as it was too sweet and too warm and too wet. It was perfect, just like Rin.
He knew this would happen, the second he tasted those lips once more would get him falling completely for everything about Haruka all over again. Those lips tasted better than the finest and rarest fruit in the entirely world. Haruka had always smelled so good; so forbidden and addicting.
Just by kissing Haruka again Rin had enough to realize the huge mistake he had just done. He felt like choking but he was not strong enough to break the kiss and stop himself. Within seconds, the kiss became more intense and passionate; Rin was kissing him with all the locked emotions flowing inside his chest.
It was hurting him. This love he felt for Haruka was way too big, too rich and true. It couldn't be tamed, it was impossible to ignore and shut down. He cupped Haruka's face when it happened. Their lips were still pressed together in that sweet kiss when Rin felt his own tears falling down his cheeks. It was too much; Rin loved Haruka just… too much to ignore it.
He broke down. The kiss came to an end when Rin pressed his hands on Haruka's shoulder and pushed him back.
"Fuck." He whispered. "What the fuck are we doing…?!"
He thought he could play this game, he thought it would be easy to fool Haruka… to fool himself and pretend he could kiss those lips without getting hurt in the process, he was just another fool.
Rin was absolutely not ready to face Haruka, yet… this emotions left him no choice.
This kiss was different than the others, with this kiss… somehow Rin was kissing him like he was something delicate and precious that he wanted to treasure. And it became so passionate that Haru thought he might sink into the wall. Who taught this guy to kiss so well? He was nearly senseless by the time Rin pulled away.
But before Rin puled away, the kiss was wet from Rin's tears, Haru's eyes flew open and took in that site. Rin had not been okay after all… that was plain to see on his face now…
He spoke and Haru's heart went out to him. What were they doing was a good question, a question Haru wasn't sure how to answer. He stared at Rin for the longest moment as he tried to find the right words to say. He was bad at this, getting across to Rin. At least when he desperately needed to… he hoped to convey his feelings but nothing came out.
Why is it? Why is it that he has no trouble being intimate with Rin but when it comes time to do something, really do something about what once was. He keeps fucking up?
"I don't know…except it was distracting me from the pain of the past." I still love you, damn it all.
Rin felt a lump in his throat and then the salty taste of his tears resting on his cracked lips. Every breath felt like walking on a bed of broken glass. Why did he always end up crying in front of Haruka? Rin hated himself, always showing his weak side to the person he loved. Always showing his true colors to Haruka, when he was supposed to show him how better he was without him. It never worked; he could never hide his true feelings to Haru for so long.
"Pain from the past?" He whispered, hands still pressing against Haruka's shoulder. "What the… hell are you talking about?"
He licked his chapped lips and stared down at Haruka, trying to ignore the tears that blocked his vision. "Why is it always so damn complicated to understand you, Haru?! I wanna know!"
And there it is, so all he had managed to do so far was just confused Rin. Rin didn't understand that Haru's pain from the past was losing Rin. That Haru had never gotten over him.
He didn't want to cry in front of Rin, the rain had been his shield that night and it had helped him hide this from the redhead. He scanned that face and his eyes swayed, heavy with emotions.
"You. Okay? Do you think I got over us? I never did….."
He was ready to walk away again but something stopped him.
"How…how —" have you been all this time? Have you suffered too?
Rin was shocked, to say the least, with what he heard three seconds earlier. His heart skipped a beat as he finally processed what those lips had just revealed. "You… you are killing me, Haru." Rin responded, the knot in his throat tighter than before. He had never seen so many emotions flowing inside Haruka's deep blue orbs. "How the fuck do you think I feel? I've tried to stop loving you but, damn it, I just can't do it!"
Rin felt insulted, annoyed by Haruka's lack of communication skills. He was not letting him go, not this time. Rin needed answers, he would continue with his sleepless nights if they just walked away. "If I was so damn special back then, then why the hell won't you break down and tell me?!"
This was frustrating. So frustrating. Why had his emotions slipped out? Why did he have to end up with his heart on a ledge? It was safer to bottle it up, wasn't it? It was safer to hide in his shell and not reveal how he really felt. How he had always felt.
Why did it ever have to fall apart in the first place? If Rin supposedly loved him so much and vice versa. Was it really all that strong if they can drift apart like they did?
Haruka's head and heart were both a complete mess. His confusion was overwhelming and so bothersome. He chewed at the inside of his lip as he listened to everything Rin said.
"Do you think its so easy to just tell you? I'm so fucking scared of being hurt all over again okay? If we can drift apart then, what is going to hold us together now? I loved you back then and I STILL love you now. I can't even be happy most of the time. I am so fucking pathetic. Dwelling on the past…." Haru grabbed his own bangs and slide down the wall, trying his damnedest to not cry.
"I want to be with you again…but I am just fucking scared." His voice was weak and it cracked, his face became wet as a tear finally appeared. He lowered his head to hide it from Rin.
Rin's mouth went dry; no words were able to describe the uneasiness that throbbed inside his chest. He had never seen such frustrations blurring Haruka's vision, and there was something so wrong in the way the raven seemed so… unprotected as he slide down to the floor.
The words that came out from those lips seemed as his own; sharing the same fears and anxieties that had haunted him for years. "What… are you talking about?" Rin managed to say, yet he couldn't even get a grasp of himself. "I don't get it."
Rin was incapable of doing anything but looking on in shock, he had never seen Haruka cry before. How come his tears hurt this much?
He fell on his knees in front of Haruka, his heart was beating so hard against his chest it hurt. For how long had he dreamed to hear Haruka whisper 'I love you' once more? It seemed so incredible and yet…
"Haru…" Rin's voice trembled. "Y-you can't be serious, you stopped loving me ever… ever since I left Iwatobi. Remember?"
He wiped his tears but stayed seated on the floor against the wall, He could hear Rin speaking and he closed his eyes and breathed in deep. "Rin…" He looked up at the kneeling boy in front of him. "Don't tell me how I feel. Only I know how I feel. What you assume is NOT how I feel. I LOVE YOU AND I NEVER STOPPED. Okay?" He didn't yell but his tone was firm, yet his voice was filled with his pain.
He studied that face and he wanted to run into those arms but everything was just one big mess. One huge disaster. Was it even possible to phantom the idea of being together anymore? Was it really possible? He had to be kidding himself to even think it.
"Do you think I made love to you the other day only because of my own lust? I wanted to feel you again because I love you. For the first time in so long, I forgot my pain. I got lost in you and your body…"
He was right; Rin had lived a life of assuming and never asking. Afraid of rejection and disillusion. Maybe… he was the one to blame.
Those words coming out of Haruka's lips were meant to be a sin. How was he able to talk about their encounter under the rain so casually? Just listening to those words full with passion, full with honestly and frustration at the same time made Rin's lips shiver.
"H-Haru…" he whispered, yet his head was such a mess that he couldn't even fix his own thoughts. "Do… do you think I would be able to give my body to someone else that wasn't you?"
His hands trembled, approaching to Haruka and cupping his face gently with them. Crimson eyes clouded with tears once more. "I've been so fucking in love with you all these years it constantly suffocates me."
Haru looked at him, really looked at him and answered his question. "Do you think I wanna touch anyone or do those kind of things with anyone if it isn't you? It HAS to be you."
He placed his hands over the ones cupping his face as he saw the tears in Rin's eyes. 'No, don't cry Rin…' His heart went out to the redhead and he brushed his thumb over one of the hands touching his face.
"I never stopped loving you either. I don't think its possible…" Its just apart of who I am and it has been since the first time you smiled at me.
His hands moved to gently wipe Rin's tears as he scanned his face and desired so bad to pull Rin into his arms and just hold him. Just comfort Rin, but he didn't do it. He was still a little scared but somehow it wasn't as bad as before.
It seems things are more mutual than Haru realized, Rin had not moved on, same as Haru. Rin was still in love. Same. Rin was as much of a mess as Haru or maybe more…he didn't know.
"I want to hold you…."
Rin felt those fingertips brushing against his cheek, pulling out the emotions that he kept locked in his heart for so many years. Haruka's words began healing the invisible wounds around his neck, on his heart, allowing him to breathe once more.
He didn't have to be told twice. Rin went straight to Haru and hugged him dearly, pressing him as much as he could against his chest. He closed his eyes tightly. Rin finally started to believe life couldn't be cruel all the time.
"Then hold me." He added quietly. "I am afraid as well, but I promise you I won't let you go again."
His lips met Haruka's neck, dropping small kisses all over that pale skin until Rin rested his chin on his shoulder instead. How many years have they wasted? How many years have Rin gone through assuming Haruka's feelings and running away? "I'm sorry, so sorry…" he sobbed. "I always end up fucking everything up. I hurt you…"
He felt a sense of relief as those arms wrapped him in a comforting hug. Was everything going to be okay now? Was this what it took to bandage what they had together or would they still fuck up? The longer he hugged Rin, the less worry he had.
He embraced him in return and rubbed his back with one hand, he shivered at the light kisses to his neck. Haru sighed and closed his eyes, the gentleness of these arms and Rin in general was something he needed. He couldn't help it, he loved him more than ever before if that was possible.
"No need to apologize Rin." It was not all Rin's fault, the had both been idiots all this time. "I'm sorry too. I wish we had never faded…." But really that love was always there, they may have faded apart for awhile, but their love it seems always burned.
Haru's heart was starting to heal, after so long. He at this moment, he just wanted to hold Rin for awhile. He leaned into Rin a little more and for the first time in a long tine, his sigh was filled with happiness as it left his lips.
"I just love you…."
This felt just right, and Rin couldn't do anything but flash the most honest smile he ever had in the past years. "I wish I hadn't given up so easily back then." Relaxed in that hug, Rin closed his eyes feeling completely reassured. Being in love never felt so right; finally his heart was no longer in pain. "I love you too, idiot. You have no idea."
Rin wiped the tears that were still falling from his cheek with his free hand, his other arm still around Haruka, keeping him close.
He caressed his raven hair, his fingers combing those silky locks. Rin lips met Haruka's nose, locking his gaze on Haruka's orbs. "There's lot of things we need to talk about, though. No more miscommunications, we need to let it all out." He assured, noticing how bright Haru's eyes had suddenly become. "Wanna… skip the rest of the party and go somewhere else?"
He closed his eyes as his nose was kissed and sighed as his heart felt even lighter, but was it really this easy to resolved years of heartache? Rin was right, they needed to talk and they needed to be more open with each other. His eyes slowly opened and he gazed at the beautiful scarlets that were filled with warmth.
"Lets go to my place."
He gave the redhead a quick hug before standing up and stretching lightly. How was it that it seemed so simple now? Too simple. Yet he still felt happy even if he did have a small doubt buried in the depths of his heart. Perhaps, love really was worth risking the pain because nothing was sweeter than being in the arms of the person he loves.