4. Addison's Elephant stayed in New York

She stayed with Mark. Pete debated whether to interrupt her or let her go on. If she was going to say she fell in love with him, he didn't want to hear it. Not that he was jealous. Of course he wasn't jealous. He just didn't want to hear he hurt her, that's all. The blood-boiling rage he was feeling at the mere thought of Mark touching her had nothing to do with Addison. He was just being protective towards his friend, that's all. And of course the rage hadn't increased when he thought about him making love to her instead of just having sex with her. Of course it hadn't. That would be just stupid, and nonsensical, and that damn third elephant could stay outside the door forever, because he certainly was feeling nothing but friendship towards Addison Montgomery.

"Yeah, I stayed with Mark. Why? Because I felt like it." Her voice was confident, as if she was daring him to question her motives. "Because Derek was gone, and he was not. Because he made me feel good. Because the sex was great." Okay, too much information. "And, more importantly, because he was deliciously uncomplicated. I knew I wouldn't have to fight. There was nothing to fight for, really. We were best friends, we cared for each other, and we had mind-blowing sex. It was pure bliss."

They cared for each other. She didn't say love. All was good in the world. "I'm not gonna play innocent, you know. I knew he thought there was more to it. I knew he thought we were in love. The truth is, Mark Sloan wouldn't know love if it slapped him across the face. But that made it even easier, and even better. He was happy, thinking we were living the fairytale life, and I didn't have to worry about making a relationship work." She sounded... cold. Five minutes ago, he would have killed for a chance to be her rebound sex buddy. He would have killed for a chance to hear her say the sex was great and he was deliciously uncomplicated. The funny thing is, after hearing her cold tone while talking about him, he thought he'd rather not have sex with her if it meant she'd never say his name in that same tone of voice.

"To be honest, I used him as a Derek substitute. It was like eating sugar-free cheesecake. It may taste the similar, and it may fill you up, but deep down, you know it's not the real thing. I was frustrated with myself, really. I mean, come on, I had this incredibly sexy man, who proclaimed his undying love for me every time he saw me, who always made time for me, who was always there... and yet I couldn't stop thinking about my absent husband, who had been indifferent towards me for months and hadn't meant an I love you in years." The blinding rage towards her ex-husband came back. He just wanted to hear her say she was over him. It was driving him insane to think he still had a piece of her.

"So I stayed with Mark. We were together for around three months, and it was fun, really. I almost made myself believe I was in love with him. I wished I was. It would have made things so easy to just forget about Derek and start a new life with Mark. So I tried as hard as I could to push the thoughts of Derek aside. It was hard, though. Especially when I walked into the apartment I shared with Mark and saw the mail addressed to Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd." Right. Because she'd been Addison Montgomery-Shepherd. It had a nice ring to it. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd. If only that name didn't mean there had been a Mr.Shepherd.

He wondered if Addison Montgomery-Shepherd was different than Addison Montgomery. If Addison Montgomery-Shepherd would have been able to make him feel the same things Addison Montgomery did. "Mark used to joke about my name. He always said I was the woman with four last names and no first name. Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd. He used to say my name sounded like a law firm."

He looked at her, and smiled at the sight of a small smile playing on her lips. Her name did sound like a law firm. But he couldn't imagine her having any other name. Anything else wouldn't be enough to describe her. "Living with Mark was... fun. Easy and lighthearted. It was like watching an episode of a sit-com after a long dramatic movie. There was nothing deep in our relationship. He helped me heal, and I like to think I helped him see you can have fun with a woman even when she's wearing clothes."

Pete noticed the warmth of her voice when she was talking about Mark, her friend, as opposed to Mark, her rebound sex-buddy. He wondered what she sounded like when she was talking about him. Although, considering he was either Pete, the man who stood her up, or Pete, her friend downgraded to acquaintance, he really didn't want to know.

"So we stayed together, and had our fun. Until one night I came home from work and found him in bed with another woman." Okay, now he hated Mark. He thought he did before, but now... now it was definitely hatred. He cheated on her. On Addison. Which was only important to him because she was his friend, by the way. Not because he thought of her as anything else. She was his friend, that's all.

"I walked into the apartment and there they were, on our bed. And I turned around and left. There was nothing I could say or do. He'd cheated on me, the only thing I could do was walk away." Oh, he could think about a few things he'd have liked to do to him. "And then it hit me. As I walked towards the hotel where I planned to spend the night, it hit me. I had walked away, just like Derek did. My reaction when I saw my dirty mistress in bed with another woman was the same reaction Derek had when he saw his wife in bed with another man. I meant as much to Derek as Mark meant to me."

She took a moment before going on. Classic Addison. She could spill her soul and tell him everything about her, but she wasn't going to let her voice crack. She could let tears roll down her cheeks, but she wasn't going to let them show in her voice. When she felt like she was ready to go on, she spoke again. "I had to stop walking to catch my breath. It physically hurt me to think about it. I felt sick. I meant as much to Derek as Mark meant to me. I'd devoted 11 years of my life to a man who gave me as much of his heart as I'd given to my affair. And the next thing I remember after the blinding pain is waking up at the hospital."

He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't see her hurting. He was hurting for her. But he didn't stop her. "They told me I was pregnant. I was going to have Mark's baby. I was going to have a baby with the man I slept with just for fun, with the man who cheated on me, while I was in love with my husband, who was nowhere to be found." At that point, he couldn't even think about what she was saying. It was too much to process.

"I couldn't have that baby. It's not just that Mark would have been a terrible father. That baby would have had an awful mother as well." Really? Maybe Addison Montgomery-Shepherd had nothing to do with Addison Montgomery. Because Addison Montgomery, in his eyes, couldn't be an awful mother even if she tried. "I barely had the energy to take care of myself, how was I supposed to take care of someone else? The mere thought of living was exhausting. I knew I could bounce back. I knew I could go on with my life. But I also knew I wouldn't be able to give that baby the life it deserved."

He knew where this was heading, and he thought back to their first kiss, to her telling him she was "dried up". He thought she was just having a middle-age crisis. He thought she was a drama queen. He hated himself almost as much as he hated Mark and Derek. Almost.

"Mark wanted me to keep it, but I wasn't going to discuss that with him. I don't regret my choice. It was awfully painful, and I'll always feel terrible about it, but I know I did the right thing." She wiped her tears away, and he subconsciously moved closer to the couch. It was his way of comforting her without breaking their unwritten distance pact.

She just needed a hug. Some human contact. A friend. She didn't know he was fighting the urge to take her in his arms and promise to make it all go away. And he didn't know that was all she needed. There were many things they didn't know about each other. So they let a comfortable silence settle between them. They stared at the ceiling, hearing each other breathe. They kept the third elephant, their elephant, outside the room.

"Pete?" He wasn't expecting to see her looking at him when he turned his head. Tear-filled or not, her eyes always seemed to take his breath away. He didn't know his had the same effect on her. "Yes?" his voice was barely above a whisper, as if he was putting all his energy on looking into her eyes and there was nothing left for his voice. "What happened after you went back to her?"

Under normal circumstances, he would have told her it was none of her business. Under normal circumstances, he would have shot her a death glare and go on with his life. But then again, nothing had been normal since the minute that annoyingly confident, unnervingly arrogant and insanely fascinating woman had waltzed her way into his life. "I tried to make it work."

Thank you hopelessromantic28, Chloe, raes, jb916 and mélanie for your nice words! It really makes my day to hear you're enjoying the story :) I started writing it so I could do something about my PrP withdrawal and it's seriously incredible to hear people like it :D

A/N: Please R&R! I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

Disclaimer (because I forgot to put it before): I own nothing. If I did, Addie would be happy. Everything belongs to Shonda Rhimes & Co.