Disclaimer- There can only be one SM and it ain't me....

A/N - Okay, going to get super dorky for a minute, I got my first review!!!! Let's have moment of silence for said review..... Yes, a small step for veteran fanfic writers, but a huge leap for companyo'thieves! So uber thanks for ElvenatHeart! It makes me happy! Alright, alright, I'll stop now.

Okay, here's chapter four, I know that it may seem like Bella is a little testy with everyone, but she's having a rough time, so give her a sec....she'll work through it:)

Chapter 4 – What About That?

Don't wanna live my life in misery Don't tell me you did it 'cause you love me. I don't believe

I'm sick and tired, your deceptive games. Wonder where you have been
I can't live life wondering
.

BPOV

I followed Alice and Jasper out of the airport and into the long term parking garage. My feet stalled for a millisecond when I saw we were headed to a silver Volvo. Of all the cars the Cullens owned, we had to be riding in the freaking Volvo? Unbelievable.

We'd boarded the plane in Alaska, Jasper and Alice on both of my sides, guarding me, watching me, ready to hold me down in case I lost control of myself. It was the stupidest thing we could have done really, risking not only people's lives, but the exposure of their kind…or as I needed to get used to: our kind.

I held my breath as much as possible not wanting to smell all the humans around me. I wore sunglasses, and thankfully Alice had taken my things from the Jeep, so I had my identification and bags. We were taking a major gamble, not only having me around so people, but also because I'd only fed on the blood that Alec had given me, so I was a newborn vampire, as Alice had informed, I was also going to be very hungry in the middle of our flight.

I'd sat next to the window with Jasper next to me, and then Alice on the aisle. She had the most control out of the three of us, and she was the smallest too. Our odds of successfully making it to Oregon, which is where I learned the Cullens had been living, without catastrophe were pretty bad, but they were what they were, and we had few options.

Jasper spoke to me kindly through most of the flight, encouraging me and telling me how amazing I was doing. He kept his voice so low that I knew those around us wouldn't be able to hear him. I stayed quiet, only speaking when absolutely necessary. They seemed to understand I was holding myself together by a tenuous thread, so they didn't push me to speak.

Once we made it out to the garage, which thankfully was empty of any humans, I took a deep breath, not because I needed oxygen, but because I hadn't been able to for almost four and a half hours, and felt compelled to.

"Bella, you've done so well! It's astounding! Isn't it Jasper?" Alice rubbed my back and beamed at me.

"I've never seen such control for a newborn, or even some seasoned vampires." He looked at me curiously. "It's unlike anything I've ever heard of actually."

I just shrugged and climbed into the back of the Volvo, wanting to get to where we were going and get out of the car as soon as possible.

A honeyed-woodsy scent filled my nose as I settled into the seat and an ache spread through me as I recognized the smell of Edward. It was even more delicious than what I remembered. It made my still heart break all over again. So again, I found myself holding my breath, not wanting to torture myself.

Alice didn't give me the silence that she did on the plane though, and I was forced to answer her in the car.

"Who were we running from in Alaska, Bella?"

I stared listlessly out of the window. "Alec." I said simply.

"And who is Alec?" she kept on.

"The vampire who changed me."

"Why did you feel like you needed to run from him?"

I tried to think of the simplest answer for her. "I didn't think it was safe for me to stay."

"Why? What happened, did he hurt you?" She twisted in her seat and reached back grabbing my wrist tightly.

"No, he didn't hurt me."

I looked back at her with no expression. She tilted her head and studied me before letting me go and turning back around in her seat. I saw her look briefly at Jasper. He made no movement to return her gaze or look at me.

I turned towards the window again and tried to decide the best course of action once we made it to the Cullens. How would I handle seeing Edward again? I had so many feelings running through me, I didn't know which one to really feel.

Before I knew it, we were turning onto a covered path barely visible from the road. I suppose it was a drive way of sorts, but it was almost too small to even accommodate the car. A few minutes later, we pulled up to a white plantation-style home. The red brick it was constructed of was only broken up by the white window frames and columns that ran from the bottom of the front porch through the third story balcony. It was beautiful, but truthfully, I'd expected nothing less with the Cullens.

As we came to a stop, I opened the car door slowly and stepped out. Carlisle and Esme quickly came out through the front door, followed by Emmett and Rosalie. I refused to show any reaction, but inside, my body ached with the overwhelming sadness of seeing them again after the way we'd parted. I had missed them so deeply before, but now, something inside of me, something so huge it threatened to swallow me whole, resented them and the pain I went through.

"Bella!" Emmett yelled and ran towards me, obviously not seeing the change in me. "You can't go missing and worry us like that again! We've been-"

"Emmett." Carlisle said softly behind him, effectively cutting him off. "Look at her." He shifted his eyes back to Alice and Jasper, who both nodded infinitesimally.

Esme gasped, and Rosalie stood still and as expressionless as I was. Emmett stopped abruptly and peered into my face.

"Holy shit." He murmured under his breath. "I didn't…" his voice trailed off, but he still walked to me and wrapped me in his massive arms.

I breathed in his scent, and wanted to cry because he smelled like family to me. My eyes burned like they would have if I were getting ready to cry as a human, but they stayed dry, and I could only be thankful that at the very least, being a vampire allowed me to keep my careful mask intact. I patted Emmett's back and then stepped back to look at each face, one at a time, before lifting my chin towards Carlisle.

"I know this is unexpected and inconvenient to impose on you, but when Jasper and Alice came, I didn't know what else to do but go with them. If you'll just give me a few days, I'll figure out somewhere else to go and you can get back to your lives." I fought the strong urge to clench my fists, so I left them hanging loosely at my sides. The agitation inside of me seemed to be growing minute by minute.

"Oh Bella." Esme ran to me and hugged me fiercely too. "No, we want you here. We want you to stay. Please stay forever."

I hugged her back for a moment, allowing myself to enjoy the love and compassion that came pouring out of her.

"Thank you Esme." I didn't want to tell her that I would be leaving as soon as I could put together a plan of action.

Carlisle made a move towards me and opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.

"Where is Edward?" I asked. I couldn't stand it any longer; I needed to know before another minute passed.

They all looked at each other before Rosalie finally stepped off the porch and walked closer to me, her eyes still blank.

"We called to let him know that Alice had had a vision about you and that they were looking for you, but we've been unable to get a hold of him since then."

"He's not here then?" I almost trembled with relief, I didn't know how much more I could take today.

"No." she shook her head. "He's been in London for the past six months."

I nodded, and then turned to Esme once more.

"Could I take a shower and clean up please?" I hadn't changed clothes or bathed since I'd left Forks almost five days ago.

"Of course honey, come on."

I picked up my bags, gripping them tightly, feeling the fabric ripping slightly under my iron hold, and followed her back inside the house.

"Here, put your stuff in here," we'd walked up the staircase to the third floor, and then to the door of the one bedroom that occupied it. "There's a bathroom right across the hall. I know that you've got a lot to get used to, so you'll probably like the seclusion of this room. It'll let you be alone with your thoughts. Of course, we want you to be with us all the time, but in case you need to get away, this space is good for it." She smiled kindly and squeezed my arm.

"Thank you Esme, I appreciate this, really." I couldn't help myself and leaned in for another hug.

"Oh honey." She held me so tightly and rubbed my back. "We've missed you so much, it's so good to see you again, I'm so sorry it's under these circumstances."

I shook my head and took a step back. "It's alright; I am what I am now." I pulled back finally. "I've missed you too."

She gave me another smile and turned to leave. "Let us know if you need anything."

"I will. Thank you."

I opened the door to the room and stepped into what was obviously Edward's room. I wanted to scream in insanity. I couldn't get away from this ghost that haunted me. I couldn't escape him. I sank to the floor and inhaled the wonderful scent that was his. His cd's and albums lined the walls as they did in his room in Forks. Stacks of books covered every flat surface of furniture. His black leather couch was pushed up against the wall, and the closet was full of his shirts.

I stood up slowly and walked to them, pulling out a sweater and bringing to my face.

"Oh Edward." I breathed the fragrance in. It made me ache.

Resolutely, I let go of the shirt and walked back to my bag, and carried it across the hall to the large bathroom. It held an ivory sink with matching Jacuzzi bath tub, and an open shower that boasted multiple shower heads.

Dropping my bag, I closed the door and locked it behind me. I knew that the lock was for show more than function, since anyone in this house could pull it open locked or not with no effort.

I started to lift my shirt to get undressed, but stopped when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I froze at the image. I hadn't had a chance to see myself as what I was now.

Ever so slowly, I let go of my shirt and walked closer to the glass. I touched my cheekbones with my finger tips, running them over the skin that was even more pale that before. My face was more angular now. It was more of a woman's face, less of a girl's. My chin, slightly pointier, my cheeks less round, my eyes larger, oh my eyes! They were a shocking red that caused a shiver to race up my spine. It was frightening, but oddly inexplicably beautiful too.

I shook my head at that foolish thought, and then noticed my hair that swung at the movement. It was the same deep brown as when I was human, but it was thicker, richer in its shades, with highlights of dark gold and auburns weaving through the chocolate tone.

My hands continued their perusal of my body, traveling down to my sternum and over my breasts, which felt larger, and heavier. I skimmed down my ribcage, and over rounder hips. I turned and looked at the reflection of my back. I was definitely curvier. Odd, I didn't feel the difference before. I spun back to face my front and leaned on my hands on the sink and took a shaky breath.

"Who are you now?" I asked myself softly. "What are you?"

I dropped my head in dejection.

"Bella?" I heard Alice on the other side of the door and then a hard knock.

I brought my head up and looked one last time at myself before opening the door.

"Good, you haven't showered yet. We should go hunting. We didn't even think how thirsty you must be before."

I hadn't even noticed that I was hungry until she mentioned it, and then I felt a burning in my throat, causing me to swallow repeatedly.

"I don't know how." I managed feeling embarrassed.

"Of course you don't, you've never done it before." Alice took my arm and led me downstairs. "Rose and I are going to take you. I'm sorry we didn't go sooner, Carlisle just realized how you must be so thirsty, but you act so calm, we forget that you need to feed your newborn appetite."

"Alright."

I knew that I was being distant towards Alice, and to be honest, it hurt to treat her like that, especially when she was being so kind to me. But honestly, I couldn't shake the hurt of being left behind before.

"You ready Rose?"

We'd made it to the front door again and Rosalie stood in the foyer, obviously waiting for us.

"Yes," she replied simply. "Are you okay?"

I turned to her in surprise that she would ask me. I assumed she wouldn't care one way or another about me. We'd never been close; in fact, I knew for a fact that she didn't even agree with Edward's and my relationship to begin with.

"I'm fine."

She nodded once and then opened the door.

"Okay, let's go."

--

EPOV

"Where are you Bella?" I moaned to myself.

I'd been looking for her for over a day in Forks and couldn't find any clues as to where she could possibly be. Charlie seemed frantic inside the house, but he kept calling Renee and insisting that Bella should have made it to her a few days ago. Apparently, Renee didn't even know Bella was going there for a visit, which only served to agitate Charlie more. He spent his time making calls to different police departments in Washington, and even a few in Florida about finding Bella when he wasn't calling and being pissed off at Renee.

I combed every inch Forks and came up empty. I was going crazy inside. It was my fault, all my fault. I should have stayed in Forks a little bit longer, it only to watch over her, make sure she was adjusting to my family's and my absence. I couldn't though, I couldn't stand to be so close to her and not talk to her, not touch her, tell her every second of every day that she was my life, and I would love her as I'd loved no one else for all eternity.

Finally, not knowing what else to do, I ran to a neighboring town to buy a new cell phone so that I could call home and see if they'd heard anything. I should have called sooner, but I was so sure I'd find her Forks. I don't know why. It was stupid to assume she'd be there, and no one had found her yet, but she just belonged there in my mind. She should be there!

I walked casually down the street from the store and tried to inconspicuously head back to some woodlands that would cover me.

I quickly dialed Carlisle's number and waited for the connection.

"Dr. Cullen." He always answered that way if he didn't recognize the number.

"Carlisle, its me, have you heard anything, have they found her?"

"Edward! Yes, they found her. She's here with us in Oregon. You need to-"

"What? She's there? When? How? She's okay?" I felt instant relief. She was okay, she had to be okay, my love was alive. I could think again. I could breathe again.

"Well, it's a long story, she's fine, where are you?"

"Outside of Forks, I'm on my way now, keep her there!" I yelled and snapped the phone shut, somehow managing to not damage this one as well.

I took a quick inventory of where I was and then ran south towards Oregon. It wouldn't take me too long to get there. A few hours at most, but probably less because I was going to run harder and faster than I ever had before. I was running towards my reason for existing.

--

BPOV

I followed Rosalie and Alice north into a cacophony of foliage. I made as little noise as possible and stayed behind them, waiting for my instructions. Within five minutes of our journey I caught the scent of something. It was slightly tangy. I looked questioningly at Alice. She nodded back, affirming that I had indeed smelled what we were hunting for.

"Watch me, and then you try." Rosalie barely muttered the words, but nodded my head and paid attention as she took off, jumping onto the back of a deer that had been eating. She snapped its neck quickly and then sunk her teeth into the carotid artery. I watched in fascination as she drank deeply, not spilling a drop.

"Do you want me to go next, or do you think you're ready?" Alice asked gently.

"I'll go, I'll figure it out." I took off away from them. I sounded more sure of myself than I actually was, but I needed to be self-sufficient from now on. I wouldn't always have one of the Cullens to hold my hand through everything. I'd learned that the hard way I couldn't help but think bitterly. So even in my independence, I didn't want them to watch, in case I did it wrong, or was messy about it.

"Bella, wait, we'll go with you!" Alice called, trying to catch up.

"No it's okay, I meet back up with you, I'll be fine." I purposely tried to lose them, hearing Rosalie telling Alice to let me go right before they were out of range.

Somehow, I caught up to a grouping of antelope near the edge of a stream. I tried to remain silent yet in some way draw a few away from the others. By sheer dumb luck, and no talent of mine, three wandered off to some bushes. I crept slowly up to them, and as fast as I could jumped near the first, snapped its neck as I'd seen Rosalie do to the deer, and then I turned quickly to the second and broke its neck before it could run away. Unfortunately I wasn't fast enough to get the third, so I went back to the first and without a second thought.

I sank my new teeth into its neck and sucked in the hot tangy blood. This animal was slightly sweeter than the deer had smelled, but still held a strange sour taste. The blood that Alec had given me had been so sweet, almost a nectar. It must have been human. I should have been revolted by the idea of drinking human blood, but truly, it had had the most wonderful flavor.

I drained the first antelope and then went to second, repeating the process. I wiped my mouth with the back of my sleeve and stood up surveying the damage. I knew that the old me would have felt some kind of remorse over what I'd just done, but I didn't feel guilty about killing the animals. I needed them to survive. It was better them than a person, I thought fleetingly.

I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to smooth out the tangles that I had gathered from running. There were a few spots of blood on my shirt, but it was ruined before I'd gone hunting anyway. I felt pretty proud actually. Not a bad job if I do say so myself. And hell, I do say so myself. I felt a small smirk turn up a corner of my mouth.

I felt satiated too. The sharp burn at the back of my throat had lessened exponentially. It was time to find Alice and Rosalie, and head back. Maybe I could finally get that shower.

I jogged back the way I'd come calling to them softly. It took me a few minutes. I didn't want to interrupt them if they were trying to sneak up on an animal. Such a strange life I was going to lead now, I couldn't help but think.

"Rosalie!" I called softly, spotting her crouching behind a tree. She waved me over to where she was.

"She's almost done." She nodded to Alice who was drinking from deer as well. "Did you get anything?"

"Yeah," I looked down at my shirt and pointed to the spots, smiling a little sheepishly. "Kind of made a mess of myself."

She studied more a minute. "No you didn't. This is a whole new world to you, and you're doing amazing, Bella." She said it so plainly that I was taken aback, especially because it was coming from Rosalie.

"Thank you." I whispered.

She shrugged and stood up as Alice walked over to us.

"Did you get enough, Bella?" she eyed me wearily. I knew she was worried about me, and I hadn't exactly been friendly towards her and let her help me, so I felt bad. She'd been my best friend once. Deep down I really didn't want to hurt her.

"I did, I got plenty, thanks Alice."

Her smile brightened immediately. "Really, what did you get?"

We began walking back to the Cullens.

"Two antelope. I did it just like Rosalie showed me." I put in.

"Good job! First time too! Isn't that great Rose?" Alice could barely suppress her excitement.

I had to laugh, it was all so absurd.

"Yeah Rosalie, I snapped two antelopes' necks, aren't you proud?" I joked nudging her.

She smirked at me.

"You're a regular huntress Bella."

"Everyone needs to be good at something, right?" I continued finally feeling a little better.

Alice giggled as we came back out of the trees and onto the Cullen property. That's when I heard it. That velvety smooth voice that immediately caused tingles low in my belly. He was standing in the house talking to the rest of the family, but I could hear him plain as day.

I froze near the steps to the porch. Alice kept walking up, but Rosalie stayed beside me. I felt her hand on my shoulder. Alice stopped at the door and turned back towards me, her face full of sympathy. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. He was here. He was here!

"What do you mean she's with Rose and Alice? Where did they go?"

"It's going to be okay Bella." Rosalie spoke lowly, and removed her hand off my shoulder. At her words, the voices inside stopped, and I watched as the front door was thrown open, and Edward filled the frame.

I dropped my eyes immediately, I couldn't look at him, I needed a second to collect myself. But I'd seen him for that split second, and he was even more beautiful than I remembered.

"Bella!" he shoved the door open and strode to me.

I took two large steps back, but kept my eyes averted.

"Bella?" he sounded confused, that melodic voice was confused.

"I see that you're okay" he spoke slowly. "What happened to you?"

I shook my head and clenched my hands. I needed to face this, face him. It was time. It was time to know why he hadn't wanted me. What I had done to change his feelings about me. I gathered every ounce of strength within myself and opened my mouth only to be cut off.

"Why would you go to Alaska? Jasper said they found you in Alaska. I thought I told you to be careful." The last comment was delivered in a cold voice, the voice that I'd heard that night six months ago in the woods behind Charlie's house.

I let out a low growl that came from the deep recesses of my chest. How dare he? How dare he!? After everything...all that's happened? He's going to scold me?! Like a child! My previous anxieties forgotten, my head snapped up and I stared at him with such fury, he took an involuntary step back as his breath caught loudly.

"No, no, no! Your eyes! Carlisle!" his face went from that of calm, to horror.

"I was trying to tell you Edward. You weren't even listening to our thoughts" Carlisle answered behind him.

Esme stood next to him with her hand clutching her heart. Emmett had come out with Jasper who both watched in silence.

"Yes, you did tell me to be careful didn't you?" I spat venomously at him. I took another step back, feeling the rage inside me steep and simmer and rise to a boil. "You told me to take care of myself for my parents! Not because you really cared at that point, you were leaving me after all? Just tying up loose ends, making sure any damage you'd done would be fixed so you could go without a guilty conscience! So sorry I wasn't careful enough Edward! I just had a little trouble fighting off the vampire who attacked me! So yeah, my fault, I didn't do a good enough job being careful!"

My entire body tensed as I yelled at him. He flinched with every word I threw at him.

"Bella, no, I-"

"Don't worry though," I cut him off, not wanting to hear another word from the one person who hurt me more than anyone else in my life. "I won't be staying long. You won't have to be reminded of that stupid human girl that wouldn't go away."

I turned around and ran as fast as I could back into the woods Alice and Rosalie and I'd just left, but I didn't stop I kept going and going, running the anger out of me, the resentment, the grief. I hated him, I hated him with every fiber of my existence because heaven help me I loved him more than ever. I was so in love with him and I just couldn't bear it.

I wanted to cry, but my new body wouldn't allow it, I heaved, taking in gasping breaths, trying to release some of the tension that filled me, but nothing worked. I ran towards a farm that lay across the field from the forest and sank to my knees behind its barn.

With my elbows propped on my knees, I held my head in my hands and stared unblinkingly at the ground. It was amazing how much I could see now with my new eyes. I watched ants crawl along the dirt; tiny beetles walk lazily on blades of grass, the kaleidoscope of colors that filled just an inch of earth. I watched it all and wanted to forget everything.

"Bella! Bella, please!"

Alice called out to me, and I shrank closer to the barn wall. I loved Alice, but I didn't want to be found.

"Bella." She stopped next to me and grabbed me into a hug. "Don't run from us, please don't run. We love you so much. I love you so much!"

I couldn't hug her back. I just couldn't. She crushed me to her tiny body, and I just couldn't reciprocate.

"You left me Alice. You all left me."

I hardened my eyes and stared at her. She flinched at my harsh tone.

"I know." She whispered.

"I loved all of you, and you didn't even say goodbye! I just wanted to be a part of your family! I know Edward doesn't love me, and I'll deal with that eventually, but you were my best friend and you didn't even say goodbye!"

"Oh Bella, please forgive me." She sobbed tearlessly. "I wanted to, but Edward thought it was best if we just left quickly. That it would be easier for you. I'm so sorry!"

"Edward thought it was best did he? Seems Edward calls a lot of the shots around here." My tone was venomous, and I didn't care. For so long when I was human I didn't feel anything, and now, now I could feel all of it. All the rage, all the bitterness, all the damn emotions I could stand.

"Don't leave us Bella, we want you with us. That's all we want too, for you to be a part of our family!" Alice gripped my biceps tightly and brought her face close to mine. "Please believe me."

I thought for a minute and then looked away. "I don't know. Edward. He won't like it."

"Edward!?" She shrieked and let go of my arms as she jumped up and paced. "He loves you more than his own life; he wants you as much as anyone!"

I looked up at her sharply. "Stop it. I don't want to be lied to. I know what he said to me, and I know what he thinks. Don't lie to me Alice. If you love me as much as you say you do, be honest with me. It won't work, me being with your family. Especially if we're not truthful about the situation."

"I'm not lying Bella." She said it simply, without inflection.

"I don't want to talk about it Alice." I stared mutinously ahead.

Alice opened her mouth to argue, but before she could say anything we heard Rosalie shouting for us.

Alice looked at me questioningly, so I waved my hand in disregard.

"Over here, Rose." Alice answered, stepping out from the barn so that Rosalie could see her.

"Are you okay?" Rosalie asked when she reached us.

"Damn peachy." I muttered.

"Alice?" Rosalie said looking at me intently. "could you give us a few minutes alone?"

"But I-"

"Please."

She shook her head and walked off towards the Cullens. Rosalie sat down next to me and turned her face towards me.

"Feel pretty shitty, don't you?"

It wasn't quite what I was expecting, but after a second, I shrugged.

"About as shitty as I have in a long time, and that's saying something."

"I would too, if I were you." She tucked a blonde curl behind her ear and leaned her chin on a fist.

"Thanks." Was all I could think to say.

"What I guess I'm trying to say, and failing at apparently, is that I understand. This, all of this that is your life right now is really hard, and it's all happening at once."

I nodded, but still stared straight ahead.

"It's going to get better."

I blew out a breath and laughed mirthlessly.

"I know it sounds like I'm feeding you a bunch of bullshit, and if I were you, I'd think the same thing too, but really, it's going to get better."

She paused for a second, but when I didn't reply, she kept going.

"I never wanted this, what we are. I never wanted to be a vampire. Through a series of circumstances, I am one though, and even though it still isn't a life I would have chosen for myself, I've found happiness, with my family, with Emmett."

I looked at her.

"That's one of the reasons I didn't like your relationship with Edward," she continued. "you had what I wanted so badly, to be human. And it seemed like you were throwing it all away. I resented you for it. But Bella, I was wrong. You couldn't help what you were, or what you are now. And as a mortal or immortal, you belong with Edward."

I sneered, but inside, I wanted to believe it.

"You do, he's being a complete asshole right now. As he is quite often." She smiled softly. "But he's your match, and you belong with our family. You always have belonged with us. Talk to him. Let him explain himself. If you don't like what he has to say, then you've made your decision, and whatever that is, you can know you've heard all the information, at least give yourself that much."

I stared at Rosalie in silence. She'd never been this way with me before. At best she'd ignored me in the past.

"Thank you Rosalie." I finally replied.

She stood up then, and gazed out onto the horizon as the sun set.

"Whether you decide to stay with us or not, I think you should call me Rose, that's what family calls me."

I stood up as well, and after a second, wrapped my arms around her in a hug.

"Thank you Rose."

She nodded, and rolled her eyes, but she still kept one arm around my shoulders as we walked back to the woods.

"Come on, Alice is about to blow vein waiting for us." She grinned at me.

I grinned back and put my arm around her waist.

"Wouldn't want that now would we?"

Hope you guys enjoyed it, and see that awesome little review button right here below? It wants you to push it.....go on....push it...you can do it....you know you want to......there you go!