Chapter 4

Lennah Colare lay on a cot in the cafeteria. Some moved around, nurses and the recovered, while others lay still.

An irrelevant memory floated to the surface of thought. The morning after Kelsey's 12th birthday party. Half the girls woke up with stomachaches from too much cake and soda. It had looked like this.

She blinked and rolled onto her back. Staring at the ceiling, more memories played before her eyes. She held the covers closer.

Dad...

"Can I get you another blanket?" Dr. Keller smiled down at her, looking careworn. "We have extras now."

Lennah nodded and Keller tucked the blankets around her feet.

Mom. Lennah closed her eyes again and focused on her breathing. What am I doing here? I've been here a year, now.

Wanderlust. That's what Dad called it. The shrinks called it PTSD. After the war, Dad kept working for the military. He didn't have to take new positions. He could have kept them in one spot forever. But he got bored. So they moved again. And again. Now, there was an itch in her bones to leave everything and move on.

Vagabond. Gramma was always snide with Dad. She left us the farm to spite him.

Lennah had spent one summer there when Gramma was still alive. It had acreage then. The humid Louisiana heat shimmered as she lay on the barn roof or sleeping under fragrant Magnolias in a hammok. She spent the whole stifling summer exploring the place or reading.

It was winter when she went back. It was cloudy and cold all the time. She tried to find her old spots but they were plowed under. Long gone.

Nothing is ever as good the second time 'round. Dad smiled at her from behind the wheel of the fifty year old truck that came with the farm. New experiences. New things to see.

Lennah had nodded and licked her melting ice cream as she was jostled.

That's what we need. He kept talking as the truck bucked and tilted. You and me, we're same way. You read some new book every five minutes and I get a new job. It's in our blood. Humans, all still animals. Apes with cell phones. No amount of years can break that desire to pack up and see what's over the next rise.

Her breath caught. I miss you, old man.

But all that's gone, now. He looked out the window so his daughter couldn't see his hollow look. She saw him in the side mirror. He was old now. His body knew it. Feeling this soft meant his heart knew it to. Too many people here on this teensy little planet. Screwed it up good, too.

He looked back over at his daughter. His eyes shone as he smiled. All we have left is the stars.

Lennah woke with a jerk, still in the Mess. She felt better now and sat up. Few people were still around. Tables were laid back out. Lennah sat for a moment, groggy.

"...Almost broke his wrist..." someone was saying. "I don't know what to say to him."

"Well you can say you're sorry." Came the level headed reply. "We were all...out there. You can't help that. You were just doing your job."

Lennah looked up to see Sheppard and Lorne sitting a few tables over. Sheppard's hand was on Lorne's bowed shoulder.

"I just let things get out of hand." He sighed sadly and wiped his mouth in distress.

"I understand. But you didn't shoot anyone. I did." Sheppard smirked.

"That's not the same—"

"Yes." Sheppard straightened. "It is."

Lennah watched in appreciation as the Colonel smiled at Lorne, who slowly came around. She smiled to herself and stood to fold the blankets.

"Well, good morning." Sheppard called to her. Lennah looked over her shoulder with a tired smile. "Have a good nap?"

"No." She replied playfully. "Had a good coma."

"You did wear yourself out." Lorne put in. He crossed his arms and considered her. "You put up a good fight."

Lennah avoided their invasive stares. "Yeah, well..."

"Hey, I know you." Sheppard looked like he was thinking really, really hard. "You're that one girl."

Shut up... Sir. She thought at him.

"Who?" Lorne was asking. He looked at Lennah, considering.

Sheppard weighed his answer. "That one girl... the photographer who follows us around with the bazooka camera."

Lorne nodded and looked back at her. "Hey, where'd you learn to fight, by the way? What kind of fighting style was that? I think I saw it in a movie once. Catwoman?"

"Capoeira." Lennah nodded. "More of a martial arts dance, really. Brazilian. African."

"We'll have to see about a round two." Lorne smiled, teasing her. "Jury's still out on round one."

Lennah replied with a tightlipped smile. "I'll think about that." She nodded. "Right now I probably should go check the roster for clean-up. Get back on track, ya know."

"Right, right." Sheppard nodded and stood. "I gotta go post the roster for clean-up."

Lennah nodded. "Right, well. See you there." She slipped out of the room and vanished. Sheppard was probably forgetting he'd seen her.

That's how she did her job. People didn't see her. And if they did, they would quickly forget about her. Lennah smiled slyly. That's how she liked it.

It was bad when people saw her. She remembered one instance when she'd first come to Atlantis. A few months had passed and she was still learning the route. She was headed to some cataloguing shoot when a camera happy marine came into view.

Lennah ducked into a side hallway pretending to show interest in the paneling. Last time she'd chanced by this guy, he'd insisted she take thirty shots of him 'going about his day'.

Luckily, he didn't see her and she made sure he was out of sight before coming out of hiding. Turning the corner, she walked right into someone and almost dropped to the floor. Ronon gripped her arms to steady her. His face was menacing. Lennah wanted to shrink into the floor.

"I don't like people sneaking around." He growled angrily at her, almost snarling with rage. His grip hurt and Lennah was truly afraid he meant to harm her.

"O-O-Okay." She said quickly, her eyes were huge as she looked up. She immediately felt like she'd been doing something wrong and started apologizing. "I-I, uh..."

Ronon ignored her rambling, flung her aside, and walked away without another word. How rude! She was both infuriated and humiliated. What's his problem?

Lennah was adamant with her disapproval of 'Conan' after that. Even when she learned that he was in a foul mood about being locked in a cage by the Genii. Every Marine that ended up in medical was further proof that he was incapable of controlling his baser instincts.

She watched him spar a couple times. Sometimes the most unbiased way to understand someone. He was taking on two Marines at a time, they tagged in rapid succession.

It was painful to watch. He was vicious to the point of dirty. His attacks were brutal. Unforgiving. Ronon was all anger without remorse.

One of the Marines was elbowed in the face and his nose broke, a river of blood dripping off his chin. He rose with renewed fervor, his anger out weighed his reason. Ronon smiled dangerously. The two seemed to be at the edge of a serious feud when Teyla stepped forward. Her control of the situation wasn't overt. She never said a word to Ronon, just stared.

Ronon looked down. Then he met the eyes of the bleeding Marine, who was starting to cool in the pause. He calmed a bit and nodded imperceptibly to the Marine before leaving. Lennah watched him as he walked with his head down in a petulant way. She never really noticed how young he was, about twenty-five or so. However, his youth didn't lend itself to his redemption in Lennah's eyes. Youth was only the 'acceptable' excuse for violence, selfishness, and spite. Lennah was only twenty-three and she'd never excuse herself for acting that way. Neither would Jack.

Fortunately, it seemed like every female on the base was infatuated with Sheppard. It was easy enough to throw in with them. One morning, Lennah was having breakfast with the ladies' poker society. Their conversation often leaned toward the speculative and dirty. There was even a running pool.

Every man is surrounded by a neighborhood of voluntary spies. -Jane Austen

"Sheppard hasn't been around." The defensive speaker, the British anthropologist Dr. Price, paused gravely to emphasize her point. "He's a previously enjoyed companion." The table was a riot of laughter.

"I still think that him and Teyla are going to hook up."

"Regardless, him and Dr. Weir is what will be."

Lennah smiled down at her forgotten tray. Price was brilliant.

"Can you imagine what he looks like nekkid? All hairy and manly." Tina was an airy tech, pretty young in the important ways but intelligent enough in others to be a prominent mind. Unfortunately, not in this conversation.

"I can, I prepped him for surgery once." A nurse, Maria, popped in, speaking around a bit of lettuce.

"Spill!"

"No. Patient–Doctor privacy."

"You're not a doctor. You're a nurse!"

"Wow. You've got eyes." Maria was absolutely deadpan.

"What about that one over there?" Price pointed over Lennah's shoulder. "With those pecs, he probably looks like a hermaphrodite."

Lennah looked over to see who was the new topic. Ronon, back to them, sat at the other end of the cafeteria. He was leaning back in his chair and occasionally looked at his watch. She felt her lip curl at the sight of him.

"Keep your kinky alien fantasies to yourself. Puh-lease." Tina was saying with revile. "I'll stick with my species."

Price sent a disgusted look at Tina in the uncomfortable silence that followed.

Lennah, quietly keeping to her veggies, was elbowed. "What about you?" Maria was the culprit.

"What about me?" Lennah looked as lost as possible.

Price smiled and took up the quest. "You're new here. What do you think about that one?"

New? I've been here for ten months now. "Don't know him well enough to speculate," was her terse reply.

"Oh, come on." Another egged her on. "You're a photographer. You must see all kinds of stuff."

"I do. Well enough to know that a picture can be misinterpreted by nothing other than the desires of the viewer."

"But, you've got to have desires." Price smirked knowingly. "Or at least theories."

Lennah saw there was no escaping this.

"I might," she looked askance to pique interest. "It's silly, though."

"We're starved for entertainment here, hun. Spill."

Lennah smiled shyly and thanked God for her humorous sense of irony. The picture she created was heavily satirical but delivered with enough conviction to seem believable. If she judged her audience right, they might laugh and dismiss her as naïve.

"He likes to keep to himself, obviously." Lennah looked over at him as he picked at his food. The lug never ate but with full concentration and conviction. Lennah often got indigestion just from watching. Not that she watched... of course.

He's listening... she smiled slowly, her mind full of devious thoughts. This could turn out better than I thought.

"This we KNOW, sweet'art, get to the good stuff."

"Years of running meant that only his thoughts were really his. He guards them well. Too well. His people were pre-Industrial but, from what we've seen of the other Satedans, they are a very passionate people: loud and fond of drink. He reminds me of Jane Austen's Mr. Darcy in some respects: proud, quiet and misunderstood."

One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty... Again, Austen.

"That's so romantic..." Tina was convinced and disturbed.

"Well, if you thought he was gay, why didn't you just say so?" Price caused another giggle fest. She was clever enough to see through Lennah's act.

Lennah faked offence. "Seven years and he hasn't taken a lover? His people were puritanical to say the least. Our 'free love' offends him, stodgy as he his." Lennah spoke in defense of Ronon's inaction but it was implied otherwise.

"Careful, there. cheeky use of American 'stodgy' lends its self to British definition."

Lennah was smug. "I'm on a no carb diet."

"But thin enough to be in need of a filling meal." Price returned the suggestive smile. Lennah frowned and returned to her greens.

"What are they saying?" Tina smiled, thinking ignorance was cute.

"I think it's bad if you admit you can't understand 'em." Maria blushed. "So I won't." She laughed.

Lennah smiled down the table at the two. The rest of breakfast was uneventful and she was largely left alone. Before excusing herself, Lennah looked up at Ronon, pleased with herself at the twisted insult. He had moved over to the other side of the table. To more easily see the group of girls.

Poor guy is probably thinking I've complimented him.

Lennah smoldered with victory and sauntered as she left the cafeteria. Sheppard passed her and caught the suggestive smirk. His instinct was to duck but he returned the smile playfully.

Price watched from across the hall as the two shared the look. Lennah continued on her way but Sheppard looked again over his shoulder to watch her go.