Did you miss me?? Sorry about the long delays, I've been out of the SVU mind for a while. Good news, though, I'm making progress on both "Well Said." and "Familiar." So, thank you to everyone who is still sending in reviews and posting alerts, you're keeping me interested in the stories. Thank you for your support!! I am also working on a Grey's Anatomy fic, Callie/Arizona, but I'm writing it from end to beginning, so it may be a while before it's posted. Anyway, here's another little taste of Alex/Liv goodness for you. This one takes place during or after "Lead," the first episode Alex is back, and allows our beloved attorney to explain herself. Please review and tell me what you think!

Love to the lovers.

A slender hand hesitated at the door to the crib, trembling slightly. Her heart was violently crashing into her ribcage.

"I wouldn't do that." Elliot's voice made her sigh, look up, turn to him.

"I have to." She answered, letting her intense blue eyes cut into his equally fiery ones.

Elliot accepted the challenge, stepping in closer to her. "Alex, it's really not a good idea." He put a hand on her wrist, pulling her hand off the handle.

Alex threw him off. "I think I know better than you what this is, detective."

"I really don't think you do." Elliot stared her down, watched her pale a little at the things he wasn't saying.

A look of guilt and hurt washed over her for a split second. "Look." She said, taking her hand back for the second time. "She deserves this."

Elliot paused for a very long, threatening moment. "If you hurt her again..."

Alex interrupted him. "I wouldn't dare."

Elliot stayed a moment longer just to further make his point before he stalked off.

Alex eased the door open. She wouldn't have needed to -- Liv was accustomed to people coming in and out of the crib and she would have slept through any noise the attorney made. With the lights out, it was nearly pitch black, but luckily the detective was the only person in the room. Alex crept up to the lump in the clean line of bunks and took a deep, silent breath. She waited for her eyes to adjust to the dark and looked down at the sleeping detective.

She took another deep breath, reached out to wake her, then thought better of it and retracted her hand. A moment more of hesitation passed while she contemplated leaving the room, but in the end, retreat was just not in her. She eased herself carefully onto the edge of the mattress next to Liv's, watching her shoulder rise and fall with each breath. And she waited.

It only took a few minutes before Liv picked up on her presence and awoke. Her back was to the attorney, but she knew it was her. "It's hard to sleep when someone is staring at you." She said.

Alex sighed. "Liv..."

"What do you want, Alex?" When the attorney hesitated again, she advanced, stabbing. "You're back now and so you expect a quick fuck, is that it?"

To her credit, the lawyer resisted a returning blow. "No," she said flatly. "I want to apologize to you."

Liv had fully expected to have started a verbal bashing with her last comment, so the attorney's refusal to contribute surprised her a little. She turned her head, but decided against giving Alex her full attention. "Go ahead, if that'll make you feel better." She told the opposite wall.

Alex took a breath, willing her hands to quit shaking. She knew Olivia wasn't going to make this easy for her, and she didn't deserve her to, but this was the conversation she'd been fearing for years.

"I wanted to forget you." She started.

Liv shot up, infuriated, and started to leave. "Your idea of an apology is clearly not --"

Alex grabbed her hand as she passed her, staying her. "I'm not finished." She snapped, and allowed her eyes to lock on to Liv's in the dim. There must have been something showing in them, because Liv's expression changed a little, and the detective sat down.

The attorney continued. "In the beginning, I should have left and not said goodbye. I shouldn't have burdened you with knowing I wasn't safe. But we were driving away and all I could see was you... in that hallway...and I thought it wasn't right for me to leave you with that much pain. I had to see you again, so I abused the feds into letting me set up a meeting."

"Why did you invite Eliot?" Liv asked before she could stop herself.

"The Marshalls said it would look less conspicuous. It was either both or neither, and I really don't know why."

Liv was silent, not letting on what affect -if any- this fact had on her.

Alex continued. "When I was back for my trial, I didn't know." She swallowed, "About you and Casey. I didn't know. I would never have asked...I never would have slept with you if I'd known. I mean, I thought you were a little flirty, but so were we for years before we... After the trial, she and I were talking, and I saw how much she was in love with you, Liv, and I couldn't stand in her way."

Liv came to attention for a moment. She knew Casey had been in love with her, but she had no idea it went back that far.

"I didn't know where I would be or if I was ever coming back, and it was good for you to move on. I knew you'd be mad at me, but I don't know, I thought that would be better for you. She was better for you than I ever could be.

"I wanted to forget you, Liv, that's why I didn't say goodbye. That's why I never called, why I got engaged, slept with all those men. I was trying to forget, because the pain of being without you ruined me." The tears gathered in her eyes but she held them back, continuing. "You were the first, " she started, but then took in a deep breath and started a new sentence. "I thought you were happy, Liv, with Casey. And she's a good person, she made you laugh, she's not like me..."

"I was happy with Casey." Liv verified. "But that ran it's course a year ago, Alex, with no help or hurt from you, which you would have known because the gossip train runs loudest in the D.A.'s office. Your office." She shook her head. "This may have started out with you being the bigger person, but don't throw your savior complex at me regarding this last year. I even called you directly and was completely ignored. Why don't you stop thinking so highly of yourself and just tell me the truth."

"I was scared." Alex blurted out loudly. "You were the first, well the only..." she trailed off again. "I was scared, Liv. It was pure cowardice. I'll admit that. I couldn't face you and the hurt I'd caused. At the same time couldn't expect to have even left any hurt. I didn't know what you were feeling, or if..." She realized she was rambling and stopped.

Liv was silent.

"Listen," she started again, her voice hushed. "I don't have a concrete explanation. I'd pick up the phone to call you and instead of a dial tone, I would hear the ambulance and the paramedics shouting, and you...I couldn't deal. I don't know exactly what that means or why it happened, but I do know I'm sorry. I owed you all so much more than what I can probably ever give. You saved my life, you kept my secret, and I .... I'm sorry."

Blue eyes came up to find Liv's, hoping for something, finding them completely impassible. The attorney sighed, looked again just in case, and then got up to leave. She coached herself to the door, shaking her hair, straightening her spine, smoothing her clothes. She paused a moment at the door and took a breath and wiped her under her eyes for possible ran mascara, before turning the handle.

"Alex." Liv's voice behind her caused her to shut the door again and turn. She found the detective standing not three paces from her, but couldn't read her face in the shadows.

"What were you going to say? You started a sentence twice and didn't finish it."

Alex sighed. "You were the first, Olivia." Her courage left her and she stopped there again.

"The first what?" Liv pushed her, but not unkindly.

"And the only," Alex continued, pausing only a moment this time and finished resignedly, sighing, "person I've ever loved."

Liv was silent, unmoving. After a moment, Alex turned for the door again, taking a deep breath. A hand caught hers before it reached the handle, and she allowed herself to be turned around by the detective, expecting anything from a punch to a cutting insult. Liv's brown eyes were no longer impassible, though, they were quite open, searching hers determinably. When Alex's defeated blues met that gaze, the attorney repeated the only thing that really mattered at that moment. "I'm sorry."

It wasn't just shock that flooded through the attorney as she felt herself pulled in to the warmest, tightest embrace. Olivia said nothing and just held her until the attorney relaxed in her arms, breathing in the feel of her, and then, after a long moment, she whispered.

"You should have opened with 'I love you.'"

Alex breathed out a small laugh and pulled Olivia even closer.