Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter Four - I'm Okay

"I can't believe that you actually went through with that," the voice inside his head taunted Allen as the young Exorcist watched the assembled crowd begin to disperse. There was a small part of him that agreed with the words of the Fourteenth; he couldn't believe that he'd actually gone through with that either.

Allen had managed to deliver the message that he had been ordered to give, having forced himself to stare blankly at the far wall. He had known that he couldn't say it if he so much as glanced at any of his friends so he chose to stare at the wall.

It was safer that way.

But now the meeting was over and Allen knew that there was no way that he would be able to make it to the door without running into at least one of his friends. He glanced around the room and quickly changed that though. Lenalee, Lavi and, most surprising of all Kanda, were waiting to ambush him as he walked past.

Allen didn't want to talk to them, didn't want to see the looks of pity in their eyes, but he knew that he couldn't escape without at least saying hi. So, with a sigh, he made his way over to the spot where they were standing. He was vaguely aware that there was a smile on his face and had to chuckle at the fact that he no longer had to make a conscious effort to fake a smile.

It was second nature to him now.

"Allen!" Lenalee exclaimed as she rushed forward, coming to a stop mere inches away from the startled boy.

"Um... hello Lenalee..." Allen said, shifting his gaze so that he didn't have to look her in the eyes. He knew what she was going to ask and he knew that he was going to have to lie to her so he didn't want to have to look into her eyes as he did so.

She was one of the few that he actually had difficulty lying to.

"I can't believe the nerve of that man..." Lenalee snarled out, surprising Allen and causing the white haired Exorcist's eyes to focus on her. This was so unlike Lenalee, especially where Leverrier was concerned. Allen knew that something had happened between the two of them but he wasn't certain what it was. He merely knew that they had a history and that it wasn't a pleasant memory for Lenalee. "How could he make you say something like that?"

"It's alright Lenalee," Allen said, realizing that Link was standing behind him and hanging onto their every word. "It was something that had to be said and I guess he thought that you guys would be more likely to listen if it came from me."

"It's not okay," Lavi stated, stepping up beside Lenalee and glaring at Allen through the one vivid green eye that was visible. "It's about as far away from being okay as it is humanly possible to be. After everything that you've sacrificed for the Order they have the nerve to consider you a threat."

"Lavi," Allen said, holding up his gloved hands in an effort to calm the older boy. He was somewhat surprised by this outburst from the Bookman apprentice since he wasn't supposed to form emotional attachments. He was merely here to observe and yet he seemed irritated over the meeting that he had just attended. "It can't be helped. That's just the way things are and if I turn into a threat then I would rather be... killed. I wouldn't be able to handle it if something happened to any of you because of me."

"Pathetic," Kanda snapped from his position a couple of feet away from the others. "Like you could ever be a threat to anyone you damn bean sprout."

"He has no idea..."

"I told you my name is Allen, BaKanda," the white haired Exorcist snapped, ignoring the voice of the Fourteenth. "Are you really so stupid that you can't remember a simple five letter name? Come on, say it with me; A-L-L-E-N."

"Che," was the only reply that he got.

Allen found that he was soothed by this simple exchange and he wondered what about it was so special. But then, after a moment's thought, it came to him. It was soothing to him because it was so ordinary. This was the way that they had always acted and he felt himself smile a genuine smile. He was going to miss this.

Lenalee felt her heart break as she watched the sad smile spread across Allen's handsome face. She couldn't even imagine how it must have felt to tell his friends to kill him and she found herself hating Leverrier more than she ever would have dreamed possible. "Allen..."

"I'm okay," Allen said in a quiet voice, his gaze shifting between his friends.

"Allen..."

Turning away from Lenalee the young white haired Exorcist made his way across the room toward the door. He didn't even wait to make sure that Link was following but he was certain that the blond man was. After all he was annoyingly efficient and had a tremendous sense of duty.

"We could get rid of the guy if you're tired of his company..."

"Will you give it a rest?" Allen thought, annoyed by the taunting tone of the Fourteenth's voice. "I've told you that this is MY body and I'm not giving up control."

The taunting tone vanished and when the voice spoke again his tone was almost apologetic. "I'm sorry kid but there's no way that you can fight against me. You're stronger than I expected you to be, I'll admit that, but it's still only a matter of time."

"No!"

The voice disappeared but Allen knew that it was only a matter of time before he returned. As he walked past the windows he saw the image of the shadowy figure smiling back at him with vacant eyes and a wide smile. There was no escaping the Fourteenth and he knew it. And perhaps it would drive him insane but he was still determined to fight against the Noah who wanted control of his body.

"I'm okay," he muttered to himself, a determined gleam in his stormy eyes.

"Walker..."

The young Exorcist turned and gazed at Link over his shoulder. The man was holding his clipboard poised as though to write something and Allen found himself vaguely wondering what his guard dog had found of interest to put in his report. Probably the fact that he had taken to talking to himself recently. Or at least it appeared as though he were talking to himself. Allen would never tell anyone who it was that he was actually talking to. "What is it Link?"

Link gazed at the young boy's smile for a moment and then shook his head and lowered his clipboard. "It was nothing. Carry on."

Allen nodded and continued on his way down the corridor. The voice had silenced for now and as he made his way further into HQ there were no windows in which he could see the reflection of the Fourteenth. For just a moment he could pretend as though this was any ordinary day and that he wasn't on the verge of losing his sanity. "I'm okay," he thought to himself.

Perhaps one day he would be able to convince himself that this was the truth but it didn't appear likely from where he was currently standing.

A/N - chapter four and I think that Leverrier needs to die a slow and painful death. Hope that you enjoyed this chapter, please leave a review and tell me what you thought.

The Musician: I still maintain that you should let me kill that guy.
Allen: Maybe later...
The Musician: Yes!
Lavi: All those in favor of letting the 14th kill Leverrier say aye!