Chapter 4

Sherlock

I'm fed up of hiding away. I have to find him. I have to tell him I'm alive! I can't stop until he knows I'm safe and that I wish more than ever to be back with him in 221b. Today is the day. I will reveal myself to him today. But how? Shall I make it public and leave him a note to find to meet me somewhere, or shall I just jump out of a bush and surprise him…No.. They seem ridiculous affairs to even think about. I know how to do it, I just have to wait until nightfall.

John

There was something different about the air today. Like the world was reeling with excitement again. I head off to the surgery and begin a long day of work when at about lunch time I notice something odd. The normal continuous flow of patients I had had suddenly stopped and that there appeared to be no-one else on my waiting list for the afternoon.

"Rachel, what's going on with my appointments this afternoon? It says I'm empty for the rest of the day?"

Rachel, who is about early 20's, fairly tall for her age and is actually quite pretty, looks up at me from behind her desk. "Did no-one tell you John? We had a call from a family member and said that you needed the afternoon off for an emergency of sorts. Sharon and Sarah have taken over your patients that couldn't be re-arranged for another day." She looks slightly confused as I stand there with a blank look on my face.

"Oh ok. Thanks. Best I better get going then. Did they say who it was when they called?" She looks down at the memo briefly and then shakes her head before turning to help a patient that had walked through the door.

Returning back to my office I sit there for a moment and ponder at who could have possibly said that. As far as I knew I didn't have any distant family, well not any which would class themselves it in a relative class. Mind pondering, I walk around my office picking up my things and head out to leave the surgery. Before I knew It my feet where carrying me to the taxi ranks about 15 minutes away from the surgery and I head off home. Only home is not where I ended up.

I had no idea why I was here, but I knew as I stood there and looked up at Saint Bartholomew's Hospital that this needed to be done. I had to revisit where he fell so that I could try and finally move on. But it was all too much, as I was stood there re-playing every moment of that day was flowing through my head. Me, standing motionless just watching him. Feeling confusion and helpless. Wanting to run out and catch him as he falls. Feeling as though my life had been ripped out from underneath me as I watched him fall. Feeling utter desperation at the fact that my best friend had killed himself and wishing that it was all a lie. Even now the memory of those thoughts still pass through my head.

Turning on my heel I walk away, get into a cab and go to the one place where I know he will be. His grave.

Standing there looking down on it, I kneel and clean away some of the dirt. It has to be shiny. It has to be clean.

"Why did you leave me Sherlock? I needed you then and I need you now still. Every day I go over what happened, what I could have said and what could have made you jump. I don't know what ever possessed you to kill yourself but still every day I hope and I pray that you are still alive and that you are just watching me." I give a half-hearted laugh and then sit down facing away from the headstone. "When I walk around London, it's not the same. Nothing is the same without you. I went from facing the day-to-day battlefield of London and finding out amazing things. Watching you do amazing deductions about criminals." I sigh as I shift, starting to get slightly embarrassed by talking to myself. "Truth be told Sherlock…I…I miss you more than I care to admit. And it's killing me knowing that I never got the chance to tell you how I actually felt for you and how much I really cared. Now that you're gone I feel so empty and alone now. But that's going to change because I came to say goodbye. Goodbye Sherlock. You will always hold a place in my heart as my saviour and rock. I need to move on and accept that you aren't coming back, and that you have gone forever. Goodbye Sherlock." With this I pick myself up, dust myself off and head back towards Baker Street without looking back.

The cab ride back felt the longest I ever had but as I pulled up to 221b I felt something different in the air around it. I don't remember leaving a light on but there it was, a single light on and the faint sound of music. Mrs Hudson must be listening to a new CD, I shout out my hello as I walk past her door and slowly walk up the stairs to my home and head straight to bed.

I awake the next day to the soft sound of a violin being played in a soft lullaby, feeling alarmed I rush out of bed and come face to face with someone standing in my living room.

"Hello John" The deep voice of the stranger sounds like velvet and he turns still playing the violin/ it's then that I realise who this stranger is.

"Sherlock"