-1Title: The Human Need
Music: If Everyone Cared - Nickelback
Rating: M
Disclaimer: I don't own KH or FF
Pairing: CloudXRiku
A/N: !!IMPORTANT!!
This chapter is dedicated to Christian Leyva, who died over the weekend. He was with his friend when a drunk driver pulled in front of their car. When Christian's friend swerved, they jumped the guardrail and the car rolled over. Christian was not wearing a seatbelt and was thrown out the windshield and killed.
I cannot stress to you enough how much you should not drink and drive. Drunk drivers kill more people than lightning, wild animals, and cancer combined. Please, for the love of humanity, do not drive drunk. Losing a friend and a classmate is something no one should go through. People have so much to live for, and in the case of teenagers, or any child, their lives have only started, and they deserve to grow up. Don't take that from them because you could not hand over the keys for the night.
Thank you.
The Human Need
Chapter 4
Death is something that we humans never seem to fully grasp. The more traumatic the events leading up to the death, the worse it is. Grief piles up in our hearts because we know that, the person who was once here, no longer is. It makes us understand our mortality, that we are not invincible, and that is can happen to anyone. It makes us understand the balance of life. What it does not make us understand….is why.
People die every day, grandparents, parents, children, friends. Age does not change that. When you are young you feel as if you are invincible. When you count out how long you have left to live, you count it out in decades and years, not in days and hours. You laugh with your friends, cry with them, share with them, and when you go home you expect to come the next day and see them there, smiling and ready to do it all over again.
But then death steals them away, and they aren't there in the mornings. You walk by the usual meeting spots, and unconsciously look for them. You round a corner, and for a moment, are surprised they aren't there waiting for you. You show up to class, and see their empty seat there beside you, and suddenly the realization hits you like a ton of bricks. They aren't there, and they never will be again. That's when the world feels so much larger, and you, all the smaller.
Death will come to everyone in time, It is a fact of life. It is a cruel, sad, terrifying truth, and it will have you on your knees, your eyes lifted to the heaven, begging God and every known or unknown deity to turn back the clock, and to bring them back for at least one more day.
If
everyone cared and nobody cried And I'm singing Amen I, Amen
I, I'm alive
If everyone loved and nobody
lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see
the day when nobody died
Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive
That was what went through my mind as I plucked a piece of glass from my skin. I paused, my eye catching the reflection in the bathroom mirror. Tears were streaming down my cheeks, my face contorted in a gruesome expression of pain and terror. Instinct flashed, and I nearly broke the mirror as my good fist connected with it. Pain raced up my arm, but I didn't care. Slowly I collapsed to the ground, the glass in my hand forgotten as my vision filled with red again. Why did it happen? Why did people have to die?
There was a knock at my door, but I ignored it, my back sliding down the cool tile of the bathroom to the floor. I wasn't going to get up for them. I didn't care who they were.
Moments later I heard my door open. The bathroom door cracked, and Sora peeked in, his expression neutral. "Hey…" he said softly. "The door was unlocked."
I closed my eyes, shutting him out. I didn't want him here, because he represented the after. That which I had obtained after the incident. I didn't want the after. I wanted, needed the before. Before the fire and smoke and hell I had gone though.
I felt Sora sit down next to me, and suddenly there were arms around me, pulling me over and against him. He pushed my head down to rest against his chest, while his head nestled into my hair. "I was on my way to see you when this blonde guy came running by…He told me about what happened."
I said nothing, but I knew Sora wasn't looking for a response. He knew me well enough to know that I wouldn't talk, and that at this stage of my grief, I wanted only to be held and talked to.
I wished he would leave.
"Axel?" he asked softly. I only opened my eyes and stared at the arms around me. His one hand was nestled right over my ribs. Silently I wondered if he could feel it protruding out, the product of malnutrition and a year of mourning. I wondered what he thought about it, if he could possibly understand it.
But then I noticed his smooth skin, untouched by trouble or pain. I noticed how, his hand didn't shake with raw emotion like mine sometimes did. His skin wasn't drawn tight across bony fingers. He didn't have any evidence of suffering, like the scars from cuts and burns from the flaming beam that had pinned me to the ground. His skin was smooth, and soft. He couldn't possibly feel any empathy for something he couldn't imagine.
"Riku…" he started. I could tell he was struggling to think of the right thing to say. "Riku…I think it's time you let him go. He can't come back…and you're only killing yourself. I don't want to lose you."
I was right. He didn't, "You don't understand." I growled bitterly. "How could you?" I yanked myself from his arms and stood up, ignoring the pain as the remaining glass moved within my skin.
I walked away from him, from my best friend, and moved into the halls. He didn't follow me as I made my way outside, behind the dorms and into the courtyard. The stars above were shining bright enough to barely be seen behind the thick blanket of smog that surrounded the city, slowly smothering it of its life.
I approached a large oak tree centered in the middle of the courtyard. Leaves fell from it's branches and twirled to the ground like small ballerinas. Their methodical descent predictable and soothing. They were a beautiful sight, because every once in a while the fluorescent lights from the building would catch on them and make them glow golden and amber.
Then a strong breeze blew up, and the slow decent was interrupted as the leaves were caught in the current. The whole tree groaned as its uppermost branches caught and rustled indignantly, more of its jewels being pulled out and blown away from the courtyard and into the street where they were smashed by passing cars.
My hair was caught in the wind, whipping to the side and obstructing my vision. I reached up and pushed it from my vision, closing my eyes and listening to the angry rustling of the leaves as I recalled exactly why I had come here. I could remember nights when Axel and I had come here to be alone. The wind and leaves were the same, but the tree was not.
Etched into the rough bark of the trunk were the letters A&R outlined by a course heart. It had been there for one year, a promise to remain together forever. Now there were other initials all over the trunk. It made me sad, seeing all those promises that might come true, and knowing that mine wouldn't, because Irony loved me, and took Axel away only days after he had written it.
I could still see him, sitting there, then suddenly pulling out his pocket knife and turning to face the tree. "This tree is going to be here till after we're gone Riku. Oaks are strong trees, and last practically forever." He smiled back at me and tapped the blade of the knife against the trunk. "You want to be together forever Riku?"
I remember that I blinked up at him with clear aqua eyes and grinned. I remember agreeing , that yes, we'd stay together forever, and that I loved him beyond all reason. We'd kissed then, and he turned to carve our initials into the tree. It was I who took the knife afterwards and drew the heart around them.
"Now," he had said. "We've got proof that in sixty years, we'll still be together, and we'll see this tree, and remember our promise. Now we can't leave each other, because it's a contract that we can't take away."
A week later, he left me forever, yet the contract still stood.
I didn't notice at first as two strong arms pulled me back into an equally strong chest. I only noticed when a hand found its way into my hair.
"Your hand ok?" Cloud asked softly.
I stayed where I was, not willing to open my eyes, because I knew if I did, I'd lose that vision of Axel, and see only pain.
But despite my wishes, Cloud had his own ideas. He reached around and lifted my injured hand, looking it over. "You still have some glass in on, I'll take you to my place and clean you up."
The illusion was shattered, and I let him lead me away from the tree.
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I know it is a short chapter, and that I have a lot to do (gift fics and such), but I wrote this during my History class, because Christian sat right next to me, and everyone was crying. It really is sad when you expect to see someone every day, only to find they are gone. I didn't know Christian that well, but I had talked to him, and he was a nice guy. Even if he wasn't, he didn't deserve to die. I suppose I stuck that written thing into my story because it seemed to fit, and I figured, hey, why not give an internet tribute to the guy? He deserves it, and whoever the drunk was who killed him, deserves to be thrown in prison. I would say shot, but I don't believe in killing.
So yeah….Guess this has a serious overtone to it. I'm not playful, I'm crying. In my last class of the day, I sit in Christian's seat. I forced the teacher to switch me to an empty desk. I guess I just have a real problem with death….Anyways, please forgive the short chapter.
Readers: I don't really care if you review for the story, but show your love to Christian, even if you don't know him. It only takes a minute, and it would mean a lot to me.
Review replies:
Page of Cups: I don't think you realize just how much I revere your reviews. You happen to be one of my top 5 favorite writers, and I simply love it when you review. (Especially when you compliment me) : ) As for Riku's extreme anorexia…yeah, I think it's over the top too XD, but you got to have some exaggeration sometimes. And I really think it fits in this situation.
Nox Wicked: Thank you! I'm glad you like it even though it's angst, please keep reading!
Anonymous: I've been told my characters are the best parts of my stories…..and I think I agree XD. Thanks for reviewing and reading…please keep doing so.
BlackIceNinja: I'm glad you like this story. It's one of my favs too.
Mr. Harlequin: Your story should be done soon, I just got sidetracked on this because of what happened. I promise to get it done by next Monday, cuz I'm also swamped with college 2 times a week, so yeah.
Thank you all for reading….Please leave a comment for Christian, or for me, or both. Thank you.
-Koji Inari