amongsoulsandshadows on Tumblr asked: "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Trigger warnings for descriptions of anxiety attacks, marital conflict, therapy; brief references to the Shooting Star 4.18 incident and the Columbine HS massacre.

I

When Dottie was seven, her parents had their biggest fight. Dottie remembers how she started, painfully, when the vases hit the wall, shattering into a million rainbow-slicing shards of glass. Dottie still remembers when her father slammed the bedroom door – how the foundations shook from side to side, how the roof slates jiggled and jumped, how the windows rattled in their frames. When the door slammed, Dottie had crawled into her bed and wrapped a pillow over her head and cried – wordless, soundless, but her heart oozed out of her mouth in slow, molten rivulets of lead.

When that didn't work – when they switched to screams and swearing at the top of their lungs – Dottie vaguely remembered her Sunday school teacher, whispering: "If you get scared, just pray to Jesus. He always hears the prayers of little girls." She'll pray. And, because she also remembers obasan clutching her much smaller self against her frail chest, whispering soothing, soft things in Japanese – she rocks herself, like a baby. She rocks herself and prays herself to sleep, saying, over and over, "Please let it be okay, please let it be okay," and she falls -

– and everything is okay. The next morning, her parents look exhausted and grim-faced, but they're both still there, in the house, and they haven't left her after all.

Her parents never fight like that again, but the damage is done. She never loses her fear of loud noises and raised voices and anger, which is why, after Tina Cohen-Chang threw a banana down on the dirty hallway floor and snarled, "This isn't organic," Dottie had crawled into the closest, most hidden corner of McKinley that she could find. She rocked, and prayed to Jesus, over and over and over, until it was – all - all – all – all - okay. She forgives Tina, but she never forgets how unkind she was.

II

Miss Pillsbury is the one to find her. And it's a good thing she does. Miss Pillsbury, as it turns out, completely understands her little issue. Dottie doesn't ask why - it would be so rude – but she gets the feeling Miss Pillsbury might have issues herself. She's not a licensed therapist, but she calls her parents and suggests that everyone in the family gets real help. And there's a lot of arguing over the phone – Dottie can hear her mother's raised voice and her heart juddering in her chest – but they do.

Her therapist teaches her some concrete coping strategies that work, and she slowly feels herself getting back to the middle – to being normal. Sometimes she regresses – like that failed Rapture meeting at BreadstiX, and all through Coach Sue's gun incident, when she'd spent two hours huddled under a desk, hands tightly covering her eyes – but overall? She's a lot better than she was. But the jocks still throw slushies, the cheerleaders still gossip, the teachers still shut their eyes, and the nerds still get ignored by everyone.

"You're really helping," Dottie chirps, right after a session ends. "But I feel like I could be doing something more to help others be kind. If we were kinder, there wouldn't be so much anger."

Her therapist scratches at the stubble on his cheek. "What do you suggest?"

"The kids are so mean. If people were nicer, they wouldn't be so – so upset. I want things to change."

"Human beings are angry because they're unfulfilled and frustrated."

"I've been reading about an organization that tries to help bring kids together," Dottie says – and her voice quivers. "It's called Rachel's Challenge, and it's named after a girl who died at Columbine. She was always trying to spread kindness."

"Would you like to do that?"

"There's nothing wrong with wanting people to be kinder to each other," Dottie whispers.

"You just have to make a plan and stick with it," her therapist smiles. "I believe in you."

"Do you really?" Dottie's glasses mist up.

"Why don't you ask those Glee Club friends of yours? I think they'd be happy to help you."

"Even Tina?"

"It sounds like Tina needs kindness most of all," he says gently.

Dottie had given Tina a lot of space after the banana incident. Tina was a - a - a - bitch. But Dottie hadn't stopped to think that Tina might need healing, too. "Do you really think she'd help me?"

"Do you want things to change?"

"Yes. Yes, I want things to change. I want people to feel better about themselves so they don't have to hurt other people, and this club will help us do that."

"Then, I think you have your answer."

III

After the meeting, Tina pulls Dottie out into the hallway and hugs her tightly.

"I'm so sorry," she says, sniffling. "I was mean and awful to you before. Tell me what I need to do to help you."

Dottie knows that changes sometimes have to start out small. She smiles at her, pushes up her glasses, and starts to speak