Chapter 4

AN: Now we're having some fun....

Derek felt like he was readying for battle. After the last lecture, he thought about Penelope, stopped for fast food, thought about Penelope, he ran home, thought about Penelope, took a very cold shower, and thought about Penelope.

For good measure, he thought about her one more time.

Then decided he could make it through this movie night without shaking her, asking her why the hell she won't give him a chance.

He pulled the SUV over to park on P's curb, bemoaning his fate the entire ride over to her apartment. First, she chooses Lynch, a geek of the first order. He thought that was going to pass in a month. Over two years later, she finally hits a snag with Lynch and dumps his sorry ass. Then, before he can do a damn thing, along comes this other fucking guy! God, he couldn't win.

He almost snorted. And I thought Lynch was a loser!

He came to a lot of conclusions on the way over. The first one was, no matter how many times he told her he loved her, no matter how many times he held her and gave her little kisses, she would never see him as anything but a friend. She didn't get it that he didn't kiss Emily like that. She didn't get it he never hugged JJ. And he never flirted with them either.

He never went to their houses for movies, played with their hair while they watched with him, and pulled them even closer during romantic parts. He never held them in his arms while they slept if the movie wasn't exciting enough, staying so quiet, barely breathing, trying so hard not to wake them up, because it felt so good just to hold them. He never carried them to their beds, dropped kisses on their sleeping lips, wondering if someday they'd wake up and return it.

They never made him painfully aroused.

He never called them every day when he was away, first call in the morning, last call at night. He never told them his secrets. He never told them he loved them. Never told that to anyone else.

Just her.

The second conclusion was that he was born to love her, always was going to, and he had to get this under control before he hurt her. It was stupid, she was loving and giving and caring. She was his best friend, his soul confidant. He wasn't going to screw that up, no matter how much he wanted more.

He was beyond angry at how stupid he acted today. She didn't have a clue what he was feeling, how he was thinking. For a moment, he felt like she did it on purpose, turning him on, then laughing at him. He'd had enough. It took one second to really look at her face, to see the pain and worry that was there to make him feel like an absolute ass. He had to fight like the devil to tamp down that aggression, that need to throw her against the wall and make her his, regardless of who was around. But he wasn't going to risk hurting her, and he sure as hell didn't want her out of his life.

He had to get it under control. He wanted a day away to sort it out…. But he couldn't deny her anything, either. Penelope said, "Jump, hot stuff!" And he thought, How high?

He was a dumb damn masochist, that's what he was!

That's my damn problem, not hers.

So, he shook off any residual tension, and knocked on her door before opening it. "Penelope? Baby, I'm here." He tossed aside his jacket and his keys in their usual spot, kicked off his shoes, and stretched his arms over his head. He rolled his shoulders, trying like mad to get the tension out.

He went into the kitchen, grabbed the beers and the bowl of popcorn. He saw the movie she picked tonight. Fright Night. A lot of scared cuddling. Immediately, the arousal started to hit. Fuck, not now, not tonight.

"Hey, Pen, can we watch the stooges again?" he called out, carrying the popcorn and the beers into the living room.

He didn't make it far. She was sitting on the couch wearing a spaghetti strap silk nightie, No, make that a tiny, little, spaghetti strap silk nightie. She was smiling at him, with a rather shy smile, which was completely at odds with her made-for-sex PJ. It just made him want her all the more.

"I got ready for bed," she said softly. "I didn't think you'd mind."

He swallowed. He didn't, she did it all the time, got ready and wore flannel Pjs. But this… have mercy. Thank God for tight jeans; if they were relaxed fit, he'd be in trouble and it would be damned embarrassing. He couldn't stop staring. He tried to think of something to say. "New?"

She nodded. "Come sit by me. I need to cuddle." She patted the couch.

He handed her a beer and plopped next to her, extending his arm. She cuddled next to him, like usual, hitting play and taking some popcorn. He looked at the preview for about two seconds before he was staring at her again. He started at her long, bare legs and ended at her magnificent chest. This time, he noticed the little peaks of her breasts reacting to his stare.

"Derek," she said softly, and he immediately looked at her eyes. He knew he was busted, caught undressing her with his eyes.

He tried to shrug it off, pretend he didn't notice. "What, honey?"

"You know I was teasing when I said I was off making love. I was at the dentist and the doctor." She was staring at him intently, so much so it made him flush. She was intense, and so damn gorgeous, it was absolutely unnerving. "I did dump Kevin, but that was the only thing that was true."

"Oh," he said, registering her words. "Oh, okay. Yes."

"And Derek?" She placed a hand on his cheek, and his eyes flared. He couldn't stop them if he tried.

"What, baby girl?"

"I always keep my promises…"