A/N: Woohoo. :) Guys, today I saw an ad for FF13 on TV and I legit started to tear up LOL. I'm such a sap. At first, I wasn't the biggest fan of "My Hands", but now I love it. :) [/relevance]

----

Internal Dialogue
Chapter 4

She said she wanted to talk and I believed her.

Ripping my hands from hers, she said I should follow her outside onto the porch where no one could hear.

I wrinkled my nose in agitation and followed behind her quick steps until we were outside in the fresh air and the door was shut firmly behind us.

…

"What the hell, Claire? What the actual hell?" She snapped, crossing her arms. She glared at me and gave me a quick look, up and down, before she figured the easiest way to break me was to stare into my eyes, peer into my soul.

Well, no. I am not easy to break. I crossed my arms too and shrugged, "Okay, come on, Serah… you knew this wouldn't work. He doesn't even have a job."

"You don't have a job!"

Well played.

I groaned, "That's – that's not even the point – listen to me—"

"Because you know exactly what you're talking about, right?" She questioned.

"Um, yes," I told her. She moved towards the door but I shifted to stand in front of her. "No, no, no, you're not going to run away from me. You said you wanted to talk, so we're talking."

"Is this talking?" She asked. "Because the way I see it, this is about you and your weird insecurities. You've already kind of made up my mind for me, and now you're informing me of the collective decision. How thoughtful. I'll remember this, don't worry."

"No, listen – this is about you!" I said. I looked at her; she avoided my eyes. "I don't think this is a good idea for you. Don't you understand? How… how can you justify this for the rest of your life? You're eighteen. You don't need to get married. You don't need to get married to Snow Villiers. That – that is not what's going to make you happy."

She looked at me, shocked, "You don't know anything about my happiness, Claire. You don't know anything abouthappiness in general. I don't know why I thought talking to you would make a difference. This is the biggest waste of time… ever." She turned on her heel and skipped down the steps onto the street. I should've asked where she was going. I really should have. I cared, after all. I cared a lot about her. Why couldn't she see that?

And ugh, Snow Villiers. He was like the evil that never dies; repressed thoughts come back to haunt you in consciousness. This whole ordeal was making me dislike him. He was standing by the door when I came back in, casting furtive glances my way after he noticed Serah wasn't with me. He probably heard everything we were saying too. "I didn't hear anything you were saying." He said. Oh… how cute.

I didn't want to talk to him. In fact, now that Serah was gone, he really shouldn't be here anymore. I gave him "a look" and slipped by him into the sitting room. I could hear Sazh talking to Dajh in a low voice in the kitchen. Dajh would bring something up and Sazh would shush him and tell him to speak quieter. Obvious eavesdropping. Well, luckily, I had nothing to say.

I sat down on my sofa, throwing my feet up on the coffee table – and… Snow… joined me. Also throwing his feet up on my coffee table. …

"What do you want?" I mumbled.

"This is about the wedding, right?" He asked quietly.

I stared at the wall.

"I knew it." He sighed. "I was thinking… maybe two months is too soon, especially since you obviously have issues to sort out."

I smiled dryly, "You're my issue, Snow."

"Oh," He smirked. "And what are we planning to do about that?"

I looked at him. He stared back at me. This was going nowhere.

I let my eyes drift back to the wall in front of me. "Do you have something important to say? Now would be the time to say it while I'm still listening."

"I don't know," He shrugged. "I mean, I could say it, but you should already know you're being a bitch."

"Shit!" I heard Sazh exclaim from the kitchen.

Ugh… parasites. I sat up straight and turned to face Snow. He shrugged again. I should have maimed him when I had the chance. I moved to slap him but he caught my arm just in time and forced it back in my lap. I groaned, "Excuse me. But. You're in my house and last time I checked, I wanted to shave your head with fire." He looked away as I said this. "I won't do it because I've already pissed off Serah enough today and I don't want her to bitch at me when she comes back—"

"You mean, if she comes back."

I pursed my lips and glared him down.

Snow Villiers is obviously not fazed by anything. He grinned and nudged me in the arm, "Come on, sis, you know you love me."

Oh my God, why is he so thick?

Dajh wandered into the room, taking several casual glances at the two of us on the sofa. Snow waved; I… did not. I wanted to. But I was so angry. Just. Anger.

Suddenly, the front door burst open and Serah stormed in. She ran upstairs and I could hear rummaging and things being… thrown. I tried not to look worried. Snow didn't look worried, and if he wasn't worried, then I shouldn't be. But then again, Snow doesn't worry about anything. I should be worried, then. Serah came back downstairs within seconds with a huge bag stuffed full of God-knows-what… and her keys – keys? Wait. "Serah?" I called. She scowled at me, but didn't say anything.

She looked at Snow, "Come on, we have to go. Train leaves in an hour."

"Where?" I asked sharply. She didn't answer. I turned to Snow, "Where are you going?"

"I have… no idea," He shrugged, but still got to his feet. I stood up too. Sazh stopped being such a creeper and slid around the corner into the sitting room.

Serah had rushed over and grabbed Snow by the wrist, pulling him over to the doorway and, sadly, far away from where I could successfully slap him. I groaned – I had been groaning a lot – "Serah, what's going on? Where are you going?" I was actually really scared. I didn't want her to answer, but I found myself talking before I could realize it. The point is that she was going somewhere away from me, and I was frustrated. I didn't want to know where she was going. I just wanted her to stay.

"We—" She gestured between herself and Snow. "—are going to Palumpolum to get married."

Shit.

"Um," Snow spoke up, and looked at her cautiously. "Like… in two months, though, right?"

She shook her head, "No, no – tomorrow."

Fuck. No. How… ugh, just no. "Serah, I know you're pissed at me," I said, carefully heading over to where she was standing. I bypassed Dajh who looked way too intrigued. You know, I'm not a parent, but this would be a good time for Sazh to maybe take him into another room, right? I glanced over my shoulder and noticed Sazh leaned up against the wall, slowly shaking his head. Yeah. "Um," I looked back at Serah. "Okay, I know you're angry, but this – just… don't do this, okay? Rushing into marriage, uh, w-with Snow, is not the answer to this problem."

"I don't have a problem." She stated. "You, however, maybe need to sort some things out. I'm perfectly fine. And – I'm changing my last name tomorrow." Christ. And within seconds, she turned to Snow, threw her arms around his neck, and kissed him. In front of my face. Just. I'm pretty sure I saw tongue. This. This was not happening. I'm pretty sure I heard Dajh exclaim something like "oh my God!" before Sazh ushered him into another room. I wish I could be ushered into another room. I wish I could wake up from this horrible, relentless nightmare. Is there any mercy left in this world?

Once she had successfully… sucked his face off, she settled back on her feet – and yet, still not grounded at all what the hell is wrong with this girl – and she smiled at me, "Bye, Claire." She grabbed Snow by the hand and they disappeared out the front door.

…

This can't be happening. This is my worst nightmare, hands down. Serah running off to elope with an unemployed, reckless, overgrown child is definitely one thing I never thought I would live to see. There's always the possibility that I'm dead, though.

I crossed my arms and slid my way into the kitchen where Sazh was trying to keep Dajh quiet by feeding him. We locked eyes and he slowly shook his head. He'd been shaking his head a lot and I'd been groaning myself to death; what a useful pair. I pulled up a chair beside him, and rested my head in my arms on the table.

"Sucks being a parent." Sazh said – and then quickly looked at Dajh and bit his tongue. "Well, what I meant was—"

"She's my sister." I groaned into the table. "I'm not mom. I thought she was mature enough to at least know that I really do care about her."

Sazh sighed and pet Dajh on the head softly as he watched him chew through a salad. "Well, what can you do? If she wants to get married – and I mean, if she loves him, which… uh, she better after that – but you know, maybe there's nothing you can do."

Ugh, offensive. I sat up and lowered my eyes at Sazh. "Listen," I drawled, pointing at Dajh. "One day, your kid is going to grow up – your kid's going to be eighteen and he's going to want to marry a prostitute." Sazh's eyes blew up when I said this and he shook his head vehemently. "Yes, okay, yes." I snapped. "He's going to want to marry a prostitute. Well, you know what? That prostitute can't support him, that prostitute doesn't have a real job, that prostitute is obviously just taking advantage of your kid – that prostitute is a prostitute. There's no way around it."

"Snow's not into prostitution."

"No, but that's what it feels like. It feels like she found him on the street and was like… 'let's get married'… because he's tall. I just – I don't know what to do." My head came crashing back down to the table again.

"Do you really think she'll do it, though?" Sazh asked. "Do you think she'll marry him?"

"I know she will, if not just to piss me off. But it's what she wants. She doesn't care if I'm angry or if I'm trying to look out for her…"

"Don't think like that. She'll come back – I bet she'll be here first thing in the morning."

"Yeah – with a ring, a marriage certificate, and a blond Villiers baby."

"Okay, you're exaggerating now."

"I am not." I sighed, and slowly lifted my head off the table. My eyes locked with Dajh's. He was staring at me while he chewed amiably on lettuce. It never once occurred to me that maybe he thought I was being ridiculous. I wonder what he thought of this in general. He was just six. He probably didn't understand. He smiled at me as he chewed and I felt so bad that I couldn't return it properly. He probably thought I was a sour bitch. Serah probably thought I was a sour bitch. Maybe I am a sour bitch. Oh God. I looked at Sazh. He looked at me and shrugged. It felt like everyone was shrugging today. So noncommittal. "Sazh," I began. "I need to get to Palumpolum. Right now."

"No." He shook his head sternly. "There's no way I'm letting you get on a train to Palumpolum to ruin that little girl's life. If she's happy, then let her be happy."

It's true. It's so true. I kept saying I cared about Serah's happiness, but yet here I was trying to ruin it. For whatever reason, I just can't believe it… she doesn't know that she's going to be unhappy in two years. She's being blinded by her infatuation, her desperate need to irritate me, and Snow's ridiculously blond hair that she's not living in reality. Why do I have to be the bad guy when I'm honestly just trying to look out for her?

"Understood?" Sazh interrupted, searching my face for any hidden… whatever.

I sighed and held my right hand across my chest. "Understood, sir."

He chuckled at this. I returned his smile, albeit wearily, and got up from the table.

…

So I need to get to Palumpolum.

I can take a train and be there in like… four hours? Three? I don't even know. But I don't have anything extra to rent a hotel with. I could always ask Sergeant Amodar if he knew anyone – ugh, but if I have to explain the reason, he'll say something stupid and it will irritate me. No, I can't tell him. Who else…

…

"Hello, this is the Estheim residence. How may I help you?"

"Hope. It's me."

There was a brief pause – oh come on, he didn't recognize my voice? I was on the phone in the study, creeping behind a wall. I had to check every now and then to make sure Sazh wasn't listening in or he'd verbally assault me. After I just told him that I wasn't going to ruin Serah's oh-so-decadent wedding, there was no way I could justify being on the phone with a fourteen-year-old resident of Palumpolum randomly. Randomly.

"Lightning…?"

"Yes! Yes. Listen, where's your dad? I need to talk to him."

"You can talk to me." He answered indignantly. "My dad's busy. He's always busy these days… do you have a minute? I kind of want to tell you what's been going on."

"I – I'd love to listen, but I really need…" I checked the hallway: clear. "I actually don't have much time right now. But we can talk later – sooner than you think, actually – if you just let me talk to your dad. I need to ask him one question. Just the one."

"Okay well, I can ask him for you." Ugh, kids. "Honestly, if I put you on hold, it'll take ages. Can I just tell you? Really quickly?"

"N—"

"He's having an affair!" His hissed over the line, and sighed dramatically. "Okay, so it's not a real affair because my mom's obviously dead – but I mean, he didn't even seem really sad after I told him, you know? After everything that happened, and the Purge, and everything! He was just like 'okay, whatever' and then found some random woman at his work to shack up with! Okay so he obviously didn't say 'okay, whatever' and he cried over mom and stuff – but still, that's what it felt like to me, like he was just bored sleeping by himself every night. He doesn't even talk to me anymore. And I thought we'd get along great after everything that happened… but now I just want to move out. I can't live here anymore. He doesn't want me here, she's just this random woman trying to take my mom's place, and all my friends always seem to be busy! So can I move to Bodhum with you? Please? I'll be good, and I'm really good at vacuuming."

Goodness. "Hope, where is your dad?"

"You didn't even listen to a word I said! I'm pretty sure my dad is having sex with this random woman right now!"

Okay… so. I checked the hall again: clear, but I could see a glimpse of a bobbing afro about three-feet off the ground. "Okay, Hope, okay. If your dad is actually having sex with this woman, it's none of your business."

"I know, I know—"

"Also. You have spare rooms. I need to stay in one. I'll tell you, and your dad, and this random woman, and whoever else, the reason when I get there. Is that okay? Just answer yes or no, please; I'm in a hurry."

"Y-yes—"

"Okay."

"But—"

"I'll see you in—" Oh no, footsteps approaching. "—threeorsohoursokaybye."

I hung up.

Sazh appeared in the doorway, arms crossed.

Dajh poked out from around his leg. He smiled, "I really like Palumpolum. Take me with you?"

Before I could reply, Sazh began to shake his head menacingly at me. I suppose that meant I couldn't take the kid.

----

A huge hanks to everyone reading! 3 It most definitely means a lot. :)