A/N: I don't own Hogan's Heroes, and I don't get paid for this; it is truly a labor of love.

Missing scenes from "Will the Real Colonel Klink Please Stand Up Against the Wall?" A few lines of dialogue from the episode are included.

Wagner joins the Gestapo, in a manner of speaking...

The message I had received was a little unnerving. Who would want to be summoned to Berlin in the middle of World War Two? I couldn't ignore it, though; the message had been carefully coded, but I knew it was from Major Hans Teppel.

I was acquainted with Major Teppel, but for our mutual protection we did not maintain contact on a regular basis. It's a dangerous business to be undercover in enemy territory in wartime, and Hans and I, being old hands at it, were doubly cautious.

Of course, I knew his real name was not Hans Teppel, just as he knew my real name wasn't Wolfgang Hochstetter. But during our infrequent phone conversations and our even more infrequent meetings, we kept to our aliases. Safer all around, we figured.

Hell of a nice guy, Hans. We got along very well, even though his connection was with OSS and mine was with MI6. It was an unfortunate reality that the two intelligence agencies, although allies, tended to communicate very poorly, mirroring the attitudes of the British and American military commands.

And on top of that, his alternate identity was Abwehr and mine was Gestapo...but luckily Teppel and I transcended interservice rivalry and shared information when we could.

However, on this particular occasion, the information he had to share was not exactly what I wanted to hear...

I met him in a quiet park located in an unfashionable neighborhood of Berlin. He was sitting on a bench under a shade tree, apparently engrossed in that week's edition of Das Reich.

I sat down on the other end of the bench and reached into the small sack I had brought with me. I pulled out a half-eaten sandwich and started to throw crumbs to the pigeons.

After a few moments I murmured, "Can't believe everything you read, you know."

The newspaper did not move. "Herr Goebbels would have us think so. Welcome back to the big city, by the way."

"Is that a crack about my assignment to the not-so-big city of Hammelburg?"

"Not at all. From what I hear, you have your hands full in that backwater village of yours."

I had to agree. The bizarre doings at Stalag 13 were enough to keep half a dozen Gestapo officers busy, and often did. As I was head of the Hammelburg office, it was up to me to handle—or mishandle, as was usually the case—these occurrences. Life in Berlin had been so much easier...

I shook off my thoughts and looked over at my companion, at least what I could see of him that wasn't concealed by the newspaper.

"You have news?"

"Sort of. Ever hear of Richard Wagner?"

I pondered that for a moment. "Well, he wrote some very long and boring operas..."

The newspaper rustled impatiently. "Not that Richard Wagner, Dummkopf! And don't voice your opinions too loudly; he's the favorite composer of der Führer, remember. No, I'm speaking of an OSS agent."

I shrugged. "Sorry, don't know him."

Teppel turned a page. "You will."

The pigeons had mostly flown off but the smallest one remained, looking at me hopefully, so I tossed him the last crumb. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I have to place this guy as a Gestapo plant. And I gotta tell you, I don't feel good about it."

"Any special reason?"

"Well, first off, he really doesn't want to be here."

"Hans, none of us want to be here."

"In this case, his reluctance to be here could get him killed. He's a nice kid—"

"Kid?"

"Early thirties, probably," Teppel sighed. "Hell, they all look like kids to me. Anyway, I know his boss; the man is hard-working and dedicated, but he's got a bee in his bonnet about Wagner. I won't deny that Wagner's done some good work while operating undercover here—I handled the placement for his first job too—but he's had a couple of close calls, and I think Milliken's pushing him too hard. Fact is, I want to send him back to England."

"Yeah? Do you have the authority to do that?"

"No," he admitted. "I thought maybe you could do it."

"What?" The smallest pigeon flew off, offended, and I lowered my voice. "I don't even know the guy."

"Here's the deal. Wagner's previous undercover identity is presumably deceased, and Milliken now wants to use him as an OSS plant in the Gestapo. I thought about having him work with Steuben down in Munich, but then I thought of you."

"Gee, thanks."

"Listen, I'm not sure why the guy even agreed to come back to Germany, but he clearly doesn't belong here, and posing as a Gestapo officer is the last thing Wagner should be doing. I figured you could give him a minor assignment, and then come up with a good reason to send him back to London. Piece of cake. Nobody gets hurt."

Famous last words, I thought. But I respected Teppel's opinion, and it was obvious he was sincerely concerned about this Wagner guy. "Okay, I'm in. I'll expect a notification from Berlin any day about my new officer."

"Terrific. Take it easy, Wolf." The edge of the newspaper fluttered slightly in farewell.

I got to my feet and prepared to leave. "You too, Hans."

So it happened about a week later that I met with General Burkhalter in my office in Hammelburg, with my new officer Captain Herber (aka Richard Wagner) in attendance. The General was more than a little upset regarding concentrated sabotage activity in the area, involving three different trains over the last four weeks.

And understandably so. Burkhalter oversaw the Luftstalags, and since knowledge of the train schedules was classified information known only to the Kommandants of the stalags in the area—Braun, Schlesinger, and Klink—this situation was squarely in his lap.

As Klink was one of the Kommandants involved, naturally I figured that somehow Colonel Hogan had managed to get his hands on Klink's copy of the train schedules and was responsible for the sabotage. But this didn't seem to occur to Burkhalter, so I was quick to fasten on Klink as the suspected saboteur.

"Braun and Schlesinger are dedicated, loyal officers," I said. "They would not be traitors."

"That leaves only Klink!" said Burkhalter.

I chuckled an evil chuckle. "That would seem so, wouldn't it?"

That's when I had my brilliant idea. I figured I could kill two birds with one stone, as it were.

I had promised Teppel that I would get Wagner safely out of Germany, and to tell the truth, Wagner's deference and heel-clicking were already getting on my nerves. (I suspected he had been watching too many movies about the Nazi menace while in London, and had picked up some strange ideas on how Gestapo officers should behave.) Frankly, the sooner he was off my hands, the better.

And I thought I could forestall suspicion of Hogan's sabotage activity by investigating Klink in the meantime. Win-win situation, you might say.

So I suggested that Captain Herber be appointed as Klink's new aide, in order to spy on Klink, the suspected saboteur. Burkhalter was agreeable, as there was another very important train due to be passing through the area, and he obligingly wrote out the orders at once.

After I saw the General out of my office, I turned to look at Wagner.

Actually, I had to look up at him. Way up. He was annoyingly tall, probably ten years younger than me, with a full head of hair too. Hell, even his mustache was better than mine.

But I heroically overcame my envy, however justified it may have been. After all, as Teppel had said, he was a nice guy, if a bit irksome. And I needed to know more about him before I had him carry out this assignment.

Now that Burkhalter had gone, I could see that Wagner seemed a little perturbed.

"Something about this situation bothers you?" I asked. "I understood that you agreed to return to undercover work in Germany."

Wagner nodded. "I did agree to return. You see, when I was last here, there was a girl I worked with, an Underground agent, and her name was Lila..." His voice trailed off wistfully.

Oh, brother. It was all clear to me now—the poor guy was in love.

"And that's why you're here? You know," I added carefully, "you could endanger this Lila by trying to contact her."

Wagner looked at me with puppy-dog eyes. "I know, I know...I don't mean to seek her out. I just...I couldn't stay safe in England, knowing what she faces here."

"And you thought to share in the danger?" I sighed. "Listen, I understand how you feel."

And I did. Sometimes I came to Stalag 13, not to investigate the most dangerous man in Germany, but just to get a chance to see Hilda, even if only for a brief moment...

But that was beside the point. I went on, "You need to consider how she would feel about you being here. I can't imagine that it would add to her safety—or her peace of mind—to know you are back in Germany."

"No, it probably wouldn't," he said in a despondent tone.

I could tell that he knew I was right about Lila, but I could also tell there was something else bothering him, and I waited for him to continue.

Wagner shifted his feet uncomfortably. "I didn't mind coming back to Germany, but I really did not want to return to Stalag 13. I owe Hogan and his men a great deal, and it seems as though I bring them nothing but trouble. It's as though I'm some kind of jinx!"

After he went on to explain his previous experiences at Stalag 13, I could see his point, all right. Still, here he was, and so I said bracingly, "Well, let's just look at the current situation. The sabotage activity involving these trains has come to Burkhalter's attention, and for some reason he suspects Klink, not Hogan."

"But supposedly there's never been a successful escape from Stalag 13," Wagner protested. "Why should he suspect Colonel Hogan of sabotage?"

I regarded him thoughtfully for a moment. "I understand that Hogan somehow got you out of the country at least twice, but how much do you know about what goes on at Stalag 13?"

Wagner's brow creased as he thought this over. "I know they have created a tunnel system where they produce counterfeit money, that they have underground contacts, and that they assist downed fliers and defectors to escape Germany." He paused for a moment. "And I saw a steam room there once; I'm not so sure about that anymore...but sabotage?"

"Well, all you need to know about that are these two important details: we don't get in their way, and we cover up their activities as best we can."

"Like now?" Wagner's eyes brightened at this; I could tell the idea of being a help instead of a hindrance to Colonel Hogan appealed to him.

"Exactly. It's not always pleasant, and it's never pretty, but we protect Hogan and his men. Without breaking our own covers. Understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"In this case, we throw Klink to the wolves." There was more to it than that, of course: the ability to manipulate Klink was integral to Hogan's operation, so there had to be an alternate fall guy.

And I had one right there in front of me, all six feet two of him. But Wagner didn't need to know that; I had to have him appear as sincere as possible in pursuing Klink as the source of the sabotage, to keep Burkhalter from turning in Hogan's direction. And hopefully the resulting fallout of the investigation would give me the opportunity to return Wagner to his eminently suitable work in London.

"You will be the linchpin of the operation," I told him. "As Captain Herber, you are now assigned as Klink's new aide, and this will give you the opportunity to get the goods on him. One thing to remember, though, since you are well known to Hogan and his men: you will have to maintain your cover at all times. Any contact with the prisoners, Colonel Hogan included, must be dealt with as though you are indeed Captain Herber. The only place you can safely drop your cover with them is in the tunnels. No matter what. Got that?"

Wagner agreed meekly.

Now, it must be understood that even though Hogan knew I worked for the Allies and I knew of his operation, I had even less direct contact with him than I did with Teppel. So my role in his often convoluted plans was one of turning a blind eye to the goings-on at the camp (or discreetly mishandling investigations of the same) in order to deflect suspicion from him and his men.

In short, I generally just went with the flow. I usually wasn't privy to the full details of whatever scheme was going on, but that was okay, as long as Hogan got the job done—and he always did.

Of course, my behavior was carefully calculated to facilitate this. I had developed a well-deserved reputation for being just a tad obsessed, and maybe just a little off my rocker, so when I went into full Hochstetter mode (as I frequently did) and loudly proclaimed Hogan to be the most dangerous man in all of Germany, nobody listened to me. Kind of like the boy who cried wolf.

What, you thought I was just an incompetent idiot?

Anyway, Wagner reported for duty with Colonel Klink the very next day, on direct orders from General Burkhalter. And he had familiarized himself thoroughly with Klink's routine so as to seem the perfect aide. Very conscientious fellow, Wagner.

I was a little concerned that since Klink had met him before there was a risk of him being recognized, but Wagner assured me that on his last meeting with Klink, the Kommandant hadn't a clue. And he also pointed out that Burkhalter, who had also met him twice before, hadn't recognized him either. Apparently growing a mustache made a remarkable difference in his appearance.

I knew that Wagner would do his best to discover anything that might make Burkhalter convinced that Klink was indeed the perpetrator of the sabotage, but what I didn't expect was a phone call from him that very evening. He had spotted Klink's staff car leaving the camp, with Klink at the wheel.

This had to be an innocent (more or less) assignation with a Fräulein in town, I thought, but I jumped on it as though Klink were indeed a saboteur.

I told Wagner to call the stationmaster in town and put Plan B in action; in other words, switch the trains to different routes. I also told him to search Klink's office for further evidence. Wagner, staying in character as Captain Herber as instructed, assured me that he would comply.

When I got the call from Wagner, I knew Hogan and his men would be listening in on our discussion of Klink, the suspected saboteur. What they would do about it, I didn't know, but Hogan always had a plan. At the very least, I was pretty sure they'd intercept Wagner's call to the stationmaster—they had to protect Klink, after all. Hogan must have thought I was an idiot for going after Klink and was probably more than a little annoyed with me for doing it, but I was resigned to that.

I had to wonder, though, if they had realized yet just who Captain Herber was. I chuckled as I imagined Hogan coming face to face with Wagner yet again...

As it turned out, though, after I had Burkhalter come to camp (in the middle of the night!) to catch Klink in the act, the Kommandant was in his quarters and claimed to have been there all night. And after both Schultz and Colonel Hogan were summoned to Klink's office, it proved that they could attest to that fact.

As a matter of fact I had never thought that Klink's car leaving the camp had any sinister connotation—I had just used the occurrence as an excuse to cast suspicion on the guy. But now since Hogan and Schultz both asserted that Klink could not have been in that car, I was left to wonder.

Klink had been in his quarters all that time? Then who had driven Klink's car out of camp? I had a feeling I would have an explosive answer soon, but that wasn't my concern at the moment.

After I received official notification that the phone lines were down to the railway station, it was clear that Wagner's call couldn't have gone through. Obviously Hogan and his men had indeed intercepted that call. And now that Klink was exonerated and it was shown that the stationmaster could never have received the call that Captain Herber claimed to have made, Captain Herber was set up as the fall guy.

Poor Wagner. He'd tried so hard, too.

Burkhalter beckoned to me and whispered in my ear that Captain Herber was the man I was looking for. I agreed, and Burkhalter told Klink to take the others out of the room.

When Colonel Hogan and Sergeant Schultz turned to go, Hogan looked back briefly at Wagner, and then at me. As his eyes met mine he gave me an almost imperceptible nod, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Hopefully everything would turn out okay...

"And now," said Burkhalter menacingly, "Captain Herber..."

Wagner's eyes registered instant alarm at the direction things were taking. I was sorry about this, but it was important that Burkhalter had someone to blame now that Klink was safely alibied. Especially if Klink's staff car could be connected with an exploding train in the near future. And I couldn't let suspicion to fall on Hogan and his men, of course.

"Rest assured, Herr General, that I will get to the bottom of this," I said with my most evil Hochstetter sneer, and I promptly took Captain Herber into custody.

Pulling my Luger, I hustled Wagner out of Klink's office, down the steps, and into the back of my staff car. This woke up the driver who had been dozing at the wheel, and he turned his head to look at me, blinking in surprise.

I told the befuddled fellow to get a move on and take us back to Hammelburg. Soon we were out the front gates and moving through the night toward town. In the back of the staff car, I held my gun on Wagner, who seemed stunned by the recent developments, as well he might.

A little distance down the Hammelburg road, I ordered the driver to stop. "Apparently Captain Herber needs to answer the call of nature," I said with a tone of amused contempt.

Wagner looked at me sharply but said nothing. We both climbed out of the car and went into the woods, Wagner leading the way and me following, gun in hand. It was dark, but the flickering moonlight showed the way safely enough.

"Keep going," I said, when he hesitated after fifty yards or so. After a bit, I told him to stop.

Wagner turned to face me, his eyes puzzled and a little afraid. "I don't understand. What are you going to do with me?"

"I'm not going to do anything," I said. "I just needed to get you within reach of the emergency tunnel. Hogan and his men will get you back to England; I understand they've had plenty of practice."

Wagner exhaled sharply, and I could see a faint smile of relief on his face. "Unfortunately, that is true. But how will you account for my disappearance?"

I shrugged. "I'll use the same old hackneyed, yet effective excuse: shot while escaping."

(Well, it had worked with Brauner*, hadn't it?)

His eyes grew wide. "Oh."

I looked at him and said quietly, "Listen, Wagner, you did a good job. I'm sorry it had to go down like this, but protecting Hogan's operation—and I'm afraid Klink is an essential part of it—was paramount."

"I understand," he said. "I think."

"Well, good luck, Wagner."

"Thank you, sir." He turned and headed for the tree stump entrance some yards distant. I was watching for patrols, but I was glad to see he checked the area thoroughly before approaching the stump.

I waited until he was safely inside before I headed back towards the road. Before I reached it, I pointed my Luger in the air and fired once. Then I pushed through the underbrush and made my way to the staff car.

The driver was waiting patiently, but I could see he was alarmed at the gunshot, and Captain Herber's absence.

"Herber tried to attack me," I said curtly, by way of explanation. "I will be making my report to General Burkhalter. And when we get to town, I will notify Kommandant Klink that there are some...ah...details to dispose of."

I got in the back of the car and ordered the unnerved driver to head back to Hammelburg. Naturally I wouldn't be making any notification to Klink, but I would have to make a report to General Burkhalter, and it would have to be very carefully worded indeed. Still, all he would care about was that the supposed perpetrator of the sabotage had been taken care of.

I looked out the window and sighed. Yeah, Wagner was a nice guy, and I wished him well. But once he got back to London, I really hoped he would stick to that nice, safe, boring desk job.

*"Heil Klink"