This chapter follows the fourth chapter in "Strip My Mind", by Raeynn Beau.

That morning over breakfast, Regulus had realized how completely stupid he had been the night before. Hell, how stupid he had been the whole day before. He had put himself in a position where Bellatrix would have realized he was still alive. Sure, there had been the danger with the fighting, but she could not know he had survived. If she found out, then at least one of the Death Eaters would realize there had to be a reason he wasn't dead, and that might have led to Voldemort realizing that maybe he should have checked on the horcrux he had stupidly entrusted to a traitor, which would make everyone's lives that much more difficult.

Once he had finished having a panic attack, Regulus tried to remember if he had at least managed to cover all his tracks. He knew that Sirius would never check the apparation signatures in the apartment; a friend and occasionally even a relative apparating directly into one's apartment was incredibly rude, after all. Plus, trying to clean up those trails that would result in an ouroboros of magic erasure. Any issue regarding St Mungo's was likewise an exercise in futility. Only if Sirius or Lupin had noticed him would there have been an issue. Hell, Lupin would have probably have brushed off recognizing the younger Black brother as his mind playing tricks on him. Regulus had not done anything identifying in the alley, had he? He shouldn't have. The blasting curse was all he had really done, and there was no reason for the Aurors to track all the apparation signatures. But if Sirius had thought he had seen Regulus…

Regulus cursed loudly. Quickly throwing on some half-way decent clothes, he apparated to Knockturn Alley. When he heard the voices, however, he launched himself into the nearest alcove. Shit! Lupin was here? What in the name of Merlin?!

"…not mad at you for what you did—challenging Bellatrix. No matter how stupid it was, I'm not going to call you crazy, but Sirius, I am worried about you," Lupin was saying. Well, Regulus was firmly in the same boat with him there. "Please stop obsessing over this."

Regulus frowned. What? What mad scheme was Sirius concentrating on this time? A bit more curtly than expected, Sirius had replied, "All I'm doing is checking on a hunch. It's not the end of the world, Moony."

Oh, thank God, this was some Auror issue. Sirius was probably stuck on whatever atrocity Bellatrix and Rudolphus had committed in the recent past. The members of the Order of the Phoenix had been dropping like flies lately. Of course Sirius had gone after Bellatrix because she gloated about whatever it was. She had been baiting him like that for as long as Regulus could remember. Oh, Bellatrix wanted to get Sirius in trouble? Let's make up some bullshit to get him to break expensive things in the ensuing brawl! Mum would love that! One would think that Potter and the others would do their level best to keep Sirius away from her. Then again, Sirius was never one for following directions.

Wait a second. Regulus paused in his train of thought. Was he imagining things or had Sirius just mentioned him?

With a note of vague panic in his voice, Lupin was half-yelling at Sirius: "Padfoot, listen to yourself! Listen, I'm sorry to be the one to say this, but your brother is dead! He isn't coming back! Do you hear me?!" A bit more conciliatory, Lupin continued, "Mate, you need to accept that already. You drink until you pass out more often than not, and Prongs says it's a bloody miracle if you come into work on time. If Lily hadn't suggested that we drag you out yesterday, you wouldn't have even remembered Peter's birthday. For the love of Merlin, I had to remind you it was June! We're all really worried about you…"

Regulus backed up against the alley wall in shock. What? No, that couldn't be—Sirius wasn't that stu—What was he thinking? Of course this was the kind of idiotic—No. No, this couldn't be his fault. Regulus had heard Sirius had taken the news of his 'death' hard, but this—this was not—No! Merlin, what was he supposed to do? Hell, he had half a mind to fucking walk over to his brother right now and slap him for being such a bloody idiot. Regulus was a goddamn mess, but Sirius had fucking everything going for him. He had a life and friends, and he was throwing it away for what? For some imagined failure? No, better! For a failure of a human being, or at least the memory of one.

Regulus slid down the wall to his knees. This wasn't right. This wasn't right at all.

He turned his head abruptly to the side when he heard Sirius demand Lupin's key to his apartment. Really? Was Sirius insane? Pushing away one of the few people that would attempt to drag him out of the bottle? What in the hell was going on? In likely one of his more sane moments, Regulus quickly cast a tracking spell on Lupin; the man was likely to go talk to Potter about Sirius's apparently new depths of idiocy, and Regulus wanted to know how badly Sirius was doing. Tracking his brother was unlikely to end well if Lupin was thinking Sirius was delusional, so that was the only option. It wasn't like Regulus could just call up Lily and ask what in the name of God was going on. Well, maybe he could?

Fuck, he had to pull himself together. Having a nervous breakdown in the middle of Knockturn Alley would do no one any good. Well, save Bellatrix. 'Course, then Sirius would have a real reason for drinking his life away.

Regulus heard the sound of apparition and was glad for the distraction. Frantically checking the tracker, Regulus waited a moment to get himself under control. He did not need to splinch himself on top of everything else. Taking a deep breath, he disapparated.

Walking into the café, he honestly had never been happier that Lily dragged the lunatic fringe out for meals at restaurants. Potter was present, but Pettigrew was missing. Knowing the latter, he was probably doing spywork for the Order. Voldemort had always found Pettigrew's 'defection' amusing. (That was going to bite the noseless bastard in the ass sooner rather than later, and Regulus was only going to laugh when that day came.)

The waitress sat him at a table near enough to Lupin and the others so he could eavesdrop without magic. Regulus had been worried that he would have to use magic to hear the conversation, which goes without saying would have been ludicrously risky. Potter at the very least would have noticed, leading to a likely incredibly undignified footrace ending in a world of hurt. That said, Regulus was wearing rather nondescript clothing and planned on steadfastly facing the opposite direction of the three he was about to spy on, so the chance he would be noticed was very small. He had ordered some tea and was pretending to be engrossed in a book, as well. His brothers' friends did not take long to turn to the topic of conversation over to what was bothering them.

"…he asked for the key?" Lily repeated in surprise. "Sirius has to know you're only trying to look out for him, Remus. He's been having a rough time, but—"

"Lily, I don't think we can keep making excuses," Potter cut in tiredly. "Sirius is a wreck. He's been a wreck for a while. Sure, things have gotten worse lately, but it doesn't excuse his behavior." Regulus could practically hear the frown. Potter rephrased, "Don't get me wrong. Sirius is like a brother to me, but he needs help. Serious help. Remus is right."

"Dorcas dying was the last straw, I think," Lupin added. "She was at least capable of regulating his alcohol abuse." A pause, then: "Well, before Gideon and Fabian died."

"What can we do? We can't encourage a delusion," Lily argued. "I mean, for the love of God, Sirius chased after Bellatrix and was obviously spoiling for a fight, even though he knows—" She broke off abruptly and took a moment before continuing, "I looked it up, and the Cruciatus can cause hallucinations. James, Remus, you would know better than I do: do you think we could convince Sirius to talk to someone about this?"

Potter snorted and replied, "The day Sirius talks to a mind-healer is the day the dead rise from their graves and march his ass into the office." Regulus considered the wisdom in Potter's words before deciding that, no, he should not attempt to drag Sirius to see a shrink. The resulting therapy sessions would probably be above any mind-healer's paygrade. Not that everything else would not be, but if wishes were horses, all men would ride.

With great hesitation, Lupin suggested, "I hate to say this, but let's be frank. Sirius is veering towards being dangerously unstable. I don't think we should keep entrusting him with sensitive information if he continues to refuse help. Maybe it's the after-effects of the Cruciatus, but maybe it's not. Maybe he is just hallucinating. He's…he's a security risk."

The resulting silence spoke volumes, but Regulus could not bring himself to blame them. How had this happened? Sirius had always been a bit off-kilter, but at this point, that was more or less a family trait. The sinking feeling in his gut was enough for Regulus to acknowledge what he was trying to avoid: this was entirely his fault. If he hadn't been a damned coward and run away, then Sirius wouldn't have gone down into this self-destructive spiral, and everything would have been okay. (If—no, when—Regulus would have died later, there would have been no reason for Sirius to blame himself, because then Sirius would have known without a doubt that Regulus had dug his own grave. He would have made sure of that.)

"Sirius would never betray any of us," Potter finally said. "Even if he—Does he really think he saw Regulus? I mean, now he's probably off the meds St Mungo's forces down your throat? He knows the kid's dead." The last bit sounded like it was more for Potter's own benefit than anything else.

Lily interjected, "Maybe he saw someone that looked a little like Regulus. Sirius's issues, combined with the effects of the Cruciatus, could have just this once created a perfect storm. I know none of us want to believe things have become as bad as they have, but maybe he'll come to his senses in a couple days."

Lupin sighed and admitted, "Lily, I would like nothing more than for that to be true, but Sirius wasn't being rational. He…"

"I'll keep an eye on him," Potter promised. "Moody's given Sirius a short medical leave; some of the others want it to be permanent, but with the way the war is going, the Auror office too shorthanded for that. I'll check in with him this week more than normal—just to make sure he isn't going to hurt himself."

Regulus stood abruptly. He couldn't take listening to this anymore. None of this made sense. It wasn't right. Leaving enough money on the table for a tip, Regulus left as fast as he could. What was there left for him to do? Listen to Potter of all people turn his back on Sirius?! Sirius would never—Sirius would never try to—try to—Regulus covered his face with his hand. He could not break down, not here.

"Oh, thank heavens! I thought I'd missed you!"

Regulus looked up in terror as Lily jogged over to him. With a smile, she explained, "You forgot your book."

He recovered his wits enough to accept the proffered item and reply, "Thank you. I'm such a scatterbrain."

"Happens to everyone," Lily said cheerfully, clearly not recognizing him nor the intense fear he had to be radiating. "Have a lovely day!"

"You, too," Regulus stuttered as she walked back to the café that was now about a block and a half away. That had been too close. On the other hand, what did he expect? His luck was indeed this awful, even if Lady Luck had thrown him a bone for once and prevented Lily from realizing who she was talking to. Merlin, who did Regulus think he was fooling? What had he been thinking, following Lupin? What if Potter or Lupin himself had been the one to chase Regulus because of that stupid book? What the hell was he doing? He could never leave well enough alone, could he?

Disgusted with himself, Regulus realized there was only one real solution for the problem and apparated home.