Title: Sky's Still Blue
Summary: Hanna and Emily find something, or rather-someone else in the Kahn's cabin that night. Turns out, in Rosewood death is just a five letter word, and this –A- certainly isn't playing scrabble.
Pairing: Emily/Maya, implied Hanna/Caleb, Aria/Ezra and Spencer/Toby
Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who is showing support for this story, it means so much! At this point, I think I am going to venture the story away from the show just for a bit, because we have Spencer and Maya, who obviously have some type of past and I'd love to divulge into that! There will still be some similarities, like the last scene of this chapter, but overall, I'm going to try to do something entirely different and I hope you enjoy it!
Chapter Four
It feels like someone has ripped her heart out with icy cold hands, threw it down on the ground and proceeded to do the cha-cha on top of it. It is like she is living in a snow globe and someone just took her entire world, turned it upside down, and gave it a really hard shake. After the past year of -A-'s never ending torment, Emily Fields should be used to her world being turned upside down, she should be used to those sickening twists that makes her rethink every decision she has ever made in her life. But today, this moment right here, with Spencer Hastings standing in her living room practically glaring holes in her not-so-dead love, Emily just isn't sure about anything anymore.
She is sick to her stomach, bile rising in her throat, tears crowding within her dark eyes. It is like her entire world is spinning faster, faster, faster around her. How could this be happening? How could the person that she trusted perhaps the most in the world betray her like this? Spencer saw the pain; Spencer was the one who held her when they all found out about the dead body. Spencer is the one who held her as she cried every night, the one who brought her food, and the one who had been working so diligently to find justice for Maya's killer.
Spencer is the one who had been there every day and she knew.
She knew Maya was alive.
It just doesn't make sense. How could she not have told her? How could she have seen her aching as badly as she was and not breathe a word about it to her? How could she have known? Clutching tightly to Maya's clammy hand, Emily looks around at her three best friends, the three people who suddenly have every opportunity in the world to betray here. She knew -A- was the enemy, but never in a million years could she have imagined that one of them could do something like this.
"Emily, wait, you don't… you don't understand," Spencer speaks out, breaking the uncomfortable silence of the room, the silence that speaks all too much of the reality they want to ignore. Spencer Hastings, the one who is normally strong, valiant, and well put together, is now the one who is vulnerable, distraught, and disheveled. Her entire world had been turned upside down as well with the return of Maya, but not in the way Emily had hoped.
"H-How could you… h-how could you not tell me?" Emily stutters, taking a stumbling step backward away from the lacrosse player, clinging tightly to Maya. Had everything in her life been a lie as well? Spencer sighs, looking at Aria and Hanna pleadingly for support, but the two friends remained still as sitting, the two just watched in horror and surprise that she could do something like this.
"It's not… it's not that I didn't want to tell you because I did, I really did…"
"But you didn't, Spencer. This… this whole time I've been walking around here thinking that Maya was dead. It almost killed me, you knew that. You were the one who stopped me from drinking myself to death and you were the one who was there almost every day when I wouldn't get out of bed because it physically hurt to go on without her. And you were the one who encouraged me to move on with my life. And this whole…. This whole fucking time, you knew? You knew that Maya was alive and you didn't say anything. You didn't… you didn't tell me o-or the police… or… or anyone that could remotely help her. You just left her there!" Emily exclaims, her voice cracking as the tears spill down her cheeks softly. Quietly, Maya squeezes Emily's hand in comfort, the two of them sharing a gentle gaze.
"Emily, I couldn't! -A- said that…"
"Spencer, you left her there to die! Do you not see something wrong with that?!" Emily shouts, glaring at the young girl. Then, for a long and perhaps most defining moment in the four girls' lives, there is just silence. Silence mixed with the sound of Emily's heaving to catch a breath and sniffling, and the sound of Spencer's guilt practically screaming for forgiveness. For a long moment, there is just painful silence until Maya clears her throat.
"You couldn't, could you, Spencer?" Maya speaks up and instantly all heads turn to Spencer, "I mean, -A- wouldn't… you didn't have a choice, huh?"
"I swear I didn't. It killed me, every day. Every day, you have to believe me. I knew you were there and there wasn't anything I could do about it, I couldn't send in the cops or my mom, or even Emily because -A- swore that she would make me pay, m-make Toby pay. I couldn't hurt him like that," Spencer explains in a quick stutter but Maya only shakes her head with a sniffle.
"You shouldn't trust Toby," Maya states.
"Why? What do you know, Maya? Why do you keep saying that?" Spencer asks but the question, much like all things, goes ignored. Instead, Maya releases Emily's hand, sending her fingers through her mess of raven waves with a disgruntled sigh. Looking around at the four friends, Maya can't help but feel like the odd one out, when it came down to the group, the girls would do anything to protect one another, despite the cost. And in this case, she was the debt that had to be paid.
"You had to protect him, I understand that. But what… what about me? What about what happened to me up there in that cabin, Spencer? You could have saved me, you could have stopped all of this, all of this hurt for Emily, my torture, and your o-own. You could have done something, but you didn't. You didn't do anything because you're so damn blinded by Toby that you can't see what is in front of you!" Maya exclaims with a bitter chuckle and Spencer suddenly hardens, the vulnerability written on her face suddenly replaced with that of anger and hatred.
"Look, I don't understand what your problem is with Toby. Maybe you're jealous because he is with me and you're in love with him or something. Maybe you're just pissed that he's living a better life than you or whatever, but you're trying to make him the bad guy in this situation, and he's not. He's not the problem here, -A- is and…"
"Maybe her problem is that you left her in Noel Kahn's cabin to die because of Toby! Maybe her problem is that because of that guy, you let your supposed 'best friend' suffer for months thinking that the love of her life was dead. Maybe her problem isn't even with Toby, but with your fucking obsession with him and you're selfish ability to always make the problem someone else's fault instead of your own!" Emily exclaims, the acidy tone taking everyone by surprise, including Maya. She had seen Emily angry before, at her, at Pam, at the whole world sometimes, but nothing, even on the worst days of her life, compared to the type of anger she sees right now directed at Spencer. Snarling, the lacrosse player takes a powerful step toward the swimmer, but Emily doesn't budge, instead she glares back at her.
"Shut up, Emily, this doesn't concern you! This is between me and Maya!" Spencer snaps and Maya can feel Emily tense up at the rage held within Spencer's voice.
"The hell it doesn't! Maya is my girlfriend!" Emily exclaims loudly.
"Really? Because you were pretty adamant last week that Paige McCullers was your girlfriend. Did you happen to forget about her or are you just too busy fucking around with Maya that you don't care that you're breaking her heart?!" Spencer returns in a sarcastic snarl. Suddenly, it is like someone punched Maya in the chest, like someone somehow stole her breath from her. Paige is Emily's girlfriend, she is seeing someone else, she moved on. Choking on a breath, Maya releases Emily's hand quickly as she takes a stumbling step back away from the scene. How could this be happening?
"Since when have you ever cared about hurting someone? Or cared about someone in general? I mean, first you cared about Ali and then she died, and you were the last person to see her alive. And then you cared about Ian, and he ended up dead. And now you say that you 'care'," Emily pauses with a use of air quotations, "about me but look at what you did. You don't care about people, Spencer. And if you do, all you do is hurt them. So don't play the whole 'I care about Paige' card because this is a pretty fine example of where your caring gets people!" Emily exclaims.
"Go to hell!" shouts Spencer.
"Guys!" It's Aria this time that speaks out over the acidy fighting between her two friends. Suddenly, the room grows silent as they look at the hipster girl who stands beside of Hanna, her face contorted in the pain that Spencer and Emily is sure they should be feeling right now.
"Haven't you noticed something?" Aria asks. The two bickering best friends share a confusing glance with one another before they look back at the young brunette friend. Somehow in all this madness, they have managed to lose touch with reality, lose touch with one another, with the fact that this is exactly what –A- wanted from them.
"What?" Spencer asks with a wrinkled brow and a shrug of her shoulders. Hanna sighs softly, looking at Aria before her eyes flicker up to find Emily's hooded brown.
"Maya's gone." Hanna whispers and the words cut through the silence like razor blades. Frantically, Emily's eyes scan around the room that is empty before noticing the door that is standing wide open and her heart plummets to the pit of her stomach.
Maya's gone.
The lake house had always been Maya's safe haven, the one place she could run to when her life just was not making sense, the place where she could escape to when everything else is just falling place. The lake house had been her place, hers and Emily's.
Leaning against the railing, Maya finds herself smiling when she recalls all the nights the two of them spent out here, the nights before everything went to hell. The nights when the crisp of autumn still floated through the air and the adrenaline of innocence and first love pulsed through their veins. The nights when the only thing Maya could see was Emily and vice versa. Some of the best nights of her life happened at this very lake house, with the girl that she loves the most in the world.
Like the night they made love all night long, or the night they danced under the pale moon light, or the night that they tried to bake cookies but they ended up having a food fight and forgot all about the cookies until they set off the smoke detector. However, her favorite memory above all else, had been the fourth of July they spent out here, watching the explosion of fireworks color the midnight sky and Maya couldn't help but think there was nothing more beautiful than the way the lights danced upon Emily's flawless face.
This had been their place. The place where reality did not matter, the place where they got lost in one another and could spend hours just watching the water with each other. This was the place where Maya found love, found hope, found happiness. Standing here now, however, Maya can't help but find herself nostalgic of those days, of the days when she didn't have to worry about getting kidnapped, about -A-, but the only worry she had was about whether she was making Emily happy enough.
Now she slumps over the railing, staring out at the quiet water, the damage of her past clinging to her skin is scars and dried tears. Things are so painfully different now than they had been the last time she was here. Now, she is bruised, she is broken, and Emily has a girlfriend- who is not her. Now, her life is a mess and the only thing she can do to even remotely protect the love of her life is run away. But damn it, she is just tired of running.
"Maya!" Emily's voice calls out to her from the backdoor and inside, Maya can feel something just snap. There had been a part of her, a rather small part of course, that prayed Emily would forget about this place; a small part of her hoped that she would not find her. She is better off without her, Maya sighs as she runs her fingers over the chilling moon shape scar on the inside of her wrist, without all the drama and baggage she brings.
"You should go," Maya sniffles, trying her hardest to keep the emotion from echoing in her voice. She grips the railing tighter, so tight in fact, that her knuckles begin to turn white. The hardest thing in the world that she ever had to do was walk away from Emily that night at the party, but it had been for her own good. And even if leaving again kills her, Maya will make damn sure that she doesn't hurt Emily again, certainly not like this.
"I was so worried about you. Hanna told us that you were gone and I …" Emily's voice becomes distant in the background as Maya snorts. She hadn't even noticed that she left. Of course not, Maya sighs, biting her bottom lip to keep the tears at bay, why would she? She thought she had been dead for months; she has a new girlfriend now, why would she notice that she had not been there?
"I am sorry about what happened back there, about Spencer. You have to believe me that I had no idea that she knew. If I had known…" Emily sighs, walking toward Maya who still does not turn around but still continues to stare at the water that begins to dance with the gust of wind. "I am sorry that she didn't come for you… that I didn't come for you."
"Don't apologize; it's not your fault. She was doing what she thought was best for her. I guess I would have done the same if it came between hurting someone and protecting you. And I don't want to come between the two of you. You should go back and apologize or something," Maya shrugs with a sniffle but Emily shakes her head, stepping forward to lean against the railing.
"I'm not apologizing. She should have said something, she should have come for you, and she should have told me. This… changes everything. Spencer Hastings is a selfish, arrogant, spoiled…"
"She's your best friend," Maya sucks in a breath, finally breaking her eye contact with the water to look up at Emily, her eyes blood shot and pained. For a brief moment when their eyes meet, Maya suddenly finds herself falling deeper and deeper in love with Emily Fields. All her life she thought the whole soul mates thing was a cliché, a bunch of crap made up by the hallmark company but Emily had changed that for her.
Emily is her soulmate. But sometimes, soul mates don't end up together.
And maybe, on some level, that is the best thing for the swimmer.
"I can't ask you to choose between me and Spencer, Em," Maya sighs, looking down at the water once more. Emily sighs, studying the girl's long face for a moment, before she steps closer, gently placing her hand on top of Maya's.
"You aren't asking me because it isn't a decision that has to be made, Maya. It's you. It will always be you. I'm in love with you. Spencer will just have to deal with that," Emily states with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders. Spencer had never had a problem with her sexuality before, Emily is sure that she won't now, once she learns that Maya is simply trying to protect them. Leaning closer to the quiet girl, Emily studies Maya's face; it looks entirely different now than it did this morning. Now it is much more sullen, and older, in a matter of hours, Maya St. Germain looks like she has aged twenty years.
"Yeah, and what about Paige? Where does she fit into all of this?" Maya questions and Emily sighs, tearing her eyes away from the hipster. Maya can feel the tears burning in her eyes when her heart plummets and her stomach churns in a sickening twist. Of course, she sniffles with a heavy sigh, Emily had moved on and nothing she can say or do will change that.
"Right. That's kind of what I thought, but I didn't want to assume, but your response just answered it for me. So, you have a nice life with Paige and I'll just go off somewhere and it'll be like this never happened," Maya grumbles, pulling her hand away from Emily's. She makes a good stride toward the door, hoping this would be it, this would be the break that would ultimately save Emily's life, but however, a very tiny voice stops her in her tracks.
"I thought you were dead," Emily whispers and Maya stops, but she does not turn around. Instead she stands with her back to Emily, the tears spilling down her cheeks as she struggles to keep herself together. This is the best thing she could ever do for her, doesn't she see that?
"I thought you were dead and it almost killed me. Then Spencer and the girls… they helped some. And so did my mom. They told me that I couldn't let this one moment stop me from living my life and I needed to date other people. Paige was there and she was patient, gentle and nice. She made me feel less dead inside," Emily explains and Maya can feel her stomach growing queasier. She thought nothing could hurt as bad as what happened in that cabin, but hearing Emily gush about her new girlfriend is a new pain entirely. Sucking in a breath, Maya bites on the inside of her jaw to keep the cry from escaping, she has to do this, if not for herself, but for Emily.
"It's okay, Emily. Really, you don't have to explain," Maya sniffles quietly but Emily only shakes her head, taking a careful step toward the young woman even though she knows that she can't see her.
"But I do. Because, you see, even with Paige, there was still this giant hole in my life. I was never complete. Even with Paige, there was still this part of me that was dead inside, this part of me that just refused to work. I still felt alone. And I don't… I don't feel that way when I'm with you. You bring me back to life. You bring color to the gray area. You're the missing piece," Emily explains, her voice shaking and Maya doesn't have to see her to know that she is about to cry. This is the hardest part, Maya sighs as she shoves her hands in her pockets, the painfully hardest part.
"Emily, please," Maya begs.
"Yeah, Paige, she… she saved me and she kept me alive but I don't love Paige, at least, not like I love you. Because when I'm with you, you're… you're all I see. You're everything. You're my one. And I watched you walk away once and I'm not going to do it again. Not because of me, or Paige, or Spencer. I'm not losing you again, Maya. Because I'm not… I'm not me without you," Emily states, placing her hand on Maya's shoulder and the shorter girl flinches but then almost instantly relaxes into Emily's touch.
"I don't know what happened out there and I don't know how much you know, and I will probably never know those things. All I know is that I'm here now, with you and none of the rest of it matters. Spencer will come around. I'll explain things to Paige. And we'll work this out together, just like it is meant to be. Because we are meant to be, Maya. There's a reason you came back and I'm not going to just stand here and watch you walk away because you think I'm in love with Paige or because you're trying to save my friendship with Spencer. You're more important than any of that, don't you know?" Emily explains and Maya lets out a shaky sigh, turning to face the dark haired girl with burning tears blistering in her eyes.
"Emily, I'm not the same girl that you fell in love with all those months ago. Things are different now. You have a girlfriend who loves you and you could have a normal life with her. With me, we're always going to be watching our backs, because not only did I escape from –A- but I … You should just go back to the house, tell them you couldn't find me. I'll be okay," Maya states but Emily shakes her head, wrapping her arms around Maya's waist, pulling her closer to her.
"I can't live without you. We can handle this –A- thing and the Spencer thing and the Paige thing as long as we're together. I'm not saying that it is going to be easy, but it's going to be worth it because you are worth it. We are worth it," Emily exclaims and Maya sighs, leaning into her girlfriend's touch.
"I just want to keep you safe, Em," Maya mumbles and Emily smiles, running her fingers through Maya's curls. Sometimes when she is with her, it is like there is no one else in the world, like nothing else matters.
"That's noble of you, really. But this is the 21st century; girls are capable of saving themselves these days," Emily replies with a quiet laugh and Maya smiles, biting her bottom lip softly. Leaning into her girlfriend, Maya wraps her arms around her, pulling her close as she kisses her softly. Suddenly, when their lips meet, it is like the rest of the world just falls away, the reality of their situations left far behind in another world, it is like time just simply stops. Grunting softly, Emily pushes Maya against the wall to steady the two of them, kissing her deeply as her tongue quickly gets reacquainted with every crevice inside of Maya's mouth. God, she has forgotten just how good she tastes. However, as quick as the make out session begins, it stops, when Maya pulls away.
Perplexed, Emily studies Maya's now sullen face before the smaller girl lets out a sigh.
"Emily, there's something I need to tell you," Maya exhales, her eyes staring deep into Emily's hooded brown. Suddenly, in her pocket Emily can feel her phone vibrating but she dares not to touch it, because somehow, she knows that the words that are getting ready to come out of Maya's mouth are going to change her life forever.
For the good or for the bad? Well of that, Emily sighs as she studies Maya's pained face, she just is not quite sure.