CH4 – (Practice) dates are trouble

*AN* Thought this would be quicker than the earlier ones, turned out to be lengthier instead. Ah well, on with my favourite Oregairu ship! *

To work is to lose, that has always been my motto. The fact that I have no say in whether or not my life works out that way or not is proof that society as it stands is immoral and corrupt. Yukinoshita should hurry up and change it already, if anyone can it'd be her. I would but… it's work. The source of my frustration this morning was, as usual these days, that sneakiest of kohais, the kitsune of craftiness herself, Isshiki 'the Fox' Iroha.

Under threat of exposing our previous practice dates to my fellow club members and Komachi I was once again meeting Isshiki in front of Chiba station. For non-natives (you poor souls!) that means the east entrance, obviously. Today was Sunday, time was fast approaching the ungodly hour of 10.00 and I was hungry. "You'd best be on time Isshiki, or I might just starve". I mumbled to myself, feeling half delusional with hunger and particularly sorry for myself. As if dragging me out of the comfort of my own house on a Sunday was not bad enough, Isshiki had expressed a desire to go out for something she called a brunch. Apparently this meant that I was not allowed to breakfast beforehand as it would, and I quote, "totally spoil the mood even worse than it already would be just from you being there, Senpai". Still, a practice date with food was better than one without I supposed.

"Senpai, yahalloo!" Isshiki came walking towards me, dressed not in her school uniform but in an outfit not too dissimilar to the one she wore last time. Her beige-white coat accentuated the colour of her hair, her small heels made her legs look just a bit taller. All in all, it looked good on her, especially in certain ehm… feminine areas that would make a certain Ice Queen very envious indeed. It looked so good that I decided it would be very difficult to say anything about it. I could already feel a comment coming in about what my dead-fish eyes were doing and where were they looking anyway. So, as a wise loner, I decided to ignore Isshiki's outfit altogether and not say anything. No doubt it would be the best course of action here. After all, no one has ever been jailed for not doing anythingg right?

"Yo Isshiki" I gave a little wave and a small nod "Glad you made it."

"Senpai! What's this? Are you trying to hit on me again? Sorry, but you'll have to try again later, I'm too hungry to focus now. But you never know Senpai, today might be your lucky day, tee-hee". She finished off with a winkher wannabe-cute V-sign which looked far sweeter than I was willing to admit even to myself. Wait… didn't I just… must be the hunger.

"Let's hurry to the restaurant shall we? I have been standing around here for far too long, it is freezing cold and I'm hungry too. Looks like we finally have something in common." With that brilliant joke I turned around and started walking in the direction of the restaurant Isshiki had me pick. I had been given specific instructions that anything resembling Saize or that even remotely involved ramen was out of the question, so I had actually had to do a bit of research beforehand and was feeling like I was acing this practice-date thing. Maybe for once I would not end with near-negative points. Not that I cared. Or kept track of Isshiki's scoring system. Why would I? Still, it would be nice… but no, that would never happen! Yuigahama scoring full marks on her next test would have better odds.

"Senpai, what did I tell you last time?" Isshiki began to rant as she fell into place beside me. "You are not supposed to tell your date that she has made you wait, you should stop it with you internal complaining, and while I'm at it, a good date should ask his partner how she is doing or something along those lines at the very least. Honestly Senpai, it is like our first date all over again, hopeless…".

"Our first pracice date you mean?"

"Ehh? Oh, ehm, yes, that's right Senpai". A dark look and ominous sigh suggested that I was missing something here but despite my impressive logical deduction skills I could not figure out what. Must be some normie-thing. Trying to get back into Isshiki's good graces, I decided to indeed ask her how she was doing, at which she huffed and complained about how "Senpai is as spontaneous as a brick wall, as usual", but still seemed glad to respond.

I let her drone on for a bit while she complained about some school related issues, nodding and agreeing in what seemed to be the appropriate moments. From the fact that I did not get yelled at all it seemed to do the trick, crisis averted. After about 5 minutes of Isshiki's near incessant chatter we had finally arrived at Café L'amour. According to my research, which had consisted mainly of secretly browsing through some of Komachi's girly magazines (helping your brother out again, such a wonderful sister!) this seemed to be a popular place. The kind that Isshiki would like while not being crowded enough to make me want to kill everyone the instant we walked in. Plus, it was centrally located meaning my travel time was limited – I would not let this pointless exercise take any more of my free time than absolutely necessary. Guerrilla tactics were dirty, but it was probably the only thing I could to fight back against Isshiki with some measure of success. Mainly because she did not know it was happening. I held no illusions as to what would happen if she did.

"Hey Senpai, this place actually looks acceptable. Maybe you are learning something after all, just more slowly than most people. There may be some hope for you yet".

"Thanks Isshiki, that's very kind of you to say but I rather doubt it. I will probably mess up something else soon and be back to square one". Remaining realistic to avoid disappointment was part of Loner-101.

"Geez Senpai, learn to accept a compliment for once. That was a genuine comment you know! Oh, and learn to read the mood - are you not going to hold open the door for me? Even someone as useless as you should know that much by now".

I resisted the urge to tell her that in public places, men should enter before women according to the rules of Etiquette (I once spent a futile 5 minutes trying to get Yuigahama to spell the word correctly), and settled for the fact that she had just proved me previous point while I opened the door for her as instructed while apologising profusely.

"Sorry Isshiki, I will try harder from now on". I even made a shallow bow to emphasise my point further. It had nothing to do with being able to stare at her shapely legs that way. Honest.

"You better had Senpai! You have just lost all the points you had earned for picking this location, you knooow". That meant I would have to try harder the rest of today… just my luck.

I followed her in, pondering that girls speaking like that was really annooooyiiiing and not at all cute, no matter what my inner voice said. But I did not voice that thought. Hikigaya Hachiman, master of romance, that's me.

Upon entering, we were immediately guided towards a booth in a quiet corner of the place, and ordered some breakfast tea for Isshiki and a coffee for me before browsing the menu.

"Senpai, Senpai!" I looked up from the menu at a beaming Isshiki. "What?"
Not even my short reply could quench her enthusiasm for whatever it was she had in mind it seemed. This was going to be bad. "Senpai, we should totally have the couple's brunch!"

"Sorry, could you say that again? Only I thought you said 'couple's brunch'.. I must not be fully awake yet".

"Mouhou, Senpai you jerk! That's exactly what I said and you know it. As punishment for pretending not to hear me I won't give you a choice in this anymore".

Her tone somehow sounded very happy for someone dealing out punishment, I wonder why. I considered telling her that I did not pretend anything and was just double checking but decided against it. I knew by now that protesting would only make things worse, sometimes it was better to just do as Isshiki said. It would be less work to just acquiesce sometimes. Choose your battles Hachiman.

The moment our couple's brunch arrived though I immediately made a mental note not ever to let Isshiki have her way again. I had expected two of everything to match, so to speak. However, from the croissants and the omelette to the brownies and even the orange juice, there was one large portion of everything that we had to share.

"Looks delicious right Senpai?" Isshiki said, smiling sweetly, almost as if she was not at fault for all this. My life is so screwed-up! What did I do to deserve this? I demand a fair trial, or a separate cup at least!

Ignoring my obvious discomfort, as per usual, Isshiki then went in to clamp the final nail into my coffin. Leaning in, she whispered to me "Senpai, look at the couple in the opposite booth… we should do that as well, it'd be good practice. It might even score you a few points".

On our left was another booth in which a couple who had also ordered the couple's brunch were feeding each other parts from the breakfast and sipping from their juice right after each other. It was positively sickening and way too normie to even comprehend. I turned to Isshiki and was dead-set on refusing her, but before I could I was silenced by Isshiki, who placed a finger on my lips.

"Senpai, before you say anything", Isshiki started, in a voice laced with sugar and honey, "please bear in mind that this will be the only way in which I will allow you to have any of this delicious food".

She saw my incredulous look and added "I'm serious about this Senpai, you have to take responsibility after all".

That again, she really took that too far. I was about to bluff and boldly claim that I could endure that. However, just as I opened my mouth to speak my stomach let out a loud groan, causing Isshiki to giggle softly and look very pleased with herself. Once, just once, I would like not to be led around by this sneaky fox. Knowing my luck though, it would probably never happen.

After another minute in which I tried to first find a way out, then coming to terms with another defeat, I nodded at Isshiki. She beamed me a bright smile and indicated that she would prefer to start with one of the strawberries that dotted the breakfast dishes. I was unsure which was redder, that strawberry or my face as I pricked one onto my fork and held it out to my kouhai so she could have a bite. "Delicious Sempai! It tastes all the better when you help me somehow. Looks like we finally found a use for you, teehee. Now it's my turn!".

Without pausing for even a second, she quickly had pitched another one on her fork and held it out towards me. This time I knew for sure, the strawberry Isshiki held my way did not hold a candle to my face, which was as red as Hiratsuka Sensei's car. After swallowing the small strawberry she had fed me, I managed to croak out a hoarse "Tha… thank you Isshiki".

"You're welcome Senpai. No need to look so embarrassed by the way, we are on a date after all so this is fine". Isshiki positively glowed and looked genuinely happy. A guy could easily fall for a girl who looks like that. Not me though, I was immune, naturally. These were just my observation skills at work. I decided not to correct her about it being a practice date for once, and started cutting up the croissant so we could continue with that.

Maybe this whole couple's brunch thing was not so bad after all, I pondered midway through our meal. Isshiki certainly seemed to enjoy herself, and to be honest once I got over the initial embarrassment it was, I suppose, entertaining to eat together like this. Just the once, of course. I wonder why that thought left me feeling slightly sad. This whole feeding each other thing was a sort of new skill, in a way. Hachiman's 109 skills… hmm that didn't sound quite right, I would need to work on that. The fact that the food was great helped too, it tasted wonderfully and there was plenty of it. All in all, I was in a pretty good mood by now.

"Hey Isshiki.." I mentioned, in between being fed a piece of brownie and something that might have once been part of our croissant but was now unrecognisable as anything other than squashed dough, "this was actually a pretty good idea of you, thanks for letting me come".

"What's this Senpai? Are you hitting on me again? You really don't have to as we are already on a date right now, but I may not be completely disgusted if you try again some other time - you really should Senpai".

"Yea, yea, don't worry I wasn't … here, have the last piece of muffin".

After finishing our meal I paid the bill ("It is a date after all Senpai!), another reason why this farce needs to stop as quickly as possible. That and I am in serious danger of falling behind on this season's anime and manga due to a chronic lack of time. It's so unfair, why should I have to pay so that she can practice dating Hayama anyway? Damn that blonde normie.

Upon exiting the café, I enquired as to today's score for our practice date. I have to keep calling it that to avoid any possible confusion, especially with Isshiki sometimes mentioning it as a date by accident. She pondered about it as we made our way back to the station. "So far Senpai I suppose you have done adequatey – well done for informing by the way, I did not know you had it in you. Remember this Senpai, girls find this important as it means you care for their opinion."

"If I wanted a lecture I would have gone to Hiratsuka-Sensei or Yukinoshita" I mumbled, apparently too loud.

"And what girls do NOT like, Senpai, is their date mentioning other girls. Nor is the lecturing comment appreciated. Jeez, just when I thought there was some hope for us – ehm, I mean for you Senpai."

She wagged her finger in front of my face like a metronome. Stop that women, I'll get dizzy. And don't get so close, I can smell your perfume and everything. A hint of roses and something sweet. "It is things like this that make Senpai so hopeless, just when you were well on your way to a highscore… well" she corrected herself with a sardonic grin, "a high score for you." That last bit actually may have hurt a bit, especially after all the effort I put in.

"Senpai, there's only one way for you to get out of the negative points now, especially as we are nearly at Chiba station already. As I'm such a cute and nice person, I'll give you a hint. Boys can earn high points on dates if they really act like a good boyfriend and make romantic gestures. I trust even you know what those might be?" She looked at me smiling devilishly, me being caught like a deer in the headlights. "You'd better hurry though.. I can almost see the station already". With that she turned around and started walking again.

I was staring after her, wondering what on earth I could do. I mentally went through all the manga I'd read recently, was there any inspiration to be found there? The first three things that came to mind were definitely out of the question – it had to be something I was actually capable off of doing.

In the end, there was only one thing that came to mind. I quickly walked after Isshiki, who was about ten paces ahead of me, and while looking at my feet and most certainly not at her face. I did not want to see the probable disgust on there, I grasped her hand with mine. I heard a soft gasp but she made no move to take her hand back, probably out of politeness. With that, hand in hand, we quietly walked back to the station, me looking everywhere but to our intertwined hands.

Once we got there, a slightly flustered looking Isshiki quickly made her excuses and left. "I have to help out my mom this afternoon, I will let you know your score later Senpai. Thanks for today!" Was all I was left with. This left me to ponder about how this whole thing had gotten out of hand so much, I really should start refusing to co-operate with this whole practice date charade. So what if Yuigahama, Yukinoshita or Komachi saw the receipts? I would just tell them I was helping Isshiki out with a request. Yes, that would surely work out. Besides, it was hardly fair to bother Isshiki with my presence so much. If I did that, maybe my life would finally return to normal. A win-win solution for sure.

Having arrived that conclusion, I resolved to inform Isshiki of my decision as soon as I got home. I was stopped dead in my tracks by Komachi as soon as I entered though. "Welcome back! Did you have fun today? Hmmm? Where were you anyway? Was it a service club outing?"

"Ehh yes it sort of was at that".

"Oh really? Were Yukino-chan and Yui-chan with you?" Komachi had a predatory look on her face. I had better try to end this swiftly and bluff my way through this. "Yes, they were."

"Really? Well, in that case, oh brother of mine… what did they think of you walking hand in hand with another girl?".

Oh crap. This was bad. My earlier explanation did not sound convincing somehow, not even to myself. Komachi had that serious look in her eye now that meant I had better tell the truth this time or I would be dead for sure. I might be anyway. I had never been more removed from normalcy, all that I could do now was pray. Please, Romcom gods, give me back my peaceful life!

*AN: Phew, done. That was the longest chapter yet, pleased with that. Time for some more fun with more characters next. After that, who knows? Considering an Iroha POV chapter at some point, not sure when. Thanks for reading! As always, any feedback is appreciated. Ps, I have figured out that I can reply to reviews now, so I probably will at times & when possible/relevant. Thanks for all the comments so far, very motivating!*