CHAPTER 4 : LIKNESSES OF A LOVED ONE
Because of their injuries over Christmas, Merlin had not given Arthur the sketches made by Geoffrey of the baby. He decided to wait until May. Arthur had been more and more involved with Camelot business but had managed to get in a few days hunting and true to his word he had not forced his manservant to attend him.
Merlin spent the days with Gaius but was a bag of nerves until he heard the hunting party return and saw Arthur was safe and sound. Otherwise, everything in Camelot was normal, the king still hated him, Gaius worried about him, Gawaine still teased him, the knights accepted him and...most importantly, Arthur still loved him.
Deciding that the exchange of the sketches should be done privately, he tidied and cleaned the turret room. Everything was freshly laundered, the floors swept clean and the illusive cobwebs chased down. He had laid a fire for the evening, set the table and put aside some wine and even planted primroses in the little courtyard. It really was fit for a future king.
He had decided to give Arthur the sketch of the father and child, as well as the one of Gaius, Arthur, the baby and himself in front of the fire in Gaius's chamber. The others he would receive later, if he was capable of dealing with these two.
Geoffrey had done a fine job especially on the miniature of the baby. It was the same size as Igraine's and suitable for secreting on one's person or slipping in a bag when travelling. He just hoped that Arthur could get past the sorrow and appreciate Geoffrey's kind gift.
When Arthur returned to their chambers, Merlin was ready, he said, "We're not eating here tonight. I want to go to the turret room. I spent all day cleaning it while you were out murdering helpless bunnies." He got hold of Arthur's hand, "Come on it will be fun and we haven't spent much time there this year."
"Honestly, Merlin, I'd rather stay here. You go."
Merlin dropped his hand, "Are you sickening for something? Don't you feel well?"
"No, I just want to stay here..."
Merlin surprised Arthur by saying, "Alright...see you for breakfast tomorrow morning but should you change your mind, you'll know where I am."
Knowing exactly what he was doing but none the less feeling slightly guilty, he slowly and provocatively undid his neckerchief and threw it on the table in front of Arthur. He then leisurely slipped his jacket off one shoulder before twirling it and letting it land on a chair from which it gracefully slipped to an untidy pile on the floor. He thought, 'Shit, my good jacket!' He loosened the laces at the top of his tunic, allowing Arthur to get a glimpse of his neck and he walked quietly to the door. Knowing that he had Arthur's full attention, he stopped...turned...his fingers on his belt buckle, then opened the door saying huskily over his shoulder, "Come up and see me sometime!"
Once into the corridor, he sped up, retrieving their supper platters which he had placed behind the curtains in the dead end corridor and unlocked the door. He locked it after him if Arthur should he decide to follow him, which Merlin felt was most likely, he would use the second key hanging behind their chamber door.
He carefully negotiated the stairs with the platters and opened the antechamber door. Fresh air swept out of the room as he had left the courtyard door open. He lit the fire and pulled over the kettle to boil, placing the hot food on the hearth. He placed the linen wrapped packages in front of Arthur's chair. He knew that he would hear Arthur on the stairs and was therefore surprised when someone put their hands over his eyes and kissed the back of his neck, sending shivers down his spine.
"Arthur, if I had had the kettle full of boiling water I could have scalded both of us. Didn't think that you wanted to spend the night here?"
"Well, after that overture, I thought I might as well attend the whole performance."
"How did you get up the stairs so quietly?"
"As to being quiet, I'll have you know that in the woods, I am considered the quietest of the quiet."
Merlin face broke into a grin and he couldn't resist adding, "...but not in the bedchamber though!"
Arthur gave him a knowing glance and then his eyes were drawn to the small boxes on the table, "What are these?"
"Presents for you but not to be opened until after you've finished your supper as Nanny What's-Her-Name would have said."
"Can't I even have a peek?"
Merlin shook his head. They ate their meal in companionable silence, until Arthur started summarizing his day's hunting with Merlin making wise-cracks whenever appropriate. Merlin cleared the dishes to the side of the table and leaned back in his chair. He took a deep breath and said, "Arthur, this time last year something very sad happened. We have spoken about it frequently and I think now is the time for you to receive these mementos from Geoffrey." Arthur stiffened, Geoffrey's gifts were always beautiful but he didn't know that he was ready to open anything which might prove to be sad.
Merlin said, "Come and sit in front of the fire and trust me. We'll open them together."
Merlin undid the linen cloth and passed Arthur the silk wrapped miniature. He peeled back the material and his mind was catapulted back to their chamber. He was sitting in front of the fire holding his son and playing with his toes. He gasped and turned, dropping his head to Merlin's chest. Merlin put his arms around him and held him till the shuddering stopped.
Just held him, until all the anguish was gone and he glanced again at the miniature and carefully touched the baby's head. Merlin gave him the second one and he opened both the linen and the silk by himself. The shock was over and the second one of Gaius, himself, the baby and Merlin released the floodgates.
"I'm not crying because, I don't like it as I do, but it is a wonderful representation of our family, grandfather, father, beloved uncle-father," here he kissed Merlin, "and our little baby. Merlin, if I could wish for anything at this moment, it would be to have seen him as a toddler, running to Gaius, knowing who his fathers were and recognizing us and calling us by name."
Merlin laughed, "Yes, I can just hear him. 'But Father, why do I have to share my name? I want to be the only one called Merlin and Gaius!' A little prat...like father like son..." Merlin punched Arthur's arm and he smiled. He was however completely besotted with his presents and didn't retaliate.
Arthur had no time for anything else, he just sat looking at the paintings marvelling at Geoffrey's talent, his ability to capture on such a small object the faces, happenings and even the emotions of the situation.
Satisfied that the miniatures had brought such happiness, Merlin snuggled against Arthur, realising that this was really to be the extent of their family.
But that was not to be. Uther and Hansard had been communicating and as both accepted that the Princess Guinevere was obviously no longer in the picture, Hansard had magnanimously offered his second daughter to Uther to replace the missing princess.
To safeguard the plan, no one other than the kings and one trusted advisor to each were in the know. Uther thought long and hard before choosing his representative. Sir Rupert who would have been his first choice, was not suitable as he was too close to Arthur. Neither Gaius nor Geoffrey were to be involved this time. The kings would decide and the young couple would obey.
The princess was twenty-two year old Maida. She was widowed and had a two year old daughter. Both Hansard and Uther saw this as a plus as she was proven. Now, it would be up to Arthur to do his bit.
Mid-summer, just after the investitures of the new knights and the Tournament, the king announced that Arthur would be visiting King Hansard to discuss some interesting propositions. He would be accompanied by a manservant and three knights. It would be an unofficial visit but he assured Arthur that he had great hopes for a successful outcome.
Merlin was shocked to find out that he was not to be Arthur's manservant for this visit as the king had chosen Humphrey. "You have to be kidding!" He turned on Arthur, "...and you probably just stood there, bowed and said, 'Yes, Sire'!"
"Merlin!"
"Sorry."
"You're blowing it all out of proportion, I'm sure you will be able to come along as a back up."
"So, that's what I have become a back up? What happened to the days and even the nights when you couldn't do without me? Was that all out of proportion as well?"
Arthur walked over to put his arms around an obviously upset Merlin but he wouldn't let him, he stiffened and raised his fists to mid chest, pushing Arthur away, dodging out of his grasp and leaving their chamber.
Sometimes, he couldn't fathom him out. Why was he so upset because he wouldn't be traveling as his manservant? It didn't change anything? It was probably going to be a boring visit, with lots of meetings with no real solutions to any problems.
There was something in the air, Merlin had picked it up in the Council Chamber during the last meeting. Nothing, he could put his finger on exactly just the way the king was behaving towards his son and the knowing glances he kept exchanging with old Sir Bentley.
"Gaius, tell me about Sir Bentley?"
"He's lived here for years. Never quite made the grade but he was a skilled knight and he's loyal to the king and Camelot."
"Why would the king be interested in him?"
"You've got it wrong there, the king has never done anything but tolerate his being here. I don't see that things have changed. What did you notice?"
"There was an undercurrent between Uther and Sir Bentley, sort of, 'We have a secret and we're not going to share it'. Watch him tomorrow and you'll see what I mean."
"I wouldn't worry about it as I doubt that it will have any affect on anyone else."
"You know that Humphrey has been assigned as Arthur's manservant when he goes to visit Hansard."
"No, I took it for granted that you would go. Have you had a fallen out with his lordship?"
"Well not really but after this afternoon's conversation maybe..." Merlin told Gaius briefly what had happened in their chamber.
"Well, from what you say, Arthur appears to be as confused as you. Wait until the king gives him an idea of the meeting agenda. Maybe something will come to light then."
But it really didn't, Arthur finally got Merlin sufficiently calmed down that he was able to tell him what his father had had to say and that he was expecting him to make him proud and do everything possible to fall in with the proposed plans. Whatever they were...
Merlin was still in the dark and Arthur seemed even less on the ball as he could see no reason to worry about the upcoming trip. He had never shared with Merlin his surprise at which knights were to accompany him. He's expected a senior knight, hopefully Leon and then two other younger knights but he had been surprised to learn that Sirs Mandon, Bevan and Harold would complete the party. All he could think of was that their aggregate age must have been close to two hundred and twenty. He couldn't see much lighthearted fooling on this excursion, maybe he should fight to have Merlin with him.
The weeks passed and finally the day came to leave. Merlin was shocked when he heard the names of the attending knights. The king must be mad, sending a crown prince out of his kingdom with an escort of senior citizens.
Gaius had been approached by Sir Leon worried that it would be a suicide mission and asking if he couldn't at least talk to the king and increase the escort with two young skilled knights.
The king refused to even discuss the situation with Gaius, "Gaius, since when have you been interested in the affairs of state. Arthur is only going to King Hansard's kingdom and he will be well enough protected by his escorts."
"Maybe, Merlin might also tag along to help them out?"
"You have to be kidding, Gaius! That idiot is a liability not an asset, honestly you're becoming befuddled in your old age! He needs a real manservant and by the time he comes home, he will hopefully realise the error of his ways in keeping that village oath!"
"Sire, please reconsider your choice of knights then. Let Sir Leon or Sir Thierry join them..."
"Enough! I have more important things on my mind than travel arrangements for my adult son. Be done with it!"
Merlin watched from the royal chamber windows as the prince, Humphrey as his manservant, the king's advisor Sir Bentley and the three accompanying knights left the courtyard.
"Don't come down to see me off," Arthur had said earlier that morning. "I won't be able to leave seeing your worried look. I promise that I will take care of myself, if only because I know that you will miss me if I never return."
Merlin didn't think he was being funny in the slightest and then his heart dropped as he could see that Arthur's eyes were tear filled. He tried to smile and said, "Don't worry, I have enough friends in Camelot that I would be able to find someone to love and take care of me. But I'll wait for you until Christmas and then I'll look up Gawaine and make him an exceedingly happy man!"
A smile crossed Arthur's face as he realised that Merlin was trying to make the parting easier. He slid over in the bed and pulled Merlin to him and held him.
Merlin was murmuring and Arthur realised he was listing the chapters in Gaius's compendium. "Take your pick, Love, this will be better than a quick hug on the stairs when the king isn't looking."
...finally, Arthur was dressed. In his bags, he had Geoffrey's miniature of his son. His chest had already been taken from the chamber and Merlin was beginning to realise that it wasn't a bad dream that would be fulfilled in the future; it was reality, the here and now.
Arthur walked to the door and put his hand on the latch, he turned to take a last look at his chambers and his manservant. He said, "Well, I'm ready. Try not to get into too much trouble with the king. Stay out of his way and I expect this place neat and tidy when I get back."
He turned but was stopped by a heart-wrenching cry of his name, as Merlin literally threw himself at him passionately kissing him. They gasped for air as Merlin whispered, "Never forget the times when we have been together. My love is not only now but forever. Be sensible and keep yourself safe!"
Arthur walked out the door and was met on the stairs by a worried Sir Leon who escorted him to the courtyard.
'Boring! Boring...boring!' That was all Arthur could think about the trip so far. The knights were so unimaginative; their minds were small and painfully slow. In desperation, he had asked Humphrey to ride bedside him. He did so, as he had clued into the fact that Arthur was missing Merlin and wanted to be left alone by the others.
Arthur missed having the continual chattering from his right. He missed Gidun's solid presence. He missed the opportunity to joke and laugh. It was like being on a school outing and getting stuck in the coach seats right in front of the teachers. He felt imprisoned by his own escort, imprisoned by their lack of understanding that this trip might have been interesting and fun. If one more person mentioned an arthritic wrist or a saddle sore, he would scream. The continual 'calls of nature' were driving him out of his mind.
He could imagine Merlin saying with a laugh, 'You will be old one day too and be making frequent pit stops, so be kind!'
Three hours out, they had already passed the cut off to Yewdene, Arthur's mind was miles away. He could see Merlin soaking wet from having been pulled into the bath, he could see him upset about Gaétan's injuries, he could see him in bed. He should have been with him, they could have sneaked off and spent the night at Yewdene.
But reality was again knocking at his mind's door. "...Yes, Sir Harold, I am hungry. Very well, at the next suitable spot we will take a lunch break."
He had at least two more days of this to face, with younger knights, they would have covered more ground. These old fellows were not bad they were just unsuitable for the mission which the king had given them. They were probably quite capable attending council meetings but traveling long distances with them was not only going to wear him out, it might even drive him stark raving mad.
Lunch passed easily as he let them, do all the talking. Did he know that fifty years previous, the castle kitchens were in a separate building? The meat used to be half cooked, then brought into the castle to be finished off in the large fireplace in the dining hall. Sir Bentley insisted that it must have been, what forty-seven years ago that they had subsequently been a fire and no one had any dinner that night. He thought, 'God, help me. Do I really care?'
They rode for another two hours and then started to find a suitable campsite. It had to be near water, out of the direct wind and a dry area...he looked at Humphrey and couldn't help but smile as his manservant raised his eyes to the heavens.
The campsite was pathetic. No fir boughs to lie on, no Merlin to get his meal. Sir Madon's attempts to light the fire were laughable, luckily the packhorse groom had more talent and ability than he did. Arthur was determined to get as far away as possible from the others, he knew that Humphrey would set his bedroll nearby but he had no intention of joining the seniors around the fire with their groaning about the hard ground and aching bones.
He could still hear the branches and logs crackling and he lay on his back and looked up at the stars. Well, at least it was a clear night, no rain and then he remembered Merlin looking up to the sky as he rain beat down on his face. He smiled to himself. This mission had better be something special or he would take his father to task if it turned out to be an utter waste of time.
Second day, same as the first! Thank God for Humphrey...at least he was living in the present and not the past.
He had a flash of guilt. It wasn't their faults that they were old but Gaius was old and he didn't carry on the way that they did. Why had the king chosen these old men?
That night, they were on the outskirts of the kingdom. Supper had been hot and plentiful, everyone was tired after two days of riding and turned in early. Arthur heard an owl and slowly drifted off hugging himself feeling very lonely.
He woke a little later but still felt so tired. He thought he heard movement but he figured it was one of the knights traipsing off into the woods.
He was awoken, by a hand touching him and Humphrey saying, "Sire, wake up! Please, Sire?"
Opening his eyes, he could see that it was still dark. "Humphrey...I'm not getting up until daylight..."
"Oh, yes you are!" A strange voice said.
Arthur struggled to raise himself up but realised he was being held down, so he opened him eyes.
"So, this is the Bonnie Prince of Camelot!"
...and he saw the first coming at him and there was darkness.
When he came to, it was light. Humphrey and the groom were tied to trees. His escort of knights was gone but all the horses were accounted for. They couldn't have got far on foot. Two ruffians were seated around the fire and a third man was standing guarding him. He was securely bound. He stayed still accounting for everyone's positions before he moved. His legs were cramping and his jaw felt strange. He caught Humphrey's eye to commiserate with him.
His guard noticed his movement and said, "Welcome back to the land of the living, Sire."
Arthur tried to figure which man was the leader and decided it was the one by the fire who had not bothered turning to look at him as the other man had spoken. Thank God, Merlin wasn't there as he would probably have got himself killed as he would have fought tooth and nail against his being captured and Arthur would have done the same to protect Merlin. How had this been allowed to happen?
Without looking up, the man by the fire said, "Dump him over near the servants for the time being."
Arthur was unceremoniously dragged across the forest floor and dropped awkwardly at Humphrey's feet.
The two men returned to the fire.
Humphrey asked, "Sire, can you hear me, are you alright?"
A voice from the fire said, "No talking, damn it or you'll join the old ones."
Humphrey sought out Arthur's eyes and shut up. Realisation hit Arthur in the gut, a threat of 'joining the old ones'. They'd killed the knights sent to accompany him to Hansard. Shit! The guilt washed over him in waves, he'd been so insensitive and mocked them and now he would have to live with that always.
It began to lightly drizzle; thoughts of Merlin entered his mind, he tried to blank them out. Gaius would be so upset if he didn't return safely. He'd already lost more than half of his party and heaven knows, who his captors were...