Chapter 4!

Previously:

"Son," said Mrs Ockswell to J.D. "are you alright?"

She had asked this because J.D. was gripping the chart in his hand and the colour had drained from his face. His mouth hung open in shock.

All he could think about was her. Her smile. Her laugh. Her smell. Her 'Frick's. Her bang-blowing.

Oh, God. I'm in love with Elliot!

"Newbie? Newbie? NEWBIE!" Dr Cox roared.

J.D. jumped at the sudden volume of Dr Cox's voice and dropped the chart in his hands.

"Newbie, what the hell?"

"Dude, you okay?" Turk asked.

"I'm f-fine." J.D. stuttered, picking up his clipboard. "I j-just have to g-go."

He bolted out the door, leaving the three people left in the room thoroughly confused; but he didn't care about that right now. After what he had just realised, he was highly likely to have a panic attack.

The shrink was right! I am in love with Elliot. God, how did I not realise this? What the hell have I been doing for the past six years?

J.D. had intended to head to the staff lounge, but was so wrapped up in thoughts that he didn't even realise that he was just walking at a fast pace around the hospital, with no real destination.

What if she finds out? Do I want her to find out? Hell no, she might laugh in my face. Okay, calm down, there's no way she'll find out. You're the only one that knows; nobody else in the entire hospital has a clue.

Just then, Dr Kelso walked past him.

"Ah, Dr Dorian." he said. "I hear you're up to your old tricks with Dr Reid, again, eh sport?"

J.D. felt his eyes widen and his heart beat increase significantly.

"Who told you that?" he asked Kelso.

"Word gets around!" the Chief of Medicine said, before walking away.

"So, J.D." the Todd said, appearing out of nowhere. "Have you banged Elliot yet? Well, y'know, banged her again."

"I hope not." Laverne said from his seat at the nurse's station. "She only broke up with her boyfriend last night. It ain't marriage, but you can bet your ass Jesus still won't approve!"

J.D. thought he might be having that panic attack sooner rather than later.

HOW DO THEY KNOW?! I just admitted it to myself 10 minutes ago!!

Wherever J.D. went, the hospital staff were asking him about Elliot. He needed to hide somewhere. So, he took a page out of Elliot's book and entered the nearest supply closet.

As soon as he was in, J.D. closed his eyes, leaned back against the door and run his hands through his hair.

"Oh, thank God! It's just you."

J.D.'s eyes shot open at the sound of someone else's voice, and was so shocked to see Elliot leaning against the opposite wall that he jumped and let out a yell, causing her to do the same.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" he asked, trying to get his breathing back under control.

"Hiding." she answered.

"From who?"

"Everybody.

By the look on J.D.'s face, she clearly had to explain further.

"Word has gotten around that Keith thinks I broke up with him because of you. That combined with Laverne seeing us this morning holding hands means that everyone in the hospital now thinks we're back together again." she said, fast as only Elliot could talk.

Oh, thank God! So, the hospital doesn't know everything I've been thinking about lately.

"Everywhere I go, either the women are calling me 'Slut' or the guys………well, the guys are calling me 'Slut' too; but they think it's a good thing."

J.D. let out a long sigh before he leaned forward against one of the shelves.

"This is just like the time in high school when I was seeing this guy." Elliot went on. "I broke up with him 'cause I found out he had been videotaping me behind my back. However, the guy takes it upon himself to tell the school that the real reason I broke up with him was because I was having an affair with his father. What the kids at school didn't know was that the guy's father had died years ago!! People in the halls used to ask me how my sugar daddy was and put pictures of naked old guys in my locker. Eventually, people found out the guy had no father and had actually planted a camera in the girl's locker room. He got expelled and last I heard he owns a bar in New York."

She finished her long and pointless story by blowing the bangs out of her face and J.D., despite everything else going on, actually found himself laughing.

Only she could make me laugh at a time like this.

"So, what are we going to do." Elliot asked, once J.D.'s laughter had stopped.

"Well," he answered her, "I suppose people will realise eventually that we're not dating."

"Yeah, but what about until then?"

"We'll just have to put up with it. If they don't believe us when we're telling the truth, what else can we do?"

After that, they were silent for a minute. Elliot eventually broke it.

"J.D., I'm so sorry about this." she said, and J.D. saw she was close to crying.

"What're you talking about? You didn't start the rumour." he said.

"I know but, lately, I've been such a burden on you."

"Elliot, you haven't been a --"

"Yes, J.D., I have. But, I promise, I'll make it up to you, okay?"

She stepped up on the tip of her toes and placed a kiss on his cheek. As soon as her lips made contact, J.D. felt an overwhelming urge to grab her and kiss her on the lips passionately. So much so, that he had to force his hands to stay at his side.

"Well, I'd better go. I don't want to think what would happen if someone saw us in here together." Elliot said.

J.D. gave her a weak smile. She made a move to open the door but suddenly stopped.

"Hey, J.D. What were you hiding in here for?" she asked.

"Err…the same as you. Wanted to get away from it all." he answered.

Well, it's not really a lie; I just didn't want to get away from the same thing she did.

She nodded, and before she left she shot J.D. one last smile.

J.D. felt his knees go slightly weak.

J.D.'s mind was in overdrive. The realization that he was still in love with Elliot consumed every trail of thought his mind produced. The only time he wasn't thinking about it was when he was with his patients. She was on his mind so much so that he had actually made the mistake of calling a few of his patients 'Elliot'; something that the injured boxer in room 204 did not take too kindly to.

On top of that, everyone in the hospital was convinced that the rumour that he had gotten back together with Elliot after she broke up with Keith last night was entirely true. This meant that the nurse's were disgusted with him; the only nurse he could get any help from was Carla. The rest of the staff seemed to shake their heads in a disgusted way whenever he passed them.

It didn't bother J.D., weirdly enough. He had always been so worried about what other people in the hospital thought of him. But, right now, the whole being in love with Elliot thing kind of took up most of his time.

When he got a break, he spent in the cafeteria. He hadn't been there for five minutes before Turk dropped into the seat across from him.

"'Sup V-bear." Turk said.

"Does this mean your talking to me now?" J.D. asked.

"Yeah, it does. Look man, if you didn't want to hang out yesterday because you and Elliot hooked up again, why didn't you just say so?"

J.D. let out a frustrated sigh.

"Because we haven't hooked up again." he said.

Although I'm starting to hope that we will. Whoa! Where did that come from? Let's take this slow, okay J.D.?

"Dude, you don't have to lie to me. The whole hospital knows."

"Turk, listen to me." J.D. said in a firm voice. "Elliot broke up with Keith last night because she didn't think the relationship was going anywhere. Keith freaked out and came to the conclusion that Elliot wasn't over me. This morning, I was kinda bummed out about the baby and Elliot was there for me."

He stopped when he saw Turk raise his eyebrows at his 'there for me' comment.

"I mean she held my hand and stuff, man! C'mon!"

"Oh! My bad!" Turk apologised.

"Anyway," J.D. went on. "Keith saw the aforementioned hand-holding and, well, you can probably guess how he reacted. Unfortunately, Laverne saw the whole thing which means --"

"It was spread around the hospital before you can say 'Mole-butt'" Turk finished for him.

"Yeah."

J.D. made a mental note to kill Laverne as Turk thought something over.

"So," he started. "why did you go over to Elliot's place last night?"

"Because she breaking up with Keith! She said she was gonna be bummed out and asked if I would come over. I didn't tell you because she told me to keep it quiet."

Turk looked extremely relieved and let out a sigh to prove it.

"Dude, sorry I was such an ass yesterday." he told J.D.

"It's alright, Chocolate Bear. You didn't know."

"We gotta get back to work, you comin'?" Turk asked, looking at his watch.

"Yeah." J.D. replied and he got up and followed Turk out of the cafeteria.

"I gotta tell you," Turk said, laughing a little. "For a minute there, I thought you did care more about Elliot that me, Vanilla Bear."

J.D.'s smile faulted and he stayed silent.

J.D. had been off for about fifteen minutes but didn't have the energy to change and go home. So he sat once again on the couch in an empty doctor's lounge, his hand rubbing his eyes.

For the past couple of hours, J.D. struggled to cope with the news that he had been in love with Elliot for six years. Every now and then, his denial tried to make a comeback. But all it took was a smile from Elliot as he passed her in the hall. His heartbeat would increase, he would fumble anything he had in his hands, and struggle to stop himself doing things to her right in the middle of the hall.

That's when it really hit him. How big this was. This wasn't like in high school, when a guy would tell a girl he loved her to get her into bed. J.D. was crazy, uncontrollably, head over heels in love with Elliot Reid.

And it scared him.

It scared him because there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn't convince himself that he was idealising her because he knew in his heart it just wasn't true. He couldn't pick something that got on his nerves and screw up their relationship because they weren't dating. And also because he couldn't find a single fault that she had. Every time he thought of something other people found annoying (light-speed talking, bang-blowing, long and pointless stories, etc.) he discovered that these were the things he loved the most.

He wondered what he was going to do. He was pretty sure he couldn't go back to being friends with her.

Were we ever actually just friends?

And, if he made a move, she might freak out and he could end up losing her forever.

And then he thought of a world without Elliot in his life. Panic and fear bubbled in his stomach even though he hadn't even done anything yet. His breathing sped up to the point people watching him would probably think he was having a asthma attack or something.

Just then, Dr Cox entered the room.

"Hey, Newbie. What's up?" he asked, sitting next to J.D. and putting his soap on the T.V., apparently oblivious to J.D.'s state.

"He was right." J.D. croaked out.

"What's that, Judy?" Cox asked, though his eyes where still on the television.

"The shrink; he was right." J.D. repeated.

Dr Cox took his eyes off the T.V. and turned them on J.D. They were as angry as J.D. had ever seen them.

"Now, wait a God-damn minute there, Newbie. We talked about this. About not letting the phoney doctor win. Remember?"

J.D. let out a laugh that had no trace of amusement in it.

"It's too late. I've already realised it. And I'm screwed. Completely, utterly screwed."

Now, in spite of himself, Dr Cox seemed worried. What had the shrink said to the poor kid?

"Newbie, what the hell did the guy say to you?"

But J.D. apparently hadn't heard him. His eyes had a faraway look in them; but not his usual faraway look.

"How did I not even realised after six years of being around her, and this guy seemed to know everything."

"Newbie, look at me! You need to fight this. The guy is messing with your head. Whatever he told you, it's not true."

J.D. seemed to come back to reality and looked at Dr Cox.

"I have to get out of here or I'll go insane." he mumbled and then got up and left without another word.

"Newbie! Newbie!" Cox called after him but he didn't come back.

He let out a sigh, and turned back to the T.V.

"Should probably tell Carla to talk to him. And to Barbie, too. She looks like she's having a rough time today." he mumbled to himself.

The shrinks words echoed through Cox's head and he went slightly rigid on the couch.

"I mean it's not like I care about the stupid kids or anything!" he shouted, as if trying to convince himself. Then he focused on the T.V. and forced himself to forget everything he had said in the past minute.

J.D. walked straight out of the hospital, still in his scrubs. He stopped in the parking lot when he realised he didn't know where he was going.

I need to talk about this to someone, anyone. Turk? Hell no, probably freak out like he did yesterday. Dr Cox? Yeah, 'cause our last conversation just went so well. Janitor? What the hell am I thinking?!

"Bambi!"

J.D. whirled round and saw Carla coming out of the Hospital doors.

I've never been so happy to see her in my life.

"You, okay? You look like you've had a rough day." she said, walking towards him.

"You have no idea." J.D. answered.

Carla saw the look in J.D.'s eyes that told her he needed someone to talk to.

"Wanna get a drink?" she asked.

J.D. nodded and they walked to the bar in silence.

Once they were there and had gotten drinks, they took a table in the corner.

"So, what's up, Bambi?"

J.D. seemed hesitant.

The thing about Carla is, while she's always good to talk to, if it's about someone in the hospital she finds it hard to keep it to herself.

"Okay, look." J.D. started. "I really need to talk to you about this but you have to promise me that it will never leave this room."

"If this is about you and Elliot getting back together, I know it's just a rumour."

"No, it's not about that. This is different. I need you to promise never to tell anyone about this."

There was something like desperation in J.D.'s eyes, and it scared Carla.

"Of course, Bambi."

J.D. nodded, swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and prepared to shock Carla to her core.

"Carla, that rumour about me and Elliot isn't true but……………I'm still in love with her."

J.D. paused and waited for the gasp; but it never came.

He looked up to see Carla looking at him as if he was going to carry on with his confession. He shot her a look that told her he was finished.

"Is that it?" Carla asked.

"Yes! Why aren't you shocked."

"Because I already know, Bambi." Carla asked, as if she was talking to a small child. "I've know for a long time."

"You knew! Why didn't you tell me!"

"You didn't know?! How? You're the one in love with her."

"Well, according to Mr-Know-It-All Shrink, I've been in denial for six years; subconsciously destroying every relationship I'm in because of it." J.D. said bitterly.

Realisation dawned on Carla.

"Ohhh! So that's why you freaked out at lunch the other day?"

"Yeah. Carla, I'm screwed, what am I going to do?"

"Look, you have to make choice. You've known Elliot for six years, during the last three of which you've managed to build a normal friendship. I'm not gonna lie to you and say you won't be risking that if you make a move. So you can either go for it, or try to get over her."

"Carla, you don't understand. I don't want to risk losing Elliot; just the thought of it scares the hell out of me. But, I've been trying to get over her since I was an intern. And for the last three years, I'd convinced myself that I'd done just that. But y'know what I've realised? I'll never be able to get over her. It's just not something I can do. I love her. It complicates every single aspect of my life but, God help me, I love her."

By the look on her face, Carla clearly wasn't expecting that and J.D. felt a little surprised at his own words too. He knew every single word of it was true, though. He dropped his head against the table.

"I am screwed on so many levels." he said.

As usual, thankyou to all those who have reviewed this story. Please let me know what you think of this chapter.