Chapter 4

Cullen and Shaye reached for their weapons and ran down the stairs. Although it was past dusk, to their right, they were able to see a group of burley looking men, circling two Elves, a man and a woman, both of whom were somewhat ineffectively brandishing knives.

Cullen yelled out. "You best back off."

"Says who?" Called out one of thugs.

"Says a guardsman and a Templar and Hawke." A woman's voice rang out. It was Aveline.

"So good of you to come!" said Shaye, relieved that the odds were getting a bit better.

"Hawke. Trouble always seems to find you." She eyed Cullen and nodded curtly.

It was more than the thugs had bargained for, and as Hawke, Cullen, and Aveline made their move, the men disbanded quickly, as did the Elves.

"That was easy. How about a pint? The Hanged Man is just around the corner and my shift is officially over." Aveline said, rather too cheerfully.

"Ah. Well, it is getting late. I guess I will take my leave. Good-night." Cullen bowed and walked away.

"Hmm." Aveline said. "Aren't you going to thank me?"

"Thank you? For scaring away the thugs?"

"No, you fool, for scaring away Cullen. As though you need to be seen with a Templar!" Aveline snorted.

"You married a Templar Aveline. And besides, I am not sure I care about who I am seen with. Even you!" Shaye said with a grin.

"Ouch!" She replied.

They walked around the corner and entered The Hanged Man. It was as crowded and noisy as ever. Varric was nowhere to be found, and Isabella was flirting with some young sailor. They grabbed a seat and ordered some ale.

"So. Are you any closer to having enough coin for the expedition?" Aveline asked.

"Yes, we have squirreled away enough and then some. We will leave in a few days."

"I'll miss you. I am a bit envious you know." Aveline commented.

"Well Varric can't leave soon enough, but Anders isn't too thrilled about it. He would gladly trade places with you." Shaye said laughing.

"Ach. Anders. Now there is a piece of work!" Aveline remarked.

"He's not so bad really. A little one note, I grant you. But he truly means well, and he has a sharp wit. He is gorgeous to look at, keeps Fenris in line and keeps me on my toes. All in all, a very good companion!" Shaye said.

"By the way, what in the Maker's name were you doing with Cullen?"

"Cullen? Cullen. Yes, well, um. We just kind of bumped into each other. It was an accident really." Shaye babbled –she hadn't been expecting the question.

"For a good liar, you are not a very good liar tonight Hawke." Aveline said.

Composed, Shaye responded. "Well Aveline. That's because I am not lying. We bumped into each other accidently. That's all there is to it. Sorry to disappoint!" And to herself she thought accidentally on purpose about ten times that is! "Look, Aveline, Cullen is a good man. He is protecting Bethany – not that anyone else needs to know that." The warning in her voice was unmistakable.

"You mean he knows about Bethany and has done nothing. Interesting! Of course I won't say anything Hawke. You know you can trust me." She said. But Aveline couldn't let it go,

"But still" she mused "it does seem odd, you and Cullen."

"Aveline – there is no me and Cullen." A flash of anger crossed her eyes.

"Hawke, Hawke, settle down! Don't get defensive on me. I wasn't implying anything. I understand. You want to protect Bethany so keep him on a string. I get it."

"Aveline! I wouldn't keep anyone on a string, least of all him." Shaye was getting angry now.

"Oh, I see. So you have a crush then. Well, he is very handsome, I give you that."

Shaye stood up. "I've got to get home. Aveline, you really don't know what you are talking about. Drop it, will you?"

Without waiting for a response, she left the tavern.

Shaye lay awake in the bed she shared with her sister. She was annoyed with Aveline for her intrusiveness, but more annoyed with herself for her defensiveness. But more than that, Shaye was angry. Angry because she had to admit to herself that she didn't want to go on this expedition. She didn't want to go, because she didn't want to leave Cullen.

Cullen. It was all Cullen. He was changing her life. And she was letting him. And she didn't know why.

Shaye was a runner. She always had been. She ran because it was required of her by her parents. She had no roots and nothing to hold her, save her family. When she was very young, it just seemed like one big adventure after another. But as she got older, made friendships, began to have hopes and dreams, the running became a burden. Always leaving behind something that might hold some promise for the future. She grew tired of it.

Based on what Cullen had told her, perhaps they did not need to have run so far or so fast. That made her angry too.

And now, once again she was running. This time to the Deep Roads. Once again she was leaving behind something that might be. If the expedition was successful, she could buy her Mother a new life and buy Bethany's freedom, if it ever came to that. Shaye didn't begrudge her mother or her sister; it was just that she was tired of running. She was tired of feeling alone. She was tired of not knowing whether or not she could pursue her own future.

Cullen never asked anything of her nor did he need anything from her. Cullen made her feel alive and inspired, and she liked that feeling. Cullen felt like a beacon of strength and safety and sanity. She needed Cullen in her life, she realized, and although that was scary, it was also exciting.

She began to wonder if one of the reasons she was so enamoured with Cullen was that he had focus and purpose and certainty in his life. Maybe she hoped that some of that would rub off on her. Cullen was a protector. He protected people from Mages, and protected Mages from themselves. Agree or not, he was clear on his mission and sincere in his beliefs. He was smart and challenging and he made her think. And there was a shyness and a vulnerability about him that tugged at her heart and made her feel that if she could live the rest of her life loving him and making him happy, then both their lives would somehow be complete. It was crazy and outrageous, but there it was.

What do I believe in? Shaye asked herself. I am not sure I even know who I am. I have never stood still long enough to find out. All I know is that somehow the answers lie with Cullen. And if he doesn't kiss me before I leave, I think I will go mad!

Cullen peered over the engraver's shoulder. "No, no, um. All right. Write Return to Sender."
The engraver rolled his eyes and clucked his tongue. "Very well." He said.

"No, wait. That's too impersonal. How is this? Be Safe and Return. No, Keep Safe and Return. Or, Return Safely. Maker, I don't know." Cullen dragged his fingers through his hair, and smiled sheepishly. "Give me a minute."

Cullen had decided that his feelings for Shaye were growing stronger, and he could no longer ignore them or rationalize them away. That she was a beautiful woman who made his heart pound and his hands sweat was only half the story. It was the way she made him feel. Happy, joyful, and unafraid. Safe to return to himself, something he never thought possible after Uldred. The lively, spirited, combative woman who talked a mile a minute and made him laugh was truly a gift from the Maker.

He wanted to give something of himself to Shaye. A good luck token. He purchased a beautiful silver medallion attached to a delicate silver chain, and on the medallion he had a Templar's Cross etched within. He wanted to engrave a few words on the other side of the medallion. Something that would reflect his feelings. If she accepted the medallion, then the door would be open. If not, the door would be closed. And although Cullen was extremely nervous about being rejected, it was better to deal with the rejection while she was gone from Kirkwall. Time away would heal the embarrassment and the hurt. Of course, rejection meant that he wouldn't be able to go to the sanctuary anymore, but that didn't matter. He had purchased a small workshop and loft near the docks with the some of his family inheritance. Cullen had decided that he wanted Shaye in his life. And he could only pray that she felt the same.

The engraver was getting impatient. "Look, what is it that you want from her? Andraste's knickers – it can't be that hard."

"I want her to return to me." Cullen said quietly.

"Then it is done." Said the engraver.

Cullen stood looking out over the parapet wall onto the city. He was in full uniform. His stomach was in knots. He was tired of trying to figure it out. It did not matter. It simply was. Cullen was by nature a cautious man. But falling in love was not for the cautious he had decided. He had to know.

He turned to the sound of her boots echoing across the stone floor. He looked at her and smiled, always so taken by her beauty. And today she looked more radiant than ever. Her gorgeous green eyes were shining, her long soft hair blowing across her face. Her lips full and soft. She wore a simple blouse, revealing the top of her ample breasts. The shirt was cinched at her waist, revealing her shapely hips. Her long legs covered with leggings and boots. He was staring but it was hard to pull his eyes away.

She blushed. Something in the way Cullen was looking at her today caught her off guard. He was smiling, his dimples taunting her.

"Hello Shaye." He said.

She smiled.

"I am on duty, as you probably have guessed." Gesturing to his uniform. "I don't have much time, but I didn't want you to leave without saying good bye." Cullen said softly. His hands began to sweat.

"I am glad you came." Shaye said softly. "I would have felt awful without saying good-bye."

"I shall miss our talks." He said. His smile was gone, and there was sadness in his eyes.

"As will I." Shaye replied.

"And more than that Shaye, I, I will miss you." Cullen said hoarsely. "I know that we haven't known each other very long. I know that there is still much we have to learn about one another. And Maker knows, that it is crazy to think that a Templar and a rogue with a family full of Mages could ever … but Shaye I have come to care for you."

"I know." Her emerald eyes staring up at him.

"I have something for you. It's for good luck." Cullen said, and pulled out a small blue box from beneath his armour.

Shaye smiled. "Thank-you Cullen."

She gingerly opened the box to find inside a finely crafted silver medallion with a Templars cross etched on it, attached to a lovely silver chain. Cullen moved closer to her. She flipped the medallion over, and she thought her heart would explode right out of her chest as she read the words Return to Me.

"Cullen. This is beautiful. No one has ever … I don't know what to say." Tears began to form in her eyes. She dared not blink lest they start to fall.

"Say that you will come back safe." Cullen swallowed hard "Say that you feel about me, as I feel about you." He whispered.

He moved closer to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. His heart was pounding hard and fast and his throat was dry. Bending slightly, he leaned in. He hesitated, searched her face. She did not stop him. She rose up on her toes and brought her face closer to his. And then he kissed her, softly, gently. Her mouth was warm and yielding. She was trembling slightly. He pulled her closer and held her in his arms. They were silent.

"I will return to you Cullen." Shaye said smiling though her tears. Reluctantly, he released her.

"I must go." He said, wiping the tears that were now streaming unabashedly down her face.

"Thank-you Shaye. Maker watch over you." And then he was gone.

~XXX~