Authors note: I must say that I'm happy that you like the story so far. I realize that I've put up four chapters in three days which is probably rushing thing a bit much but it's so much fun to get reviews from you guys. Especially those telling me exactly what you like and don't like, and those where you tell me what you want to happen next.
Anyways, I'm trying to take my time with the story to make it as realistic as possible so this chapter is mostly one for building the characters and their relationships to each other, but as of next chapter, look out for some drama!
Wishinonastar: Thanks! And I think you'll like one thing near the ending of this chapter, but I'm telling you, this is just an appetizer. The real scolding comes later… Mwoahahaa…
Brucas46forever & ShadowOfMyWords: thanks for pointing out mistakes in spelling and grammar.
pOoLbEeRtAtToOs: Thanks for reassuring me when I was nervous and new
BrucasForeva, goober396, eemah, emily, B.Davis and Yudelka165: You are so sweet!
And last of all Cyn: I can't really throw Peyton under a bus (even though it's not a bad idea) but let me see what can do… I promise you that I'll try to come up with something appropriate.
CHAPTER 4 – Hold You In My Arms
Brooke wakes up in the crack of dawn and slides out of Rachel's bed and back into her own.
"Enough with this cry-baby attitude!" she thinks before trying to re-enter sleep. "I just need some time to think this over. If I made it by myself this far in life, I'm not going to go crashing down now. Hell I'm a cheerleader; I should have a positive attitude, right?"
But she has to confess, it had been really nice to confide in Rachel last night. When she had finally been able to cut the bitchy attitude it had almost felt like it used to do with Peyton. And it seemed like Rachel actually understood her. Maybe Rachel wasn't so bad.
(flashback)
"I'm usually not like this… I don't cry, not unless I'm alone!"
"Come on Brooke. I see what you mean, but cry all you want. I'm not telling… this is not your ordinary everyday-drama… I NEVER cry but in your situation hey, I would to. You're still in High School, you're knocked up and you don't even have your parents to fall back on…"
"Maybe that last thing is a good thing though. My dad would totally flip if he knew about this…"
"Are you sure? Maybe he wouldn't even notice. I mean, have your parents even met you?"
"Just briefly."
"Mmm… I know the feeling. I would be happy if my parents remembered my name."
It's only a little after 6 am but the sun that shines through the open blinds make it impossible for her to settle and after about half an hour of twisting and turning in the sheets she gets up and walks into the shower. She's feeling a bit sick but sucks it up. If she's to get through this she is going to have to take this day by day and just try harder. Another meltdown like yesterdays is really not an option.
And an hour later she feels a lot better. While putting on her clothes she decides to do something small to thank Rachel for being there for her.
"Good morning friend!" she says cheerily to the confused newly awoken redhead. "Get your former fat-ass out of bed and get ready. I'm taking you to have breakfast down town before school. My treat."
Rachel mutters something into the pillow that sounds like "Fuck off" and "way too early" but then hesitantly climbs out of bed and shuffles into the adjoining bathroom.
When she comes out a quarter of an hour later Brooke is just finishing putting on her make-up and Rachel looks at her seriously.
"How do you feel today? Are you okay?"
Brooke nods with a big fake-smile on at first but when she sees Rachel raise her eyebrow in disbelief she lets it shrink back into a smaller one, more suited with how she really feels.
"It's okay. I'll just have to keep rolling with the punches…"
Rachel bursts out laughing at Brooke's choice of words.
"I can't believe you just said that in a serious sentence!" she giggles and disappears into the closet. "Who do you think you are? Mohammed Ali?"
"Tuesdays are so much better than Mondays!" Brooke thinks.
First of all, the school day on Tuesdays is much shorter, with just an hour of study-hall between lunch and cheer-practice. And secondly, it's already lunchtime and she hasn't had a single class with either Lucas or Peyton. Before it had of course bugged her royally to go all of Tuesday morning without either best friend or boyfriend, but now she can't be more grateful.
She walks with Rachel and Mouth toward the cafeteria while talking about Hollywood-gossip and she and Rachel is heavily disagreeing on however Ryan Philippe is just hot or really gorgeous. Mouth rolls his eyes at them and then cuts them off saying;
"Hey, don't you think that there are more IMPORTANT things to talk about right now then potentially screwable actors?"
He gives them both a meaning look but Brooke seems to miss the underlying message because she loudly protests;
"Ryan Philippe is NOT just a screwable actor Mouth! He's my new older-guy fantasy! Hallo?! Have you seen Cruel Intentions?"
"Brooke…"
She sees the look the second time, finally she gets it and shoots him an angry look back.
"Not here! We don't talk about that in school. In fact, for your own sake, you should just forget you know that!"
He looks hurt but becomes silent and the all grab their lunch-trays and goes to sit at a table outside. Haley and Nathan are already out there so they join them and pretty soon the chatter is back to the normal high school gossip. Apart from when Haley proudly shows all of them her picture from yesterday's ultrasound. Then Rachel can't seem to help glancing at her.
Brooke pushes the food around on her plate in order to look like she's eating and by only breathing through her mouth and not her nose she's able to sit through the hour without having to run to the bathroom. Mouth keeps looking at her worriedly though and she tries to ignore it by not meeting his gaze. Can't he see that she is really just trying to keep her normal self pieced together for their sake? No, obviously not.
She is saved as the first bell signals the end of lunch-break and they all gather up their stuff to head of in different directions. She's making small talk with Nathan about NCAA Basketball-statistics and isn't really looking where she's going, therefore walking straight into someone and spilling her left over orange-juice all over herself and the other person.
"Watch it!" she snaps angrily before looking right into a male chest clad in a gray hoodie that she would recognize anywhere. She counts to ten not to scream out of frustration before muttering;
"Great… It's you…"
----------
Lucas looks down on her angry face and he has to control himself with all his will-power not to smile at her. Brooke Davis is beautiful even when she's furious.
"Brooke" he says with a nod, acknowledging her before picking up a napkin to dry himself of. "Are you in a hurry?"
"As a matter of fact I am. I have to get to class."
He reaches past her to grab another napkin and gives it to her.
"Oh, I thought we had study-hall together now… We're supposed to be in the library doing research for the paper on English poets."
Of course he realizes that she only says she's going to class to get away from him but he's not giving her the pleasure of knowing that. Instead he picks up his bag and starts walking a couple of steps before turning to watch her. An hour with her in the empty library is exactly what he needs to find out what's bothering her enough to go out of her way to avoid him.
"Are you coming?" he says and hesitantly she starts to follow him.
But study-hall with Brooke is turning out to be the longest hour of his life. She hasn't initiated any conversation since they sat down forty minutes ago and she isn't looking at him either. She's just sitting there, biting her bottom lip, and staring off into the wall.
He tries to offer her coffee but she wrinkles her nose as if disgusted by the thought and declines. And then, when he offers to help her with her dead poets-assignment she silently says "No thank you, I'm fine…" and keeps haphazardly flipping the pages of the wrong book.
Finally he gets up and walks over to the chair next to hers.
"We can't keep doing this Brooke…"
He sits down and pulls his fingers through his hair, making it even more untidy then before.
"…We still have months left of our senior year and we're going to have to see each other in class and at practice almost five days a week. Isn't there some way we could call a truce?"
"We're not at war Luke" she says tiredly.
"You could have fooled me…"
At the sound of his last words she looks up and watching her look so sad is hard. He feels a tug at his heart and just wishes he could make whatever it is that's wrong with her all better.
"Have I done anything to you except for the Peyton-thing?"
His voice is soft but she looks away and lets out a strange little laugh, sort of unwillingly.
"I'm just going through a lot of shit right now…"
"Then why don't you tell me about it Brooke? Maybe I can help?"
For a second he sees something change in the way she looks at him, as if she is actually thinking about trusting him with a secret. But just a she opens her mouth to say something a voice sounds behind them.
"There you are Luke! I've been looking everywhere. You where supposed to go with me to the record-store this period, remember?"
Peyton. He recognizes her tone before even turning around to look and Brooke mouth snaps shut. Damn it! Why did Peyton have to come in right now?
"Oh, hi Brooke" she says in a sugar-sweet tone dripping with sarcasm. She comes over and stands next to him, hand on his shoulder and almost stepping in between him and Brooke. Brooke's of course not answering. As he watches the scene he can't for the world figure out what the hell Peyton is trying to do. It's almost as if she's trying to provoke Brooke into a fight and to physically keep him and Brooke apart. Hadn't she said just yesterday that she missed Brooke immensely and wanted to make amends?
She leans down between them to pick something up out of her bag and over her back he can see how Brooke suddenly starts to look very pale. Almost greenish actually.
"Um… are you okay?" he asks, but before she can answer she makes a face as if she's going to throw up and gets up so fast that her chair falls backwards. Then she covers her mouth with her hand and runs out of the library.
Peyton sighs beside him and shouts after Brooke;
"Come on Davis, way to dramatize!"
He looks up at Peyton, still not understanding what her problem is but he's starting to get angry.
"Peyt, just shut up, okay!"
Everything makes Brooke nauseous these days. Food-smells, Rachel's incense, the smell of leather from her new handbag. Even the laundry detergent. And as of this afternoon, so does obviously Peyton's perfume. That last coincident could actually be funny if this nausea wasn't starting to drive her crazy.
How is she supposed to have an even remotely normal life when everything around smells twenty times as strongly, and on top of this, smells really bad?
Salads, fruits and Jell-O are about as much as she can eat without puking. All of her Victoria's Secret Body-splash's are tucked away in the back of the bathroom cabinets. And yesterday she had almost thrown up in the gym because the locker room smelled like old socks.
So today she'd been changing for practice in the backseat of her car. And she had changed into a uniform which was washed with a perfume-free softener. Anything to get her life as normal as possible, at least while she was still figuring out what to do.
"If someone sees me they will probably not care that much…" she had thought while trying to cram herself into the uniform in the little confined space of her car. "…it's not like this is the first time I've been half-naked in a backseat."
But now after practice she has to walk through the locker rooms on her way to go drop off the new practice-schedule in Whitey's office. She's looking down at her feet, concentrating on breathing in and out, and that's why she doesn't see Lucas until he's stopping just in front of her.
"Brooke I'm sorry for earlier… and for yesterday" he says softly, his fingers touching her bare shoulder.
"It's okay."
"Are you okay?"
She nods but she's still looking down into the floor so he puts a hand under her chin and lifts it gently in order for her to meet his eyes. Then looks at her in that typical Lucas-like brooding way before he reaches out and pulls her in for an innocent, almost platonic hug.
"I really AM sorry. For everything… You know that, don't you?"
She doesn't move a muscle. She's not even hugging him back, but he's still holding her, and her head is filled with only one thought.
She's not thinking about how much she has missed his touch (even though she has to admit she has) and it's not the thought of him and Peyton or something equally disgusting. It's not even the thought of his lousy apology that he's rambling in her ear.
No, the only thing she can think about when he holds her is that he smells like Lucas – the smell she knows so well – and it's not making her nauseous.
"God! Is this the universe's way of punishing me for earlier sins" she thinks breathing in the wonderful mix of cologne, soap and that other thing that is just 'Luke'. "I can only stand one smell in the entire damn world, and it HAS to be his?"
She feels weak in his arms; like she might collapse. Not physically, more like if she's going to have a mental break-down and give in to his silent pleas of this never ending hug.
As late as lunchtime, she had promised herself that she wouldn't let herself get sucked into this again. In fact, after bumping in to him, she and Rachel had agreed that it was probably best if she just avoided him completely. But already she was about to do it again.
Hell no. She had to be stronger than this.
"Let me go, Luke…" she whispers and pushes back lightly. "…I really need to go."
"I'll drive you."
"No it's fine, I have my car. And Rachel's waiting for me because we're going to the mall and…"
She's rambling and she's not sure why but suddenly his touch and the way he looks at her is making her nervous.
He releases her, somewhat unwillingly and touches her face softly. For a second it looks like he's going to lean in and kiss her but she looks away and starts walking. Tears are burning in her eyes. Every time she has to push him away it hurts so much more, but there is nothing else she can do. Even so, she knows she's going to have to tell him…
Authors note: Ok, so as I said this was kind of a filler chapter… but let's just say I have my reasons. It's all connected to the character of Brooke Davis being stubborn, scared and really not in the mood for rushing things, so I just have to take my cue from her, right? R&R Thanks! I think I'm gonna wait for some more reviews before I decide how to write chapter 5.