A/N:
I do realise that it took me nearly two months to update this, but then the chapter length should make up for it. I really thank Calamus and Out of Sheol for bet'ing this. Without them, this chapter would be a hundred times worse. Extended thanks also goes to catharticdeficit who first convinced me that the lime content in this chapter doesn't completely suck. Forgive me for any formatting errors.
....
One of the things that Sasuke had sworn never to do was drop his guard because that was stupid, stupid, stupid. Scratch that: it was heinously and bloody fucking dumb. (Yes, he felt so strongly about this that he had to use cuss words, and Sasuke wasn't the type to swear that much usually, mind you. He also used a lot of intensifiers, which – again – he didn't use that often, either.)
Anyhow, he'd told himself – over and over again – that he'd never let anyone under his skin. Experience and his exceptional skills at observation had taught him that you could get vastly hurt very easily if you weren't careful.
Once you revealed your insecurities, exposed your weaknesses and showed that you were vulnerable, it was only a matter of time – and there was no point denying it – until you got hurt. After all, people used and abused other people, and Sasuke didn't want to be used or abused. His sweet dreams weren't made of this – not at all. And that song was total crap, by the way.
In sum, falling in love was all about the pain, the abuse shit and being used as a doormat for people to wipe their mud-splattered boots off on.
And for the record, Sasuke wasn't an idiot, so he resolved early on not to make that kind of mistake. Still, Sasuke wasn't infallible.
Inevitably, he fell – just like Icarus who'd aspired to reach the sun, Sasuke, who'd aspired to be this immaculately cool guy not bothered by pesky things such as emotions, had fallen hard and deep: he committed a great deal of stupid mistakes.
He'd made the first mistake by letting Naruto come too close to him, allowing him to be his rival, his best friend – his everything, to be exact. That had led him to do the unforgivable – the most awful and stupid of all treacherous sins.
Yes, he'd committed the worst folly any fool could have committed: he'd fallen in love. In spite of all his hundred and one precautionary measures, he'd fallen for Naruto. It hadn't been planned at all. Indeed, if it had been planned, Sasuke would have done anything and everything in his power to avoid feeling so much.
Yet, he couldn't. Once you fall into the abyss, it isn't that easy to soar upwards again -- if ever one could again. You can't choose to fall in love. It just happens.
And Sasuke, who was as human and hot-blooded as everyone else, realised it had been a gradual as well as inescapable process.
It had started out with looks that lingered a little too much on Naruto's chest, his shoulders and his face – especially his face. Although Sasuke never admitted it out loud, he loved Naruto's round jaw, the whisker-like scars marring his cheeks. He loved all of that. Especially those scars – they were inexplicably attractive and Sasuke had often caught himself wanting to trace their linear shape with his fingers.
Actually, all Sasuke had found himself wanting to do was touch; kiss and touch Naruto. It had all been about the touch, the contact that could be described as sparks incensing his body like touching hot wires.
Oh yes, Sasuke had officially lost his head, so much that he'd started coming up with weird metaphors on how to describe desire. Because desire had ruled his life. He'd desired and loved Naruto.
So, he'd spent the first few months of this unconscious first love gazing a lot at Naruto, getting all hot and bothered, and then being confused why his heart raced and beat so fast when he was around Naruto.
It'd taken him ages to figure out. And when Sasuke had realised it was love, he'd been – well – mortified. He had – naturally – tried to fall out of love. He'd tried everything he could think of and had even breathed a sigh of relief when Naruto had started dating Sakura, until something else happened: he became obsessively jealous. Sasuke had nearly driven himself mad with the thought of losing Naruto to Sakura. So much, he'd nearly destroyed their friendship – and alienated Sakura from him.
And now, to add insult to his previous injury, Sasuke was kissing Naruto. As if the growing-close-and-falling-in-love bit hadn't been bad enough, he was now making a hundred times worse by actually being intimate with him.
And damn it, he was coming undone – finally and totally. He was falling, drowning and sinking deeper and deeper into – he didn't know what.
Sasuke felt totally light. His heart was beating wildly; his nerves were such a jittery and jumbled confusion of electric sensations running up and down his spine that he was shuddering. He was shuddering, although he wasn't cold.
Naruto was so hot though: his breath was hot, and his mouth was wet. Sasuke had thought it kind of disgusting at first – they were, after all, swapping spit, and that wasn't really all that sexy when you thought about it too deeply. Neither was the sweat rolling down his forehead, really. He could feel his hands trembling. He was kind of glad that he was breathing through his nose, or he'd have fainted by now.
But all of that didn't really matter because Naruto was warm, and his mouth – though wet with all the exchanging of saliva – was hot. And those strong hands wrapped around his neck were also hot, and Sasuke gasped into the kiss (because it was so hot that, fuck, he was burning from the inside out).
This was dangerous, lethal even. This sort of emotion could burn up you inside. Kill you in the sweetest way possible. Because what would happen if the fire burnt out?
And yet, to be honest, Sasuke didn't really give a damn because it felt so good, and – he still couldn't get over it – Naruto had been the one to start it. Naruto had kissed him first; he'd walked back here (when he could have run far, far away) and, taking Sasuke by surprise, had sealed his doom – and Sasuke's.
Sasuke now knew he could never, ever fall out of love. It was too late, too late. It was inevitable. The candle wax had burned too deep into his skin, the milk was spoilt: the walls that had hitherto stood between them were crumbling.
Because now that Sasuke knew what Naruto tasted like – his lips were just as soft as he'd imagined them to be, and he really did taste of ramen, but then Sasuke hadn't expected any different; he did taste less uncouth and messy than he'd thought, there was also a taste of strawberry pasta intermingling with the ramen – he couldn't get enough of it.
He couldn't be blamed for not getting enough. Not at all. If anything, Sasuke thought, cackling internally, it was all Naruto's fault. All Naruto's fault because he'd kissed him first, and by doing that, he'd given Sasuke hope.
It was his fault that Sasuke would never be able to let go now. Because now that Naruto was kissing him, Sasuke knew, at least, that this wasn't entirely one-sided. You didn't kiss people, if there wasn't some sort of attraction or curiosity involved.
* * *
After what seemed like ages, but had actually been much, much less, Naruto finally broke the kiss. Not because his conscience had given him a start, but because he was feeling a little hot all of a sudden. As if a hot wire had prickled his skin and set off a chain of electric jolts making his skin sizzle. Or as if boiling, sizzling water had been splashed – well, fuck no. Because he was hot, yes, but it didn't hurt. Naruto couldn't put the sensation into words, but – shit – he was feeling way too hot, and it was growing unbearable.
When had the room become so stifling? And when had he started to feel this dizzy? He needed to sit down – now. Or he'd really faint, and, for the record, real men do not faint.
"Shit," Naruto groaned, and let himself fall on to the ground, wincing when he realised how cold it was. It was really cold, and... Fuck, either he was growing crazy or he really was this hypersensitive.
"I hope you're not referring to our kiss," Sasuke remarked. He'd been watching Naruto's odd behaviour for the past minute.
Sasuke still remained seated where he was – on that damned floor – and Naruto wondered why he wasn't wincing. Then again, Naruto reasoned, Sasuke had always been a bit strange. When he saw that Sasuke was waiting for some sort of reply, he answered, somewhat angrily. "No, you ass, I wasn't. Not everything is about you, Sasuke."
And well, not everything was about Sasuke. Why did he always immediately assume that it was? Damned bastard, Naruto thought and stood up again, deciding that leaning against the wall was better than sitting on the cold floor.
Sasuke still observed Naruto from his vantage point. Then he looked down, and started nibbling his fingernails – a bad habit he'd picked from his mother. When he spoke, Sasuke knew that his voice sounded tense.
"Because you know, if you're going to tell me it was some hormonal mishap or something of the sort, you'll regret it."
He bit his fingernails again, meaning very single word he had said. Indeed, he'd pummel Naruto to certain death if he dared to deny what had happened.
Naruto felt annoyance flare up in him. Of course Sasuke would to resort to violence. Or even better, assume that he'd just run away. Asshole. He gnashed his teeth, and counted to ten, trying to cool down so he could coolly tell Sasuke to just shut the fuck up.
"Sasuke – you're so..." Naruto started, but he couldn't finish. He grinned, instead, and watched how Sasuke reacted to that. And, predictably, he was fuming with anger, silently and still. But Sasuke was like a volcano, after all: he would erupt eventually.
"Naruto-"
Naruto grinned even further; he couldn't help it. Sasuke's expression was too funny; it was a cross between impatience, poorly concealed anger and annoyance. And yet, he looked utterly vulnerable as well. How typical of Sasuke. Naruto couldn't help how absurd this was. God, he knew Sasuke like the back of his hand. He swore that Sasuke's face was reminiscent of that of an angry kid. And in many ways, Sasuke still was a kid who threw jealousy fits and was utterly selfish. Really. Naruto let out a chuckle, which quickly exploded into full-hearted laughter.
Sasuke, however, looked at Naruto's shaking form with a frown marring his features.
"What's so funny?" he asked, wondering whether Naruto had finally lost his marbles. Maybe the kiss had been too mind-blowing? Or maybe Naruto was going through some strange form of hysteria.
"This," Naruto shot back as a reply, still laughing merrily and clutching his shaking stomach.
Sasuke just glared and, tapping his right foot impatiently on the hard and cool wooden floor, waited for Naruto to explain himself. If not, Sasuke would be forced to do something radical – like boxing his ears to get Naruto to wizen up. But he tried one last time. "Explain yourself."
Naruto had cooled down. Deciding that he'd had enough of leaning against the wall, sat down on Sasuke's bed; which, in hindsight, he should have done from the get-go, because it was warm and comfortable. When he'd finally settled down, Naruto answered: "Nothing's changed. You're still the same, and I'm still the same."
Sasuke raised his eyebrows at that. Naruto really was an idiot. After all the dramatics, he'd expected more... well, what he had he really expected? Nothing really. He hadn't expected Naruto to kiss him in the first place.
"Should things have changed between us?" Sasuke asked, and sat down beside Naruto. The bed creaked, and Naruto shifted slightly, allowing Sasuke to have more space. Sasuke breathed deeply, and could hear his stomach grumbling. He hadn't eaten anything today yet.
Naruto sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno. I always thought that kisses between people like us – you know, best mates – would be life-altering events."
Then again, Naruto didn't know what life-altering events actually were. Hmm, jumping off a cliff certainly counted as one, just like performing on-stage in front of two-thousand people. But a kiss?
"What were you expecting?" Sasuke asked again.
Naruto groaned. He really was an idiot – at least when it came to the emotional stuff. But how could he make Sasuke understand?
"I don't know... That you'd be blushing like mad now, or have pushed me away. Or that I'd be freaking out as hell and talking about how I'm straight and how kissing your best friend is so totally–"
Sasuke's cool hand interrupted Naruto's little rant by resting on his mouth. A second later, Naruto slapped it off, throwing a dirty glance at Sasuke.
"Shut up, Naruto. Just shut up."
"I had a point there!" Naruto insisted, folding his arms. He pouted. "Shouldn't we at least feel a little awkward?"
Sasuke shook his head. "I really don't want to waste time on inane discussions. And I don't feel awkward at all."
"Then what do you want to do?" Naruto asked, rolling his eyes. He had pretty good notion of what he wanted to do, but maybe it wasn't what Sasuke wanted.
Sasuke smirked, and then, putting his hands on Naruto's shoulders, smirked further when he noticed how Naruto's breathing was quickening. So he really did have that sort of power over him. Sasuke felt a bit of pride swelling up in him, thinking how he'd always felt overpowered in Naruto's presence and how, now, the tables were turned. It was now his turn to exert his influence over Naruto.
Thinking that there wasn't any point in hiding his real intentions anymore, Sasuke really did – finally – trace the scars with his fingers, liking how he felt Naruto shiver at the unexpected contact. He could still recall how the scars had come into being. Naruto had thought – when he'd been five or six – that fox-like markings would be manly, so he'd gone and carved them in himself. Stupid moron, Sasuke thought, and smiled softly when he remembered how much Naruto had cried afterwards. And it was funny, how he'd loved Naruto then, and how had nothing had changed in that way.
"Simple: this," he said.
Naruto closed his eyes instantly; Sasuke's cool lips were a welcome distraction, and he felt immediately better. And though Sasuke's lips were chapped and kind of dry and his kissing a bit too sloppy – Sasuke seemed to think that kissing meant aggressively shoving your tongue down someone's throat – it still felt good. Naruto couldn't recall a time when he'd felt like this with Sakura. His hands had never sweated this much, nor had he felt his heart beating this quickly.
Kiba, be damned, Naruto thought. Sasuke was – in no way – an eunuch.
There was something about Naruto, Sasuke decided firmly, something – as annoying and dumb he could get – that made people attracted to him. The bed creaked, and Sasuke – somehow – ended up on Naruto's lap. Though he was nowhere near light, Naruto seemed fine with the weight, and only moved a bit so he could learn back against the wall. Sasuke didn't even realise all this because he was too engrossed in all the kissing and groping – and there was lots of kissing and groping going on. Even if he had realised, it wasn't anything to fret about, really. What would have made his skin crawl before was now just something he wanted, had to do. He didn't stop there, either. Instead, he started to kiss Naruto even more aggressively, and his hands wrapped themselves possessively around Naruto. As if letting him go would mean instant death. Or something like that.
Naruto, who'd taken the more passive role up until now, decided that it was time to try out something else. He broke the kiss – and watched with an unholy smirk gracing his features how Sasuke groaned in protest. But he had something better in mind – far better. He attacked Sasuke's neck with his tongue; since it looked so detectable and all that. And no, he wasn't going to philosophise on how pale Sasuke's skin was, or on how graceful – whatever. Because it was only one side of the coin: Sasuke's skin, though delectable and pale, was also sweaty, and sticky; he was pretty sure that adding his saliva to the sweat was only making it wetter. And that wasn't particularly erotic, but Naruto just wanted to do it, and that was it.
"Fuck, Naruto – Stop that. It's fuc– It's disgustin–" Sasuke stammered out when he felt Naruto's tongue, cold and wet, on his skin; it was. And it felt so weird, and Sasuke didn't think it was hot at all. Only Sasuke never finished gathering his thoughts into a clear sentence. He gasped out and his hold on Naruto tightened.
Naruto didn't stop at all; instead, he continued his exploration. Sasuke's skin tasted salty, and it was a little odd, all right (and a bit disgusting as well). But then, he just loved how Sasuke was coming undone here and now – how he was trembling, and squirming to move away. How his hands were grasping him tighter – Naruto could feel a bit of a sting where Sasuke's fingernails dug into his skin. Naruto felt this wasn't enough, though – maybe, Sasuke could do with a bit more teasing. So, he bit down lightly on his skin.
Sasuke gasped when Naruto bit his neck – more like "nibbled", or actually, just the unexpected contact of teeth against flesh – but, damn, it was weird. It didn't hurt exactly, but the teeth scraping against the sensitive skin would certainly leave marks tomorrow.
"Fuck," Sasuke nearly moaned out, flushing while he did so and burying his hands in Naruto's hair. He was sure that he was doing that a bit too forcefully – he was pulling Naruto's hair so hard it had to hurt quite a bit. But if it did, Naruto didn't give any indication, so Sasuke didn't remove his hands. He couldn't stop breathing heavily nor shaking that much either. And he was starting to feel really uncomfortable: he could feel himself getting aroused. And this wasn't right: Naruto wouldn't – and couldn't – come out as the winner of this "fight".
So, feeling a little daring and having – not too long ago – abandoned any doubts, Sasuke breathed into Naruto's ear's lobe. He didn't know if he wasn't doing it right, and felt stupid about it. But then, he'd heard that some people were sensitive on such places, that it made them feel fluttery. And when Naruto hissed out, Sasuke knew that he was doing it right. "I'm not going to lose you, moron."
"Neither will I. Just wait and see."
"Sure," Sasuke replied, and then proceeded to lick Naruto's left cheek, which wasn't soft at all. Naruto trembled and hissed out again. And Sasuke felt pretty good about himself.
Naruto paid it back by pulling Sasuke's face closer and kissing him gently – nearly timidly. It was just lips pressing against lips; Naruto added little to no pressure, and Sasuke felt himself losing patience. There was nothing exciting about this.
Sasuke was nearly going to break the kiss, and remark on how lousy the idiot was at making retributions when Naruto's teeth bit down between his chin and lower lip. Sasuke moaned, and Naruto used this as an opportunity, to ram his tongue into Sasuke's mouth. But his dominance didn't last for long. Sasuke soon overcame his shock and, shifting in his position on Naruto's lap, kissed Naruto, hard.
This time, neither of them breathed into the kiss, and, so it ended when the boys ran out of air.
"Yeah, I'm good," Naruto half-gasped out, and half-said. "I'm a really good kiss–"
"Shut up."
"You sh-"
Sasuke kissed Naruto again, this time with so much force and passion that it quite took Naruto's breath away; he'd learnt how to kiss properly by now. He took his time, first massaging Naruto's lower lip with his tongue; meanwhile, Sasuke's hands cupped Naruto's face, gently. Naruto thought that the feeling of Sasuke's cool hands on his cheeks felt better than kissing him – though that was nice as well. But that simple gesture, the hands cupping his face, showed him that Sasuke was pouring all his pent up desire, frustration and despair into that single kiss. If Naruto hadn't believed that Sasuke loved him up to this point, he knew now.
It killed any desire in him to engage in any banter with Sasuke anymore. Why quarrel when they could do this?
Somewhere, Naruto questioned himself whether this wasn't going too fast, but the part of him that was a teenager told him to "Fuck it all! Live for the moment, take what's deservedly yours."
And he wanted Sasuke. He really wanted to rub against Sasuke now; he was slowing turning hard and was pretty certain that Sasuke felt the same way. They were certainly kissing very passionately and heatedly by now.
And it would have turned out even more heated, if Fate itself had not chosen to intervene. Or better said, if Itachi, who was never home at this time, hadn't chosen that moment not only not to knock on Sasuke's door, but to barge in unannounced instead (which was nothing unusual, really). Itachi, who didn't get surprised easily, had long since observed that his little brother was quite a predictable person. Like, the sort of person who usually didn't kiss people in his room. But he'd been wrong, apparently.
And of course, once he realised what was going, Itachi let out a polite cough. Naruto and Sasuke immediately stopped, and stared at him utterly dumbfounded; it was a perfect Kodak moment.
"Sasuke– I wanted to ask– " Itachi stopped talking, probably deciding it was inopportune, and looked at the boys again. Then, he threw an amused smirk at them, and chuckled lightly before continuing, "I'm sorry. I see to be interrupting something of importance. I'll check back in later."
And with that, he closed the door behind him. Naruto swore that he could hear him chuckling again out in the hall. This time, he wasn't that quiet. Then again, it wasn't an everyday occurrence that you caught your little brother straddling another guy, and making out passionately.
Sasuke immediately jumped off Naruto's lap and let out a string of curses. Naturally, he wasn't quite as aroused or excited now. Neither was Naruto. In fact, both of them were experiencing that really uncomfortable sensation that was akin to a kick in stomach.
Naruto was pretty sure that he was red in the face, but he didn't mind that much. He could see the tell-tale signs of a flush forming on Sasuke's pale cheeks as well. This proved that he wasn't the only one who was affected by this. Good.
Sasuke tried his best not to throw something at the wall (this time he would have the one who the making the loud noise, not his asshole of a neighbour). But he didn't, and instead he just clenched his fists. And cursed. Not so quietly either.
"Well, now that was awkward," Naruto announced in a mock cheerful tone.
"Awkward? He's never going to let me live it down!" Sasuke spat out angrily, and he looked so angry that, if looks could kill, Naruto would have died for certain.
Naruto grinned, in spite of himself. "Well, it's your fault since you jumped me!"
He felt like adding something along the lines of 'sexual frustration' and 'domineering bastard', but refrained. He knew that Sasuke wouldn't react very favourably to that.
"You were the one who started in the first place," Sasuke threw in, and tried his best to look diffident.
"I-" The sudden beep of mobile phone interrupted them, and Naruto jumped. He'd forgotten that he'd placed the daft thing into his jeans' pocket.
Sasuke grinned at that; it was always a treat to observe how Naruto grew unsettled over such insignificant things.
"It could be Sakura-chan, you know," Naruto gave him to understand, and Sasuke's grin immediately faded from his face.
Of course. He'd forgotten all about her. Then again, was Sakura really his problem? Naruto had kissed him, and had allowed Sasuke to kiss him in return. But still. What if he hadn't meant it? What if this was just a fluke?
Shit, he thought. Shit, shit, shit. What if Naruto would suddenly turn into a coward? No, Sasuke wouldn't allow it. He'd rather die before allowing Naruto to walk out of this.
"If you think I'm just going to allow you to den–"
"Just let me read, okay?" Naruto said, not wanting to hear Sasuke's negative comments again.
"I'm not going to deny anything."
Naruto paled when he saw the message, and immediately snorted afterwards. Then, after he'd glanced at the message for a few more minutes, he burst out laughing.
"What is it?" Sasuke asked, a bit bummed out that Naruto found this so hilarious.
"Kakashi."
"And?" Sasuke asked, growing irritated that the man, who was somewhat Naruto's guardian, had interrupted them right now. They'd just begun to talk about the really important stuff.
"He wants me to buy ... oh fuck him – lube and condoms."
Really. That man just knew how to kill the mood. And then, at times, he was a life-saver.
Sasuke decided it was best not to comment on that. Instead, he sat on his bed and stuffed his hands awkwardly into his pockets (which was fairly dumb, seeing how he didn't keep anything in his pockets. Oh well). He threw a cautionary glance around his room, noticing that it wasn't as tidy and well-organised today.
"I'll have to head home now," Naruto said, and picked up his bag. He swallowed, and took in a deep breath. It was still hot in the room. Or maybe, he was just that dizzy. It could be the fever. His head had been throbbing a lot these days. Or maybe, he was just going crazy. Yes, it was definitely that. Or maybe Sasuke was staring a little too intensely at him. Fuck.
"So, we'll see each other," Naruto said as he reached the door.
"Yeah. Bye," Sasuke said back, in a somewhat awkward and – which secretly pleased Naruto – reluctant tone.
Neither of them could deny that they were more than a little disappointed that they'd been interrupted again.
* * *
Sakura stood shivering and trembling like a leaf in a storm. She was leaning against the door of her school and waiting. She'd been at it for at least an hour. Maybe even two.
Just go home, and give him hell afterwards, Ino had told her. But Sakura hadn't felt like going, and Ino, who'd taken pity on her, had waited for a bit. However, due to her mother being sick, Ino couldn't stay longer, and had left Sakura grudgingly. She'd even offered her umbrella, but Sakura had declined. Ino's shop was quite far away from school, and that silly girl caught colds rather easily. Sakura wasn't in the mood to suffer another bout of guilt; Ino had done too much for her in the past, even though Sakura had done fairly little to deserve that. She'd treated Ino like shit when she'd still been in love with Sasuke.
Sometimes, I think Ino is a better boyfriend than Naruto could ever be, Sakura thought bitterly and felt a heavy lump forming in her throat. There were times she couldn't help it, and this was one of them.
The rain was ugly to look at. But Sakura felt that everything was ugly that day; the school building was grey, the trees looked empty and dull and everything just seemed to mock her in its stillness. The other students had filed out of the school building after they'd finished the duties of cleaning up. Now, the school ground and the bare, lifeless trees looked like a wasteland – a wasteland of decay and forgotten dreams.
* * *
It was raining when Naruto walked out of Sasuke's apartment. It rained mildly; the raindrops that fell a-pattering on Naruto's light coat and bag were just little – tiny, actually – water droplets. They didn't chill him nor soak him to the bone. Rather, while the rain wetted his hair and clothes lightly, Naruto felt thankful. This was such a nice change from the heat of Sasuke's room; the stifling atmosphere had nearly driven him crazy.
Maybe he'd been driving himself round the bend thinking too much about things. Maybe, all this time, he'd been running after something that he hadn't wanted in the first place. God, I'm really a genius, Naruto thought, feeling the sarcasm seep into his mind like some poison slowly digging its way into a person's heart.
Of course, then his cell phone rang, and Naruto, angered more than he should have been, picked it up.
"Yes?" he asked gruffly, and cursed while he stood there in the rain. It was cold. Now that he was standing and feeling the chill air spreading about him, he could feel how cold it was.
Damn it. This better be good.
"You don't really sound happy to hear from me, Naruto. And I should be the one angry," Sakura said, in a sterner tone than she'd meant to, but then again, damn him. She clenched the material of her shirt while listening to Naruto breathe deeply into the phone on the other side.
As soon as he recognised the other voice on the line, Naruto felt like slapping himself. He'd totally forgotten – he'd totally, absolutely forgotten about their date. His voice was raspy when he answered.
"No, I'm just – fuck, sorry. I just have too many things going on."
Like I don't, Sakura felt like responding, but didn't: here was no need to be bitchy now. Naruto was an idiot at times, and she'd learnt to handle that. Besides, placing pressure on his shoulders would just ruin things. Ino always told her that guys didn't handle pressure well, and there had to be grain of truth in that.
"I just – you know that we'd arranged to meet before the weekend," Sakura tried again, using the lightest tone she could muster. It made her feel sick and stupid. "It's kind of the last time we'll be doing innocent stuff like that."
Naruto choked at that, and he was pretty sure Sakura could hear it. And he wasn't wrong.
"Naruto?"
"About that –" Naruto started, but he stopped. He gulped and a sensation of utter horror ran down his spine. His heart hurt, and he could hear it beating wildly against his ribcage. He felt cold, even though the rain had stopped falling.
Oh no, Sakura thought. Please not that. Not now. She'd planned this so thoroughly. Her fingers trembled so much that the phone nearly slipped off Sakura's hands. Her voice was tremulous when she asked: "Why? What's the matter?"
Naruto felt nausea rising up in him, but he'd started it. So, he had to finish it off as well. "I'm – well, something just came in between."
"You just realised that now?" Sakura demanded. "I mean, you've known about this for a whole week, and it's Thursday – and you tell me NOW?"
So what if she sounded furious now? Sakura was beyond furious.
"Fuck, sometimes – it's just like that. Look, I can't explain: it's just too much. It's too damn much, okay?"
He knew he was being unfair. He knew that he came across as sounding very harsh and desperate, so much that Sakura was probably worrying herself silly by now. But Naruto could not – he just couldn't face her now.
"Naruto– what happened? Are you sick? Did something– Naruto!"
He could have lied to her. Easily. Had Sakura been a slut or a two-timing little bitch, that would have been marvellously easy. Only that in the past six months Naruto had been dating her, she had done nothing wrong. She'd been nothing but the supportive and kind girl she was. So what if she used a little violence at times, and didn't hesitate to put Naruto down a peg or two?
"I'm sorry. I just can't talk about it now."
And with that, he hung up.
* * *
Kakashi was watching TV when Naruto entered the living room. He'd just come home a few minutes earlier, had dutifully put his shoes into the shoe cupboard and hung his coat neatly on the peg. He'd even been quiet, since – as the darkness that had now settled outside indicated – it was already evening.
"Hey," Naruto said and threw the package of condoms and the lube onto Kakashi's lap. "I got your crap. But next time, don't – forget it."
Kakashi didn't reply at first. He was so absorbed by the flickering and ever-changing pictures dancing on the screen. But then he turned around briefly, waved, and uttered a careless "Yo".
Naruto was going to walk into his room as usual, but halted when he saw what Kakashi was watching. At first, there was nothing special about it: just two guys talking. But then he noticed that the one guy, who also seemed to be trembling in despair, had tears in his eyes and was going on and on about "do you still fancy me?" while the other one had this flabbergasted, totally incredulous look in his eyes. And yet, as incredulous and disbelieving as he looked, there was something expectant in his gaze, as if he'd been waiting, dreaming of that very moment.
Of course, Naruto immediately knew what Kakashi was watching. He'd been driving him up the wall with this series for the past three months.
"Hollyoaks? You're watching that retarded British crap?"
Kakashi rolled that one visible eye. "It's retarded all right, but the love story between Craig – and John Paul Mc-"
Seriously, what kind of guy was called "Mc Queen"? Actually, if he thought about it, Naruto decided that it wasn't worth answering that question.
"-Queen is nicely done. You keep on telling me. But it's still crap. I mean... why watch this crap. Just 'cause it's gay? There's Queer As Folk too, you know!"
Kakashi sighed briefly, and motioned Naruto to him.
"No way!" Naruto protested.
"Come on sit down, and watch."
"Not if –"
"Sit down, or I'll tell Minato you've been a member of 'My FreePaySite' ever since you've been 13."
Naruto groaned and sat down to watch. Not that he was worried about his Dad finding out he liked porn, but he knew that Kakashi would twist his words in such a way that Naruto wouldn't be able to face Minato for at least a week. Never mind the fact that Kakashi consumed way more porn in one week than Naruto ever had in his entire life. Damn.
I have no choice but to watch this crap, Naruto thought while he cracked his fists. And gnashed his teeth. God, what a torture fair.
So, that one guy – the idiot called Craig – was still going on about this "fancy me" stuff, and looked so utterly unhappy and constipated that Naruto wondered if he'd swallowed a frog. And that Mc Queen character just kept staring at him with that stupid look; he looked so completely stupefied that it made Naruto smirk.
Stupid drama queen. Really. You'd think that this was the end of the world or something, Naruto thought with disgust, wondering why they were making such a big deal out of this. It was so damned obvious what was going to happen.
"So, he's going to reject him?" Naruto asked, feeling himself grow somewhat light-headed already. He couldn't see how people took rubbish like this seriously.
"Just watch and see," Kakashi replied, with a minor hint of impatience lingering in his tone.
Naruto rolled his eyes, but he didn't say another word. Instead, he tried to focus on the screen, even though he was thinking about something else entirely. Like his Maths homework, which he needed to get done for tomorrow. Sasuke was crap at Maths (the one thing he didn't excel at, for once). Naruto wasn't, but he still sucked at doing his homework. Well, he had this habit of doing it at the last minute. This meant that he usually did at four am in the morning, growling and cursing like a madman on a sugar high.
In fact, Naruto was so absorbed in his thoughts that he only remembered to watch what happened on-screen when he noticed the two guys had started kissing – in this very awkward, and nearly desperate sort of way. His eyebrows furrowed at that, and Naruto shook his head when the scene then shifted to them lying in bed. It was obvious what had just happened; they'd had sex, although they were both still dressed in their undershirts and boxers. Whatever. They'd probably done some mild frottage or something like that. And yet, the Craig guy was now making a fuss about it, and calling the other one a fag, even though he'd been the one to initiate the whole thing, it seemed.
God, what piece of complete bullshit. Naruto threw up his hands in despair. Kakashi turned off the TV, and Naruto finally dared to open his mouth. "And – why did I have to watch this now?"
Kakashi shrugged. "Didn't it teach you anything?"
Naruto gaped at Kakashi like a fish which had been let off the hook and tossed back into water. For a while he just stared at Kakashi, and then back at the TV set, and then he threw a quick look at the living room. The couch was still blue, the bookshelf stacked with porn still stood at its usual place, and Kakashi had not magically turned into a woman – no, he was still the same old Kakashi. Yes, unfortunately, that meant that Kakashi was serious. While Naruto was currently pondering whether this was a nightmare or not, Kakashi had settled back onto the couch.
"No?"he asked in a bewildered tone and, wondered what Kakashi was getting at. What did Hollyoaks have to do with him and Sasuke?
Kakashi sighed; it was the sort of sigh he used when he thought something was a lost, hopeless cause. "You were going to ask me about your love life again, weren't you?"
He just waited for Naruto to say something while he surveyed his toenails critically – another habit that made Naruto feel very, very bothered. The man had no decency at all. Also, he couldn't stand how the man always – and really always – managed to make him feel so helpless.
"I wasn't going to talk about my love life, Kakashi. Really not," Naruto said in a strong and firm voice, and crossed his arms. He would have stuck his tongue out, but that was immature – and he needed Kakashi to understand that he just wasn't a kid anymore.
"Oh come on. You've got that lost puppy dog look into your eyes –"
Naruto immediately sat up and, interrupting Kakashi, roared out: "I don't have a puppy dog look in my eyes– just shut it!"
"Mah, calm down. Your father's sleeping," Kakashi replied, and pointed into the direction of his and Minato's bedroom. "You wouldn't want to wake him up, would you?"
Naruto shook his head, knowing quite well that his father didn't belong to the most pleasant people when woken up. In fact, he became quite a maniac when woken up unexpectedly. So yeah, it was better to avoid unnecessary conflicts.
"And what could you help me with, anyway?" Naruto asked, and sat back on the sofa. He was so tired, so damn tired. "It's not like you can tell me anything, can you? I don't see what Hollyoaks has to do anything with me. I've never... well, I've never been scared of being hones–" Naruto nearly bit into his tongue. Fuck, he'd nearly told a lie.
Kakashi realised it at once. "You still haven't figured what do about Sakura?"
He sounded nearly exasperated this time, Naruto thought with a wince. He sunk deeper into the couch and shook his head. "I don't know how to – well, I don't know how to face her."
"Well, look. I'll just say this – the longer you keep things between you and Sakura silent, the worse you'll make it. "Honesty is the key to everything."
Naruto let out a bitter laugh, and felt like breaking pots. Teenage magazines had never fared well with him, and the fact Kakashi just sounded like one, made the whole thing more laughable.
"Oh, that's easy to say, Mr. Oh-so-Wise."
"Hmm, maybe. But then you tend to–"
"Overcomplicate things?"
"Precisely," Kakashi pointed out, and stared up at the ceiling, as if the entire conversation were boring him to death.
Naruto wondered if he was doing this a) to anger him, or b) because he really was that bored. Whatever it was, Naruto felt fury build up in him. One of those days, he thought, while grinding his teeth, he'd show Kakashi what he really was made of. And then he would stop taunting him.
"You said that last time. Boring."
"And you were just as confused last time. Boring, too," Kakashi retorted, and still stared up at the ceiling.
Naruto rolled his eyes. "You're wrong – I'm not confused."
"Aren't you?"
"No."
"Then, you've finally realised that you're so gay for Sasuke it hurts?"
What Kakashi had said didn't immediately click in Naruto's brain, so he nodded. But when he realised what Kakashi had said, he choked. "WHAT?"
"Thought so. You still haven't realised – how disappointing," Kakashi replied, and waved his hand dismissively.
Naruto, for the umpteenth time, just glared. But then, he started to tremble furiously and rose from the couch again.
"You're wrong!" he accused Kakashi, while he walked from the couch to the TV and back.
"I am?" Kakashi inquired, looking honestly curious now. "Sit down."
He pulled Naruto by the hand, and Naruto was forced to sit down again.
"I've ... kinda ... you know –"
"You what? Tell me more. I've got all the time in the world."
"Well – imadeoutwithSasuke."
"I didn't catch that, sorry."
Kakashi just wouldn't stop torturing him. Of course he'd understood every single word, but Naruto knew he wasn't going to let loose until Naruto came out with all the sordid details.
"I've made out with Sasuke – with tongue and all. I licked his neck, and he straddled me. We'd probably have done more, but then his brother interrupted. Satisfied now?" Naruto asked in a not so quiet manner, but his nerves were quite frazzled. What was worse, the memory of Sasuke and him kissing – damn, it was enough to make him feel even more frustrated.
Kakashi clapped briefly, and Naruto – well, he rolled his eyes again. He'd have screamed, but then his precious Daddy was asleep. "Good. You've finally become part of the gay tribe."
"Wait, no one's saying I'm gay. Being attracted to one guy doesn't mean that you're suddenly into the entire male population," Naruto protested. Just because he liked Sasuke didn't mean he'd suddenly developed a liking for Barbara Streisand and was going to frequent male stripper bars at night. "And how the fuck did you ... um, have a hunch that I might be attracted to Sasuke?"
"You have a point there. Liking one guy doesn't equal to gay. You might just be bi – or hell, Sasuke-sexual." Kakashi agreed, "As for how I knew, it was simple. You spend a lot time sleeping over at Sasuke's, and talk a lot more about him than you do about Sakura. It's always 'the bastard did this' and 'he's driving me up the wall with his prissiness'."
"Well, I said that a lot about you too, but that doesn't mean I'm in lov–"
"Oh come on, Naruto. I've known for you years. Years, boy. And I've seen you with Sasuke. I've seen how you behave around him. I've seen how he behaves around you. Maybe, you're still too young to understand this, but it's the little things that count, Naruto."
Naruto remained silent, not knowing how to outwit this one. He had an inkling of what Kakashi meant by "little things", though he'd never thought about it in detail. Well, he'd thought a lot recently, but that had proved to be counter-productive (his head throbbed way too much these days).
"And you should tell Sakura. Tell her. You'll only make things worse if you don't. If you don't, I'll tel–"
Naruto paled, and felt that feeling of utter chill engulf him. He shivered, and wrapped his arms around his chest. It was cold, and his head was hurting so much that he felt it would burst. Or was it his heart? He didn't know. When Naruto spoke, he knew that his voice was hoarse and full of worry. "But that's the problem. She'll be hurt– and I don't want to hurt her."
Kakashi shook his head. "You're really an idiot, Naruto."
Naruto wanted to say more, but the bell on the door rang. Kakashi, who felt that he'd said what was due, got up from the couch and, in his usual slouchy gait, trudged into the room he shared with Minato. Probably to molest him in his sleep or whatever he did. Naruto's intuition told him that, whatever it would be, Minato would probably enjoy it. Whatever. Naruto didn't think he would ever understand what made his father attracted to Kakashi, of all people.
* * *
Naruto ran towards the door with a groan. Of course, someone always had to interrupt when things got interesting. Though, perhaps, it was good his talk with Kakashi had been interrupted. Naruto wasn't sure which tangents the discussion might have gone off if they hadn't been interrupted. So Naruto didn't go "what the fuck do you want?" when he opened the door.
"Sasuke?" Naruto spattered out dumbly, though it wasn't the first time Sasuke had dropped by for a visit.
And it was Sasuke, all right. Naruto could tell he was going to stay over night; he'd brought his school bag along, and it looked pretty heavy. Good. Maybe, they'd finish their dumb chemistry project this way and – do something else. Actually, fuck chemistry. They'd definitely do something else. Naruto licked his lips impishly and thought with new-found delight that he knew exactly what they were going to do tonight. He was all for deepening their bond, so to speak.
Sasuke, however, had other thoughts on his mind. And Naruto realised that he'd been thinking while Sasuke had been telling him something important. "Naruto, did you hear me?"
Naruto shook his head. "Sorry. Am kind of sleepy. Say it again."
Sasuke sighed in his usual I'm-surrounded-by-idiots manner. He really was a drama queen, all right. "I can't sleep at home. Let me in."
Naruto grinned, and allowed Sasuke to come in. "You didn't have to ask. Still, why the sudden visit?"
For a while, Sasuke didn't respond as he was busy taking off his shoes, as well as his jacket. He placed the shoes and jacket neatly where they belonged, and Naruto watched him with ardent fascination. It never ceased to amuse him what a compulsively neat person Sasuke was. Then again, he'd probably been forced to be neat, since Itachi was rarely at home and their father had never bothered to take care of Sasuke. So, Sasuke had been forced to do everything on his own.
The only person he has, Naruto thought, is really me and I've been– Naruto banished the unhappy chain of thoughts from his brain. Still, he couldn't help worrying. Maybe something shitty had happened to him – and that wasn't good at all.
"So what happened? Come on. You know you can tell me, Sasuke."
"Itachi's been mocking me all evening. And I can't stand it. I told you he wouldn't let me live it down."
Naruto breathed in relief, and cursed internally. Damn Kakashi and fuck Hollyoaks for turning him into such a nervous wreck. All that melodrama was taking a toll on him. He sighed loudly and, motioning Sasuke to follow him, walked in the direction of his room. They were both silent.
When they reached Naruto's room, Sasuke closed the door behind him. He switched the light on, and immediately squinted: the light was way too intense. When it was safe to look again, Sasuke opened his eyes and was greeted straight away with the sight of Naruto's messy room. But he refrained from commenting this time. Naruto wasn't in the right mood, judging by how quietly he was behaving.
"You look kind of angry... what happened, Naruto?" Sasuke asked while kicking a few magazines out of his way. He moved towards Naruto's bed, and sat down on it when he'd reached his destination. But not before he'd thrown a Vagabond volume off it. Really, Naruto and his damned obsession with leaving things on his bed.
Naruto didn't answer at once. He was rummaging through his drawers for something. Naruto didn't really know what he was looking for, but then he was mostly doing it to not look Sasuke in the face. "Ah, it's nothing. Just had another interesting talk with Kakashi."
"Care to share?"
"No, not really," Naruto retorted, and finally gave up on the desperate search.
"Okay," Sasuke answered, but there was tinge of disappointment in his tone. Instead he looked at Naruto, and realised how pale he looked. It worried him. Sasuke was about to ask if Naruto was sick when he heard him speak of his own accord. Naruto wasn't looking into Sasuke's face while he did so.
"He told me to break up with Sakura, more or less."
Sasuke paused, and his face remained impassive. But his heart was beating at a rapid pace, and he could feel those feelings of hope fluttering inside him again. "Are you going to?"
Naruto looked up at Sasuke, and his eyes were clouded with despair. Sasuke felt sorry for having asked. He shouldn't have. Not when it was hurting Naruto that much.
"... I'll have to. I just don't know– Look, can we drop this?"
Sasuke didn't respond, and Naruto found himself forced to continue. He was pacing around the room now, walking back and forth in quick, restless steps. "Fuck, Sasuke. I know that you couldn't care less about her feelings, but I do. I love her – I mean, just because I'm not – doesn't mean I don't care for her, you know?"
Sasuke sighed, and closed his eyes. "You're wrong. I don't hate her."
Naruto stopped pacing, and looked at Sasuke in surprise. But surprise quickly gave way to anger and incredulity. He couldn't buy this – Sasuke hated Sakura with a fiery passion. All these months, he'd been nothing but mean and spiteful towards her. He wasn't going to buy this kind of fucking lie. "
Sure. You just can't stand her –" Naruto started bitterly, and turned away from Sasuke.
Sasuke's fingernails dug so hard into his palm that it burned. But he had to say it. He had to, even if his pride was going to suffer.
"You've got it all wrong!" he blurted out, hoping that Naruto would stop acting like a stubborn moron. He had to understand.
"Really? Have I?" Naruto asked, and faced Sasuke again. His lips were tightly pressed against each other, and he looked – Sasuke couldn't describe what he looked like.
"I don't hate her. I just –"
"You just what?" Naruto edged closer to him.
"I just couldn't stand the thought of her being with you," Sasuke replied, and looked away from Naruto. He felt utterly ashamed, so ashamed that it made him want to retch. But then, it was the truth.
Naruto realised this when he saw how rigid Sasuke was, and Sasuke was only that still when in pain. Or when he was utterly mortified. God, he felt like a total jerk now. "You should have told me, Sasuke."
"Told you what?" Sasuke demanded, and his eyes shot up to meet Naruto's. Naruto used this interval to sit down on the bed.
"That you're in love with me," he stated bluntly. "You should have fucking told me. I might have – well, things might have been better for you."
Sasuke snorted. "Yeah sure. So you could reject me. Laugh in my face, or even treat it as a joke."
First, Naruto felt anger and disbelief grab hold of him. How could that bastard even hint at something like that? How could he? But then he understood. Sasuke had been scared. He'd been scared, even though he'd tried to hide it. No matter how strong Sasuke pretended to be, he'd still been scared. Naruto sighed, and felt like slapping himself. He really should have realised sooner, but it was too late to regret it now. The only thing he could do was reassure Sasuke that – well, that he wasn't going to run away from this.
"Sasuke, you moron ... you think so low of me? That I'd make of fun of you? Then, you're not only shit for brains, but the biggest moron in the in the universe," Naruto said, and elbowed Sasuke – not so gently – on the shoulder.
In spite of himself, Sasuke grinned briefly, and then he sent a dirty glare into Naruto's direction.
"You were just always so into Sakura or any other girl–"
"I'm still into girls – but, it doesn't make this any less real."
"Naruto-" Sasuke started, but was silenced when Naruto hushed by placing a finger on his lips. Naruto removed his finger from Sasuke's lips, and replaced it with a chaste kiss. Sasuke was about to kiss back, but Naruto broke the kiss as quickly as he'd started it and moved away from the bed
"Hey, now, don't expect a love confession from me. I don't do sentimental shit like that."
Sasuke smirked and threw a you're-kidding-me look before replying: "And don't you think I'm such a sap-brained fool that I'd dig stuff like that."
"Good. Then, we're at least not being totally cliché."
* * *
But, of course, the shit predictably hit the fan when Naruto found himself unable to sleep at night. It wasn't so much the temperature in the room – though he felt hot and restless – nor was is the hard mattress digging into his back nor, hell, the fact that Sasuke was sharing the bed with him. They'd done that more than often before.
Naruto was a normal teenaged boy. And normal teenaged boys occasionally get hard-ons. Sometimes, for no apparent reason at all (he didn't want to think it was because of Sasuke). This hadn't happened –
Well, it had; so there was no reason to make any ruckus about it now. He'd just get up and jerk it off; there was no reason to cause any disturbance. Sasuke would just remain on the bed by himself while Naruto did what was necessary. But damn, it was so hard to get out of bed, especially when he was feeling so idle and his legs seemed to have gained the quality of lead. Besides, it was so dark in the room, and he was sure that he would trip over some stupid manga had that been left to rot on the ground.
But, fuck, it was necessary – a matter of life and death to get up. Now.
I'll just get out of bed, and go the bathroom, Naruto told himself, and then, hoping he wasn't being too loud, did his best to untangle himself from the arm that had been thrown over his face.
Hell, Sasuke gets way too cuddly in bed.
Unfortunately, by trying to untangle himself, Naruto awoke Sasuke.
"Naruto, why are you moving around?" he asked, with some irritation. He'd just been sleeping that well. Naruto's bed was warm, and Sasuke – no matter how cheesy it sounded – felt safe around Naruto.
"Need bathroom," Naruto responded harshly. "Move your ass. Now. "
"Okay," Sasuke said and shifted, allowing Naruto to get up.
Naruto did get up, and then did something completely stupid: he turned the light on, which – of course – meant that Sasuke could see him quite clearly now. But then again, Naruto expected Sasuke to immediately go back to bed. Usually, Sasuke fell asleep again straight away. But not today, apparently.
"You're hard?" Sasuke asked, wincing internally at how incredulous he sounded. Then again, he'd just not expected to ever catch Naruto quite like that.
Naruto froze on the spot. "Don't look at me like that – it happens."
"I know."
"Then let me take care of it. Okay, just shut up!" Naruto nearly roared out, and tried to open the door again. He felt a bit guilty for behaving like this, but – this was way too surreal.
Sasuke swallowed, and breathed deeply. This was stupid. He had no idea what was coming over him. Then again, maybe it was worth a try, and he had nothing to lose. "Naruto, come here."
"Why – well, okay. But be quick," Naruto said, and sat back down on the bed. He yelped in surprise when Sasuke pushed him down.
"Let me do it for you."
"Hey – do what?"
"I'll take care of the hard-on." Sasuke was quite amazed at how controlled he sounded. But he had to be strong now, especially when Naruto looked so utterly flabbergasted.
Naruto's eyes had widened in surprise when he realised what Sasuke was offering and he tried to rise again, but Sasuke pushed him down.
"It's just a hand job. I'll – just let me try.""
"What? No way!"
Naruto sounded so horrified that he made Sasuke cringe. Even if the offer was totally crazy, Naruto didn't have to react quite like this. Sasuke did feel a bit offended. He wasn't going to beg. Nor was he going to force Naruto into this, and though Naruto was protesting, Sasuke could see the curiosity lurking behind the protest. As well as the desire in his eyes. If Naruto had really not wanted it, Sasuke would have been bruised and bleeding by now.
"What's the deal – it's not like haven't you seen naked before."
And well, of course he had – in the showers and all that. They were boys. There wasn't any need to be ashamed about that. Yet, this was different, though for some boys it wasn't anything to be ashamed of, either. Naruto knew that some boys jerked off together and he knew that it wasn't a big deal for them. But Sasuke had never been interested in naked girls and so Naruto had refrained from suggesting that they do something like that together. Then again, he wouldn't really have done something like that with Sasuke because ... well, it was just odd.
Just as odd as this.
"Yeah, but you've never... put hand on – you know where."
God, had Naruto always been this awkward? Sasuke didn't see what he was making such a fuss about; they'd kissed, which in a way was more intimate than anything else. They'd done it more than twice. And Sasuke was more than sure that they could handle this as well. However, looking down at Naruto's flushed face, he felt he had to ask one thing.
"Do you trust me, Naruto?"
Naruto blinked twice. What a stupid question! Trust Sasuke? Of course! He trusted Sasuke with his life. "Yes. But what's–"
"Then just let go," Sasuke whispered, and when Naruto said nothing, he knew it was fine.
Naruto wanted to say no – fuck no. But it was too late. He felt the cool hand diving beneath his pyjama pants, then underneath his boxers, and that's exactly when it all went to hell. Or heaven. Because to his utter shock and surprise, it didn't feel half that bad. Then, had he ever expected it to?
No, he hadn't exactly.
Naruto closed his eyes, and, though he tried to avoid it, he was breathing heavily. He gasped from time to time – that was embarrassing. But then he realised he was arching off the bed, and that was – well, more than embarrassing. And he was sweating profusely; he could feel how his shirt was becoming drenched, his forehead was already soaked. The hand grabbing and pumping him was a bit too sweaty as well; he could feel it tremble from time, which told him that Sasuke was just as nervous about this as he was.
Then again, it didn't matter at all because it didn't feel bad; it felt good, even though it was an odd, somewhat awkward sort of good. Because, on one hand, there he was, arching and groaning oddly, and Sasuke's hand moving a little too slow, then a little too fast, but it felt good. Because this was Sasuke doing it too him; those were Sasuke's fingers encasing his cock, and – somewhat clumsily – trying to make him find relief. Sasuke, who scoffed at the mess in his room, was doing this to him. Naruto gulped, and closed his eyes, feeling his heart racing wildly and the blood pulsing quickly in his veins. He was starting to feel better; there were butterflies forming in his stomach, and his breath rate was increasing.
And yet… On the other hand, this wasn't intimate. Like this, Naruto could pretend that this was anyone, and he didn't want that. He wanted to be with Sasuke. He needed Sasuke, not just some relief.
"Sasuke–" Naruto started, but words failed him again. How could you ask something like this without coming across as a total idiot? He didn't know, and that's what made it so difficult.
"What?" Sasuke asked, and stopped what he'd been doing. He could feel Naruto freeze when he did that, but he would have to wait.
"Kiss me. Just fucking do it," Naruto murmured, his voice harsh and desperate. He hated himself for it. He was so damn weak, but then – fuck – he needed it. And no, this wasn't begging or even pleading; it was a command. If Sasuke didn't make a move, then Naruto was more than willing to tackle him and take on the dominating role (make him pay for being so lousy at hand jobs).
But Sasuke kissed him. He started it off slowly, in that lazy, sloppy kind of way which drove Naruto wild. He was still half-hard and tired – and damn, he needed it faster. Naruto shifted his head slightly, deepening the kiss and battling with Sasuke for dominance. But it didn't end there. Sasuke shivered when he felt Naruto's hands reach for his shoulders, pulling him down until they were close. So close that their bodies were nearly brushing against each other, and he could feel the lower regions of their bodies rub against each other; the friction was nearly unbearable, and Sasuke moaned into the kiss, and Naruto broke it – just to say:
"You're hard as well?"
Sasuke felt like slapping Naruto at the moment. Of course he was hard, and it was starting to get really uncomfortable – so uncomfortable that Sasuke really didn't want to waste time on stupid chit-chat. "What does it look like, moron? I'm not made out of stone."
"Damn it, neither am I," Naruto responded gruffly, and Sasuke could see that he was about to lose it. His hair stuck to his forehead, and he was squirming restlessly underneath him.
Sasuke wasn't feeling much better, so he rubbed against Naruto's arousal, and hearing him mutter "damn" did it again.
"Fuck– Naruto–" Sasuke gasped when Naruto started to thrust upwards in frantic motions. Sasuke could only return the favour, and so they moved, both of them coated in sweat, but it didn't matter. Sasuke thought it didn't matter shit. He was feeling alive, although the rubbing and thrusting happened too fast and too clumsily and it made him feel dizzy. Because this was Naruto underneath him, his sweat; and the musky smell was his well.
Soon it became too much and Sasuke buried his head between Naruto's shoulders, shaking and sweating; he knew that he wouldn't last much longer. Naruto's grip tightened on him; he could feel fingernails digging into his skin. Sasuke hissed and gasped, and he could hear Naruto doing the same. And then Naruto arched upwards, and Sasuke shuddered.
"Damn, that was – incredible, Naruto."
Naruto didn't say anything, but kissed Sasuke again. Gently, this time, and Sasuke returned the kiss equally gently. And the kiss didn't morph into something hot and passionate this time, either. Instead, they just kissed, slowly and gently. It still felt better than anything else.
* * *
Normally, there would have been something disgusting about this – dozing off when they were both messy, sweat-soaked and what not; it really wasn't necessary to go into details – but Naruto was too tired to care, and Sasuke – well, Sasuke was too content to care. He'd long since abandoned shame in favour of utter contentment, and now lay close to Naruto. They weren't snuggling – no, but they were close. And that was fine.
Naruto had to admit that Sasuke was like purring kitten when he'd been satisfied thoroughly. It was a bit of a shocking revelation, really, because Naruto could only imagine what having sex with Sasuke would mean now. He laughed out softly.
"What is it?" Sasuke inquired.
"I'm just thinking how shocked Kiba would be if he knew how sexually active you are."
"What has he been saying again?" Sasuke asked, while they both lay there, comfortably. Normally, he would have feigned disinterest, but tonight was an exceptional sort of night. So, for once, it was fine to ask.
"Ah, nothing, just that you're an 'erudite'. He meant 'eunuch' though."
Sasuke snorted, and Naruto, although he couldn't see Sasuke all that well now, knew that he was grinning. It was nice to think of that – Sasuke grinning, instead of being upset or furious.
"He's an idiot."
"Hmm, yeah," Naruto agreed.
"You're one as well," Sasuke stated in a bored voice, and smirked at that.
"Hey! Don't forget who just got you off a few minut–" Naruto started.
Sasuke suddenly decided that this was right moment to stop the conversation. Besides, he was too sleepy to argue with Naruto at the moment. "Naruto–"
"What?"
"Turn the light off. I want to sleep."
"You turn it–"
"Naruto," Sasuke started in a warning tone. "Do it, or I'll make sure you'll regret it."
A sleepy Sasuke was a deadly one and Naruto knew that, so he proceeded to as he was told. Because, he sure as hell didn't want to end up angering Sasuke now. Who knew what Sasuke would do?
And as Naruto switched the light off, he realised that, in some way, things really hadn't changed at all.
....
Additional Notes:
Gosh, longest chapter yes, Hollyoaks does exist and the Craig/John Paul McQueen storyline exists as well. Don't inquire any further on why I know it (I'll just admit to having a thing about watching British boys making out on TV).
Comments would be love – critical or not. Just don't keep silent because that's the only thing that can possibly distress me.
TBC