Because it's snowing outside (it never snows here) and because I love y'all and because I got off school early...Here's chapter 4.
(I think I'm going to make a snow fort today just like in Where the Wild Things Are)
What would you like to accomplish this year? (Be honest!) I'd really like an honest-to-goodness relationship. And good grades :)
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Around eight o'clock that night I was as done as I would ever be with my homework and I knew I had to get out of the freaking house.
Technically, I only have my permit and I'm not supposed to drive without an adult in the car. But that was a formality and if I didn't get over to Olivia's house right now I was going to hit something. Hard.
So I told Inez (my parents think that our elderly housekeeper will successfully replace them in terms of parenting; this is a lie) that I was taking Bean out for a walk, but instead I threw her in the passenger seat of the cherry-red Lexus convertible that will someday be mine and sped off to Olivia's.
(I mean really, it's less than a mile away.)
By the time she flung open her front door, I was using Bean as a living Kleenex.
"I take it that it didn't go that well?" she murmured, squishing both Bean and I into a hug. Bean made a few guttural coughing sounds, and I could hear Gigi, Olivia's mixed breed, getting excited in the other room.
Olivia led me to the living room and sat me down on her L-shaped couch. Ignoring the fact that Mrs. Ryan was half-watching Forrest Gump and that Olivia's younger brother Andy was messing with his iguana on the other end of the couch, I took a seat and started wailing.
"He just wants to be friends," I moaned into Olivia's shoulder. This would be the second of her cardigans that I've stained with my tears and eyeliner.
"He does?" Mrs. Ryan gasped, muting her movie and focusing her full attention on me.
I hiccupped a couple of times. "Well, he didn't exactly say that, but he asked me if I used to have a crush on him in seventh grade and I said yeah and he was all, I bet you're over it now and I didn't know what to say so I said I was." I sniffled and coughed out another sob. Olivia grabbed the nearest drink on her coffee table—a half-drunk Dr. Pepper—and shoved it in my face. I gratefully chugged the soda.
"Hey!" Andy protested. "That was mine!" We both glared at him and he went back to quietly cuddling his iguana.
"Where's your dad?" I muttered.
"School board meeting," Olivia sighed. "It's going to be okay, you know that, right?"
I glared at her. "No, it's not."
"You were just saying the other day how much you wanted a new best guy friend."
"We already have Todd, remember?"
Olivia sighed and settled for blasting All Time Low on her Macbook instead of answering me. Over on the other end of the couch, Andy picked up his iguana and made him dance along to the guitar solo that started the first track. The four of us burst out laughing and for a moment, I forgot all about Landon Crane.
--
But only for a moment.
It seemed like Landon was completely serious about us being good friends. One minute, I'd be rushing to get to World History, and the next he would sneak up and throw his arm around me and time would slow and it would be just the two of us talking about what happened that weekend and laughing at some stupid thing one of our friends had done.
Of course, this didn't change the fact that every time I saw him, I felt like somebody had punched me in the chest. In the midst of his hugs and his laughs and his smiles, it was easy to pretend that there could be something more. But there never would be.
I couldn't figure out if it was my fault for not speaking up or if he really didn't want anything more than a platonic relationship right now. Because him not wanting a romance sounded better than, "I was too much of a weenie to say that I wasn't over him yet," I used the platonic excuse when Todd asked what had gone down during our coffee date.
And then, mid-October, That Night happened.
--
It was the last pool party of the season. Landon had turned up the heat in his pool and set the jets in his hot tub to full blast. And if you were still cold, then there were plenty of half-naked junior boys to snuggle up against.
I still couldn't believe that he invited me—"And Olivia too, I know you guys are good friends." I knew he went to and threw parties each weekend, but they were usually strictly upperclassmen.
So Olivia and I spent the entire Saturday weeding through our old summer clothes and experimenting with different makeup (Olivia only let MAC touch her face, I was open to anything). We finally deemed ourselves acceptable and I spent the two hours before we left hyperventilating.
"What are you so nervous about?" Todd asked me over the phone while Olivia absentmindedly watched Gossip Girl reruns.
"That he'll look at the flab on my stomach and get turned off," I babbled. At this point, I didn't know why I was nervous. I just was.
"Please. You and Olivia are two of the skinniest bitches I know," said Todd, almost as though he were complaining.
"Olivia! Are you two ready?" Mrs. Ryan hollered up the stairs.
"It's go time," Olivia said to Todd as a way of saying bye before snatching her phone out of my hands and ending the call.
By the time we arrived, the party was already in full force. It was mostly seniors and juniors, and a few of the upperclassmen girls glared at us as we walked in. But as we weaved through the crowd, we spotted a few kids from our grade—including Layne Abeley, who was hovering by the hot tub Landon was currently immersed in.
Olivia and I made to turn away—Layne chatting up Landon was really the last thing I wanted to see right now—but she caught our eye and waved us over. I quickly shook my head and gestured at Skye Hamilton, who we had just spotted lounging in the Crane's cabana.
"Why so quick to get away, Massie?" Layne called. "I thought you were Landon's biggest fan."
You know that feeling where panic seizes your chest and your heart starts pounding really hard and you think you might throw up? I got that, but only ten times worse.
Landon turned towards me with a confused look on his face and the people around us went slightly quiet, awkwardly giggling at me. Olivia tugged on my elbow, but I couldn't move. Layne's smug smirk kept me in place.
"Oh, don't play dumb. I saw that letter did you wrote."
The most intense of flashbacks hit me. The day I wrote the letter, the wistful look on Ms. Vines' face, her Romeo and Juliet poster, the way the sunlight came into the room—I saw it all. And I wanted to run back to that day in eighth grade and rip the paper out of my 13-year-old hands.
But the letter wasn't in my hands anymore. It was in Layne's. And now she was pulling it out of the back pocket of her jean shorts so she could read it to everyone.
"'Dear Landon Crane,'" she began in an overly dramatic fashion. "'I remember everything. Do you?'"
She read every single word off of that worn piece of paper. And the whole time, Landon kept his eyes on mine. When Layne got to the part about the last time I talked to him, before I had gone to the Bahamas, I realized that I was crying. And shaking my head. Trying to make him realize that none of it was true if he didn't want it to be.
Layne threw my letter into the hot tub. Landon snatched it up before it could hit the water and crumpled it in his hand.
"Guess she lied to you, Landon," said Layne coolly.
"You bitch," Olivia snarled, taking a step towards Layne.
"It's not worth it, Olivia, let's go," I whimpered before turning around and pushing my way through the crowd.
"Massie!" Olivia called as I pushed open his wooden gate and ran down his driveway.
"Olivia, let me handle this. Massie! Massie, wait!"
Landon was running after me.