Chapter 4: Déchiré et Effiloché
Chapter title translation: "Torn and Frayed"
Looking down at the irate Uchiha and Haruno waiting on him is really making Kakashi regret not canceling this whole damn thing.
He contemplates on just leaving, but he knows that he can't. Despite his perpetual nonchalant facade and seeming disinterest in teaching his students, it's his duty to do so and he never takes one of his missions lightly.
He listens as Sakura goes on a spirited rant about his habitual tardiness, but he's not really hearing her.
He's exhausted after staying up all night gazing at Naruko's apartment. He can feel his eyes burning and like the skin of his lids are scraping against his eyeballs with every blink. It was stupid of him, of course. Careless. Shinobi need to maintain the well-being of their physical bodies. Anything less can make them a jeopardy to the mission and a liability should their services be needed immediately or during a time of crisis.
He just decides to add this to the list of things he's been screwing up lately.
Skipping his morning routine of going to the memorial stone was… strange, to say the least.
For so many years, that was a staple of his day. It was something that he just had to do. He still has the urge, but the shame keeps him from seriously considering visiting again.
Strangely enough, he finds none of that trepidation when he attempted to visit his father's grave. Unlike his teammates and teacher, Kakashi never glorified the image of his father after his death. In fact, it was somewhat the opposite. All of Hatake Sr.'s glaring faults and mistakes are imprinted in Kakashi's brain. Both of them, disgustingly flawed individuals who have roiled in their own guilt at some point in their lives.
It makes sense that he feels welcome there.
Kakashi's been waiting up here in this tree for Naruko to show up. She's usually here first and if she's ever actually tardy then it's certainly doesn't take her this long to arrive. Sakura and Sasuke are bound to have invasive questions for her if she attends today's training lesson.
He stays on the branch and waits there for another hour. Sakura is practically fuming by the time he finally decides that he can't stall any longer and jumps down from the tree.
"Yo!"
'Never seen Sakura's face turn that shade of red before,' Kakashi muses as he watches her eye twitch and hands unconsciously clench into fists. He gets ready for the onslaught of accusations that she'll, no doubt, deliver.
"How… dare you? You're-" she pauses and glances up at the placement of the sun. "Nine hours late! Who raised you? Why are you like this?!"
'Wow. She must be really angry if she's foregoing any and all etiquette. Usually, she's more careful and stows away her resentment better than this.'
He surprised at his strong urge to chuckle at the creative barrage of insults she's throwing his way. He didn't know he could feel any humor after what happened. His mind skips to Naruko and his amusement immediately sobers.
'Yes, sure, Kakashi. Laugh it up while your student is out there trying to recuperate from rape. From you. Truly, sensei-of-the-year.'
He looks over to Sasuke and can see that he's furious as well, though he's obviously trying to keep it at bay. His attempts at a stoic demeanor are failing, however.
Kakashi claps his hands together and plasters on a smile.
"Well, since we're all here! Let's get started."
Sakura halts in her beratement of him and both she and Sasuke gaze up at him in twin looks of confusion.
"Wha- but, sensei, Naruko isn't here…" She trails off with uncertainty.
"Well, I guess she just doesn't feel up to it today, but the show must go on, right? Now, I want both of you to spar for 15 minutes. Go!"
Sasuke and Sakura look dazed in the wake of that rapid explanation and order. It takes them a few seconds and Sasuke looks extremely doubtful, but he moves into position.
Sakura balks and anxiously looks between Kakashi and Sasuke. This isn't how it's usually done. Normally, Sasuke would spar with Naruko and then Naruko would spar with Sakura. After some moments of disbelief and hesitation, she gets into position, as well.
There's a tense standoff. Neither of them really know how to approach this and Kakashi is fairly certain that he knows what both of them think about this. Sakura is probably horrified at the thought of physically harming Sasuke despite how nonsensical the very idea of that is and Sasuke is more than likely thinking that Sakura is far too weak to fight.
Kakashi goes to sit at the base of the tree and signals for them to begin.
There's an awkward moment of silence before he observes Sasuke starting to tense for an attack when Kakashi sees a flash of yellow in his peripheral vision.
He jumps to his feet when he recognizes Naruko. His movement alerts Sakura and Sasuke. They look over as well.
Kakashi automatically scans her form. Without her orange jumpsuit, she almost looks like a different person. She's wearing a dull, dark blue t-shirt, sweatpants similar to what he bought her yesterday.
Once she's standing right in front of them, no one really knows what to say. He can see the shadows under her eyes, so either she didn't sleep at all or, if she did, it was a tumultuous rest.
A glimpse from the corner of his eyes shows the stunned faces of Sasuke and Sakura. They look like they can't decide whether to be annoyed, relieved, or worried. He thought they'd be bombarding her with questions, but they're quiet as mice. The change in her clothing and demeanor must have stunned them.
Naruko's eyes are downward and it's dead-silent in the clearing. She gathers herself, straightens her hunched form, and beams a wide smile at them.
Kakashi cringes at Naruko's obvious and abrupt change in demeanor and reflexively glances to the side to check the others' reactions.
"Hahaha, Good morning Sakura-chan! Sorry, I couldn't visit you in the hospital! I was super tired after the mission, so I must've passed out."
Sakura's eyebrows are furrowed in concern, but after Naruko's words, anger overtakes her expression.
"You- you idiot, what did I tell you about doing stupid things," Sakura yells and punches Naruko upside the head.
"Sakura!" Kakashi barks out sharply. All three of the genin (surprisingly, even Sasuke) jump at the tone of his voice and turn wide eyes on him.
His mind is drawing a blank. He just reacted without even thinking about it.
'So much for acting normal.'
He scrambles for some sort of explanation for his strange outburst.
"Aww, Kakashi-sensei, you don't have to worry about that. I got plenty of rest, my head's fine!" Naruko exclaims earnestly.
Kakashi has no clue what's she's referring to and he's not the only one with Sakura and Sasuke looking more and more bewildered by the second.
Finally, his brain kickstarts and he recognizes that she's trying to help him explain away his reaction.
'Ugh, I am really off my game.'
"...Uh, yes. You hit it too hard yesterday, Naruko. Honestly, you shouldn't even be here today after such a bad injury," He plays along, all the while realizing how horrifically truthful this "lie" is.
Sakura's eyes snap back to Naruko. "Accident? Injury? But sensei, you said that she was only tired," she sounds exasperated by this whole situation.
"Hn," Sasuke adds, equally as annoyed.
"It's not a big deal, I promise," Naruko reassures.
"Even if you're fine - which I doubt - Sakura, you don't need to be making matters worse by punching Naruko in the head. In fact, you don't need to be punching a teammate at all."
Sakura jaw drops at the reprimand then looks ashamed. "I- I didn't mean anything by it. If I'd known you were hurt I wouldn't have punched you. I do it mostly by habit anyway. You know that. Right, Naruko?"
Naruko studies her for a minute then grins again like before, "Of course, Sakura-chan, duh. What do you take me for?" She laughs and pivots to Sasuke. "You better get ready, bastard. I'm gonna finally beat you today. That's a promise."
"And who said you're sparring today, Naruko?" Kakashi pipes up.
She turns to him, but he now notices that she's purposely avoiding his gaze. In fact, looking back, she's been doing that since the incident, hasn't she?
"It's okay, right? We can just avoid any headshots. That is... if you're able to beat me without aiming for my head, bastard."
Sasuke scowls at the jab, "Why would I even aim for your head, dobe? There's nothing in there." He walks back over to the center of the training field and gets in fighting stance with Naruko trailing him.
Kakashi is at a loss.
They have indeed sparred while injured in the past. At the time, it had seemed to be a good idea. A way to get them used to precarious situations they may encounter in the future. If only he'd known that his attentiveness would come back to bite him in the ass like this. Kakashi can't truly object without being questioned by his oh-so-not-really-very-cute-right-now-and-endlessly-curious genin about why they're being denied doing something they regularly do.
He is getting really tired of the perpetual feeling of powerlessness that's stemming from all the lying. It had felt like a logical choice at the time, but now the swirling in his gut won't go away. It's only getting worse with all this acting. Behaving as though nothing is wrong. There should be some sort of fallout. Things like this don't just happen without repercussions.
He's brought out of his thoughts by the sound of shuffling in the grass. Sasuke and Naruko have already started fighting. He sighs and walks over to the tree to watch.
Surprisingly, Naruko is faring just fine in the battle. Sasuke swift, elegant, and precise taijutsu style has always been a pretty good match for her clever, blunt, and brawler-type one.
They trade blows and dodge attacks with familiarity. They know each other's moves pretty well by now.
The two are at it for a few minutes. The pace of their duel is rapidly reaching a crescendo. The strikes are coming faster and more hits are landing. A kick from Sasuke grazes Naruko's side and a punch from Naruko scrapes his shoulder.
Kakashi can tell that the match will be over soon, this is usually where Sasuke gets the upper hand.
Sure enough, Sasuke performs a sweeping kick and knocks Naruko off her feet. She lands flat on her back in the grass, the force of the impact winding her. He swiftly secures his win by pinning her to the ground.
"Hn, looks like I win again, dob-"
before he's able to finish his sentence, Naruko headbutts him and he topples over to the side. His hand clutches his forehead and Kakashi calls the match, but she follows up with several punches to his temple. Sasuke's stunned from the first punch but shields himself from the subsequent ones.
"Naruko, stop!" Kakashi calls out, but she's starting in on kicking Sasuke in the abdomen. He has no choice but to physically intervene.
He body-flickers over and forcefully pushes Naruko away from Sasuke, but she immediately starts running back towards him, so Kakashi is forced to pick her up and puts space between her and Sasuke.
"Naruko, calm down."
He put her down and when she goes running again he rests his hands securely on her shoulders to keep her still. Her breathing is erratic and loud again.
Kakashi crouches down and shakes her shoulders to get her attention, "Naruko! You need to stop."
She finally snaps out of her haze of rage and looks back at Sasuke.
He's just sitting there in the grass, hand cradling his bruised cheek and staring at her in shock. Sakura looks just as surprised.
Naruko's skin reddens in embarrassment at herself. She glares at her feet and slaps Kakashi's hands off her shoulders.
"Looks like I got you good, bastard. Maybe you should practice more 'cause that was pathetic," she says with a smirk and mocking edge to her statement before walking off the training grounds.
That was certainly not the best way to defuse the situation. Kakashi glances at Sasuke and notices that, unfortunately, he's taken the bait.
Sasuke is seething and Kakashi can sense the rage pouring off him by waves. He's never been good at taking criticism or any type of hit to his pride. Being beating by Naruko is only adding the fuel to the fire of the tension that's existed since the Land of Waves mission.
He's been sore about their difference in progress ever since he saw Naruko demonstrating the Kyuubi's power. Of course, he has no clue that it isn't really Naruko that he saw then so it only adds to his already fragile sense of self-worth and fragile ego.
Not for the first time, Kakashi wishes Sasuke could see through his own ambition and self-involvement and recognize the blatant and shallow manipulation tactic for what it was.
Part of him is almost proud of the cleverness Naruko displayed in hitting Sasuke right where she knew it would hurt. He realizes that he's underestimated her perceptiveness again. A brilliant diversion from her mental breakdown. The other part of him is wary of just how much this can snowball into a bigger issue. This rift between them is bound to not end well.
After Naruko's departure, Sakura warily attempts to approach him but halts when he snarls and punches the ground before getting up and leaving as well.
She walks over to Kakashi, completely at a loss, "Sensei, what-"
"Alright, I guess that's enough training for today," Kakashi says before she can ask any tough questions.
"But, sensei-," she starts, but he pats her on the head and cuts her off again. "It's okay, Sakura. Sasuke's just angry because he lost and you know how he gets. Naruko is- she's still recovering from her head injury and mood swings are pretty much the norm for that. I'm sure she'll be back to normal soon enough."
She looks conflicted, but just defeatedly utters, "I guess you must be right, Sensei," and exits the training field.
Kakashi slumps against the tree, exhausted by the disastrous team meeting.
'That could have gone better.'
He decides to sit down and decompress for a bit. Maybe figure out a course of action for his godforsaken life.
"MY ETERNAL RIVAL!"
'Nevermind.'
"You have been very elusive as of late! I have visited your regular venues and cool, hip hangout spots, but you were nowhere to be found! How goes life, my friend?"
Kakashi is at such a loss for words. He just looks at Gai then settles his gaze at his hands.
"Same old, same old, I suppose."
Gai studies him for a bit and obviously registers that something's off.
Kakashi can sense the mounting questions that Gai is prepared to ask. He inwardly sighs and speaks before he gets the third degree.
"It's not a problem, Gai. It's just… it's been a bad week, I suppose. Everything'll be fine," he reassures with his usual fake eye-smile.
Gai just quietly stares at Kakashi for a minute, then grins, squats next to him, and pats him on the shoulder.
"...Of course, my friend. But you should know that if you need to talk about anything, I'm here for you no matter what."
Kakashi is suddenly struck with such a profound feeling of gratefulness.
He wants to take him up on that offer more than any time in the past that Gai has ever made it. He wants to let it all out and bare his soul. No one would be better to talk about this with than Gai. Who's been there for him through all his losses and failures. Always patient and understanding. Never judgemental and constantly kind-hearted even in the face of all Kakashi's blatant and rude dismissals.
The words are bubbling in his throat, seeking to be spoken. His eyes are burning and he doesn't even understand why. He was fine after dropping off Naruko yesterday. Antsy and nervous perhaps, but he wasn't this emotional. He hasn't cried in years and now it's a daily occurrence?
He wants to confess everything, but he reigns it all in before anything damning can be said.
Kakashi turns his head away and closes his eye to hide his reaction. Gai is probably already aware, but it's force of habit to try and conceal it.
He doesn't even know how to respond to the offer.
"...Thank you."
A soft whisper of gratitude. It's all he can manage and he cringes when his voice cracks with emotion.
Gai squeezes his shoulder in response then leaves after a beat. Kakashi waits a couple of minutes to open his eyes and scans the field.
He's alone again and he finally allows the tears to leak from his eyes.
The next several days are peaceful, mainly because Naruko doesn't show up.
When he arrived home a few hours after talking with Gai on the field, he found a folded letter under the door.
It carried Naruko's scent and contained a short message: "I won't be at the next few meetings. I need to fix my head."
He feels extremely guilty that he's partially relieved that he doesn't have to confront her. It's more arduous to ignore what happened when she's right there.
At the following team-meets, Kakashi uses the excuse "she's recovering" to abate any questions Sakura may ask, but it only lasts for a while.
As one week of a missing Naruko starts lengthening into two, Sakura's just about reached her wit's end. At first, she was annoyed, but that quickly gave way to worry. Even Sasuke's anger at being beaten has diminished somewhat and he's reluctantly curious and tentatively concerned in her absence.
"Sensei, what's going on? No 'minor head injury' should take this long to recover from. Have you even checked up on her?" Sakura implores.
"She's okay, Sakura-chan. Concussions can be finicky and straining too much after one can only make it worse. She doesn't need to be training right now. And to answer your question: Yes, I've checked in every day."
'Well, if you count stalking her apartment from afar for hours every night as "checking in".'
He's not sure why, but ever since that first night, it makes him feel more at ease. He still goes home after a few hours to make his feeble attempts at sleeping, but it's become a daily routine to keep watch.
"I still think we should visit…" She murmurs to herself. It's not the first time she's mentioned visiting Naruko and asked for her address, but he's shut it down every time.
He's not quite sure what Naruko is doing to "fix her mind", but from the sound of loud crashes coming from her apartment at night, he can take an educated guess. If she's really trying to overcome her trauma from being pinned down, then she doesn't need anyone disturbing and interrupting her focus.
It was similar for him after the cave-in with Obito. Forcing himself to traverse caves again was one of the most difficult things he'd ever done.
A burst of pride crops up at the initiative Naruko's showing in her attempt to get over it on her own.
Nevertheless, experience tells him that she's not in the correct headspace to be in to accept visitors.
"Sorry, Sakura-chan, but I still don't think the stress of entertaining guests would be best for her right now. You don't have to worry so much. Naru-chan is fine and she'll be back with us soon."
Sakura's eyes narrow, but she seemingly drops the subject.
"Okay! Now for today's lesson…"
Before she went to practice, she had attempted to screw her head on straight. It took a lot of mental fortitude to even walk out the door. If she had her wish, she would have never left the apartment at all.
Now she's thinking that things would have worked out better if she had just followed her instincts.
Surprisingly, she was actually able to sleep last night, but she was haunted by nightmares for the majority of it and woke up more than a few times. After waking up she attempted to eat breakfast, but her anxiety and subsequent nausea prevented her from keeping much down.
The trudge to the training field had been a torment.
The regular glowers of disdain felt damning. More so than usual. It's like they all knew what happened and were judging, judging, judging. The whispers and murmurs were suffocating. Every inch she moved forward, her head dropped lower and lower.
She'd halted in her steps and turned around several times intending to run straight back to the apartment and never show her face again. Finally, after the fifth time she switched directions, she swerved into an alleyway and just rested her head on the cold concrete of a building and allowed herself to calm down for a few minutes.
With all the delays, it had taken her multiple times longer than usual to reach her destination. Nevertheless, she made it. However, that was, sadly, not the end of her woes for the day.
Facing Sasuke and Sakura again was more difficult than she had ever imagined. No pep-talk could keep her from feeling like a total fraud in front of them.
Logically, she knows that they have no clue what happened. There's no way they could. They were in the hospital during it and Kakashi-sensei promised not to say anything.
Knowing that still doesn't stop the burn of shame that flashed through her when in their presence. Even without them knowing the truth, she still feels embarrassed around them. It was painful to even look them in the eyes.
The knowledge that they are unaware of the truth doesn't lessen her fear. If anything, it makes her more self-conscious and wary.
She keeps thinking that she's going to give something away. Perhaps she'll speak in a certain way or perform a particular gesture that will clue them in and have them confronting her out of the blue. Even without saying a word about it, she feels like it's written across her face in bold red, plain as day.
Naruko had donned her regular smile and peppy demeanor, but it proved to be as strenuous as she'd initially feared. Putting on the facade was almost impossible. She felt her grin fraying at the edges everytime she tried.
Kakashi's defense of her had been… unexpected. She doesn't quite know what to make of it. Sakura had always punched her like that and he'd never told her to stop before. To be honest, she hardly registers any of the hits anymore.
As for the other events of the day… Well…
Her behavior is frightening her.
She certainly didn't plan to attack Sasuke the way she did, but it's like she lost control of her body. Her shinobi training melted away in the wake of her primal survival instinct. She barely even remembers what happened. She just knows that sometime during the battle, he had her pinned and all she saw was red.
At that moment she just wanted him off her. She wanted to hurt him for even being on her in the first place. That was all that was running through her mind.
Naruko sinks onto her bed and puts her head in her hands.
As for the incident with Sasuke… she can't allow that to happen again. He didn't do anything wrong, it was her that overreacted because of how messed up her brain is right now.
She's fortunate that Sasuke is more worried about getting stronger than he is about her. For a couple of seconds, she was afraid that her bait wouldn't work. Afraid that he would think that her erratic behavior was more pressing than the jab at his ego. That he'd care more about her than himself. Thankfully, she was wrong and was able to successfully divert his attention.
Naruko isn't certain what Sakura thought of the behavior since she didn't stick around long enough to find out, but she remembers the stunned look the girl was sporting.
Regardless, this is something she's going to have to rectify as soon as possible. She can't be freezing up anytime someone pins her down otherwise she'll be signing her own death warrant as a shinobi. Not to mention that she can only fool Sasuke and Sakura so many times before they catch on to the deception.
She eventually decides to use her shadow clones to get used to it. She'll train her body to not react to being held down.
After the first few attempts and handful of panic attacks later, she concludes that this is going to take more time and be much more difficult than she originally thought.
She writes a short note explaining that she'll be missing a few team meetings and creates a shadow clone to deliver the message to Kakashi-sensei's apartment. She already encountered him directly once today. Doing so again is just more than she can take right now.
In a few minutes, the clone dispels and she gains its memories. He wasn't home so the clone just folded the note and slid it under the door.
'Alright, time to get to work.'
She goes on like that, ordering her clones to pin her and training herself to not respond erratically. She only stops to sleep and recover her chakra, use the bathroom, and try her little attempts at getting some food down her esophagus.
Naruko loses track of the passage of time. Subconsciously, she acknowledges the passing of days with the sunrise and sunset, but she pays it no mind. It takes her a long while, but eventually, she's able to be pinned down by her clones without a knee-jerk flailing and kicking. Her heart still stutters and her breath still comes a little short, but there's no longer any hesitation or panic and she finally deems herself capable enough to go back and practice with Team 7.
She checks the time and calendar for the first time in what feels like forever and realizes it's been-
'Two weeks? !'
Naruko checks her food cabinet and notes that she's down to one last little pathetic ramen packet. That there's even one left shows just how little she must have been eating in the past weeks. Technically, she should have run out days ago. She looks down at her arms and cringes at how slender they are. It's definitely time to go out and restock.
She runs her fingers and cringes at how dingy and greasy.
'Ugh. Shower first, then food.'
It's when she's in the shower that she sees some drops of blood running down her leg and down the drain.
'What?'
After the… incident, the spotting made sense because of the tearing. She'd been hurt down there, so it follows that she'd be bleeding like with any wound.
But it's been two weeks. More than long enough for that to stop. How is she only noticing this now?
As a matter of fact, now that she's focusing on it, there's been a pulsing pain in her lower back and slight cramping in her abdomen.
'Wait… is this…?'
This must be a "period".
Honestly, no one really taught her about the intricacies of being female. Her knowledge of what a period is only extends to knowing that it means you bleed once a month for a few days and apparently most girls have it. It's pretty alarming that she has no clue why blood would be coming out of her once a month.
She knows that some of the girls in class would whisper about it and discreetly exchange those little packets called "pads". They supposedly used them to catch the blood.
She's never had one before, so she has nothing in the apartment like that.
When Naruko's done with the shower, she just uses paper towels as a makeshift pad while she gets ready and goes out to buy some much-needed groceries and, hopefully, some feminine products to help with this period stuff. The pressure feels uncomfortable between her legs and she idly hopes that the actual pad isn't like that.
Outside of the apartment, it's late afternoon. Her destination is one of the only stores that allows her to shop. It's in one of the poorer districts. The shopkeeper usually looks at her with disdain just like everyone else, but at least he doesn't turn away her business altogether.
She goes to make her way down the street but doesn't even walk three steps before a hand lands on her arm.
She spins around in surprise.
"...Sakura-chan? What-"
"Naruko! Where have you been?" She stands there in her training gear, hands on her hips and donning a worried expression.
Even more surprising is the brooding bastard she spots past Sakura's head. Hands in his pockets and head tilted to the side looking like he'd rather be anywhere other than here.
"Sasuke?"
He glances at Naruko out of the corner of his eye then shifts his gaze back out into the distance.
"Dobe."
They all stand there in silence for a moment before Sakura takes a couple of steps closer to her and breaks the ice. Her eyes scan Naruko's visage and figure and her expression of concern deepens.
"You haven't shown up to practice in weeks. Kakashi-sensei told us you were trying to recover from whatever injury you got, but two weeks seemed pretty excessive."
"But... how do you even know where I live?"
A mischievous light glistens in Sakura's eyes. "I have my ways..." she answers mysteriously. "So, what's going on?"
Naruko's speechless for a few seconds before she scrambles to tell a half-truth, "Um, y- yeah, I mean, I'm okay… I felt off after practice that day and rested. I was so bored, I basically just trained the whole time and I guess I… lost track of time?" She finishes lamely.
Sakura tilts her head, obviously bemused, but before she can say anything, Sasuke's head turns sharply in Naruko's direction and he squints his eyes in scrutiny.
"Training? You've been training?" he questions. Naruko and Sakura both look at him in bewilderment.
"But he said you-" His voice cuts off and he looks down angrily at the pavement. She's about to ask him what his problem is when he raises his head again. The fury from that day on the training field is back, but he's keeping it semi-concealed under his usual serious appearance.
Sasuke glares at Naruko. "Be there tomorrow," he demands then storms off down the street.
They both watch as he walks out of view.
"I- uh, sorry about that," she apologizes with a blush, apparently embarrassed by Sasuke's behavior.
Naruko just looks at her then gestures back to the direction Sasuke just left in. "Well?"
Sakura's eyebrows scrunch up in question.
"Aren't you gonna follow him?"
Sakura's countenance clears and she glances down the road to where Sasuke left. "No, I… Sasuke's not important right now."
Naruko's doesn't have time to recover from that blatantly out of character statement before Sakura continues.
"I came here because I was worried, but I'm glad you're okay. Where were you going?" she asks after scanning my clothes.
She's so caught off guard that she doesn't even know how she's supposed to be behaving. On any other occasion, she'd poke fun and make a big deal about "the pretty and amazing Sakura-chan!" being concerned for her, but she's unprepared for the act and not really in the mood to put it on today.
"Oh, I was just gonna go to the store and pick up some groceries. I'm completely out."
Sakura's eyes light up, "Really? But the general store is over there," she points in the opposite direction of where Naruko was headed.
That's the store that always refused her though. The one Kakashi-sensei bought the clothes from.
"I… I don't think that's a very good idea," she responds, eyes downcast.
Sakura examines her somber expression for a second, "What, why not?" she asks.
Naruko could answer with a plethora of her usual bullshit excuses, but she's just so tired of the facade and keeping up appearances. Not just from this ordeal with Kakashi, but with everything. The villagers, the prejudice, bottling it up all the time, she's just over it. Why lie about the fact that they despise her? They make it more than clear enough on their own.
"They hate me. They just do. When I go in there they try to kick me out or they raise the prices higher than I can afford, so I go to the little one in the slums down that way," She explains, gesturing to the road she was walking before they stopped her. "Don't get me wrong, they despise me too, but they kinda need the money, so they don't throw me out..."
'...like everyone else,' she adds in her mind.
She averts her eyes, afraid to see Sakura's reaction. Contempt, disgust, or judgment aren't things she needs from anyone right now.
As the quiet ebbs on, Naruko feels the sting of regret at allowing herself to say something like that to Sakura. It's her own burden to carry. No one else needs to have that on their shoulders.
She's about to just make a hasty retreat and go on her not-so-merry way when a soft hand slips into her own. She peeks up and is dumbfounded by Sakura's look of determination.
"Well, let's see what they have to say if I'm with you," she pulls Naruko with her and walks down the street towards the general store.
Naruko's stunned but allows herself to be led.
While on the way there, she watches a puzzled Sakura observing the scornful looks of the villagers and she can tell the questions the girl's probably itching to ask her. Sakura appears to think better of saying anything and instead just tightens her hold on Naruko's hand and they continue to the Market District.
When the shopkeeper spots Naruko, he looks ready to berate her but notices Sakura trailing right alongside her and, thankfully, keeps his mouth shut. He still makes sure to shoot a few looks of disapproval.
Naruko looks to Sakura in question and she smirks at her in response while picking up a basket.
"My mom and dad are regulars here. I doubt he wants to lose any loyal customers," she explains when they go deeper into the aisle.
Naruko spots the instant ramen and heads directly for it before being yanked back.
"Nope, not on my watch. That's complete trash," she shakes her head in disappointment. "Honestly, how you have so much energy with just that running through your system is beyond me."
"But… it's ramen," Naruko whimpers out.
"Yes. Which is exactly why we're not buying it."
They waltz to an area of the store with lots of frozen fruits and vegetables in packages.
"If I thought you'd be able to maintain fresh produce, I'd tell you to get those instead, but I suppose this will have to do. It's cheaper anyway, which is always a plus. What's your budget?"
Naruko just reaches in her pocket and hands her whatever ryō she finds. Sakura hums while counting it out, "Yeah, this should be enough."
She quickly starts loading up the basket with packages of frozen broccoli, spinach, corn, onions, carrots, peas, and bell peppers. Naruko scrunches up her features in disgust and when Sakura spies her reaction, she rolls her eyes.
"I know your taste buds are probably dead from all that high sodium ramen, but believe it or not, there are ways to make this stuff taste good."
She continues to stack vegetables in the basket and goes a little further down the aisle and picks out some meat. Naruko's not quite sure which kind it is. When she's done with that she moves on to another aisle and starts packing in some bread, rice, noodles and various different spices and sauces.
Naruko just watches her and fidgets where she stands. In the distance, she finds a little area of the store labeled "Feminine Hygiene". She had never ventured in that type of aisle before, but she assumes that's where she'd be able to get the "pads". However, she has no clue which one she should pick or what all these qualifiers like Heavy Duty, Extra Long, Wings, No Wings mean.
She's snapped out of her thoughts at the sound of Sakura's steps. She's done packing the basket and is about to head to the register.
"Wait," Naruko calls after her. This is so embarrassing, but she doesn't have anyone else she can ask.
Sakura turns with a questioning look.
"Um, I think I need your help with something…" She trails off but gathers her nerve to continue. "I.. I think I started my… uh … my 'period' and I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it. Can you help me?"
She can feel her cheeks burning and she steadfastly looks to the side and away from Sakura, but the silence goes on for long enough that Naruko risks a glance at her.
Sakura's eyes are wide and her mouth is slightly parted in shock. When she sees Naruko looking at her, her mouth snaps shut and she shakes her head at herself.
"Geez, Naruko... Yeah, of course, I'll help, dummy," she says and both of them go to check out the supplies.
Just like Naruko thought, the array of different products are confusing and she doesn't know which one she's supposed to be choosing.
"So, how heavy is the blood coming down?" Sakura asks.
"Hmm, there's not that much. Just a few drops, really."
Sakura looks incredulous then just shakes her head again, "Lucky, lucky. So, ultimately you have two choices. You can get pads or tampons."
She detects the puzzled expression on Naruko's face, so she explains everything she knows about them. She goes over the difference in the thin ones vs. the heavy duty. She goes over the benefits and disadvantages of both pads and tampons along with how often Naruko's supposed to switch them out. She warns her about keeping either one too long down there and the risks of toxicity and sepsis.
Naruko soaks in all the information like a sponge and asks question after question. It's like her eyes are open to a whole other world. They'd touched on the subject slightly in kunoichi class, but it was more in context of jutsu to use for keeping menstruation hidden during a mission as opposed to anything regarding the bodily function itself.
It's weird that there was all this stuff that she was going to go through and she's only now learning about it.
Sakura finishes up her explanation and she decides to throw both tampons and pads in the basket since Naruko doesn't know which one she'll be most comfortable using yet.
It's when they're walking to the front register, that another very important question pops in her head.
"Hey, Sakura-chan. Why do we even have periods in the first place?"
"Well, duh. It's for-..."
Sakura's halts in her steps and whirls around.
"Wait, please tell me you know what periods are," She implores, an intense and slightly scary look is in her eyes.
"...Uh, well, it's when a girl bleeds, right?" Naruko answers, a little unsure now.
"No, I mean you know why we have them, right?"
Sakura only receives a blank look for her troubles. She looks up to the ceiling and heaves a long-suffering sigh.
"Naruko, where do you think babies come from?"
"...What does that have to do with anything?"
Sakura's hand travels to her to her forehead, but she aborts the movement and clears her throat.
"Menstruation, or period, is normal vaginal-"
There's a gasp beside them and look over to see a woman with a scandalized expression, hands covering her child's ears.
Sakura glares after the woman while she and her child scamper away before continuing on with her explanation.
"As I was saying: Menstruation, or 'period', is normal vaginal bleeding that occurs as part of a woman's monthly cycle. Every month, your body prepares for pregnancy by creating a lining in the womb and releasing an egg from the ovaries. If no pregnancy occurs, the uterus, or womb, sheds its lining along with the egg. The menstrual blood is partly blood and partly tissue from inside the uterus. It passes out of the body through the vagina," she states like she's reciting verbatim something she read from a book.
Naruko takes a minute to parse through the info.
"But how does it make a baby though?"
At that question, Sakura's cheeks flush a dusky pink. Shy and awkward about this subject for the first time since they began talking about it.
"Well, uh, you know… through…" Her voice lowers to a whisper and she leans in conspiratorially, " Sex."
"...what?" Naruko asks. All of a sudden, her body's starting to go numb. She has a feeling she already knows the answer, but… no…
"Sex. It's when a guy's- well, when a man's thing is inside a woman and he releases his seed or.. sperm, it joins with the egg in a woman's womb, fertilizes it, and creates a baby."
Naruko heart drops to her stomach. Her hands are sweaty and trembling.
There's no way.
"So… you're saying that if a man and woman do... that, the woman always gets pregnant?"
'Please, no, no, no, no, no.'
"Well, not always. I heard that some couples even have to try at it for years before it takes."
"Wait, but having a period means that someone's not pregnant, right? If you're bleeding then it's shedding the lining thingy. That should mean it didn't work and there'd be no baby."
"... Technically. Though I remember reading that it's common for women to have some bleeding and spotting when the embryo's attaching itself to the uterine wall. All sorts of strange things can happen, actually. Did you know that some girls can get pregnant before even having a period before?"
'No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.'
Sakura straightens her back and turns back to the front of the store, "Anyways, that's enough with the biology lessons. Let's get outta here."
Naruko stiffly follows her, but her mind is in a haze of panic. All she hears is static in her ears. The sound of the shop owner putting away the groceries in bags is overbearingly loud to her along with the asinine ticking clock in the background. She realizes she's not breathing and forces herself to take in air.
"Hold on a second, Sakura," she mumbles and walks away before she can hear any protests. She power walks straight back to the Feminine Hygiene aisle and scans the shelves for something she'd briefly spotted earlier.
There. A device in a little coral-colored box labeled "Early Result Pregnancy Test: Over 99% Accurate! Double Pack!".
She can't let Sakura see it, so she sends a quick prayer of apology and discreetly swipes it and hides it in her pocket. On her way back, she picks up a pack of Cup Ramen to use as an excuse for leaving in the first place.
Thankfully, the shopkeeper was only just finishing up packing the bags, so they weren't waiting for her. When Sakura spies the ramen she immediately rolls her eyes for the umpteenth time today.
"Naruko! I thought I said-"
"Just a few, okay? I promise I'll eat the other stuff, Sakura-chan!" she exclaims and plasters on her trademark grin.
Sakura just lets out another sigh and grabs the pack to give to the shopkeeper.
The walk back to the apartment is a quiet one. Naruko's lost in her own thoughts and trying to quell her fear for the duration of it. Sakura seems content with the peacefulness of it.
When they arrive, Naruko lets Sakura in. She searches the small apartment, easily finds the kitchen, and starts taking out pots and pans.
"Um… what're you doing?"
Sakura glances over her shoulder at Naruko and shrugs, "I guess I'm cooking something for you."
To be honest, Naruko wants to just go in the bathroom and take the damn test and either abate or confirm her fears already. The curling ball of terror in the bottom of her stomach has only increased on their walk here and she's anxious for the results, but she's been wondering something ever since Sakura showed up outside her apartment. No... ever since she refused to trail after Sasuke when he left.
"Why?" Naruko asks.
Sakura's hand pauses in its reach for the pan in her cupboard.
"Why are you doing all this? Why do you even care?"
Sakura lets out a huff and turns to face Naruko. She has a slight, somber smile.
"Honestly, I just wanted to help. I felt- I feel like I need to. You're my teammate and it's only right that I should care. I want to care. I do care."
Naruko stares at her for a while. She can sense the truth in her words, but she gets the impression that's not all there is to it.
"You don't have to feel obligated to do anything..."
Sakura chuckles in response, "Of course I know that, silly. Now stop worrying so much." She twirls back to start preparing food.
Naruko sneaks away to the bathroom and pulls out the pregnancy test box. She reads the instructions over and over again to make sure she has it right, then pries open the cardboard. Two identical little devices fall out of it. She picks up one of them but hesitates at the last minute.
If the results end up positive, then her entire life as she knows it will be over…
Naruko gathers whatever meager courage she has left and shakes off the nervousness. This isn't something that can be fixed by just ignoring it. She has to know.
It's kind of gross, but at least the steps are simple and before she knows it, she has the test on the countertop and is waiting for the answer to her burning question. The box says that there will be a beep that alerts to the results in five minutes, but with her anxiety, it may as well be five hours.
She paces the bathroom and keeps shooting glances at the test, though she knows staring it down won't make it go any faster.
As though dealing with the aftermath of that traumatic experience wasn't enough, now her entire life is being thrown into question. If she is indeed pregnant, how would that factor into her life? She can't even imagine it. Being a shinobi is her prime focus and becoming Hokage her ultimate goal. She'd never considered anything like pregnancy or motherhood.
She rests her hand on her abdomen as the dread creeps up her spine.
All types of questions run through her mind. A baby… if there was one, would it look like her? Would it be smart? How would she explain it to everyone? What would Kakashi-sensei think? How would she even raise it? She didn't even know what the purpose of a period was until an hour ago, how is she supposed to know how to bring up a child? Would she even be able to continue being a shinobi if she had a baby? Would she have to give up her dreams? Who would raise it?
Would it be hated just like her?
Her mind roils at the mere thought of that happening.
She wrings her hands in fear of the results as time marches on.
Even though all those worries and fears are overwhelming, under all that is also a cautious, strange sense of hope.
'... I'd have a family.' A hesitant smile forms.
A person she could raise and love unconditionally. Maybe he or she could love her too?... Maybe-
Beep! Beep! Beep!
Her heart jumps at the sound. She takes a moment to shut her eyes and breathe before allowing herself to look at the results.
She finally peeks down and...
There's a single bold, vertical, dark-pink line which indicates "not pregnant" according to the box.
Naruko lets out a sigh of relief and tries to ignore the faint pang of disappointment. She admonishes herself for even feeling that way.
'This is what's best... for everyone...'
She turns on the sink and washes her cheeks and forehead of the cold sweat that accumulated during her panic. Naruko looks up to study her visage in the mirror and feels her heart catch in her throat when she sees-
'No…'
There, standing in the doorway, eyes locked on the pregnancy test on the counter.
"Sakura-chan?"
Author Notes:
"Over 99% Accurate" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Phew. Didn't mean to take so much time writing this chapter, but I also didn't intend for it to be this long either, so I suppose it all balances out. Originally, this chapter was going to be way different than how it turned out, but I'm happy with it.
Thanks for any comments, favorites, and follows, guys! You have no clue how much they motivate me ❤