Tales of Four Nations
Collections of one-shots from the ATLA and LoK universes.
For Season 4 of the Pro-Bending Circuit
Round 2 of FF's Pro-Bending Circuit
Prompts:
- Blue,
- North Pole,
- "If we are completely honest with ourselves, everyone has a dark side to their personalities" - Isabella Rossellini
Word count: 1,825 words
Dark Side of the Moon
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Katara shuts her eyes. She raises her hands into the air and brings the water from the Spirit Oasis closer to her until it sits directly above her heart. Her brow furrows, focusing on healing the darkness that lies beneath her chest.
Nothing.
Undeterred, she lifts the water higher so it surrounds her head like a halo. In the quiet of the Oasis, she hears only her breath and that of her friend standing a little further away, interspersed with the occasional chatter of teeth.
Still nothing.
She drops her hands in frustration. The water falls onto her shoulders, but Katara pays it no mind.
"It's not working." Her voice cracks.
Zuko shivers and pulls the collar of his blue parka higher. He's elected to stand guard in the cold just outside the oasis, a bridge away from its warm atmosphere and lush greenery.
"Maybe it's not working," his reply is soft and tentative, but it rings out clearly in the quiet of the oasis, "because there's nothing that needs healing."
Katara leans back and shifts to face Zuko. "Maybe I'd be able to concentrate more if your teeth weren't clicking together so much!" She turns back to the Spirit Oasis and adds quietly, "and if you weren't so useless."
Guilt at her harsh words wells up inside her immediately. After all, Zuko has no reason to be here apart from the fact that she asked him to come with her. But, because of her anger and disappointment, and the fact that Zuko is here with her, she can't stop these feelings from overtaking her. Zuko always seems to bring out this side of her, and she hates it.
But it's actually part of the reason why she invited him to come to the North Pole with her, in the first place, too.
Nonetheless, Katara knows there's no excuse for yelling at Zuko. She shakes her head, appalled at her behavior. "I'm sorry. That wasn't...that wasn't very nice."
Zuko snorts. "That's like saying this frigid hellhole is just a little chilly."
"You didn't complain about the cold way back when you were running around after Aang." Katara raises an eyebrow and smirks. "What? Did chasing your honor fuel your inner fire?"
He scowls, and brings his gloved hands to his face, blowing warm air on them. "More than this ridiculous healing mission you're fixating on, anyway. Because there's absolutely nothing wrong with you or your bending."
"That's just it, Zuko! There is!" She bites her lip. "I've always had this...ugly part of me. A part that's jealous and petty. That's spiteful and angry. It just simmers there, beneath the surface- it's under control most of the time, but sometimes it rears up and it's..." Katara pauses, searching for the best word to describe her feelings, "horrible."
Zuko's eyes glow at her in the moonlit cove. "Katara, that's normal-"
"No, it isn't normal. " Katara clenches her fists. The water in the Spirit Oasis swells in time with her frustrations. "All those years ago, at the Western Air Temple, I wanted to hurt you. I thought you deserved to be punished. I actually enjoyed bloodbending that Southern Raider, just for a moment. And there was a second when I genuinely wanted to kill Yon Rha, too." She swallows and looks down at the ground by her feet. "Those feelings were frightening. I thought after...that, I had let go of that dark part of myself."
She lets out a breath, and absentmindedly bends a sliver of Spirit water around. "But it's still there. Sometimes it's this burning jealousy, like when Aang insists on impressing those Air Acolytes. I mean, we're married! I'm not supposed to feel like this anymore. Or when you asked Aang to...put a stop to you." Her eyes flicker in his direction to find him staring at her, "You know, if you ever started acting like your father...He was distraught. And what did I do? I just agreed with you!"
Her eyes start to water.
"Katara." His voice falters at the last syllable.
With one last careful look at their surroundings, to make sure it's safe, Zuko crosses the bridge and takes a seat beside her. He lets out a small contented sigh when the warmer air of the cove hits his skin.
He nudges her with his shoulder. "Look, I'm sorry for putting you in that position. Thing is, I know you'd never hurt me if you could help it." She mumbles a half-hearted protest in jest, and his lips quirk in a smile. "But I also trust you to make the right decision for the greater good when the time comes- whether it's slapping the daylights out of me or killing me." He pauses and rubs the back of his head. "I'd prefer the first option if possible, of course."
She sniffles and chokes out a chuckle. "You make that choice so hard..."
Zuko doesn't say anything for a moment, then breaks the silence. "Can I ask you a question?"
She nods against his shoulder, suddenly feeling exhausted.
"Why me? Why didn't you come with Aang? Don't you trust your husband with this?"
Katara has been wondering when this particular question would pop up. She mulls over her answer. "It's not a matter of trust. He just... he wouldn't understand." It's the truth. The others see her a certain way- the mothering nurturer, the patient and understanding wife, the responsible sister, the reliable friend- they don't know this particular side of her. Maybe they've glimpsed it, Sokka most certainly has, but not to its fullest extent. Not in all its loathsome details. "None of them would."
Zuko, on the other hand, has seen that side in all its ugly glory. And more importantly, he gets it. He gets her.
A few minutes pass before one of them speaks again. It's Zuko who breaks the silence. "If we're completely honest with ourselves, everyone has a dark side to their personalities."
Katara tilts her head to look at him. "Is that an Uncle Iroh quote?" Zuko does have occasional moments of startling insight, but that can't be from him. It's too polished, too philosophical.
A genuine laugh escapes the firebender. "Strangely, no." His expression sobers before he continues. "It's actually from a play entitled 'The Dragon Warrior.'" His eyes take on a glazed, distracted look. "Forbidden love, Kou Ni-lian dilemmas... a much better play than 'Love Amongst the Dragons', if you ask me."
Katara blinks. "A what dilemma?" The direction this conversation is taking is a welcome distraction from the deep-rooted anger she's now used to projecting onto herself.
Zuko flushes under his parka. "Kou Ni-lian dilemma- when a protagonist has to choose between two values of identical importance. Say, love and honor, for example."
"Huh." Katara feels a smile grow on her face. Figures. "Is this how you wooed Ume?" She pokes his shoulder playfully. "With adorably nerdy literary knowledge?"
Somehow, he manages to turn even redder. "Shut up." He huffs. "The point I was making, Katara, is that you're fine the way you are. Life isn't sunshine and rainbows all the time. You're not perfect, and that's okay. No one is, for Agni's sake. You've got a little darkness in you- but you've got it completely under control. If people can't accept that, it's their problem, not yours."
For years, she's hidden that part of her from her closest friends and family, scared of judgment- of rejection. But Zuko's words, said with such certainty and conviction, bowl her over. Katara feels her throat start to close up. She blinks, trying to hold back her tears. She will not cry all over Zuko. Oh Spirits. This is just humiliating now.
He doesn't notice. "Now you just have to accept yourself."
Thank Tui. She nods vigorously, surreptitiously wiping the corner of her eyes with her mittens. "Thanks, Zuko." She gives him a watery smile. "That little speech isn't half bad."
Zuko shrugs. "It's easy when it's the truth. You don't have to like that part. You just have to acknowledge it's there, and live with it." He removes the scarf from around his neck and places it on her shoulders instead. Looping it gently around her neck once, he hands her one end of the scarf. He's looking at her with so much compassion and understanding that Katara feels herself flush. There's no point in hiding her tears anymore.
She grabs the end from him and presses her wet eyes against the thick wool. A small sob escapes before she can hold it in. She senses Zuko's hesitation at the current situation- crying women are probably not part of the Firelord's daily routine. He settles on awkwardly rubbing her back and Katara finds the action oddly soothing. They sit in companionable silence for a few minutes, as Katara tries to compose herself.
Once her sniffles subside, Zuko rises to his feet. He holds out his hand to her with a soft smile. "Come on. If you're ready, let's get you back home."
Katara grabs his arm and hoists herself up. Threading her arm through his, they cross the bridge together. Her healing might not have worked, but she feels lighter, somehow. She feels...whole, for the first time in a long time. She glances at the dark-haired man next to her. It occurs to her that Zuko has lived with lightness and darkness warring inside of him for most of his life. Having been fueled by rage for so long, he literally lost his bending temporarily when he found some form of inner peace. And well, look how he turned out. She buries the lower half of her face in his scarf to hide her tiny smile.
She thinks of her qualities- the fierce protectiveness, the urge to help those in need- and realizes it's some form of anger that drive those intense beliefs. The two sides she's so intent on opposing share a common goal. They make her who she is. I can do this. I can accept myself. She closes her eyes and feels it again, that newfound lightness. It'll take some work, but I think I've already started.
Reaching the frozen expanse just beyond the bridge, Zuko shivers again. "How do you deal with this cold?" He whines as they step out of the warm bubble of the Spirit Oasis.
She looks up at her friend's anguished expression and grins. "You get used to it."
"I'm a firebender." He replies primly. "I'll never get used to it."
"Pity." Katara pats his parka. "You look good in blue."
Zuko pulls a face, but says nothing, opting instead to reply with a snort. Small tendrils of steam escape his nostrils and mouth.
"Sorry." She catches his eye and tries to put as much gratitude in her gaze as possible. Thank you for accepting me. "It's my dark side."
Notes: Takes place a few years post-ATLA. The Gaang has settled down. Ume is Zuko's wife, of my own creation (Am thinking of using this one-shot in another fic so it's for continuity reasons.) Kou Ni is my take on Corneille, a French playwright.
Giant, GIANT thank you to my teammate, Attropus, for her amazing constructive criticism for this piece.