BACK IN THE PRESENT: FEBRUARY 18
Raph pounded his punching bag in his room, sweat dripping off of him and his knuckles bloody. Can't fuckin' believe I'm a dad, he thought. No, Leo is and he'll be a better dad than I could ever be. I'm not good at nothin'. All I do is screw up things. I still want Leo. Maybe I'd be good raisin' the baby with Leo, but not on my own and maybe the baby will bring us together. He looks like me and will remind Leo of me all the time. I'm not makin' sense, am I? But I know what'll really make Leo want me. If I leave. I can't stand him and Mikey together. Makes me sick and if I leave, Leo will miss me like crazy and want me back. Yeah, I'm gonna do that. When I return, Leo will be all over me.
Raph packed a duffel bag, placed it on the bed next to his hammock and wrote a letter. When he was done, he placed it in an envelope and wrote Leo's name on it. Then he picked up his childhood teddy bear, Rufus, off of the bookshelf. Splinter had bought the bear for Raph's second birthday and it was still in amazing condition. Raph smiled, remembering all of the times he'd cuddled it and thought, the baby's gonna love Rufus.
Raph left his room, checked that no one was around and snuck into Leo's room, grateful that no one was there either. The baby was fast asleep in his crib and Raph couldn't help feeling proud, as he gazed down at his son. He was beautiful and perfect and Raph's heart overflowed with love. "I know I said some shitty things ta ya, Leo," Raph whispered, stroking his son's face. "But I didn't mean them and I'm sorry, unlike yer bitch biological mom. She really does hate ya." He kissed the baby's face, placed the letter in Leo's dresser and added, as he yanked his phone from his obi, "Yer gorgeous, Leo, and yer gonna have the best life with yer namesake while I'm gone." He placed the bear in the crib, then snapped photos of his son with the phone and picked him up, cradling him to his chest. Tears streamed down Raph's face, as he looked at his son, who woke up and stared at him, green eyes wide. "Gah!" Leo jr said, stretching out chubby fingers and touching Raph's face, making the temperamental turtle grin. "Ya like me, huh, Leo?" Raph said. "I love ya and I promise when I come back, me, ya and yer namesake are gonna be a family. For now ya will have ta put up with Mikey, though. Give him hell, okay? Shit and piss on him. Do that for me. The bastard stole yer namesake from me."
"Googoo," Leo jr said and softly cooed.
"Good. I knew ya'd agree with yer old man. Ya know I'm yer dad, Raphael, don't ya? Well, I am and I'll always love ya, Leo, despite what I said. I'm a mixed-up shit, but I know I love ya and yer namesake and nothin' will ever change that. All the things I said were just for show. Shit, I shouldn't have said them, but I never think, Leo. I just act and it's cost me so much. My leavin' will make yer namesake realize how much he still wants me and not Mikey. And it'll make me find myself and grow up. I'm fuckin' immature. Sorry. I swear a lot. Don't do that, okay? Grandpa and yer namesake hate it. Stay the sweet, innocent baby that ya are. The world doesn't need another Raph."
"Bah!" Leo jr said.
"Good," Raph said, more tears running down his face. "Ya be good, Leo," Raph said, settling the baby in the crib and covering him with his blue fleecy blanket. "Here's my old teddy bear, Rufus. I hope ya love him like I did. Love ya, precious boy." Raph covered his son's face with kisses, left and headed to his room, checking that he had everything he needed for his trip.
An hour later, Raph took one last look around his room and said, "That's it. Time ta leave." He picked up his bag and was heading to the lair's exit, when he heard, "Raph, where are you going?"
Raph whirled round and saw Leo holding a mug of tea in his hands. "Out, Leo."
"Where?"
"I don't know. Haven't decided, but I need ta get away and sort myself out. I'm a walkin' corpse since we split." If he asked me ta stay, I would, Raph thought. Come on, Leo. Just tell me ya want me ta stay and ya want me and I won't go.
"Maybe it's for the best. We're all walking on egg shells and it's hell. We're not a team anymore and it's…You bring the family down with your constant bickering with Mikey. You bring the family down period and it'll be nice not hearing your snide remarks and seeing your angry face all the time. Find yourself and grow the hell up."
Raph's face fell and his heart sank at Leo's words and he said sadly, setting down his bag, "Yeah, Leo. I've done a lot of shitty things, but I'm gonna make it up ta ya."
"Nothing you do or say will make up for what you did," Leo barked, his sapphire eyes stony. "Giving me your son? That's noble, but kind of twisted, too, because he's a reminder of why we broke up in the first damn place. But…I don't bear the kid any grudges. Not his fault he has an asshole for a biological dad and I'll love him and raise him and be an excellent dad. And so will Mikey."
Raph's green eyes blazed at the harsh words and he lunged forward, pressing his lips onto Leo's, and making him drop the cup, which shattered. "What the hell, Raphael?" Leo said, pulling away and glaring at his brother.
"I still love ya, Leo, and I know ya love me. Yer gonna be reminded of me every time ya see the baby and my absence will make ya miss me. Ya will beg me back when I return. I know ya, Leo. Ya might be with Mikey now, but he's just a rebound thing and ya don't really want him."
"You arrogant bastard," Leo growled, advancing and punching his brother in the beak. "Get the fuck out of here. Go," Leo added, turning his shell on Raph, his hands clenched and his face scrunched up in anger.
Raph rubbed his beak and said, "We both know what I'm sayin' is true, Leo. I bet when ya and Mikey fuck, yer thinkin' of me and when ya jerk off alone in the bathroom ya mutter my name. 'Cause I do…
"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, RAPHAEL!" Leo screamed, turning around, snatching a vase off of the coffee table and throwing it at his brother. It narrowly missed him and Raph said, "I'm leavin'. I'll call ya when I get ta my destination. Try not ta miss me too much."
Raph picked up his bag and walked out, glancing back once and seeing that Leo had turned his shell again.
"What the hell is going on?" Don asked, coming out of his room and joining Leo.
"Raph decided to leave our family. I'm going to my room," Leo said. "Night, Don."
"Gone where. When did he leave?"
"About three minutes ago."
XXX
Don ran out of the lair and soon caught up with Raph. "What are you doing, Raph?" he asked.
Raph turned around and said, "Leavin'."
"Why?"
"It's a long story, Donnie."
"I have time. Talk to me."
"Me and Leo used ta date. I screwed things up and now he's with Mikey," Raph said, hurt etched on his face and slumping his shoulders. "It fuckin' hurts seein' them together and I need ta get away."
"You and Leo? How long were you together? And why didn't you tell me? We've always been close, Raphie."
"Two years and we were gonna tell everyone 'bout us the day after that party where I met Brandi," Raph said, setting down his bag and wiping tears away with the back of his hand. "Then she happened and Leo found out and dumped me. But I swear ta hell, it was 'cause I drank and I WOULDN'T have fucked her otherwise. I loved Leo and I still do."
"But leaving isn't going to make him want you back, Raphie."
"It will, because he'll only remember the good times, ya see? And he'll want me back and we'll try again."
"I don't see it at all and I think you should come back home. We need you."
"No, Donnie. I gotta go. I love ya, bro."
"Where are you going, Raphie?"
"I don't know."
"So you're leaving, but no idea where you're going. That's really smart, Raphie. How will you take care of yourself? Do you need money? I have savings…"
"No, Donnie. I need ta do this on my own. Can ya do me a favor?"
"What?"
"When Mikey and Leo ain't around, tell the baby 'bout his old man and that he ain't all bad."
"Why?" Don asked. Then his hazel eyes widened and he said, "Oh. I get it. Everything you said was just for show. You love the baby, Raphie, and you want him. That's good. Come back. I'll help you win Leo back and you can…"
"Just do as I asked, okay?"
"Anything else?"
"Yeah, stay my cool bro. I'll message ya when I get ta my destination," Raph said, throwing his arms around his brother.
They hugged for a long time and when they'd disengaged, both had tears in their eyes. "I'll…"Raph choked out.
"Go to Ireland, Raphie."
"Why there?"
"You're a little green man and you'll fit in with the leprechauns."
"Hey, hey, I'm short, but not that short, Donnie," Raph said, and chuckled. "They're myths anyway and it's the middle of winter there."
"Yeah, but you'll still have a blast. Go there, but be safe, Raphie, and call me at least once a day."
"I will. Ireland it is then."
"I'll miss you, Raphie."
"Same here, bro," Raph said, picking up his bag and setting off again.
XXX
Meanwhile, Leo was sweeping up the shattered mug and thinking about Raph. Fucking jerk, Leo thought angrily. I'd like to stick this brush up his fucking ass! Who does he think he is? The fucking arrogant prick. I want to strangle him, but I also want to run my hands down his plastron and screw him. Our sex life was incredible. Mikey's great in the sack, but not like Raph, who never failed to drive me wild with desire, even when we fought. And I am going to miss him like crazy. Hell, why am I thinking of that emerald skinned fucker? Leo knew the answer and he didn't like it one bit. Although he adored Mikey, he was still deeply in love with Raph and he knew he always would be.
"Hey, Leo," Mikey said cheerily, entering the lair, laden down with parcels, and seeing his mate sweeping. "Love the view," Mikey added, dumping the parcels onto the floor and ogling Leo's rear.
"Hey, Mikey," Leo said, striding to his mate and pecking him on the lips. "Get all we need?"
"Yeah. I think I cleaned the supermarket out, bro. Got diapers and formula, baby toys, clothes, you name it."
Leo chortled and said, "Show me."
Just then Donnie entered the lounge, his shoulders slumped. "What's wrong, Don?" Mikey asked.
"Raph left."
"Oh, did he go to Casey?"
"No, he left to go find himself, whatever that means."
"Guess he'll be gone forever then," Mikey joked, earning a glower from Don.
"Hardy haha, Mikey! I'm going to my lab!" Don said, glaring at his brothers and stomping out of the room.
"What crawled up his shell, Leo?" Mikey asked.
"Raph leaving. He and Don were always close."
"Oh. And how do you feel about Raph leaving?"
"I'm fine with it," Leo lied with a shrug. "Best thing, but I hope he's okay wherever he is."
"Oh, Raph can take care of himself, Leo. Now, let me show you what I got our baby."
Just then there was a cry in the distance. The lovers were instantly in parent mode and Leo said, "That's the baby. He probably wants feeding and changing."
"I'll go make a bottle," Mikey said, and headed to the kitchen.
XXX
Leo went into his bedroom and picked up the sobbing baby. "It's okay, Leo," he said, soothingly, and planted a kiss on the baby's cheek. Then Leo's eyes landed on Rufus. Raph was in here, Leo thought in surprise. And he gave the baby his bear. That means that Raph DOES feel something for the kid. He wouldn't have done it otherwise or maybe he just felt guilty for being a jerk? Maybe he wants the baby back? I have to call him and ask. The baby wailed again and Leo rocked him gently. Then he changed him and carried him into the kitchen.
Mikey had just finished preparing the formula when Leo entered the kitchen. His eyes lit up when he saw the baby and he said, "How is he, Leo?"
"Starving," Leo said with a smile.
"Grub's coming up, little one. Can I hold him, Leo?"
"Sure. Sit down and I'll pass him to you."
The mates sat down at the table and Leo passed Mikey the baby. Mikey grinned and looked at the now cooing baby. "You're adorable," he said, and gave the bottle to Leo jr, who immediately latched on and began making sucking noses. "He's a real little piggy. Just like Raph," Mikey said, and laughed. "Listen to him."
"He'll grow out of it."
"Unlike Raph. That guy's table manners are atrocious."
"I've heard far worse."
"Aww, Leo. He's so sweet. I hope he doesn't have Raph's temper."
"If he does, we'll still love him."
"Do you think Raph's gone forever?"
"I don't know."
The baby soon finished his bottle and Mikey burped him. "Gaga," Leo jr said, gazing at Mikey.
"What do you think he's saying, Leo?" Mikey asked, staring down tenderly at the baby.
"I love you, Daddy," Leo said, stretching out a hand and stroking the baby's cheek. The baby gurgled and turned his green eyes-Raph's eyes- on Leo.
"Do you think Raph will want him back, Leo?"
"I don't know. Mikey, he gave the baby his childhood bear, so it's possible…"
"No," Mikey declared firmly, raising his voice. "He's not getting the baby back. He'd fuck the baby up, Leo."
The baby whimpered and Leo said, "Lower your voice. He doesn't like raised voices and it's not going to happen. He's our son, Mikey, and I won't let anyone, even Raph, take him away from us."
"What about his mother? She may change her mind and want him."
"I never will," Brandi declared, entering the kitchen. "Don't worry. He's all yours. Where is your bastard brother, Leo?"
"I have no idea," Leo said, bristling. "Missing him?"
"As if," Brandi said, and snorted in disgust. "I'm out of here. Thank you, Leo, for being courteous to me. I know it wasn't easy." The baby gurgled and Brandi glanced at him, wrinkling her nose in revulsion. "I can't believe that came out of me. It's like something out of a horror movie," she said, and shuddered.
"He's actually very beautiful," Leo said coldly. "How can you be so callous about your own baby? You carried him and yet you have no attachment. I don't understand it, Brandi."
"Goodbye, Leo. Mikey," Brandi said just as coolly. "Tell Don I said goodbye." With one last look of disgust at the baby, Brandi stalked out of the room and left the lair.
"What a bitch," Mikey said. "I'm so glad she's gone, Leo. And what did she mean it wasn't easy on you?"
"Nothing."
"I sense you're hiding something from me, Leo."
"I'm not. Let's go to bed. Been a long day, Mikey. Let's go to bed with our baby boy."
Mikey dropped the subject and the mates went to their room, settling the baby in his crib and crawling into bed. After they'd kissed one another goodnight, Mikey reflected on their conversation and thought, I know Leo's keeping something from me and I'm going to find out what it is.
A/N Thank you for all the awesome reviews. I'm using the 2012 Turtles, so baby Leo has green eyes like his daddy, Raph.