A/N: Now it wouldn't be a complete homage to Return of the Jedi without mention of the infamous gold bikini, now would it? Be warned, though. Things could get REALLY disturbing…

III

Pixel and Ziggy once again found themselves catering to the alcoholic needs of CrazyTown's aristocracy, who were behaving in the exact barbaric manner of those they shunned on a daily basis, all the while wearing their ridiculous costumes. Due to the rampaging pink pixie that trashed the bar earlier that day, the place was forced to close down. The commoners who would normally be seen at Fish Bites weren't allowed at the private function that was now occurring in the Piranha's privately owned penthouse located further outside of CrazyTown and atop a small mountain.

Several of the moneygrubbers sat around in the living room, speaking to a well built Scotsman wearing his traditional regimentals. By simply gazing at his fuzzy red hair, wild beard and thick caterpillar eyebrows, they could tell he was a man who had certainly seen a lot in his day. He sat on a comfortable white leather chair with one unusually well groomed leg overlapping the other and continued speaking with the upper class twits until a bandaged Doug approached them.

"Everyone having a good time, all right?" He asked. "How 'bout you? Don't think I've ever seen you before, Mister…"

"Roddy McRotten, lad!" He stood up and shook the man's hand. "An' a pleasure 'tis to meet ye!"

"McRotten, eh?"

"Oh, aye! Proprietoor ahf McRotten Scotch 'n' Scotch Whiskey! A fam'ly bidness since nineteen ought seven!"

"Right, right! Of course! Well do enjoy the show, will you?"

"That I will, laddie! That I will!"

As Doug wandered about his house, greeting his guests and makings sure they were comfortable, Dinsdale approached the front door and was surprised to see a group of people in traditional German outfits--Two women, a young man and an old one.

"Who the bloody hell are you?"

"Mein name is Helga Rutten!" The petite and blond haired woman said. "We are the band to be playing for you this day!"

"The new band?"

"Ja, that is correct! Where can we be setting up?"

He eyeballed their lederhosen and shiny brass outfits before shuddering to the fact that this was the new band his brother had hired to replace the old one that had been fired for failure to act on orders. Hesitantly, he let the quartet into his shared domain and instructed them to set up in the farthest corner of the penthouse.

"Who's the tart with the ruffles?" Doug noticed the attractive young blond walking past him.

"She's with the new band you hired."

"Oh, yeah right." Doug's eyes remained fixed on her. "Didn't quite understand when they told me I'd be getting a folk group. Ah well. I'm not bothered."

"Are we ready to roll now?"

"What time is it?"

"Half past noon."

"Yeah, all right. Let's do this."

As he continued mingling, the seasoned Scotsman could see band leader Helga leading her musicians for a practice run. He made direct eye contact with her and nodded, practically rousing a swarm of butterflies in her stomach. She grinned at him momentarily then returned her attention to her band mates.

"Now then!" She exclaimed. "Everyone is to be paying attention to me! We do practice run of--"

"Pardon me, ma'am." The oldest of the Swedes said in a suspicious hick accent. "But what kinda music are we a-gonna play agin?"

"Shh! Svenska! Svenska!"

"Oh, yeah right…" He cleared his throat. "Uhh… we… uhh…"

"Come on now…"

"Ah, dang it! I just can't do it! It ain't right!"

"Okay, okay! Shh! Keep your voice down! Just… you be the silent one then!"

Outside, on the far end of the enormous sand pit across the penthouse, they stood on the hard, wooden deck built around the rocky cliff that supported them while they were closely monitored by another handful of hired guns. Stephanie, Trixie, Stingy, Dramatik and the Professor could see the party going on inside as they bathed in the sun and awaited their imminent death.

"Well this sucks." Stingy sighed. "I partly blame myself."

"Stingy?" Trixie looked over to him.

"You shouldn't have come back for me. Honestly, if that's what was standing in the way of you going after the amulets first, then maybe you should have--"

"Stingy, no way. You were our first priority."

"It wath unavoidable, thun." The Professor lisped. "Whether we liked it or not, we were behind thith rethcue attempt one hundred perthent."

"I wasn't, however." Dramatik chimed in.

"Oh, yeah. He wathnt."

"Steph?" Stingy turned to her. "I'm sorry I got you into this."

"Don't worry, Stingy. Just stay close to Trixie. I've taken care of everything."

"Wow. I wish I had your optimism."

They could now hear the band filling the air with their vibrant polka, which actually didn't sound half as bad as they had feared. Stephanie squinted across the dune and looked up at the lengthy side patio of the penthouse, where a crowd began to gather. Her shackles were removed but the gunmen keeping watch remained close by and nudged her forward, where a plank was sticking out of the deck and hanging above the endless sandy abyss below.

"Quicksand, huh?" She looked over to her captors, unimpressed. "Very original."

"This ain't no ordinary quicksand, honey." One of them said. "You fall in, yer gonna feel a world o' hurt. First your legs shatter to pieces, then your arms and chest go out. Ya can feel yer lungs a-cavin' in and your heart explode until finally yer head's that last thing to go down. And when it does, yer brain turns to mush and yer eyeballs fly out of their sockets! Nasty, ain't it?"

"Meh." She shrugged, still unimpressed.

Doug could see Stephanie holding onto the railing of the deck with her feet just a step away from touching the plank. For a moment he was baffled as he took a pair of binoculars from his coat pocket and closely examined the young girl. He started on her long pink hair that was dancing with the wind, moved down her calm facial expression and focused primarily on her casual red and pink sweatsuit.

"What the--!?" He nearly choked frustration. "DINSDALE!!"

"Psst!"

"DINSDALE!"

"Psst!"

"Eh?" He heard his brother's call and saw his head peeking out from the sliding door. "What are you doing there?"

"Just c'mere!"

"What is it!?" Doug asked as he sealed the doorway behind him. Then for a moment he was taken aback at the sight of his brother hiding behind a long red sheet with an almost embarrassed look on his face. "What's that yer wearing?"

"Well your packages just came in a minute ago."

"Oh they did, did they!? Did you try on your suit?"

"Erm…"

"What is it?"

"Are you sure you ordered the right one?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, I mean… umm…"

"For the love of God, man! Let's have a look!"

"All right…"

With a heavy sigh, Dinsdale opened his arms and revealed the shiny gold bikini that was placed tightly around the man's tall, thin and incredibly hairy physique. Horrified and incredibly disgusted, Doug backed away with his hand over his mouth.

"What the--!? NO! NO! NO! NO! Blecchh!" He vomited all over himself.

"Douggie?"

"You stupid twonk!" He slapped his brother's forehead. "That wasn't for you!"

"It wasn't?"

"NO! It was for that little pink devil standing near the plank! I thought it'd be nice for her to play dress-up for me as I send her down the eternal gob of doom!"

"Oh thank God!" Dinsdale sighed with relief. "Y'know, I thought it was a bit daft of you ordering something so revealing for me."

"You… You--Blaarrrghh!" He threw up on the carpet this time. "… If you knew it wasn't for you in the first place, then why did you put it on!?"

"Well I'm sorry! God forbid me big brother should do something nice for me every once in a while! So forgive me for thinking family comes first! I mean, don't you remember the last thing mum said to us?"

"What, before or after you nailed her head to the floor!?"

"Naw what's tekkin soo lung!?" McRotten stepped in for a moment. "Ahf goot a tharst fer blud an' ahm not gettin any ootside!"

"Hold on a minute, ya manky Scot!" Doug snapped as he wiped his mouth.

"Ang oon! Whaz he wearin' a simmet like tha fer!? Naw doon tell me yer bruva's a wee bufty!"

"Go back and change, Dinsy!"

"With pleasure!" He ran off in embarrassment.

Back outside on the elongated verandah, Ziggy carried his tray around and smiled at the guests as they picked off their drinks one by one. He saw Pixel serving another small group and headed his way when suddenly, a small hovering orb zoomed right past him.

"What the heck is that thing?" Ziggy stood by, watching the machine serve drinks with its extendable nozzle as it hummed gently.

"Oh, you like it?" Pixel asked with a sense of accomplishment. "It's something I came up with last night."

"Last night!? You mean while our friends were held prisoner, probably being tortured to death, all you could think of was a way to serve drinks faster!?"

"Uhh… yeah. Yeah, pretty much."

"I don't like this, Pixel! They're gonna kill Stephanie and the others! We have to do something!"

"Okay, first of all, you can keep your voice down. Second, why don't you go serve those people over there at that table?"

"Pixel, I'm serious!"

"So am I! They tip really well!"

"Pixel!"

"What?"

"We found Stingy like we were supposed to! Why can't we bust him out now!"

"What, and miss out on the show? Honestly, where's your sense of adventure?"

"I…" Ziggy was left bewildered as the hovering bar machine floated about. "… Oh, man…"

Doug and Dinsdale reappeared outside with their guests on the verandah, dressed in totally different suits; one that wasn't a gold bikini and one that wasn't soiled with chunks. After exchanging a few awkward glances with his brother, Doug signaled the polka band to break and walked over to the edge of the railing.

"Have you got any last words you want to say, dearie, before you go down the gulper?" He shouted to the other side.

"That's the gulper?" Ziggy could see the swirling sand hole beneath the plank. "Oh no…"

Pixel hid behind the gathering and activated a control system in his wristband. A few bulbs flickered on the hovering bartender and it immediately hummed its way over towards the railing, hiding in between McRotten and the band's horn player, who looked at it rather curiously.

"Ay, Dios mio…" He said under his breath. "Another one?"

"Shh!" The Scotsman said. "Calm yerself, lad."

Helga held her tuba closely as she and the accordion player quietly positioned themselves right behind Doug and Dinsdale. The old percussionist readied himself as well, lowering his tambourine and placing it before the lining of his stockings.

Stephanie got a nod of approval from the Scot and took a step on the plank, waving at the Piranhas. "You're making a big mistake, Piranha! Let us go or pay the consequences!"

"Oh, I think I can afford it!" He shouted back.

"Fine."

She gave one last nod over to Pixel, who immediately took to his keypad and activated a rectangular slot to reveal itself on the hovering orb's dome. Stephanie waved goodbye and dropped into the belly of the beast, falling through with ease and comfort much to everyone's surprise.

"Stephanie!" Stingy cried.

"Steph!" Ziggy turned away. "Oh no… No! No! No!"

As they all cheered, Doug and Dinsdale shook hands and waved at their guests victoriously, leaning against the railing of the patio. A guard pushed Stingy towards the plank, indicating it was his time to go down. His stomach became queasy as he looked down the throat of the sand pit and the felt the uneasy tingle of the crowd's cheering crawl through his veins. The noise was broken, however, as they eventually noticed the swirling pit beginning to slow down. Once it had come to a full stop, the gaping mouth closed shut as several bubbles of sand and hot air began to pop up.

"What's all this then?" Doug looked around, confused as to why they grew silent. "What happened?"

"Er, Douggie?" Dinsdale pointed down at the boiling sand pit.

"…What the…"

The unusual rumbling of the sand provided a very strange and mind-boggling texture for the ground, which stayed that way as it quite clearly turned to glass. Amazed, the guests as well as the guards and prisoners looked over the railings and could feel the heat emanating from the glass floor that was now beginning to shake.

Trixie grinned. "It's go time."

In an instant, a massive geyser of hot glass and earth erupted from the ground as a familiar looking blue airship came soaring from it all. Dangling from the ladder was Stephanie, wielding the fire amulet and proudly wearing her pink superhero outfit as she smiled at the panic stricken Piranhas before swinging from the rope and onto the roof panels. She began reaching for the armed CrazyTowners and pulling them away and into the bottomless pit.

Meanwhile, Pixel's hovering bartender launched a purple blur over towards the prisoner's deck, which immediately turned out to be Robbie's old invention. The Robo-Hound began barking at the guards as it leapt into the air and broke through Trixie's and Stingy's manacles with one bite.

"Yes!" Trixie exclaimed as she grabbed hold of her captor's rifle and hit him in the face with the butt. She saw another two coming her way and swung it around like a staff, knocking them over the railing and into the endless abyss. "Finally! I've been waiting to see some action!"

"Trixie?" A very disturbed Stingy asked.

"Watch out!" The Professor warned as several more ran up the steps of the deck.

"Sweet!" Trixie tossed her gun over to the first man on sight as a distraction then dropped to her feet in order to sweep him down. With lightning fast accuracy, she was able to drop one on the floor, hop back up and punch another two out in the face then push their bodies against the other three that remained in the back.

Stingy was still in complete shock. "What was that!?"

"Huh?" She smiled out of breath.

"Where did you learn to fight like that?"

"Well you know me. The whole 'damsel in distress' bit was never really my thing."

Ironically, a sudden gunshot towards the railing caused Trixie to scream out and fall over, her hands hanging onto the edge of the plank. "Stingy! Help me!"

"Oh great…" He sighed as he dropped to the floor and attempted to help her.

Back across the deck, Stephanie fought off the bouncers as they arrived on the scene, dodging every stray bullet and knife swing that came her way.

"Get her!" Doug ordered. "Don't let her escape! Don't--"

Doug and Dinsdale were immobilized instantly when Helga trapped Doug's head in the horn of her tuba and the accordion player smashed her instrument over Dinsdale's. The brothers began to wander off but the old man in the tight shorts revealed his lasso from behind his tambourine and hog-tied the two together.

"Yee-haw!" He hollered. "I've been waiting to go fishin'!"

McRotten unveiled a cane from behind his belt and lashed out at several of the guards, much to the yuppies' surprise. "Ach! What er you lookin' at!? Get gooin' oor else I'll hafta bean ya as well!"

Salazar and Amelie removed their disguises and began using their wands to immobilize the several men shooting at them. Jasper, meanwhile, simply removed his feathered cap and replaced it with his traditional slouch hat as he continued wrangling the Piranha brothers. Rottenella, formerly known as Helga Rutten, hurried to her beloved's side and watched as he fought off a few remaining CrazyTowners.

"I think this counts as a date, don't you?" He asked her with a wink in his eye, his accent now gone.

"We should do it again sometime!" She said as she kissed him.

"Hey, you two!" Stephanie called as she cart-wheeled her way past two men. "Save that for later! We've got a job to finish!"

Across, Trixie still dangled from the plank as she felt her fingers beginning to wear out. Stingy wrapped his hands around her wrist and managed to pull her through until another gunshot separated them again. This time, she let go of the plank completely and caught on to a loose wire that was hanging from below the deck's surface. Stingy now had to position himself further past the edge of the cliff, where the plank used to be, and reach over for his friend. As this was going on, Robo-Hound bought them some time as he and the Professor struggled with the last three of Doug's goons.

Dramatik, on the other hand, was of no help as he ran around in circles. "Ode To A Midsummer's Raid! To the left of me, I see pain! The right of me, I see pain! In front of me! Pain! In back of me! Pain! Oh, the pain! The pain!"

"Dramatik, shut up or help me!" Stingy scolded as he struggled to bring Trixie back up.

"Oh God, Oh God, Oh God…" Trixie panicked as she felt herself beginning to slip.

"Trixie! Take my hand!"

"I can't reach it!"

"Crap! Hold on!"

The airship tilted to the left as the hatch door opened. Jasper flung the brothers inside and followed them in as well as Amelie and Salazar. Robbie threw out his disguise and led his fiancée in, knocking back a few would-be stowaways.

"Is that everyone?" Sportacus asked as he piloted the machine.

"Not quite." Salazar pointed at Stingy and Trixie.

Stingy, using all his strength, finally managed to bring Trixie over the edge and on top of him, coming face to face with her. They stayed that way for a few seconds, starry eyed and out of breath.

"Th-thanks…"

"Anytime."

"Arf! Arf! Arf!" The mechanical dog barked as it scared its tattered victims away.

The Professor picked the dog up and saw the airship heading their way much to his joy. He stopped Dramatik's monologue with a slap to the head and gestured for him to climb aboard. Once this goal was achieved, Trixie and Stingy were the latest to step in and rendezvous with the gang.

"Where are the others?" Stingy asked.

Stephanie backed away from the small group as Pixel trapped them with a cyber net, which flung from his wristband. Once the airship came around, Pixel hurried inside but noticed a stray bouncer heading their way.

"Oh no!" He gasped. "Stephanie, look out!"

"What?" She looked and turned to Ziggy. "Ziggy! Quick! Triple swirl butternut squash!"

"My Captain! My Captain!" He saluted then executed a triple swirl cannon-drill across the air, using the top of his head to crush the man's crotch.

Once everyone was rounded up, both good and bad, the airship took off, leaving Stephanie behind to torch the place with her fire amulet. When it was time to leave for good, Clyde swept the pink-haired girl off her feet with his hoverboard and followed the airship off into the distance.

"I guess you knew it would end up this way." He said.

"Didn't have a clue." She shrugged before kissing him.

And so they left CrazyTown, leaving behind a major explosion that reached into the skies. Stingy was saved, the Piranha brothers were captured and the search for the amulets could now begin.