Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, it is the property of Disney and Square Enix.
Once more, I would like to thank everyone who has followed and favorite-d this story, it means a lot to me that all derive some form of pleasure from reading this. I really hope you enjoy this chapter as it's the first one to feature dialogue between the characters (dialogue that I enjoyed writing). The next two chapters will feature, like before, Terra and Aqua's perspectives, respectively, however the conversation that you'll read here will be truncated in those chapters (no need to rewrite the same conversation over and over). Please feel free to comment any gripes you have with the story, or characters or dialogue, all constructive criticism is welcomed.
I can't say that I was as attuned to his surroundings as the other two (Roxas and Xion). In fact, outside of a handful of instances, I had no idea, not the faintest clue, what it is he experienced. Every so often a strong emotional sensation or a profound shock would break through the walls of the subconscious mind and reach the deepest part of his heart, where I resided. It would elicit a strong response from me, stirring my own broken heart into stepping out of the subconscious and into the conscious mind, where I would be inundated by a torrent of unending memories and visions; to say I was sometimes overwhelmed would be a gross understatement. Sora, of course, wasn't aware of me perusing through the annals of his mind – matter of fact, I don't think the other two were aware of my presence either.
Deep within his heart there was a light, far brighter than any I had ever encountered, radiating a warmth that would match the intensity of the sun above. Like a moth attracted to a flame, I was drawn to it and would seek shelter near it. The sense of security I felt curled up next to his light was so great and so comforting that all other sensations simply couldn't compare. It was because of this that it took such a powerful external force to pry me away from it. One occasion, in particular, compelled me to act in a way I never thought I would have to while in the confines of his heart. It was when Xehanort tried to subjugate his heart in an attempt to turn him into one of his 13 vessels. When the subjugation process began I had immediately noticed that the light didn't exude the same warmth as it normally did. There was a steady diminution in the light's radiance, a glaring indicator that something was terribly wrong and that, if nothing was done, would spell the demise of Sora, the demise of the light I had come to depend on so considerably.
Huh, I wonder… did I try to protect Sora in that instance for his sake, or was I simply trying to protect the light that gave me so much comfort? Were my actions, in that moment, wholly altruistic or were they entirely self-serving?
Regardless of why I had done what I had done, the point was that the actions I took were the only ones of its kind: I had left the safe borders of his heart and had acted of my own volition. For the first time in years had I acted as a person with a mind and heart of my own. I was behooved to act in such a manner, for the sake of self-preservation or for the sake of protecting a boy who had given me shelter, I don't know; all I know is that it had resulted in the light returning, albeit slightly darker than what it was before.
I chuckle darkly at the realization that I had grown dependent on Sora. I needed him to comfort me, to keep me safe, to solve all the problems that had accumulated in our lifetimes. And what's astonishing is that, he did it – he had successfully provided me with a safe haven, had restored my heart, reunited me with Terra and Aqua, and had thwarted the schemes of Xehanort. I suppose that the choice I made all those years to ago to take refuge in his heart had been correct… but now that I was free I realized that there had been one flaw in this arrangement: I had grown so accustomed to Sora taking the reins, to Sora being the one who primarily felt everything, to Sora being the one to take charge, that I had grown complacent. My thoughts and feelings were a reflection of Sora's, what he chose to do I accepted; I was no longer a man with his own thoughts and feelings, I was merely an extension of Sora's, incapable of true cognition, subservient to his beliefs and thoughts. Obsequiously I went along with everything he did, to me it didn't matter as long as the light in his heart continued to radiate that same warmth, I would be as sycophantic as he needed me to be.
Now, however, I'm out. That light is gone. I stand here at the precipice of my own conscious and subconscious mind, the beating in my heart is mine and mine alone; all actions I take henceforth are done at my own behest. It's not something you get used to immediately (it's arguable that someone can never truly be used to such freedom and independence), partly due to the doubt and anxiety that creep into your mind when you find yourselves at a crossroads. Sora always knew which road to follow, and I was like the leaf that was swept away by the wind, I had no say in the matter. Now the wind has no hold over me, I am free to move and act however I please; and the thought scares me to death.
Finding those passes after so long must be an act of providence. I was excited, practically giddy, by the idea that I could, even for a day, not be 'the boy whom Sora sheltered' (a bitter epithet I had given myself) and just be Ventus, Keyblade Master in training, friend to Aqua and Terra.
The moment I got up, I pulled out the Gummiphone and called Jiminy Cricket. After a few rings, the screen on the device presented the aforementioned cricket.
"My, oh my, Ventus! It is an absolute pleasure to hear from you." Jiminy politely greeted. From the looks of it, Jiminy was sitting atop a study desk, near him was a miniature ink pot with a proportionately sized ink quill nestled in it. I was quick to comment on it. "Hey, Jiminy. I thought you used the Gummiphone to make all your notes now?"
Jiminy raised his eyebrows but then smiled in understanding, slightly chuckling. "Well, every now and then I feel drawn to the parchment and quill. Times sure do change and one has to change with them, doesn't mean we can't revisit the old ways every now and then." He explained with an amused grin. "Now, may I inquire why you're calling me so early in the day? If you're anything like Sora, I imagine you're not exactly a morning person." He asked in good humor, however unbeknownst to him, the mere mention of Sora reminds me of the light I'm trying so vehemently to distance myself from. However, unlike Sora, I don't wear my heart on my sleeves so the sadness within me is not evident on my countenances.
"Well, I found these passes, you see, I got them as a gift from this man I helped a long time ago. He said that these were lifetime passes for the Dream Festival; I wanted to know when the Dream Festival is gonna take place? I'm not even sure if these really are lifetime passes or if the old man was just tricking me…" I dejectedly comment the last part. Jiminy seems to pick up on this and asks me to show him the passes; I do as he says.
"Well, it seems fortune is smiling down on you, Ventus. These, in fact, ARE lifetime passes. What's more, the festival is only a few days away!"
"Really?!"
"Indeed. Why, the whole town is hustling and bustling, making preparations for the festival. You see, King Mickey has been unable to attend the festival for quite some time – busy with so many other things, as you know – so this is the first time in quite a while that he gets to oversee and attend the festival. The townsfolk feel a bit more pressured than usual to make this festival something really special." He finishes with a flourish, clearly the town's enthusiasm and passion had affected him as well, as he almost seemed to be buzzing with excitement.
"That sounds great, Jiminy. I have three passes, so I thought Terra, Aqua and I could come by. I'd been there once before and had a great time. I really just want all three of us to just have fun, you know?" Some of the enthusiasm was beginning to get to me as well.
Jiminy nods in understanding. "I understand. Now that there's no longer any battles to fight, nor any dark forces to engage, the only thing left to do is live life to the fullest. At least that's what a humble ol' cricket thinks." He pauses for a brief second before continuing. "… and I'm sure Sora would want all of us to enjoy ourselves, too." A hint of melancholy had squirmed its way into the conversation. Despite the fact that none of us have even the slightest doubt that Sora will one day return, his absence is not something that can be easily ignored.
"I know, Jiminy… Thanks for telling me. I hope to see you at the festival, 'kay?"
"Oh yes, of course. I look forward to seeing you, Terra and Aqua again. No matter the circumstances, it's always a pleasure to see a friendly, familiar face." After we bid each other farewell, I sauntered my way out of my room and into the dining hall.
Perched on their seats, I find the other two residents of the Land of Departure chatting comfortably with each other, however, I noticed that both of them had bags under their eyes, a telltale sign of lack of sleep. They notice me approaching.
"Mornin', sleepyhead, was just about to get you." Terra greeted me while Aqua simply smiled.
"Did you sleep well?" she inquired in a tone that could singularly be described as motherly.
"Yeah, but it looks like you two didn't. What's up?" I asked them as I sat down. The two of them frown slightly at my question, looking at each other. Their brows furrow as they look at each other and, realization dawning on them, find that both of them had displayed their sleepless night on their very faces. It seems that neither of them had taken notice of the other's exhausted form, perhaps too exhausted themselves to pick up on such detail.
"Just… one of those nights, I guess." Terra lamely provided an explanation, one that Aqua seemed to share. "Yeah, every now and then you find yourself unable to sleep. I was up tossing and turning all night long, probably wasn't tired enough." Aqua added with a light laugh, both trying to appease my curiosity. Whatever kept them up, it was clearly something neither of them wanted to talk about, so I decided to drop it (I also wanted them in a fairly good mood before I make my request).
"I see. Well, I hope you two rest up properly because you're gonna need every bit of energy for what's coming up!" The two eye me curiously, wondering what had me so enthused so early in the morning.
"And what exactly will require so much energy and vivacity. Believe me, training someone like you already takes everything out of us." Terra points to himself and Aqua, wasting no opportunity to taunt me in some way.
"Terra, be nice." Aqua almost swats his arm with the back of her hand but stops right before making contact, quickly retracting her hand and placing it firmly on her chest. Terra doesn't notice and scoffs at her light reprimand. "What should we be looking forward to, Ven?" Aqua questions sweetly.
"I don't know if you guys remember but back in the day, you know, before… everything…" The two nod solemnly in understanding, communicating to me with their eyes that I should continue. "Well, you remember these?" I pull out the lifetime passes, feeling somewhat nervous as I place them on the table.
Both Terra and Aqua scan the objects placed before them. The objects seemed familiar to them, however they couldn't place a finger on when and where exactly they had seen them; until a light bulb flashed above Aqua's head. "I remember this: you said you'd gotten these from someone, lifetime passes to the Dream Festival in Disney Town."
"Oh yeah, now I remember. You needed 'two grown-ups' with you to go." Terra stated mockingly. I huff in exasperation, Terra was clearly reveling in his childish teasing. "You were so cute when you asked us to go." Aqua stated, unwittingly adding to my embarrassment, which amused Terra further.
"Yeah, Ven, you were just the cutest!" Terra was deriving far too much pleasure from this.
"Yeah, well, what's wrong with wanting to go a festival with my best friends?!" I stated with a pout and a huff, feeling indignation at their teasing. A serene smile makes its way onto the other occupants of the table.
"Ven…" Aqua was almost cooing my name, clearly touched by my affectionate declaration.
"Jeez, Ven, you don't need to be so grumpy about it. We'd love to go. When is it, anyway?" Terra asked.
Seeing the two of them enthusiastic about the idea lit a fire inside me and the excitement began to boil until it eventually started to leak out.
"It's only a few days away. I talked with Jiminy and he says that it's gonna be extra special this time around 'cause the King is going to be attending! I really want us to go, and if the King's there then most likely Donald and Goofy are gonna be there, too." I hadn't realized that I'd be so ecstatic by the thought of seeing those two. I had personally only talked with them a couple of times, and although I consider them friends, I wouldn't say they're people I would be so excited to meet. Perhaps they remind me of Sora's light, other than Kairi and Riku, those two are the ones that had the biggest place in his heart.
"And… I just want us to have fun, y'know? Like, I don't want us to just spend all our time doing official Keyblade wielder stuff. I just want us to… make up for all the time we've lost." My excitement had dissipated, in its stead there was now poignancy.
"Ven…" Terra began but was promptly cut off by Aqua. "I know that nothing we do can ever make up for the time we lost… so we need to utilize the now as much as we can. We'll make a full day of it; we'll leave early in the morning so we can get there just as the festival's about to begin." Aqua smiled at me, trying to comfort me with her very presence; it worked. Her light, though not as bright and comforting as Sora's, was still something that quelled my anxiety.
"Then it's settled. All three of us will head to Disney Town and have a great time." Terra lifted his glass of orange juice, wanting to toast to the occasion. Aqua laughs as she raises her glass as well. "Here, here."
I smile gratefully as I, too, raise my glass. "Thanks, guys." The clinking of glasses follows.
My gratitude is immeasurable, those two were willing to go with my abrupt requests; those two really are the best. However, now back in my own room, I contemplate on what I said to them. I had told them that the reason I wanted us to go was so we could spend some time together, laughing and having fun – and that's true – but that's not the primary reason. What I need right now, more than anything else, is to feel whole again. Although in my heart there is nothing but light (Vanitas took all the darkness with him), it didn't shine as bright as I needed it to. To compensate for what was left behind by Sora's departure, I need more. I need the light within Aqua and Terra to shine down on me, to fill me with the same warmth that his did.
I sound so pathetic. It doesn't even matter that the light is of Aqua and Terra's; any light would do! My own isn't enough so I seek the light of others. In my time with Sora I've grown to become so weak, so needy and dependent, I'm like a spoiled child who was refused his treat. How can I keep functioning like this? I can't keep relying on others to make me feel whole, my own heart, my own light is enough… it should be enough.
But it isn't. Not after experiencing the brilliance of his light, mine is nothing more than the cinder of a tiny flame.
Having so many parts of you ripped away time after time leaves very little behind; and what's left is just a heart, mended yet still broken.