Chapter Four
I took the rest of the day, but I definitely had a lot to think about the following morning. After a really horrible night's sleep, I was up before dawn. Sitting there next to Emmett, in my usual place, not paying much attention to much of anything but my own thoughts.
Most of those thoughts involved my dad, and it wasn't just the fact that he was in the middle of trying to keep his family out of trouble. With him moving back, there were things I had to think about, and things I had to worry about.
I couldn't afford to be unruly anymore. If I got too much on their nerves, it would be really, really easy for them to dump me on him. I really didn't want that, but if they chose to do so, I would have no say in it. I could always just run away, but that would only get me so far before I was caught or sent back. How many times had they proven to have a lot more persistence than I did?
I didn't want my dad to become a new option. It was fine spending time with him. Hell, I was okay with that, but if they decided to push me at him any more, I'd develop a problem real quick, and that really got me thinking hard about the whole thing.
Maybe that was why I refused to trust him as much as I trusted my family. It wasn't that I didn't want to trust him, but I couldn't let him become an option. Trusting him was a step in the wrong direction for me.
Yeah, he'd proven he could protect me, but that could have easily just been luck. If they chose to give me to him to take care of, that would be it for me. That brought me to the second subject I had to face. I also had to think about how close it'd come yet again. For more than just the obvious reasons, which was two subjects in itself.
Not only did I have to worry about exactly how close it'd come, but I also had to think about the facts surrounding that whole incident.
Seeing that guy before I actually encountered him was a really hard thing to come to terms with. It was even a little tough to remember what that half-vision had looked like, so I wouldn't know what to look for again.
And now, I still had to doubt my own eyes. I didn't like doubting myself that way. I hated it, actually. What if it happened again? It hadn't yet, but I still had that worry. Would anything I see really be real? I knew I was putting way too much thought into it, but seeing that guy really made me wonder. It had been so real. So hard to tell. Had I not gone with my dad that day, I never would have figured out what that had been. That was scary.
"What are you thinking about so hard?" Emmett asked from beside me. I sighed, shaking my head. Setting those thoughts aside in the few seconds of silence before I could answer.
"Huh?" I asked, looking over at him. Truthfully, it took me a moment to figure out what he'd asked. Stuck so far in my thoughts, it was hard to focus on anything else. Like trying to remember that life existed outside my head. That feeling was always so hard to shake. It always had been for me, but so much harder now.
"I asked," He spoke again, "What are you thinking about so hard?"
"Nothing." I replied. He knew that was a huge lie, but I wouldn't go into it without a solid need to do so.
"Relax." He assured me anyway, "Rose went back last night." That was a whole other worry I had to focus on, but I chose not to right then. I couldn't afford the space needed in my head.
I was overwhelmed, and could only focus so much on a few things at a time. Currently, my situation here seemed so much more important, as selfish as it was of me to realize that.
"I'm not worried about that." I muttered, "If she's not worried, I shouldn't be either, right?" He looked over at me.
"Who are you, and what have you done with shorty?" He asked, "You feeling okay? Are you sick?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, frowning.
"The entire time I've known you, shorty, all you've ever done is worry about every little thing worth worrying about." He explained, "Even things not worth worrying about. It was your thing."
I shrugged a little, "I've got a lot to think about without worrying about her too. I mean, yeah. I'm worried, but I'm not going to freak out about it. Maybe I'm still numb from yesterday." The attempt at the store.
"Numb?"
"It happens for a little while after something like that happens." I explained, "Like.. I'm afraid that if I let myself be afraid, I'll never stop being afraid, so I try to not let myself feel anything. Last time, it was what helped keep me awake for so long."
"Don't tell me you're-"
"No." I immediately said, "I'm not going to make myself stay awake like that again. As much as I can help, anyway. Don't worry about that. I know eventually, it'll just freak everybody out, and I don't want to fight with anyone." Which led me back to the first thing to worry about. The option they probably already knew about.
"Good." He seemed to believe me, "Because you don't need to be doing that." I nodded a little, looking down, "So what were you thinking about?"
"Puppies." I replied, sighing as I stood up.
I was intending to escape before he pried any further, but I didn't get to move. Surprised, I looked over as Edward stepped into the house. Immediately, I knew I had to block my thoughts as much as I could.
"Puppies," I repeated to myself, "Puppies, puppies." I forced my thoughts in the direction of puppies. Thankfully, Edward found that amusing, instead of offensive.
"Yeah, shorty." Emmett chuckled, "That wasn't obvious."
"Hi, Edward." I sighed. I didn't want him to think it was anything personal. I knew he'd been around some recently, but I hadn't had too much time around him.
"Good morning, Leandra." He replied, letting me know he truly hadn't taken offense, "And I heard your thoughts quite a distance away. There's no need to think about puppies."
"Dammit." I sighed, but that was a relief. It was hard to force my thoughts in any one direction. My thoughts were just something I couldn't control very easily.
"I know I don't have to remind you that I won't betray those thoughts to anyone if you don't want me to." He said, "But I can tell you that those worries aren't needed."
"They're not?"
"No." He replied, "They're not. Carlisle would never do that to you. Not only would that go against everything he's been trying for, it would completely ruin any sense of trust you've hesitantly begun to practice. The risks far outweigh any sort of benefit you've invented." I believed him. He had a good point, so I nodded.
"I won't even bother asking." Emmett spoke up, "Nobody would tell me anyway."
"Puppies." I repeated, looking over at him.
"Mix it up a little." Emmett suggested, "Think about kittens."
"Cats suck." I shook my head, "They hate me, remember?"
"As for the other worry you have," Edward spoke up again, "I'd talk with Alice. She can help you more than anyone." Meaning, about seeing the guy.
"I wouldn't even know what to talk to her about." I replied, "That's the problem."
"It wouldn't hurt to try." He pointed out.
"Maybe." I sighed, unconvinced.
"I wouldn't worry about it." He assured me, and oddly, that helped. A little bit, but it helped. It was probably because he knew what he was talking about when it came to the family, having proved it by now.
"For just five minutes, I want that gift, Eddy." Emmett admitted.
"Believe me when I say that without adjustment, my ability would drive you insane." Edward replied simply, "Many times, you hear things you don't want to hear."
I couldn't help smiling a little. I was, no doubt, a lot of the reason behind that.
"To get driven insane," I said, "Someone would have to be sane first."
"Ouch." Emmett laughed, looking over at me, "Ow."
"There has to be a reason you get along with me so well." I shrugged a little, sitting back down, "And I know I'm not very sane."
"You're just as sane as I am." Emmett replied.
"Then I'm doomed." I smiled a little, hoping he knew I was joking.
"I guess you are." He chuckled.
I looked over as Carlisle descended the stairs. Edward must have been waiting for him. Both he and Carlisle stepped away, away from where I could hear them talk quietly, and though I watched them, I wasn't trying to listen in. I just watched. I knew, though, that until I saw for myself that Carlisle wouldn't be giving me to my dad I'd be worried about that.
The only problem was, I didn't know how to do that. Carlisle was always so busy these days, and I didn't want to get in the way more than I had been.
To be honest with myself, there was more than one reason that I didn't want him to give me away. I might have been afraid to trust him, even after everything, but that didn't stop me from wanting to.
It really wasn't that I didn't want to believe him, or look up to him. I wanted to, and though he'd given me no reason not to, it was hard. It would take a lot longer than a year to get me passed that reluctance, and I was just beginning to see that.
I watched him, and really began to see how worried Carlisle seemed to be. It was worry. Concern, concentration. He obviously had so much on his mind, and really for the first time since we got back from New York, I started noticing things again. I'd been so stuck in my own worries, I'd been refusing to see how much this was affecting everyone else too. Carlisle most, just as Emmett had told me.
How much stress would Carlisle choose to put himself under because of me? How much more could he take? I knew they had a lot higher tolerance for stress than a human, any human would, but just how high was that tolerance? How much was he willing to go through?
Carlisle had been one of the ones that tried the most for me. More than anyone else in my life. Even more than Alice, and I knew this worry I had about him giving me away was one of the biggest fears I ever had. More than Jack, more than Ken, more than anything else. Him giving me away would be him giving up on me, and if that ever happened, I didn't know what I'd do.
Carlisle wasn't stupid. Far from it. He knew how much this whole situation was weighing me down. He knew what it was doing to me. He knew, which was why I wasn't being told much of anything regarding it. No amount of pushing it, insisting or demanding would change that.
He was trying so hard to keep me from knowing too much, more than I should because he did know. Carlisle, along with everyone else, thought that keeping those details from me was the only way to stand between Jack and me.
They weren't keeping things from me to be cruel. They were keeping things from me to protect me as much as they could. I had to hand it to them. They were determined to do so, even through as much of a pain as I had been lately.
The only question I had now, was how was I supposed to just sit back and let them do this? I'd never really been one worth protecting, so how was I supposed to know how to just let them protect me?
That was a real problem for me, because none of them, least of all Carlisle, had done anything to deserve knowing what kind of person Jack was. Much less standing in the way of him and I. Keeping me from him at all costs. They didn't deserve that kind of punishment for something I'd done a year before. I made the decision to drag them all into this. Not them. Now they were taking the punishment? Facing the consequences? How was that fair?
Their tolerance might be higher, but Jack wasn't easy for anyone to know. The stress and the tension was proof enough of that.
Edward finally looking over at me made Carlisle do the same, and I immediately looked down. I didn't even try to hide my thoughts anymore. It wouldn't do any good anyway, and hell. If one person understood the way I thought now, maybe it'd be easier for everyone else to figure me out. Just like during Christmas.
My thoughts were a lot more active now than they were then. More active and less tired, despite how tired I was physically, and I could only imagine how much more difficult it was for Edward to keep up.
"Not at all." Edward spoke up, loud enough for me to hear, and I looked up, "It's actually very fascinating. The way you think, though understandable, is very fascinating." I couldn't help smiling a little, "I've heard a lot of thoughts in my lifetime, but yours are a whole different story. As many thoughts as I've had the privilege of hearing from you, I never cease to be amazed."
That was saying a lot, and I knew that. Even with all he'd heard already, he wasn't bored of me yet.
"Far from it." He replied, and I smiled again.
But that didn't stop me from worrying about everything.
Needless to say, I was pretty reluctant to push my luck. Over the following week, I did my best to sleep, ate as much as I could. Kept the emotions and questions to a minimum, stayed manageable. Whatever I could do to keep Carlisle from changing his mind.
Days passed, that week going by seemingly so fast. A constant routine of sleeplessness, worry and observing.
As promised, my dad had gotten back right on time. He got back to Idaho, and took a day to rest before coming back here with both Rachel and Lily. I knew he was worried I'd be upset with him for running back to them so soon, but after what happened at the store, how could I be? He definitely had reason to worry about them as they were as much his family as I was. Even more than I was, because I hadn't known him that long.
So far, I could tell that I was just beginning to learn how to be more understanding. Without even trying. Where I would have been upset the year before, it was easy now to think about what someone else might be feeling, versus only thinking about what I wanted. Especially after my observation of Carlisle the week before.
As it turned out, Rachel and Lily were just fine.
The baby was still in place, so the stress hadn't made her come early so far. Since she had about three weeks to go, that was a good thing, but as far as I could tell, that baby was smart. I wouldn't want to be born yet, either. I would have stayed hidden away as long as I could, too. Even if it was just a baby, and really didn't know how to think for itself.
My dad, Rachel and Lily all stayed in a hotel until their apartment was ready to move into, which happened two days after they got back to town. I saw my dad once on the day he got back, but hadn't seen him since they'd moved in, and I had yet to see Rachel or Lily.
Oddly, I felt better with them nearby, despite the worries. I was positive Jasper did as well, since it took him all of twenty seconds for him to get from where they were now back home. Much easier to keep an eye on, and he was close by in case he needed to calm me down again.
Being manageable or not, less than a week had passed since the kidnapping attempt at the store, and it was tough. I knew with my dad so close, though, I couldn't just stop living again. It'd really kill him to see me that way when he couldn't do anything about it, and I was a little stuck. Stuck in place, between wanting to just roll over and give up, and forced to keep moving. No doubt another plus to everyone but me.
My dreams had yet to get better, though I tried. I really did try. Constantly putting myself through the pain of seeing those things each night in an effort to prove my cooperation, but it was hard. Very hard on me to keep it up without wanting to hit my head against the wall, but I'd just think about the alternative. The possible outcome of being difficult, and I'd go through it all again the next night.
I was particularly irritable this morning, after such a horrible night's sleep the night before. I knew it showed in my expression, even without talking. It was getting to the point where whether or not Jack was caught would ever make a difference. I'd never learn how to relax, or believe I was okay. I was now waking up sick every morning, slowly being driven crazy by all of this suffocating pressure, and I'd never say anything, but I knew this wasn't good.
How much longer did I have here? How long until one of Jack's attempts worked? How long until he figured out a way around it?
The longer I put it off, the worse it was getting for me. I was beginning to figure out just how true that was and just what that meant. Not only whatever punishment he had planned, but it was getting harder to deal with. The longer I put it off, the worse the pressure on me got.
This morning especially.
"Ugh." I grumbled, "I hate the way I feel after first waking up." I shuffled into the living room, rubbing my eyes and trying to wake them up. I hated the puffy and fuzzy feeling I had after just waking up after an emotional night.
"Wake up faster." Alice told me. I scowled a little at her.
"Why?" I grumbled. I also didn't appreciate being rushed after just waking up. That was grounds for a very cranky me all day. Not as bad as if they'd woken me up themselves, but it still wasn't pretty.
"Your sister is coming over."
"Aw." I whined, suddenly recalling the plans made the day before, "Remember what happened the last time I saw her?"
With my dad living in town, Jasper could continue going to school now. Thankfully, it was Saturday, so both he and Alice would be here for this visit from my dad. I was worried about what I'd be tempted to do to her. I didn't want another pillow whacking incident. With my irritability today, I wasn't so sure about this.
"That won't happen." Alice replied, "Now get moving." She shooed me from the couch and I grumbled the entire way to the bathroom to wash my face, in an attempt to wake myself up faster. Get dressed, and to brush my teeth.
I noticed something odd, however, after brushing my teeth. One tooth in particular, my left canine tooth, seemed a little sore at the gum. Giving it a little poke with my finger, I discovered that that tooth was loose. Able to be wiggled back and forth.
When the hell did that happen? It probably still had at least a few days of pushing it around, but it was definitely loose. It was a baby tooth, so I wasn't worried, but it sucked. It wasn't the most comfortable feeling in the world, and I knew I'd have to be careful with biting or eating until it fell out or face even more discomfort.
"Aw, dammit." I muttered to myself, leaning back away from the mirror.
"What's wrong with you?" Emmett chuckled, noticing my pout as I returned to the living room once I was dressed. He was just going to make fun of me. I wasn't exactly pleased by this turn of events. I thought I was done losing teeth two or three years before, but thinking about it, I knew that wasn't true. I hadn't really lost enough to be completely done with it.
I couldn't keep my baby teeth, and I knew that, but oddly, I wanted to. These teeth had survived Jack along with me. Holding on despite his efforts to smack them loose. It was weird to think of it like that, but I couldn't help it.
"Not a word about it." I told him, and he smirked, "Loose tooth."
"Aw!" He immediately grinned, "Which one?" I pointed it out, and he chuckled again, "You're growing up."
"Stop." I glared.
"It's nothing to pout about, shorty." He told me, "It's a good thing to grow up."
"That's not why I'm pouting." I said, "It hurts."
"In that case, you're probably going to be losing quite a few after this one." He replied, "You might as well get used to it."
"Oh yay." I muttered, sighing.
"Just think," He smiled, "After this, you can bite more people with confidence."
"True." I admitted, shrugging a little. I still hated it. It ached.
Then I remembered. I'd promised Alyssa that she could yank my loose tooth if she let me pull hers. That just meant I'd have to go back and visit her. Emmett seemed suspicious of the smile that replaced my frown. Kind of afraid, actually.
"What's the grin for?" He asked.
"I have to go see Alyssa." I told him, "A few months ago, I promised her she could yank my tooth because she let me pull hers."
"Oh." He replied, "That makes sense." I picked up the sarcasm.
"It's true." I argued, "You can even ask her. It's only fair." He chuckled, though. Amused.
"I'll talk to Carlisle." He offered, and I smiled a little again. I would love that, and I didn't exactly see why they'd say no. Emmett, though sometimes a goofball, was as capable of watching me as Alice was. Especially when I had every intention of cooperating when it came to my safety. I was taking no risks.
My dad seemed a little less edgy when he finally arrived, as this was the just the second time I'd seen him since he went back to get Rachel and Lily. Rachel had chosen to stay behind at the apartment, not feeling up to going anywhere after moving just the other day. Choosing to stay in the safety of the apartment, and probably take a little time to unwind with Lily safely gone and out with my dad. Sending her apologies along with him.
I didn't blame her.
Six year old Lily was a bit taller, and quite a bit more chipper than I remembered of five year old Lily. She'd recently lost her own tooth, a top front tooth, which reminded me of what that hole in the teeth looked like and what I looked forward to. It wasn't my front tooth that was loose, though, so it might not be as noticeable. Just a side one.
Oddly, I was okay with Lily being here. Unlike the first time she was here, and I whacked her across the face with a pillow. A lot had changed for me since then. Not to mention the fact that she did seem okay. Just as happy as she was before being taken. Even more so. I watched her behavior closely, and nothing told me anything was off.
With the difference of less than a full year, it was strange to realize I got along better with her. The difference between five and six, she'd became easier to understand. Maybe it wasn't her that had changed much at all. Maybe it was me.
She was excited about the move. Of course, she'd miss her friends, but I had a feeling someone as happy as she was wouldn't have any problems making new ones here. It was so strange to see someone that looked a little like me be so happy.
Though it was mid April, she went on and on about all the stuff she got for Christmas. Typical little girl things. Toys, games, clothes. She was intensely into clothes, unlike most kids on the face of the planet that dreaded getting new clothes for Christmas. I had a feeling Alice just found a new shopping friend.
I just listened, now and then adding a word when what she said required an acknowledgement. Everyone else seemed perfectly fine talking with my dad while leaving me to keep Lily busy. She seemed eager to talk, as there was no doubt with the new baby nearly there, she was getting less and less attention. She found someone willing to actually sit and listen to her rambling about this favorite color, or that stuffed animal.
"You don't talk much, huh?" She finally asked me, her hands on her hips as if in a scold.
"Not really." I replied, "Besides. You're talking enough for both of us."
"I am?"
"You're talking too much."
"Oh." She giggled a little, sitting down next to me, "Sorry."
"Nah, it's okay." I said. I wondered, though, if she would tell me exactly who it had been that she'd been with. Not that I didn't know, but maybe if I could make her confirm it, it'd make it easier on my dad.
"So." I mumbled, "I heard you ran away." Make it seem her fault, so she felt compelled to defend herself.
"No I didn't." It seemed to work, "I didn't run away."
"Then why were you gone for three days?" I countered.
"I was with somebody." She muttered, quieter as she looked down.
"Who?" I asked, and she shrugged a little.
"I dunno."
"Yes you do." I argued, "Don't lie. It's wrong to lie."
"I know that." She snapped, "Stupid."
"Don't call me that." I glared at her, which she returned.
"Then don't say I ran away, because that's a lie."
"Then don't run away, and blame it on someone else if you won't say who it was."
"I didn't run away."
"Yes you did." I replied confidently, "You must not love your parents that much, though, if you'd run away." I felt so stupid, sitting here and arguing with a stupid six year old, but I was pretty good at it.
"I do." She argued, outraged, "I do love them."
"Then why'd you run away?"
"I didn't run away!" I was pissing her off, "I said I was with somebody."
"Leandra." Lily's irritated tone had taken the Esme's attention across the room, so I knew everyone else could hear too.
"If you won't say who it was," I argued anyway, "Then you did run away. That's just how it works." She whined and stomped her foot, "I bet your mom cried the whole time you were gone. That's what happens when you run away like that. You're so mean."
"But I didn't-"
"Yes you did." I cut off her denial this time, and she seemed seconds from tears. I couldn't resist making that worse, "You know what happens to kids that run away? Their parents replace them with better kids. They stop loving them and forget all about them. Their parents don't want them anymore. Kids that run away like you did are hardly ever found, you know."
"Stop it." She pouted.
"Most of them are gone forever." I went on, "Most of them die, some are killed by other people, and nobody cares that they're dead because they were bad kids, and ran away. If they run away, they deserve to die. You know what that means, right? It means you deserved to die because you ran away."
She was through listening, standing up and darting along the couch to my dad. He lifted her up onto his lap, his arm around her. She gave me a look, and I returned it. Mine was more effective as I clearly saw a small tear trail down her cheek before she turned her face away. Hiding it briefly in my dad's arm.
I laughed to myself, pleased with my results, but I knew I needed to get better at dealing with kids if she was going to be around.
I was surprised I didn't get scolded for scaring her like that. Esme moved to my side, but didn't say anything about what I'd just said to Lily. My dad was a little puzzled, but didn't ask her about it. Holding her tighter.
"So." My dad spoke up, looking over at me, "What do you think, Leandra?"
"About what?" I asked, "Lily wouldn't shut up long enough for me to listen to anything else." She just whimpered, not bothering to defend herself.
"Meeting your family." He replied, and I blinked in surprise, "They're all going to be in town this weekend, and I thought it'd be a good idea for you to finally meet them." Was he meaning what I thought he was meaning?
"I don't know." I hesitantly murmured, "I don't even know them."
"And I'm asking if you'd like to change that." He chuckled, "I know they'd really love to meet you." As if that'd help make up my mind.
"When you say everyone..?" I asked quietly.
"Everyone." He chuckled, "You actually have a pretty big family on my side."
"Like who?"
"Well," He sighed, "There are my two brothers. Steven, my younger brother, and Richard, my older brother. Richard's wife, Clara, and their two kids. I told you about them, Dominic and Callie. My father, your grandpa. His name is Anthony, by the way." He paused for a chuckle, "You already know me. Along with Lily and Rachel. There's a whole lot to it that you haven't seen yet, Leandra."
"Wow." I muttered, surprised.
"Yeah." He agreed with a smile, "They're all very excited to finally be able to meet you. Trust me."
"You'll be there?" I asked.
"The whole time." He replied, "I promise."
"I guess." I finally agreed, dread in my tone.
"Oh, the enthusiasm." He laughed, "It's alright. I can't blame you for being nervous, but I swear you won't regret meeting them."
I was already regretting meeting them. Apparently, it was going to be this whole big barbecue thing, because there were so many people to feed. I'd already agreed to go, just to meet them, but I was having major doubts. I barely knew my dad, and now I had to meet his whole side of the family? I was related to these people.
I had a week to freak out about it, and I really wasn't sure I wanted to do this.
"That's it." I said the night before, "I'm not going." In my restlessness, I laid on my back on the couch. My feet resting on the back of the couch, watching TV upside down with my head laid off the edge of the cushion. Sitting upright wasn't comfortable right then.
"You've said that three times now." Emmett pointed out, distracted by the news as Jasper looked over from the chair.
"I mean it this time." I muttered.
"What is freaking you out so bad?" Emmett asked, "It's your family."
"I don't have a family." I corrected.
"Well, that's a huge lie." He replied.
"I mean the whole time I was growing up, I didn't have a family." I explained, "I hated my dad growing up, and I know him leaving wasn't his fault now, but nobody wanted me back then. Not my dad, not some family of his. I don't want to meet them, and hate them too for not even bothering to be there either. I might be related to them, but they're definitely not family."
"I'll tell you what." He said, muting the TV when the news segment moved to a commercial, "If you go tomorrow, I'll take you to see Alyssa myself."
"Really?" I asked, sitting up straighter. Bracing myself with my arm as I rolled a little to look at him.
"I know you'll have a good time," He nodded, "And I think it'll be good for you to meet the people you're related to, shorty. I'm comfortable with this agreement."
"You promise?"
"I promise." He nodded again, "What do you say?"
"Fine." I agreed, laying back down, "But you better pay up."
"I always keep my promises, shorty." He replied with a smirk.
"Yeah, yeah." I muttered, sighing. I couldn't help feeling suspicious, especially after my last agreement with him, but this seemed doable, but that didn't make me any less nervous.
My dad was set to pick me up at ten, and I'd spend the day with him. Terrified, I paced as I waited for him to get there. What the hell had I agreed to?
"Will you calm down, shorty?" Emmett chuckled, "You're freaking out."
"I don't know these people." I whined, "What if they hate me?"
"They're not going to hate you."
"How do you know?"
"They're not going to-"
"How do you know?" I asked again.
"I just know. Now sit." He tugged me down to sit next to him on the couch. I whined again, really not sure about this, "Take a breath, and you'll be fine."
"I think I might throw up."
"Definitely don't do that."
"I'm scared." I sobbed a laugh. Emmett chuckled as well, patting my head lightly.
"Don't be." He said, "If they're anything like your dad, you've got nothing to worry about. Your dad is a good person."
I really wanted at least one person from my family to be there, but they insisted this was something I needed to do on my own. Not that they wouldn't be there if they felt they needed to be. They trusted my dad, especially after what he prevented just the week before, and they obviously had some sort of faith in the rest of the bunch to protect me.
He'd conveniently chosen to host this little thing at the park in town, probably because his apartment was pretty small. With this nice public place, I felt a little better, but my heart pounded uncomfortably.
Everyone was already there, including Rachel who looked exactly like she'd swallowed a watermelon, but she was smiling.
A younger man had noticed us pull up against the curb outside the park, smiling a little as he headed our way. I considered running away, but my dad stood up from the car like there was nothing in the world wrong.
"So?" This new man asked him as he neared, "Where is she?"
"Where is who?" My dad asked in return, "Oh, shoot. I knew there was something I forgot."
"Oh, come on, Chris." He chuckled, sounding a lot like my dad, "Now that's not very nice." My dad chuckled as well, leaning down and looking in at me. I hadn't moved yet. I waited, looking over at him as well.
"Come on out, Leandra."
I took a deep breath, unbuckling my seat belt and pushing open the door. I struggled out, and stood there for a moment before I rounded the car to his side. My every step was watched by this new man, his smile very friendly.
"Chris," He said, "She looks just like you. Wow. I see she's got the green eyes." He smirked.
"Leandra," My dad spoke, "This is Steven. My little brother." He didn't look older than mid-twenties, so it was a bit hard to believe that he was my dad's brother.
"It's great to finally meet you, kid." Steven told me, "You're how old?"
"Ten." I answered quietly. I couldn't help feeling very shy.
"Ten years." He chuckled, "And your dad never brought you around to meet this crazy bunch? Man, have you been missing out." Before I could be bothered by that, he turned and called toward the group of people further in the park, "Rich."
An older looking man looked up from where he stood, spinning Lily around on his shoulder, "What? We were both just about to throw up." That was a good thing? The way he said that made it seem like he thought so.
"Get over here and meet your niece." That seemed to prompt him into moving. Setting Lily down on her feet, he chuckled a little as she ran off toward the play area.
I moved closer to my dad's side as this older man started our direction, glancing up at him nervously.
"Well, look at her." The new man, they called Rich, chuckled before he'd even neared, "Looks like Chris made her all by himself."
"This is Richard," My dad told me, "My older brother."
"Oldest in the bunch, but you'd never know it." Rich replied, "Call me Rich, because I like to pretend I am. It's so nice to meet you, Leandra." He held his hand out, and I hesitantly took it. He closed his hand around mine, giving me a gentle smile.
"You too." I mumbled in response. I had to admit. At least I didn't hate these two yet. Two uncles. I never knew I even had one. Now I was looking up at my dad's two brothers.
Steven looked very much like a younger version of my dad, and it was easy to spot the similarities. Same color hair, same green eyes. I guess that was something that ran in the family more than I realized.
My own dark auburn hair was what I took from my dad, along with his eye color, a very clear green. My eyes had always been something that set me apart, as not many people had this color. Now I was looking at at least one other person that had it besides my dad and I.
Richard's looks were a little different. Clearly older, but not too old. A tiny bit of gray in his dark auburn hair proved he was a father of two. His eyes looked more hazel, blue-green, versus our clear green.
Both seemed really happy to finally be meeting me, so it hadn't been a lie on my dad's part. They didn't seem to mind how shy I was, either.
"You're sure she's ten?" Rich asked, "She's not much bigger than Callie."
"That's a long story, Rich." My dad replied, "But yeah. I'm pretty positive that she's been alive ten years."
"So." Rich chuckled, "Shall we subject her to the rest of them?"
"Don't make it sound so painful." My dad chuckled.
"It can be." Steven warned me, "Heads up." I winced, whimpering as I looked up at my dad again.
"Nice going." Rich hit Steven's shoulder as they both turned, "Are you trying to scare her?" My dad, sensing my hesitancy to move forward with them, lifted me off my feet. I let him carry me closer to the rest of the group. I watched an obviously teenage boy stand up from the bench he lounged on, smiling a little at me.
My head was spinning already, and I still had a few more to meet.
Clara, Rich's wife, was a rather soft-spoken type of person. She was the mother of Dominic and Callie, my cousins. Callie was the eight year old busy running circles around the play area with Lily. Dominic was the teenage boy that stood up as we neared. He was fourteen, and also the spitting image of his father.
Both Clara and Dominic were also very polite, very nice to me. I found that it was very easy to like them both. Callie, on the other hand, I wasn't sure of. Not that she was mean, but I didn't get much of a chance to talk to her. She never stopped long enough to.
"Oh, thank you!" Rachel sighed heavily, taking my attention to who she focused on. A much older man came walking over the grass with a couple of twelve-packs of soda in one arm, and hot dog buns in his other hand, "We were running low." I watched him set the sodas down on a rather large cooler holding the drinks.
"Leandra," My dad spoke, seeing my distraction, "That's my dad."
"Mine too." Steven pouted slightly, making me smile a little. This new man's attention was taken by our attention, and he smiled at us. Standing from where Rachel shooed him away, wanting to put the cans of soda in the cooler herself.
He seemed older than Ken was. His hair was a lot grayer than his, and the lines of his face a lot more defined, but the major difference between this man and Ken was that I was related to this one. Actually related to this one.
"There she is." He chuckled, brushing his hands off on his jeans, "The mystery granddaughter." My dad patted my hip as I whimpered quietly at his approach. Seeming to understand my nervousness, his dad approached slowly. Studying my face like something fascinating.
"Hi there, sweetheart." He finally told me with a smile, "You don't have to call me grandpa. You can call me Anthony if you want to." I nodded a little. I appreciated that. He held his hand up for me, and I took it. His hand was a little cold from the ice in the cooler, but not too bad.
Anthony smiled, "She looks just like your mom, Chris." I smiled a little at his admiration, and he returned it, "Her mini-twin, I swear."
I really looked. Under the gray in Anthony's hair, the color was more brown than auburn, to my surprise. He had the blue eyes Rich had. My dad and Steven had gotten their looks from their mother, not their father, and I got my looks from my father. It was mostly her looks that I'd taken.
"I thought she looked just like Chris." Steven shrugged.
"Chris looks the most like mom out of all of us." Rich chuckled, "He always has. I was the lucky one to get dad's striking good looks."
"Right." Steven snorted.
"Oh, don't start on that." My dad chuckled in return, "Remember what I did last time?"
"I still remember what you did the first time I ever told you that." Rich replied, "That wasn't funny. Damn near broke my arm, you animal."
"Stop it, both of you." Anthony rolled his eyes, "Leandra is gonna think we're nuts."
"I know we're nuts." Steven muttered and I laughed a little as my dad finally let me down onto my feet, "No need to go filling the kid's head with lies of sanity." I stayed close to my dad's side, his arm around my shoulders, which helped.
"How?" I asked, gaining their attention, "How did my dad almost break your arm?"
Rich chuckled, "Well, when he was a kid, he had a pretty bad temper." He explained, "The littlest thing would set him off, and as his brothers, it was our job to set him off."
"They were relentless." My dad added.
"He was.. Ten, I think. Just about your age. That would have made me thirteen, and to a ten year old boy, telling him he looked like our mother was the worst insult in the world." Rich continued, "It was basically telling him he looked like a girl, so what did that guy do? Chris picks up the nearest shovel, and whacks me as hard as he can. With the side of the damn blade."
I must have gotten my temper from my dad, which didn't surprise me much. Considering I got most of my other traits from him.
"He had to get fifty-seven stitches." Steven laughed.
"Fifty-seven stitches." Anthony confirmed with a nod, "Scared the hell out of me. I swear, a nurse in the ER fainted." I smiled a little.
"If he'd hit any harder, the impact would have reached bone." Rich explained, "That's what the doctor said."
Steven spoke up, "I still remember laughing at him."
"You were four." Rich pointed out, "You laughed at the characters on the cereal box."
"Shut it." Steven argued, "I do remember laughing, and I'm still laughing. Ha. You deserved it."
"A pillow doesn't seem so bad now." I muttered, looking up at my dad.
"No, it doesn't." My dad replied with a laugh of his own, "I'm glad you didn't find anything sturdier to hit Lily with."
"Like.." Steven mused, "A chair?" I had to laugh at that one as well, "Knowing who her dad is, I'm surprised she didn't try to run her over with your car, Chris."
"I don't know how to drive." I pointed out.
"That never stopped your dad." Steven replied. Wow. Was my dad really that much of a trouble-maker?
"Steven, you're giving the kid ideas." Rich grumbled, "Just.. Go sit in the corner or something." They both laughed, so I knew it was a joke. These guys didn't seem half bad.
"After you." Steven countered, "You're the troublemaker."
"Me?" Rich gasped, "Never."
I looked over as my hand was taken, Rachel standing there.
"I'm stealing her." She told them, "You guys go bicker over there. No bloodshed on the food."
"Aw," Rich replied, "It'll cook away."
I turned with her, sighing a little as she led me away. Over toward the picnic table with all the snacks sitting on it. Clara sat there as well, giving me a smile. I appreciated the slower pace of sitting here with them. Slower conversation, no playful arguing. It was less overwhelming this way.
"Thanks." I sighed, looking up at her, "It was getting pretty hard to keep up."
"That never changes." She laughed, "I'm surprised they haven't started the wrestling match yet."
"Where is my dad's mom?" I asked, and she sat on the bench with a sigh.
"Unfortunately, she passed a long time ago." She explained, and I looked down, "When Chris was just a kid."
"And.. Anthony never remarried?"
"Nope." She replied, "He raised those boys on his own, which I commend him for."
"Wow." I muttered, surprised as I sat down also in the free spot on the bench next to her.
"I just can't believe we've never met you, Leandra." Clara told me, "It just blows my mind."
"I wish I'd met you guys sooner." I admitted quietly, "Maybe this wouldn't be so weird. I can't believe I'm related to everyone." She laughed, thankfully not offended.
"You sure are." She agreed with a nod, "Well, everyone aside from Rachel here, and myself. I know it's a lot to handle at first, but once you get used to it, it's not so bad."
"Not bad at all." Rachel agreed, "They're a bunch of crazies, but I wouldn't trade that bunch of crazies for anything."
"I'm starting to see that." I laughed quietly.
"They've been such a big help lately." She added, "Always right there when we needed them. Without a complaint in the world. Hell, if it wasn't for Clara and Rich, we probably wouldn't have eaten or slept those entire three days."
"I heard about Lily." I mumbled, giving her an apologetic look, "I'm sorry."
"Oh, sweetie." She sighed, "No. Nobody blames you." I was actually relieved by that. I thought sure Rachel would hate me for dragging her family through this, but she obviously didn't. She placed her arm around my shoulders, giving me a gentle side hug. Oddly, especially with the belly she had, Rachel was soft. Even Heather wasn't as soft as Rachel was. She was soft, warm. Comfy.
I made sure to be careful about my movements, though. I didn't accidentally want to bump against her and hurt something.
"Nobody blames you." She repeated, "Don't worry about that, okay? Lily's back, she's just fine. She's where she belongs, and we've got a very nice place to unwind. I've never seen Chris so happy, you know. Now that he's closer to you now, he's got both of the things he loves most in the world. As horrible as it was not to know where she was, a lot of positive has come out of the decision to move."
"Hey mom." We all looked over as Dominic stopped by our table, "I was gonna get a soda. Do you need anything?" I sat up, away from Rachel to look at him easier.
"Please?" She requested, gesturing to her own soda can.
"Aunt Rachel?" He asked.
"Just a bottle of water, sweetie." She replied, "Thank you."
He smiled at me, "Leandra?"
"Uh.." I muttered. I didn't know what selection there was, "I'll just go see." I stood up, and he nodded a little. He was kind of tall for a fourteen year old. Taller than me by at least a foot.
"So." He said as he opened the cooler, "You're my cousin, huh?"
"I guess." I replied, shifting some ice around to look at the selection of soda inside.
"I know it's a little late," He murmured, "But welcome to the family." He seemed okay too. I hadn't had a bad feeling yet, which was surprising. By now, with a group this size, I'd have wanted to hide away at least once, but I hadn't yet.
"Thanks." I laughed a little, "Even though I'm not really part of it."
"Sure you are." He corrected, "Just because you live with another family, doesn't mean you're not part of this bunch of nuts." I laughed again, choosing an orange soda, "You're still related by blood, and that matters." He paused, grabbing the things his mom and Rachel wanted, "So why do you live with another family? I mean, I don't mean to pry, but it just seems a little weird to me that you didn't go with your dad."
"That's a long story." I sighed, standing upright.
"Okay." He nodded a little, "Just wondering." He smiled again, making me feel a lot less weird about it, "And I'm sorry. For Callie. My sister is kind of.. Well, she's really not into the whole family thing. She doesn't get what a big deal this is."
"No, it's okay." I said, "She can run around with Lily all she wants to." He laughed, nodding again, "I'm just glad I don't have to do it."
Dominic was really easy to get along with. Not nearly worth all the worry I'd felt when we'd first gotten here.
"How long are you guys staying?" I asked, looking up at him.
"Uncle Steven is only staying the weekend." He replied, "He has to get back for work. We're staying for awhile. We'll head back on Saturday next week. This was pretty much just a little housewarming thing, or.. Apartment-warming thing." I nodded, "We just wanted to make sure Uncle Chris and Aunt Rachel had everything they needed for their new place. Especially with the baby due so soon."
"That's so nice of you." I pointed out, and he smiled.
"Plus, we'd get to meet you." He added, "It's a win-win."
"I'm not sure that's much of a win." I admitted, "I'm not that easy of a person to know."
"Then you'll fit right in." He chuckled, handing the drinks to Rachel and Clara. He and I sat back down, across the table from Rachel and Clara this time. I took his lead as he dove into the bag of chips sitting there. Grabbing some myself.
It sprinkled rain for a few minutes, but other than that, it didn't rain at all the entire afternoon.
As easy it was to get along with everyone, Steven was my favorite. He was the funniest, and the one with the sense of humor closest to mine.
I didn't trust Anthony much yet, but he was nothing but polite and friendly to me the entire time I was there. There were a few corny jokes, but he couldn't be blamed for those, because they weren't his fault, and they did make a few laugh with how lame they were.
What did the circle say to the triangle? You're pointless. What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands. What do you call a boat with a hole in the bottom? A sink.
They were funny, I had to admit. He seemed to appreciate my appreciation of his jokes. Not many others did.
I even let Steven sit next to me while we ate. Lily to my other side. Jokingly, he kept trying to steal chips from my plate. Just like Emmett had kept trying to steal my food that day. I fixed it by dragging the bag of chips over to him, instead of stabbing him with a plastic fork.
"Problem solved." I laughed.
"Well, if you insist.." He shrugged a little.
"You could have asked."
"What fun is that?" He chuckled, and I rolled my eyes a little. He sighed, "So, you're the one that broke the curse."
"What curse?" I asked. Lily was apparently tired of sitting still and decided to run off.
"Well, before you, our family only had guys." He replied, "Dad only had boys, and his boy had a boy four years before you came around. No girls, and it definitely was a curse, until you came along. Two years after you became the first little female in the family, Clara had a baby girl. Then came Lily two years after her. Now comes the new little girl over there, hogging all her mom's food, despite her efforts." He gestured across the table to Rachel.
I sensed that had been a jab at how often Rachel was munching on something, but even I could understand why. How else was the baby supposed to eat?
"Shove it, Steven." Rachel laughed. She didn't seem offended, which was a good thing. She found the humor in it.
"I've always been a rule-breaker." I explained, replying to Steven. He snorted, choking on the sip of soda he was taking. I couldn't help laughing at his misfortune, as it was pretty funny that I'd caused it.
"Ha." Rachel told him, "Serves you right." Anthony joined in laughing with her.
"Right on." Steven finally grinned, looking over at me once he recovered, "That's the way to be, girl." Shyly, I just looked down again.
"Well, now you've embarrassed the girl." Anthony chuckled, standing up. He took Lily's vacated seat, looking to me, "Don't feel bad. He embarrasses me every time he talks."
"That's not nice, dad." Steven tried to sound as offended as he could.
I fidgeted a little, nervous at how close Anthony was now. I considered ways to get out from between them without them noticing. They were bickering back and forth, so I honestly wondered if they'd notice at all if I slipped away.
I yelped quietly as Anthony suddenly reached over and pulled me onto his lap. I was actually seated more on his leg, but I still didn't appreciate it much. Tensing considerably, I sat at still as I could. I absolutely hated lap sitting, no matter where on the lap I sat. No matter whose lap I was seated on. There was only one person I tolerated it from, and that was Esme. Anthony wasn't Esme, and I didn't appreciate this one bit.
Steven gave his dad one more snide reply before they both chuckled and Steven moved. This seemed normal to Anthony, but then again, it had also seemed normal to Ken. It'd be difficult to move away without hurting his feelings, so I stayed. I didn't want to make him mad somehow by telling him I was deeply, very deeply uncomfortable.
I reminded myself of Zack's pet turtle. If I had a shell to hide away in, I would have. I didn't, however, so I could only sit as still as I could. Stiff, tense.
He seemed to notice, looking at me, "Everything okay?" I didn't know how to answer. I didn't know what to do. Stuck in place by not wanting to offend him, but not wanting to stay.
My dad must not have told him that this was against the rules. I looked across the table to my dad, and he met my eyes. Taking a second, it finally occurred to him what was bothering me so bad.
"Um." He suddenly stood up, "Leandra, can you come over here for a moment?" Instantly, Anthony's arms around me loosened, and I held my breath. I was saved!
I held my sigh of relief back until I was already off Anthony's lap. Rounding the table to follow my dad a few steps away, I let that sigh out.
He kneeled down, giving me a small smile as he spoke quietly, "As much as I want you to be comfortable around the family, I won't make you sit there and deal with that unless you're ready to."
"Thank you." I whimpered quietly, "I hate that."
"I know you do." He nodded a little, "And it's your choice. I just want to tell you again that nobody here would ever hurt you. Least of all my dad."
"I don't know that yet." I threw that last word in for his benefit.
He nodded again, "Then come sit with me. See, affection like that is normal to him. There's nothing wrong with it in his opinion, never imagining someone would use it against the child instead of using it to comfort them. Pulling kids onto his lap is only his way of hugging them while sitting down. He's an affectionate person."
I looked over as Lily willingly took my place on Anthony's lap, grinning contentedly as he wrapped his arms tightly around her, hugging her. Much to her appreciation.
With Lily's example, I didn't feel quite as frightened by the gesture, but I still didn't like it. She could sit there all she wanted. She was obviously used to the seating arrangement, and sat there happily.
"He'd never, ever dream of hurting any of his family, much less his grandchildren." My dad assured me, "I'm hoping one day you'll see that."
"Me too." I admitted quietly, "Just.. Don't tell him. I don't want him to feel bad. If that's normal to him, it's not his fault that I hate it." He smiled again, giving a small nod.
"I won't say a word." He replied, and I nodded this time.
I was glad he seemed to understand.
"Come on." He murmured. Standing up again, he led me back to the table. There was just enough room between him and Dominic for me to fit. I paused to grab my plate before sitting down with a sigh. I wasn't done eating.
The evening went smoother from there, and it started to get chilly, so I stuck close to my dad's side for warmth. He didn't seem to mind that, resting his arm around my shoulders.
Oddly, I didn't want today to end, but that had happened. Before I even knew it, everyone was ready to head back to the hotel and the goodbyes had to start. The one that bothered me, though, was Steven. I knew I probably wouldn't see him again before he left. Anthony was heading back with him, and I tried not to be relieved by that. He really was nice. It wasn't for lack of trying on his part that I still didn't trust him.
Anthony talked to me for a few solid minutes while Steven got things together, letting me know again how great it was to finally meet me. How beautiful I was, and how wonderful of a person I was. From him, it didn't bother me to hear. He meant every word he said.
Steven told me to remain a rule-breaker, and I allowed a hug from both of them before they both left.
Lily wanted Callie to spend the night, so Rachel would be taking them both back to the apartment with her, and Dominic would be returning to the hotel with Rich and Clara. My dad would be the one to take me home.
My dad looked over at me as he pulled to a stop in front of the house, giving me a smile.
"So." He spoke, "What did you think? Any regrets?"
"No." I laughed a little, "No regrets. Everyone was so nice."
"What'd you expect?" He chuckled, "A family of trolls?"
"Maybe." I shrugged a little. He shook his head, opening his door and I followed. Esme and Carlisle met us both at the door.
"I can't stay long." My dad said as we stepped inside, "Rachel's back home with two little girls. I don't want to come home to bloodshed." I laughed a little, "I have a strong feeling she's not going to make it to mid May before the baby's here. She's been such a trooper."
"How did it go?" Esme asked us, hugging me into her side as I hugged her. I'd missed her.
"It went very well." My dad sighed, sitting on the edge of the couch, "I think she finally understands where she gets most of her personality from." He looked to me, "I'm so sorry." I laughed again.
"I'm glad it went so well." Esme smiled.
"I promised to bring her back in one piece." My dad chuckled, "Even if Steven almost lost a finger."
"He shouldn't have tried to steal my chips." I countered, but smiled, "Tell Steven I like him." It was his turn to smirk, "I mean, I liked everyone, but him the most."
"I will." He replied, "Even if I don't think he needs his ego boosted any. He's definitely the favorite Uncle. I think it's because he's closest to the kids' age."
"How old is he?" I asked, curious. I'd wondered about that.
"He was seventeen when you were born." He answered, "Just a kid himself." I nodded a little, "This won't be the last time you see them, Leandra. I can pretty much guarantee that." I nodded a little and he smiled at me, "You made quite the impression."
"I do that a lot." I replied, laughing once more.
"I'm glad you had a good time today, sweetie." He sighed.
After a short recount of the day, including the very uncomfortable thirty seconds on Anthony's lap and my dad heroically saving me, he had to leave. He lived in town, though, so it wasn't nearly that far of a drive for him anymore. Maybe twenty minutes, if that. I didn't worry as much about him getting home safely.
I'd gone through with it, so it was Emmett's turn to pay up. I wanted to get there before my tooth had a chance to fall out on its own. It was getting there, having had a week to hang on. Unfortunately, I didn't see him that night, and I didn't get a chance to talk to him about it the next morning, as the living room was empty. He must have been upstairs.
It was almost rare these days to find the living room empty. The usually on TV was currently off, the house almost silent.
"I smell food." I muttered to myself, as a way to make some sort of sound. I sighed, turning and heading for the kitchen. Sure enough, Esme had finally chosen right in deciding to make something for me to eat.
To my surprise, though, Carlisle was in the kitchen with Esme. Talking, but falling quiet, looking over as I paused in the doorway. Esme smiled a little, so I knew I wasn't unwelcome, but I still felt bad for interrupting whatever they were talking about. No doubt it was about me, as that seemed to be a popular topic these days.
"Sorry." I mumbled, turning to leave again.
"Leandra?" Carlisle called, and I paused, "Can I speak with you a minute?" That was a surprise.
"What'd I do?" I asked hesitantly. It was also pretty rare these days for Carlisle to want to talk to me, other than a word or two now and then. Every other time, he seemed too busy worrying about stuff. It had only been a few weeks since the Ms. Parker incident, but it felt a whole lot longer than that, just by how stressed he'd been.
"You haven't done anything wrong." He replied, but I frowned a little. What else could it be?
"What's wrong?" I started to really worry now, "Is Alyssa okay? Did something happen?"
"Nothing happened." He assured me, "She's fine. That's not what this is about." Too relieved now to hesitate much more, I turned and sat down in the closest seat at the counter. Seeing my cooperation, Carlisle moved forward. Taking the open seat beside me with a sigh.
"There are a few things I wanted to address." He said, "I'd like to start with the worry you have about allowing yourself to get too close to your father."
I looked down.
"Edward told you?" I asked. I couldn't exactly blame him for doing so, especially how upset Carlisle seemed to get when someone kept something from him regarding me, but it bugged me. He said he wouldn't.
"No." Carlisle replied, "It wasn't difficult to figure out, but I did want to say that Edward was right. No one would do that to you. There would be no reason to force you to live somewhere that you don't want to be."
"Why wouldn't you?" I asked, hesitantly looking back up, "It'd be so much easier on you to just give me to him."
"Multiple reasons." He answered, "For one, it wouldn't be easier on anyone. It wouldn't be nearly as easy to protect you there. It may be safer for you to live with him, among other humans, but in every other aspect, it's far more dangerous for all involved." I waited, watching him. He had more to say, and at that moment, I didn't know what to say. So I stayed quiet.
"Second," He went on, "You've made your preference very clear, and you know living with your father is an option should you ever change your mind, but we're not going to go against your wishes that way. Forcing you to live with your father like that would go against everything we've been trying for, and that's to teach you to trust again.
"Of course. Of course the option is there whenever you want it. I don't want you to feel like you have to hold yourself back from getting to know your biological family, purely because you think you'll be forced to live with them if you do. I just don't know where that worry might have come from."
"I don't want you to give up on me." I mumbled in answer before I could stop myself, "I-I know I don't deserve it, but you've tried harder for me than anyone else ever has."
That was normally something I never would have let myself admit, because to me, admitting it seemed to make it too easy for whatever I worried about to happen.
"That's not going to happen." He told me, "I've never given up on anything in my life, and I truly don't intend to start now." I wanted so bad to believe him, but it was so hard. I didn't want him to know that, so I just nodded. I doubted he believed that, but he didn't comment on it.
"On that note, there is one more thing I wanted to talk to you about." He said, and it seemed like he was hesitant. I waited again, a little nervous at how he paused. Like he wasn't sure if he wanted to say what he wanted to say. I frowned a little, clearly hearing the hesitancy in his voice.
"Are you sure I didn't do anything?" I asked, "Because whatever it is-"
"You haven't done anything wrong." He assured me once more, and though I bit my lip, I stayed quiet again.
He'd tell me if I was in trouble, right? He wouldn't lie to me like that for no reason.
"Leandra, I know how hard it is for you to believe, but to us, you are a part of this family." He began, "And believe me, when we first met you, I never thought it'd be possible to care about someone so much so quickly. I don't know what happened last time," Meaning back in the vision I'd had, I gathered, "But I know what I want to happen this time."
I frowned a little more, confused. Glancing up at Esme, she only smiled, silently telling me that it was okay. She was obviously in on it, knowing what he was getting at, but I was still lost.
"I don't ever want anyone to question where you belong again." He said, bringing my attention back to him, "Least of all, you. As big of a part of this family as you are, there's only one choice." He glanced to Esme as well when I didn't say anything, "We were going to wait, just to avoid overwhelming you, but we've decided that the sooner this goes through, the better."
"I'm confused." I mumbled.
"From the beginning, you've made your preference very clear, and the day you were nearly taken.." He trailed off, "Leandra, it hurt us." I looked down. Emmett had mentioned that part. He'd mentioned how bad it bothered everyone else. That was still a little hard for me to believe it could bother them any more than it bothered me.
"Me too." I murmured, finally admitting that, "It wasn't just being scared that made me fight so hard to stay. I didn't want to go anywhere, so I would have fought like that no matter who it was."
"We understand that, sweetie." Esme spoke quietly.
"It really made us realize just how precious and priceless you are to us," Carlisle went on, "And that is something we never want to have to worry about again. It really made me rethink priorities. The answer was always so clear. We want to know, and we want you to know that no matter what happens, you're here to stay."
"How?" I asked, still confused, "I mean, how can you keep that from happening? What they say goes. If they ever make me leave for real, I have to go. That's just how it works." I wasn't getting it, "No matter how much I don't want to."
"We'd like to know how you'd feel about being adopted." Carlisle finally told me, and for a second, I could just sit there, "Officially."
I knew what the word meant, but for a moment, it didn't register to me. As 'special' as my ability supposedly was, how did things like this keep catching me off guard?
Adopted? Meaning, I would be theirs. I'd be theirs. Officially their problem. Nobody could take me away, or pull me away from them again. That's what he was saying. He was offering peace of mind, as well as something even bigger.
He was offering a whole lot more than just signing some paperwork. He just couldn't know what he was offering. The weight, the main worry would be gone. They wouldn't be able to just give me away. They couldn't give up on me. That would be the proof I'd been needing. I didn't want to say that, but it was true.
Nobody could take me away again. Nobody could even try.
I still couldn't speak yet, so he continued, "We've already looked into it, and all that's left are the two steps to finalize it." Before he even finished saying the last word, I stood and hugged him where he sat. He returned it, gently of course, but enough to let me know he was there.
I couldn't believe it. I really couldn't.
"You still want me?" I had to ask, nearly in tears.
"Of course we do." He answered before Esme could, "Why wouldn't we?"
"W-What about all the stuff I did wrong?" I asked, pulling back, "All the things I've done, all the things I've said? All the problems I cause?" Why was I trying to talk him out of this? Maybe because he deserved better. He didn't know what he was asking. He didn't know what it would mean. He couldn't. If he knew what it would mean, there's no way he'd even consider it.
"You had absolutely no fault in that." He replied, hugging me again, "You're still learning how to be human, Leandra. Being treated as less than human for so much of your life tends to leave its mark, and you're learning how to change."
"I know." I told him, "But that doesn't fix me."
"You're not broken." He countered, "You never have been. I think now, more than ever, you need to know someone will always be there. No matter what happens." I couldn't keep arguing. Why keep trying to change his mind? Because I cared about him. I didn't want him stuck with me for however long I was with them.
I just couldn't believe he could know what this would mean. For me, and for them.
But then I thought about it. He'd probably gone over this extensively since the idea first came to him. Every little detail probably multiple times, just to be completely sure he'd want to go through with it.
He knew the risks, and he knew I knew the risks. The permanent solution that would ensure a whole lot more than an official change in my last name. I'd belong somewhere. I wouldn't be stuck in the middle anymore. The uncertainty, the worry of where I'd be if they got sick of me would be gone.
"Please." I squeezed breathless tears from my eyes, "Tell me this isn't a dream." I wasn't even sure why I wondered that. I hadn't even considered this solution. I'd lived here until now accepting the fact that I would have to leave someday. I had no idea that this was even an option. So much more than anything I'd expected, so why was I wondering if this was a dream?
"No." He said, "It's not." I could only let out sobs now.
I suddenly began to understand where my vision led. The original vision that had led me to them in the first place. This must have been why I considered, without a doubt knowing they were my family. Because they had been.
He wasn't just offering me a permanent home, and a family, but he was returning to me what I had before. He was giving me what I'd hated waking up from. Especially when he didn't have to. He was giving me so much more than I could ever dream of repaying him for.
I could never repay him. For as long as I lived, I would never be able to give him anything near the amount that he was offering to give me. He just didn't know.
I couldn't speak. I couldn't calm down.
"I'm taking this as a yes?" Esme laughed quietly from the side. Enthusiastically, I nodded. Slowly, Carlisle stood, carefully lifting me with him. Knowing I was getting tired of standing in my emotion.
"Our only regret, Leandra, is that we haven't done this sooner." Esme added.
"How could you want me?" I cried, looking to her, "I'm nothing."
"Because you don't see how untrue that is." She replied, "You just can't see your own worth. I don't trust anyone else to help you change that way of thinking. I don't trust anyone else enough with your long-term safety and well-being to ever let you go."
"Then don't." I whimpered, shaking my head, "I don't want you to let me go." And it was true.
All I'd ever wanted was to know that I was wanted. In some way cared about. I'd gotten that here from the day I arrived, and though I was still trying to get used to that, I was so afraid of having that taken from me, desperate to keep it, I'd been too scared to let myself completely rely on it. Expecting them to change their minds at any moment.
This was the solution I needed. If Carlisle and Esme adopted me, they couldn't change their minds. They had to keep me. This was the way I knew they were serious. They meant what they said when they told me how much they cared about me. The same things I'd been so reluctant to believe before, they were willing to prove.
Then I thought about it. This must have been one of the things that Carlisle had been so focused on this whole time. What had been keeping him so distracted. It was obviously a very lengthy process, taking weeks of his time. I knew that wasn't the only thing keeping his focus, but it was such a big thing in itself.
Why had he been hesitant to bring it up? Maybe because it seemed like it was too soon. Like he worried I'd believe that he wasn't sincere about it, since it was in the middle of a huge threat like Jack. Like he was just trying to make me feel better, but I knew better than to believe that. I didn't doubt him now. I couldn't let myself doubt his sincerity. I needed to believe in what he said, because it was the one way I knew how to get out from under all the worry.
Or maybe he was worried I'd be confused about what I wanted, having just met my real family. I wasn't in the slightest bit confused. I knew what I wanted, and I wanted to stay where I knew I was wanted. I wanted to stay with the ones that went so very far out of their way, and not to mention their comfort zone, just to help someone like me when I so desperately needed it.
Sure, I liked my real family. They were cool, and sure I liked them, but they hadn't proven themselves near as much as Carlisle had proven himself. Not even close. No contest whatsoever.
"What about the others?" I found myself asking.
"I'm fairly sure they would have been upset had I not come to this conclusion." Carlisle answered.
"It was unanimous." Esme laughed a little.
"But-"
"They've grown accustomed to how things are." She knew I was still worried about it, "I don't think they'd vote against this just to go back to how things were before. I know I wouldn't trade this outcome for anything in the world." I smiled a little, looking down and clearing the tears from my cheeks as subtly as I could.
Even after all I'd done and all the problems I'd caused, they still wanted this. That told me more than my over-worried mind ever could.
"I just needed to be sure." Carlisle told me, and I looked to him again, "I needed to be sure that this was something that you'd want before I moved forward with it."
As many things as I wanted to say, and as many ways there was to reply, all I could do was nod. There were so many things spinning through my dizzy mind, but there wasn't an unsure bit in me. Of course this was something I wanted. Now that I knew this was not only an option, but so close to happening, I wanted it so bad I couldn't breathe.
I had to wonder, though. Why would he be unsure about whether or not I'd want it? Had I made him question whether or not I wanted to stay there? While trying so hard to prove that this was where I wanted to stay, I could see how he'd question if I was sincere.
I looked over as Emmett stepped into the room. Which reminded me of what had held my focus just a little while before.
"Your turn." I told Emmett, dropping to my feet, "I held up my end of the deal."
"What deal?" Carlisle asked.
"Emmett said that if I went with my dad to meet his side of the family, he'd take me to see Alyssa." I answered before Emmett could, "He promised."
"And I'm going to keep that promise." Emmett chuckled, "Just not right this second. We'll go tonight, okay?"
"That's quite a distance." Esme frowned a little, "You intend to carry her?"
"It's the fastest way." He replied, "I think she'll be fine."
"Just be careful." Esme murmured, "She doesn't have much experience travelling that way." Her cautious tone suddenly meant more than it did before.
"Meaning," Emmett translated, "She might puke."
"I didn't throw up before." I reasoned.
"You've never been carried almost three-thousand miles at once." Emmett replied, "Three-thousand miles is a whole lot different than fifty feet, shorty."
"I think I'll live." I muttered, "How different can it be?"
"You're in for a surprise." He chuckled, "So how'd it go yesterday?" Meaning, with my family. I hadn't filled him in yet.
"Weird." I replied, "I mean, it was okay, but so weird."
"And you're sure you won't want to choose them over us?" He asked with a smirk.
"Positive." I replied, "I think if I'd met them before, like when I was younger, it might be different, but not now. I learned some more things, though."
"Like?" He prompted, watching me sit back down.
"Well," I sighed, "Like.. I look more like my grandma than my dad. I guess she died when my dad was a kid, and his dad raised them on his own, but I look like her."
"That's pretty cool." He replied.
"And I learned that before me, there weren't any girls." I added, "I was the first girl. Then came Callie two years after me, then Lily, and now the new baby."
"Trend-setter." He chuckled, and I laughed a little, shrugging.
"It was just so weird." I went on, "Seeing all those people I'm supposed to be related to, and not knowing a thing about them. They're all so close."
"And you don't want to be part of that?"
"Not really." I shook my head, "Like I said. I think it's too late. I don't hate them. I mean, they're nice enough. I just don't think I fit there."
"That's reasonable." He nodded a little, "Well, I won't say that I'm not happy about that. That just means we get to keep you."
"Emmett." Esme laughed a little, but tried to scold him at the same time. I could see why she's want to scold him. It was a little insensitive of him to say that, but I didn't mind it.
My dad actually made an appearance that afternoon, surprisingly bringing Steven and Anthony along with him. I didn't exactly mind that they were here. Just surprised. I thought sure I wouldn't see them before they left.
"They wanted to see you one more time before they had to leave." My dad explained, chuckling a little at my confusion. I looked over, watching Steven introducing himself to the rest of my family. It was still strange, looking at him. Seeing him here. I'd just been getting used to seeing my dad around here. Now these two?
"I think it was more about wanting to see who was taking care of his niece." Anthony added with his own chuckle.
"That too." My dad replied. That certainly seemed to be the case, as he seemed to be paying more attention to my family than me at the moment.
That reminded me. I wondered briefly if my dad knew about the arrangements Carlisle was making. That suddenly made me nervous. Would my dad be mad at me? Would he not like me anymore for choosing to stay where I was in a more permanent way?
Hesitantly, I moved away with a quiet, "I'll be right back."
I stepped over to Esme's side, looking up at her.
"Does he know?" I asked her hesitantly, and she glanced to Carlisle.
"He knows." Carlisle replied for her, "I spoke with him first, before taking any steps." Meaning, weeks ago, "His only request was that he still be allowed in your life." That made me feel better. I looked back at my dad where he stood now in mid conversation with Emmett and Steven.
He already knew, and obviously supported it. At very least, he didn't hate me for it. He never even let on that he knew anything about it, which was probably how it was such a big surprise to me.
Everything he'd said to me and done for me lately had only been for me. Not because he was trying to win me over or change my mind.
"Yeah," I said, "I'd still want him in my life."
"Then that's what matters." Carlisle replied, "He only wants what's best for you, and he only wants you to be happy. He wasn't disappointed, Leandra, if that's what you're worried about. He understands the situation completely."
I sighed a little, nodding.
"If you ever grow to change your mind," Carlisle added, "And decide that you'd rather go with your father one day, then that can be arranged too. This isn't permanent. It can be changed if you need it to be."
"I don't want it to be changed." I replied quietly, looking up at him.
"I know." He assured me, "I'd just like you to keep it in mind." I nodded again. As if to prove my point, I hugged Esme's side, which she easily returned. I preferred it this way, actually. This way, I got what I wanted. I got to stay with my family, but I also got to keep my dad without being forced to live with him.
This was acceptable. Somehow, even with the threat of Jack out there, pieces of my life were just starting to fall into place, and things were starting to look up.
A/N: I know this took forever, but the chapter changed on me. :/
I'm not the biggest fan of the moment that chapters decide to change their mind, but here it is! :D
And yay for familiar! Finally, a familiar part. I was so happy when I found a place for that. :)
THANK YOU! To my awesome reviewers! :D THANK YOU! HUGE THANK YOU! THAAAANK YOOOOU!
Chapter Five, we'll be moving on. Hopefully. Unless that one decides to change too. Then I'll be a little irritated, but I'd rather it be right than easy. ;)
Until Five, my friends!