Sorry if there is any typos!
Emily woke up to a spinning head and the stale smell of alcohol encircling her body. She grimaced at the smell whilst trying to find some kind of stability in order to drag her body out of her bed. She squinted her eyes open, taking in the familiar surroundings of her bedroom. How the hell did she get here? The last thing she can remember was skipping school and getting vodka before the bonfire.
"Shit," she mumbled, opening her eyes fully so she could search for her phone. She must have slept through the bonfire. "Spencer is going to fucking kill me," she groaned, gripping her forehead in order to control the throbbing pain as she hoisted herself up out of bed. She fumbled around on the floor searching for her Sharks varsity jacket in order to locate her cell phone. She grabbed the jacket, reaching her hand into the pocket to pull out her cell phone. As she pulled it out, an empty hip flask also fell out.
"Crap," she gasped in horror, the sudden realization of what actually happened last night dawning on her. She quickly grabbed her phone, her lock screen illuminating with 12 new messages, 3 new voice mails and a whole load of Instagram notifications. She went straight to the 2 voicemails from Hanna and the one from Spencer:
Hanna – 21.45pm: "Emily I swear to God you do anything stupid and you can kiss good bye to our friendship."
Spencer – 22.23pm: "Emily please will you and your drunken ass check in with us?! I promised your mom that I wouldn't let anything like this happen to you again."
Hanna – 23.56pm: "Hey Em, it's me again. I'm sorry for being harsh in the last voice mail it was really insensitive of me. I have no idea what you're going through Em but just know that I will always be here for you. Through anything. You're stronger than this Em, I know you are. Just….stay safe. I love you."
A small tear trickled down Emily's cheek at the sound of Hanna's despaired voice cracking towards the end of her message. She knew she had let everybody down – again – and this time she wasn't sure how she was going to fix it. Emily knew that last night's antics were a one off "slip" but for those who had experienced the last year with her will probably assume it is a relapse. They would assume she's dealing will anxiety and depression again – the complete opposite to the actual reason.
She chuckled darkly to herself. Who would ever guess that the reason all this shit started again was because she had a stupid crush on her new English teacher. Well, that definitely isn't the only reason but it has definitely being the catalyst.
She squinted her eyes at the bright morning sun shining through the kitchen window as she rounded the door. Her eyes focused on the two bodies sat at the breakfast bar; one was definitely her mom but the other was masculine – definitely a man.
Her mom coughed, clearing her throat whilst nodding towards her daughter. The other body slowly turned, a small smile of sympathy on their face.
"Dad?" Emily questioned, not sure whether her banging headache and killer hangover were causing her to have hallucinations.
"Hey Emmy." His voice was quiet, sad, disappointed...
"W-Wh-What are you doing here?"
"I did come to surprise you but it looks like you're the one full of surprises."
Emily gave a tight-lipped smile and there was an awkward silence around the kitchen.
"Emily, we are sending you back to Sunny Hill." Emily took in a deep breath at her mother's sudden outburst. Those were words she thought she would never hear again.
"No. No. You can't do that!"
"Emily, it's happening again."
"No it's not! One night I decided to just let loose and have fun and you all assume the worst."
"Look at you sweetheart. It's okay we can get you the help you need again." Pam stood from her stool and made her way over to her daughter.
"No. You just want to have a perfect little daughter who is into make-up and frilly dresses and cheer leading and boys."
"Emmy, calm down. I don't care if you are interested in cheer leading or the cheerleaders," he smiled, "I just want you to be happy."
"Great because sending me back off to Sunny Hill Sober Camp is really going to make me happy!" she spat, shaking her head and making her way into the living room. She went straight towards the alcohol cabinet and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. "Might as well make the most of it. Cheers." She held up the bottle towards her parents before taking a large gulp.
"Emily stop please!" Pam begged, trying to get the bottle out of her daughter's hands.
"I'm going to leave now so your extremely imperfect daughter is not causing you anymore embarrassment. I'm sorry I'm not who you wanted me to be."
| 2 hours later |
She found herself sitting on a bench overlooking the lake in the local park. It wasn't a particularly nice day; there was a harsh breeze that cut through the trees and the sky was grey with the likelihood of rain. The bottle of whiskey was now half empty on the floor as Emily stared out over the lake. She watched the runners, dog walkers, families and kids walk by, completely unaware of the pain she feels. To them she is just another person, out enjoying the last remains of summer before the cool fall weather makes its permanent mark.
Deep in thought, she was completely unaware of the tears falling down her cheeks or the dog that was nuzzling at her leg. "Hey buddy," she smiled, reaching down to move the bottle of whiskey from off of the floor so the very excitable animal doesn't knock it over.
"Sorry, he loves it when other people gives him attention." A voice called from behind her. A voice that caused the hairs on the back of her neck to rise. "Emily?" The voice said in confusion.
"Hi Miss D," Emily said quietly. Alison sat down next to her student, noticing the bottle in her hand.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I think I'm going to get sick of talking about it." The blonde gave her a look which caused her to carry on. "I'm being sent back to sober camp." The blonde nodded, not really sure on how to take the conversation forward. Counselling her students was not yet something she had mastered or practiced.
"Is that something you want?"
"When is it ever about what I want? It's never about me."
"What do you mean?"
"It's always about how I'll look to other people. How it will make my family look or my friends. That's the hardest part. Not only pretending that I'm okay so no one really knows there's something wrong, but knowing that no one ever really cares."
"Emily I'm sure – "
" – Sometimes when someone asks if I'm okay and I say I'm fine, I just want them to turn around and say 'I know you Emily and I know you're not.'" The brunette had tears freely falling down her cheeks and Alison reached out to take her hands in her own.
"People not knowing you're not okay doesn't mean they don't care, it means you're being strong."
"I'm not strong, look at me." She let out a laugh.
"I have no idea what you have been through or what you are going through but I know you are being strong."
"I was strong, before, I had to be to get myself out of that stupid sober camp. On the outside people may think that but inside..." She turned to look at her teacher, who had tears of her own, "…everything is a war. Every thought, every memory, every decision. It's all a battle that I don't think I'm winning anymore. I don't think I was every winning." She broke the gaze and looked down at her hands.
"Emily, please. Don't think like that. Just because you're not winning now doesn't mean you can't. My mom was an alcoholic. Her ex-husband used to abuse her and he forced her to drink and do drugs. One day she over dosed and nearly died but after a liver transplant she found the strength to go to the police and look at her now. She is re-married, has a great job and she has me and my brother."
"I'm glad she's happy."
"You can be too, you just need to face your problems and deal with them. Do something about them. I can help you."
"I don't even know what the problem is anymore. I say it's Maya's death but it isn't. I know her death wasn't my fault because I found a suicide note when I came back from sober camp saying she only used me for the money and that she was sorry. That bitch can rot in hell for all I care."
Alison raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Then what is it?"
"I don't know. I guess I just feel like a huge disappointment to everyone."
"Who's everyone?"
"My parents. With my dad being away it's always just been me and mom. We used to be so close but ever since I came out everything has been different. You could see the disappointment, she practically disowned me. I didn't want to disappoint them anymore so I put everything into swimming to try and get on the Olympic team like they wanted. But after last year I've screwed that and basically screwed my life. I've just been a huge disappointment."
"Maybe you should talk to your parents about this. Nothing is going to change unless they know what is going on."
"I've tried to tell them but like I said no one cares about what I feel."
"I'm sure that isn't true. Why don't you talk to a shrink with your parents to discuss everything?"
"There's no point it won't work."
"You can only try."
"Thank you, for listening to me."
"I'm here if you ever need to talk. Not just as a teacher but as a friend. Even if you think no one else does, please know that I care Emily."
"I know, thank you."
"And maybe try getting how you feel down on paper to give to your parents, as your English teacher I know you are good with words."
"I will." Emily smiled a sincere smile for what felt the first time in days.
"I'll take this. It will get better I promise. Sometimes it's okay not to be strong." She picked up the bottle from on the floor before taking the brunette's hand in her own and pulled her up off the bench.
"Thank you, again."
"Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something Emily. Like swimming, I saw you get that captain place and you are nothing short of an Olympic swimmer. In fact, you're a mermaid."
"I don't think I'm quite a mermaid but being a mermaid sounds good."
"What was it Sebastian said? 'Life unda da sea, is betta dan any ting dey got up der'" Alison mimicked causing Emily to laugh.
"One of the many reasons it is my favorite film."
"Think of Ariel as a metaphor, she wanted a life which wasn't her own because she didn't think hers was perfect but being a mermaid was who she was. Don't be or try to be someone you not. Your life may not be perfect but there is always someone out there with worse. You have two living parents who do love you Emily."
"How did we end up talking about metaphors?" She laughed.
"I'm an English teacher, it's my forte." She smiled. "You can get through this, I believe in you."
"I know," Emily nodded as her teacher placed her dog back on his lead.
"Bye mermaid," she winked, leaving Emily stood by the bench watching her silhouette disappear into the trees.
A/N: Did you guys like it? I know it was quite dark but i thought it was really important to get to grips with what is going on in poor Em's head. The next chapter will have a little 1 month time jump and i will start to explore more into Ali's life and story but it's going to start moving towards their epic love affair ;) Please let me know what you thought about this chapter! It was a tough one to write and therefore you're opinion would mean the world :)