D is for Dates.

John had always prided himself on being a brave man, the type of man people could count on, courageous and reliable, the type of man who would keep a cool head under intense situations. John's career in bravery began at the tender age of six, when he stood up to some older kids in the park, who were trying to steal his penny sweets. John, who had been saving up all week to buy a bag of fizzy coca cola bottles and sugar mice, wasn't having any of it. He did an impression of his father's stern voice, the one he used whenever Harry or him refused to have a bath, or eat their greens, or go to bed, and standing as tall as he could, told those bullies to go and pick on someone their own size, when this didn't work he hit them as hard as he could on the nose, and John was never bothered again. So from this day onwards, John was brave, heck he even invaded Afghanistan, not alone admittedly, but it was still a bloody brave thing to do. However, there was one situation where all of John's bravery left him, where he turned into a mass of wobbly knees and sweaty palms, and that was taking Sherlock Holmes on a date.

It was a few days after what John would forever call 'the naked twister incident' where John sprung the idea of dating to a rather bemused Sherlock. They were still in that complicated, worrisome time where a relationship was new, so brand spanking new in fact that neither was sure if they were even in a relationship.

'And what do we have to do, on this date' Sherlock raised an eyebrow.

'I told you Sherlock, a date is where two people who like each other go out and have fun'

'So, you like me then?' Sherlock raised another eyebrow.

'Sherlock I pushed my tongue down your throat then let you wank me off, I think we have gone past simply liking each other.'

And so Sherlock Holmes and John Watson went on their first date, and it was a total, unmitigated disaster.

Sarah had been raving about this new French thriller that had just come out at their local cinema so John, being the eternal optimist, decided to take Sherlock along. Everything was going rather well, they bought their tickets and some popcorn, clearly Sarah had told half of London how good this film was because the cinema was packed, but they found two seats with a good view of the screen, Sherlock was quiet during the adverts and the trailers. Everything was going so well, John should have known that it would never last.

John sat engrossed in the film, Sarah was right, it was amazing, the only noise came from the occasional rustling of popcorn. Then John felt something hit his cheek, then another something landed on the back of his neck and fell down his shirt.

'Sherlock are you throwing popcorn at me'

'Bored' He threw another puffed piece of corn, this time hitting John on the nose.

'I'm trying to watch the film' He hissed as quietly as he could, trying not to disturb the people around him.

'Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh' He heard a few voices hiss at him.

'Oh come on John, it's obvious his girlfriend is on the side of the bad guys, she is working as a mole and the password is the nursery rhyme he was singing to his son' John sighed, a few people in ear shot groaned, obviously annoyed that Sherlock had ruined the big twist for them as well.

'Thanks for ruining the film for me Sherlock'

'Good, means I can now have your full attention' He grabbed the back of John's neck and then placed a kiss on John's lips. John's lips were slippery from all the popcorn he had consumed and Sherlock quite enjoyed the taste, licking the salt of John's lips with his tongue.

John quickly lost interest in what was going on, on screen, 'how dare Sherlock have this effect on me he thought, 'I'm a grown man and here I am snogging in a darkened cinema like some teenager'. He bit his tongue and tried to hide the moan that was threatening to escape his lips. Sherlock continued his assault, tracing kisses along John's jaw and then nibbling at the soft exposed skin on John's neck.

'mmmm' John moaned slightly.

'Shhhhhh' Was the cinema's response.

Sherlock was only encouraged, even though the cinema was dark he could sense John's flushed face. John felt a hand begin to stroke the inside of his thigh. The hand crept upwards until it reached the waistband of John boxers, then followed the line of the elastic, John began to breathe heavily, Sherlock still nibbling at John's neck expertly and as quietly as he could undid John's belt and trouser buttons. John could only beg for some sort of mercy as Sherlock cupped him then expertly began to stroke him. He pushed his hand into his mouth and bit down on his thumb, hoping he wouldn't cry out in public.

John was in ecstasy, despite this being so, so wrong, he couldn't help but feel excited, Sherlock continued to stroke him, harder and harder, John instinctively began to arch his back, he was close, he was going to tip over the edge soon he knew it.

Or at least he would have if at that moment an usher didn't shine a light in their faces and bark in a stern voice

'We've been getting some complaints about you two' They were kicked out, in front of everyone, luckily John managed to find enough time to do his trousers back up, and banned from the cinema. John had never been so embarrassed in his whole life. He vowed never to take Sherlock to the cinema again.

John was never one for giving up, so for their next date he decided to take Sherlock to a new restaurant that had opened a few streets away from their flat, it promised an authentic Italian menu. It was a Friday night so the place was pretty busy, John and Sherlock were shown to their table and each handed a menus. John ordered some red wine. He began to nibble on a breadstick as he flicked through the list of main courses.

'Are you actually going to eat something' he asked Sherlock as the waitress arrived with their wines.

'That depends, what will you offer me in return'

'Are you bribing me?' John protested

'Perhaps' Jon was about to argue back, you cannot bribe someone with starvation, but hearing a faint cry from Sherlock's stomach, he admitted defeat.

'Ok Sherlock, what do you want' Sherlock smiled.

'I will eat something if you promise to make that really adorable squeaking sound when you next come'

John, would had chosen the wrong moment to take a swig on wine, immediately began to choke.

'Sherlock not in public! Someone might hear us' He blushed, he didn't squeak when he came? Did he?

Sherlock waved an arm 'Oh don't worry John, these people are far worse than us,' he leaned over to a couple sitting at a table on the right 'Excuse me sir but are you aware that your wife is having an affair and is not sure if the baby she is carrying is yours?' Before he even let that sink in he turned to another couple sitting at a table on their left.

'This man here John is gay and is about to come out to his mum.' The man immediately went bright red and the mother covered her mouth with her hand.

'Good gracious, Thomas is this true?'

'Sorry mother, you were not supposed to find out this way, I say, how dare you!' The man scolded Sherlock.

'Oh don't worry, John here has recently come out and he is having a wonderful time, aren't you John' He felt the entire restaurants eyes on him and began to wish the ground would swallow him whole. He tried to hide face in his menu.

Sherlock flicked through the menu again and then stood up grabbing his coat.

'Come on John we are leaving, this place has mice in the kitchen'

John wondered what he was doing wrong, dating someone should not be this hard. He wondered if he was putting too much pressure on Sherlock, so decided for their next date to do something simple. He took Sherlock for a stroll around the park. It was early spring so the park was beginning to burst into life, walking hand in hand through the park John felt he could skip, John Watson was a happy man.

His happiness lasted less than twenty minutes. They passed a lake and a swan who stood in the middle of the path, blocking the men from continuing their journey forwards. At first John though nothing of it, he tried to cross the swan, but the bird was having none of it. It started to beat it's wings and hiss at Sherlock, who like the brave man he was, ran away, the swan running after him continuing to flap it wings and occasionally bite at the air around Sherlock's heels.

'John, save me John' Sherlock cried

Sherlock didn't look back till he was safely inside 221B.

John tossed and turned in his bed that night, surely dating someone shouldn't be this bloody hard, even if he was going on dates with Sherlock Holmes. Then an idea came into his mind, he suddenly realised where he was going wrong, and he knew now exactly how to date one Sherlock Holmes.

'Where are you taking me now?'

'It's a surprise'

'I don't like surprises John'

'You will like this one'

The taxi driver dropped them of outside a house just off Clapham Common. Sherlock's heart leapt when he saw a roll of police tape cornering off the area.

'I realised that I was trying to take on all these conventional dates, cinema, dinner walk in the park, it's what normal couples do, but we are not a normal couple, so I decided that I needed to arrange a Sherlock friendly date, sent a text to Lestrade asking if he had any cases and here we are'

Sherlock beamed at his boyfriend 'John, you arranged a date at a crime scene?' John nodded and Sherlock punched the air, flinging his arms around the smaller man in a big bear hug.

'Put him down Sherlock' Came a voice behind him, it was Lestrade 'We need you, male, 35 years old, possible suicide except he didn't leave a note and showed no signs of depression.'

Sherlock grabbed John's hand and led him inside. During their 'date' they laughed, joked, talked about everything and anything, shared stories, all while Sherlock was pacing around the house, making deductions and generally being his usual, brilliant self.

It was the best date John had ever had.

I would love to hear any suggestions for E. Reviews are love. xxxxxxx