Chapter Four: Headhunters
I lied down sideways on the armchair while Emil sat leaning on it on the ground watching Ducktective. In my hand, I held above me a can of beans.
"You know the cost of this adventure, right?" I asked the can of beans. I then said in a lower voice, pretending to be someone else, "Yes. I do… My life."
Glancing at Emil, I saw him staring at me with a look of bewilderment. "Why're you talking to a can of beans?"
I set the can down on the ground, laughing. "I was bored! Can't a person talk to themselves or inanimate objects once in a while?"
"Hm, I guess so," Emil shrugged. "You're weird."
I whacked him in the back of the head and huffed, "C'mon! I like to think that I'm unique!"
"Just like everyone else," Emil added with a grin.
He began laughing loudly, smacking his leg several times. I tried to glare at him, but ended up bursting into laughter too when he began trying to explain why what he said was funny.
"It's funny…snrk, because it contradicts you! Unique…just like everyone else! Hahaha!"
"Don't try to explain yourself, dude! You're making it lame!"
Soos came into the room just as our laughter died down and said, "Hey, dudes, you'll never guess what I found!"
I sat up and asked, "What is it?"
"Is it something mythical?" Emil questioned eagerly.
Soos led us to a door and said, "So I was cleaning up, when I found this secret door, hidden behind the wallpaper. It's crazy bonkers creepy!"
Soos opened the door to reveal a room filled with wax figures.
Emil and I froze. "Ugh, creepy," I remarked as we entered.
I then turned to Emil and said, "You know the cost of this adventure right?"
Emil turned to me with an equally forced seriousness and responded with a low voice, "Yes. I do… My life."
Our serious expression immediately broke into laughter.
Suddenly one of the wax figures standing near us said loudly, "Hello!"
Emil and I let out a scream of surprise.
"Haha, it's just me! You're Grunkle Stan!" the figure chuckled.
Emil grabbed onto my shoulder to balance himself. "One day, I'm going to have a heart attack from all this."
After putting light into the room, Grunkle Stan announced, "Behold the Gravity Falls Wax Museum! It was one of our most popular attractions… before I forgot all about it. I got 'em all! Ghangis Khan, Sherlock Holmes, some kind of, I don't know, goblin man."
I didn't like that I knew these wax figures could come to life. I wanted to get out quickly. Emil showed the same feelings as me through his uncomfortable glances around the room.
"Lavender," Emil murmured to me so no one else could hear, "I have no idea how to sculpt wax figures."
"Yeah, we're going to have to just…" I glanced at all the figures then whispered even quieter, "ill-kay the igures-fay."
Emil covered his mouth.
"At least before they attempt to do so to Grunkle Stan since no wax figure will be in his place," I explained.
Grunkle Stan had just finished mourning for Wax Abraham Lincoln. Emil and I exchanged glances.
After we all left the room, Emil and I got ready our weapons which were just matches and candlesticks.
"Are you ready to commit murder?" I asked with a low voice.
"What? No!" Emil exclaimed. "Gosh, Lavender… You are ruining my image of Dipper."
"Then, we're even. You're nothing like Mabel," I commented.
"It would seem we were not careful enough to conceal our intentions against you children," Sherlock said from behind us.
We turned around to see the army of wax figures looming over us.
"I must admit, you're both very clever to have seen through us so quickly, but I'm afraid we'll have to kill Stan and you two to keep you quiet."
"Gyah, run, Emil, run!" I exclaimed as he hurried outside. The figures chased after us. Some melted in the sun, but since the clouds covered the sun somewhat, they were able to make it into the shade of trees and continue running after us.
"Come back here, you brats!" Sherlock shouted. "Do you really think you can outwit me? I'm Sherlock bleeding Holmes! Have you seen my magnifying glass? It's enormous!"
"You do know you let half of your army melt by running outside after us?" I pointed out.
Emil got out some decorative candles and ran back.
"Hey! What are you doing?" I exclaimed.
He took the rest of the wax figures by surprise and he cut them all in half with a loud shout and swing of his candlestick.
"Haha!" he shouted out triumphantly, stepping on Wax Sherlock Holmes' back. "That was easier than I thought. Let's hurry out of these creepy woods before people see us."
"That really was no fun at all," I remarked as we were walking back. "And it kind of sucks we don't get to meet Dipper and Mabel. I mean, no offense, but we already know what's going to happen throughout the first season of this show so we're boring compared to the actual Dipper and Mabel."
"C'mon, Lavender. It's not like we exist to entertain an audience or something," Emil snorted. "We were protecting Grunkle Stan and we still need to find a way home. Getting back is our ultimate goal."
"Yeah, I guess so."
"Ugh, these woods creep me out," Emil said with a shudder. "It feels like we're being watched."
"I know, I feel the same. Let's hurry."
Suddenly there was rustling nearby.
"The wax figures?" Emil asked, brandishing the decorative candles, but the figures had all melted. More rustling happened all around us.
"Emil," I squeaked fearfully, grabbing hold of his sweater.
It sucked that I was in a guy's body so I felt lame for grabbing onto the girl. Either way, Emil stayed protectively beside me.
An army of tiny elf-like beings began jumping out of the bushes and trees and surrounded us. They all looked up at us with inquisitive and wide eyes.
Emil and I exchanged a look of surprise and delight.
"You guys look so cute!" I commented, bending over to pet one of them.
The little guy's pointed ears twitched a little then curiously grabbed my hand from off its head so it could examine my large hand.
Emil laughed a little.
"Hey, who are you two?" a deep voice sounded.
We both looked up to see an elf much taller than the others and even Emil and I. He had pale skin and a beautiful, long face and well-defined features. His intense blue eyes stared at us and made my heart beat loudly.
"I'm in love," I said, my voice cracking. I then covered my mouth with a blush. "Uh, I-I'm Lav…err, Dipper. Just Dipper. Dipper."
"Mabel," Emil said curtly, squeezing my wrist.
The elf man nodded to both of us and said, "Hello, Dipper and Mabel. Why have you come into this part of the forest?"
"We were just walking. Didn't know we came into your territory. We'll leave soon," Emil said, tugging at my wrist. "C'mon, let's go."
"No, it's quite alright," the elf said, raising a hand to stop us. "My name is Rhovanen."
"Rhovanen," I repeated. "Nice to meet you."
"A pleasure," he responded.
He then seemed to speak a different tongue to the little elves, making them all stop crowding around us and run off.
"Sorry about them. Let us walk. I am curious about you humans for I have never spoken to one," Rhovanen said as he gestured us over.
"O-Okay!" I responded happily, my voice cracking again. I cleared my throat nervously.
He smiled at me and said, "You are of the male gender?"
I blinked and was about to shake my head, but then I remembered I was in Dipper's body and nodded.
He took my hat off and examined it. "But you're so adorable."
Emil still had a hold of my wrist and when he suddenly tugged it, I turned to him questioningly. He made a grossed-out expression.
I looked back at Rhovanen. He met my eyes and kissed my hat before putting it back on my head. I realized why Emil was freaked out. Rhovanen seemed to be flirting with me even though we're both guys. Although, I'm a girl on the inside, Rhovanen wouldn't know that.
"We should probably be heading back soon," I said, wiping the spot where he kissed my hat before putting it back on.
He seemed to notice that I was disturbed immediately and said with an even more 'soothing' voice, "You will be brought back safely. I just want to have a short walk with you."
I turned away, feeling even more disturbed.
"Our caretaker is such a worrywart. We should really be getting back," I said quickly, turning to leave.
Suddenly the elf wrapped his arms around me in a hug, pulling me off the ground. My face went pale. He had turned from completely charming to completely creepy.
I waved around my legs in my struggle to get away as I shouted, "Let go!"
"Hey! Let her go, you creep!" Emil shouted, trying to pull his arms off of me.
"Strange," the elf murmured. "Why does my magic not work on you?"
"Wh-What?"
"Unless…You both have magic cast on you already," he stated in realization as he set me back down.
"Huh?"
"It must be strong magic too if I couldn't break through it," Rhovanen continued murmuring to himself.
"Explain yourself already!" Emil snapped.
"I have the power to charm people," he said with a shrug. "It's pretty strong too, but if magic stronger than mine is already affecting a person, I can't charm them. Anyways, you two seem to be in a predicament I don't want to be a part of. Laters."
He flicked my hat off my head before disappearing into the trees.
"What was that?" Emil exclaimed. "He just suddenly became all arrogant!"
I picked up my hat and stared at it, feeling troubled. "He said we're under some magic or something. Do you think it's what trapped us in Dipper and Mabel's bodies?"
"Hm, I don't know. Maybe," Emil said.
"I'm going to read through the journal again once we get back and see if we can get any clues related to our case," I informed. "I don't think what's happening to us is related to the plotline of Gravity Falls itself."
Emil nodded.
"Let's head back."