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Holly introduces Gail to her friends for the first time
I knew you were trouble when you walked in, three whole paces in front of Rachel with that superior, cold smile on your face. We were already sitting at one of the high-top tables across from the bar. It should have occurred to me that the Black Penny was remarkably quiet for a Friday night. Looking back, I realize I should have been wondering where the regular rowdy throng consisting mostly of cops, members of the editorial staff from The Toronto Star and The Toronto Sun, a handful of badge-bunnies, other people from our Forensics department, and above all, Gail's friends were; but I only had eyes for Gail, and she was doing her very best to hold my attention. When Lisa sat smugly across me and introduced herself as Dr. Lisa Carmichael and Rachael as Dr. Rachael Johnson I knew this wasn't going to go well. I simply hoped that Rachael and I could keep her somewhat civil, and that Gail wouldn't hate them. I was becoming more and more nervous that Lisa was in one of her moods, and would push Gail to the point where she would snap.
"But please call us Rachael and Lisa! Our friends all do." Rachael said smiling warmly in Gail's direction, before turning to give Lisa a pointed glare.
Lisa rolled her eyes, but otherwise ignored her.
Trouble.
Ever since the night of the shootings, when Gail freaked out and cut her hair, we had been practically inseparable. Not that I minded. We'd talk about everything, and nothing at all, from work, to family, to stupid stuff like movies and video games. Sometimes, late at night, after we made love, when we were lying in each other's arms, she would look at me with such adoration and trust, and tell me things, secrets, about herself in a soft voice reserved only for me. And there were things I could tell that she was't telling me. Scary things about just how dangerous her job really is, even though I saw the evidence of that in my lab every day. And darker things, the things that haunted her dreams. I knew she trusted me, and someday she might let me all the way in. Little by little she was opening up, like a Datura flower, beautiful and deadly, that only bloomed at night. I trusted her too. To me, she had always been snarky, and goofy, and oddly considerate, and fun. I could tell that she was trying so very hard to make me happy. And I was, although there was a shift in Gail that make me both sad, and slightly wary. I missed the snarky, biting, mean-girl comments about the world that I could tell she was holding back, and the somewhat icy, aloof, attitude she used to show everyone else. It was almost like she was afraid to be herself. It made me want to reassure her, and it made me want to stay in our bubble forever. Things were going well, but I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. It scared me because lately, I had a secret too. It was becoming more and more difficult to keep those three terrifying little words from slipping off my tongue each time we were together.
"How did you guys meet?" Gail wanted to know after returning to the table with the first round of beer that she insisted on buying.
"Holly tried to pick up Rachael at an LGBT mixer when we were in medical school at Harvard." Lisa stated brashly.
Gail licked her lips and picked up her beer.
"Oh." she replied noncommittally, her eyebrows arching slightly although her face remained impassive.
"Lisa!" Rachael admonished.
"Well you did." Lisa turned to me, and then she smiled, "Too bad she was dating me at the time."
I could feel Gail stiffen as I reach for her thigh under the table.
"Yes, well," I smiled back, "Too bad you never could keep it in your pants."
Rachael laughed and chimed in "No, Lisa never was one for monogamy."
"Admit it ladies," Lisa gloated, "It would be unfair to all of you to take all this completely off the market."
I could see Gail giving her the once-over with an unimpressed expression, and could practically feel her biting her tongue.
Trouble
"Alright! Who needs another beer?" I asked, after quickly polishing off mine.
Everyone laughed and raised their glasses, and I hoped that the tension was broken. Gail smiled, turned and pointed at the bartender, pointed at her glass, and like magic, he appeared at our table with a fresh round. Things seemed to relax after that. Rachael started telling us about the new man she had just started dating, and the hot lesbian boi who kept flirting with her in the cafe on the corner of her street. Even though Gail was being quiet, I could tell that she was making an effort to get to know my friends, for me.
The conversation was going relatively smoothly until Gail asked what kind of medicine Rachael and Lisa practiced. I probably should have let them answer, but I could tell by the look on her face that Lisa was about to start in on some rant about my job, or something, so I jumped in instead. I couldn't seem to help myself, to keep myself from rambling. I was simply too nervous about, well everything really. I knew how judgmental Lisa could be. I knew how she had picked apart almost ever single one of my previous girlfriends, making it clear that she thought they were mortally flawed in some way. Rachael always tried to smooth things over, but Lisa would persist. It was as if all of the choices I made, the things that made me happy, were somehow inferior in her eyes. Rachael used to claim that Lisa's pathologically competitive nature annoyed even her. She would tell me that Lisa simply couldn't understand how anyone who was gifted enough to knock her out of the running for valedictorian of our graduating class, wouldn't care about their partner's career path, as long as it was fulfilling for them. Lisa could be a royal pain, but it was funny; in-spite of it all, Rachael and I were among the very few she deemed worthy of her loyalty and affection.
Although we had never discussed the extent of her formal education, Gail is one of the most intelligent people I ever met. I was certain that if they just met her, if they had the chance to have a real conversation with her, they would see it too. And I knew the minute I interrupted Gail to tell her that CF meant Cystic Fibrosis, that it I sounded condescending. I didn't mean to do it. The last thing I wanted to do was to give any kind of impression that I didn't respect her, or make it seem like I thought she was dumb. I just really wanted all of them to like each other. With each passing day, it was becoming more and more clear to me that although we had only just started dating after months of friendship, I wanted a real future with Gail. It was crazy, and impulsive in a way that made me feel giddy. I wanted to wake up every morning to her cranky, pre-coffee face, and share my latest scientific discoveries with her, and listen to her talk about her day, and all of the losers she ran into and over for the rest of my life.
I knew Gail well enough that I could feel her bristle next to me as Lisa started in on her usual lecture about how I was wasting my talents "poking at dead people, instead of saving lives". She was wearing a sad, almost angry smile that didn't reach her eyes when I glanced at her, as Lisa continued to pick on my life choices. Lisa always resented my choice of becoming a Forensic Pathologist instead of becoming the "brilliant Cardiothoracic surgeon" everyone at Harvard predicted my future to be. I had been the youngest person in the history of Mass General Hospital chosen to assist in a total heart, lung transplant, an assignment Lisa desperately wanted in on. In-fact, I'm fairly sure that Lisa settled on a career in plastics after getting turned down for an internship with the cardio team at Toronto General. And while I do find cardiovascular and thoracic surgery to be fascinating, and as Lisa likes to point out, it would pay me at least triple what I am making now, I was in love with the pure science of forensic research and a good mystery to solve. I couldn't help quipping about how Lisa was saving the world one boob job at a time. When she smiled superiorly and replied, "I'm a woman who likes a perfect pair of breasts, so sue me." I saw Gail glance at her chest with a sarcastic sneer, but kept any of her usual comments to herself.
Trouble
I saw Gail lick her lips and visibly swallow whatever she was about to say as my friends went to buy us another round. I turned to her and asked, "So how are you doing?"
"I'm having fun." She replied, but wouldn't look at me.
"Yeah?" I desperately hoped she was.
"Yes!" She nodded, leaning in toward me.
"Ok!" I breathed out as I kissed her briefly.
"Now I'm having more fun." she replied without opening her eyes immediately.
"Good! Cuz I really want you to like them! They're practically family, I mean, we've been inseparable since collage..." I gushed at her, missing the smile sliding from her face.
"Oh all right, ok!" She rolled her eyes at me and leaned in for a brief kiss. And then, as I laughed nervously, a lingering one.
"Oh God! Get a room!"
I did not miss the hard, cold look of annoyance that flashed across her features when Lisa returned commenting at us loudly.
I know that Gail hates to feel like she is being laughed at. As I watched her literally bite her lips, take a deep breath, and rock slightly back and forth in her seat, I know that I shouldn't have pushed her for a story. I should have read the signs. My only poor defense is that I was too intent on getting Racheal and Lisa's approval. When she told the story of Chris getting stabbed in the most cavalier way possible, I should have known the evening was over. After a brief shocked pause she put on a fake, mocking smile and said in a syrupy voice, "He's still alive. So you see, I too am in the business of saving lives."
And then excused herself from the table.
Trouble.
The minute she was gone, Lisa dragged me over to the bar to get a round of bourbon shots, and started in on how I was wasting my time with dating her.
"What do you know?" I demanded, "You haven't even given her a fair chance!"
"Well you are right." Lisa replied "She is gorgeous! But it's still not gonna last..."
What the fuck?! I knew Lisa could be an elitist bitch, but this was a bit much, even for her!
"Wow! I think that's a new record for rash judgement!" I glared at her, "Good for you. Congrats. I think it's time to cut you off..."
"Holly, you're a doctor" Lisa's voice was impatient, as if she was explaining something obvious, "And Gail, she's lovely, and you know what? She's fine. But sweetie, she's a beat cop..."
"So?" I interrupted.
"So you're out of her league!" She insisted.
"Oh God." I rolled my eyes with exasperation. I couldn't believe this was happening. Again.
"Look, I get it." She went on, "You want something that's uncomplicated and simple..."
Gail was anything but uncomplicated, and my feelings for her anything but simple. But Lisa was being an ass, and I wasn't about to explain it to her then and there. So I said, "Look, I'm having fun. Don't worry about it!" Trying to keep the anger from my voice.
'Well have your fun but get out before she gets hurt." Lisa was clearly patronizing me.
"Nobody's going to get hurt!" I could feel my anger flash under my words.
"We'll see." Lisa pushed back
Trouble
As I turned around her eyes said it all. I'm not sure how long she had been standing there, and I'm not sure what she heard, but the look on her face was enough to stop my heart. It was like her face had shut like a door, and I was left outside in the cold. She glanced venomously at Lisa, and then back at me.
"Excuse me." She brushed past me to pick up her coat, obviously headed for the door.
I felt sick.
"Gail! Gail wait! Where are you going?" I rushed after her.
"Is that what you think?" She rounded on me, "Do you think that I'm uneducated? That I'm a blue-collar? That I'm, I'm out of your league?"
"No! No, I never said that!" I protested weakly, knowing it was too late, that I had betrayed her.
"You know what I think?" She tore into me, "I think that botched boob job that you call a best friend, I think that she's an idiot, and I'd rather tase myself in the eye than spend another minute with either one of you!"
The pain was like she had just stabbed me in the chest, and I couldn't catch my breath, and I couldn't think.
"What are you saying?" I heard myself say from a distance.
"I dunno," She spat back at me, "You're a doctor, why don't you figure it out."
I was shaking and I couldn't breathe.
"Hey, don't look so upset," She said in exactly the same tone of voice she had used when she told us that she too was in the business of saving lives, and the same deadly smile was back, "You're just having fun. Right?" she shot over her shoulder as she left the bar.
I stood there in shock, watching her go. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. This couldn't be happening!
"Aw, I'm so sorry Holly." Lisa's disingenuous voice said next to me, "But it's for the best you know."
I could feel my panic building.
"I, I have to go after her." I stuttered, "I have to explain..."
"Come on sweetie," She continued, grasping my arm, "You know this would have happened sooner or later."
"WHAT?!" I rounded on her. "What the Fuck Lisa?!"
"You know you would have had to let her down when someone serious came along." Lisa shrugged
"No. No I wouldn't." I ripped my arm from her grip, and headed for the door after her.
"Hey!" I heard Rachael say as she returned from talking on the phone, "Where's Gail? Where are you going?"
"Lisa can tell you!" I called back at her over my shoulder.
"Whatever. It's for the best." Lisa called after me, "You'll see."
Trouble Trouble Trouble
When I looked frantically around the parking lot and up and down the street, Gail was nowhere in sight. For someone who doesn't have a working car, hates taxis, and refuses to run, she sure did manage to disappear in a hurry! Her phone went straight to voicemail, and my text wasn't delivered. Shit!
And now I'm lying on the cold hard ground