Scene 5. COMPLETE BLACKNESS.

NILES: (soothing voice-over) Sheldon, I am a Jungian. Are you familiar wit-

SHELDON: (voice over) I-

NILES: (quickly) Yes. Silly of me. I'll just go ahead and assume that you know all about him.

The blackness fades. We're looking at the ceiling above the apartment's sofa and after a moment, we sit up slightly to take in Niles, who's looking at us with an impatient expression. As Sheldon's voice appears, we realise we're inside his mind and seeing through his eyes.

SHELDON: Is this going to take long?

NILES: That's entirely impossible to predict, Sheldon. Dream analysis takes as long as it takes. Are you in a rush for something? I thought the Doctor Who marathon had finished. I'm not a religious man, Sheldon, but I prayed the Doctor Who marathon had finished.

SHELDON: It has. But I have a strict bedtime routine which commences in-

NILES: (holding up a finger) Follow this line of logic for me, Sheldon. Your strict bedtime routine, I imagine, is to ensure you achieve enough sleep to be productive the following day at work. Correct?

SHELDON: Of course.

NILES: Well, if you fail to convince me that the incident with your colleague's phone – and the subsequent, for want of a better phrase, rampage…was simply an isolated incident of work-related stress, and I don't tell the Dean you'll be a model member of the Faculty from now on, you'll have no need for a strict bedtime routine, because you'll have no job at the university to go to.

We go back to looking at the ceiling and our world becoming blackness once more VERY quickly.

NILES: Ready?

SHELDON: Yes. Let me just make a few adjustments to make myself comfortable.

On our black screen, a digital countdown clock appears in the bottom-right corner and begins counting down from 45:00. Above it is written, TIME TO BOWEL MOVEMENT.

SHELDON: Let's get better.

NILES: Tell me about your dreams, Sheldon. I'm particularly interested in any dreams you have which recur.

SHELDON: Nice dreams? Or…the other kind?

NILES: You mean nightmares?

The TIME TO BOWEL MOVEMENT clock accelerates from 44:46 to 22:10.

SHELDON: Yes. Those.

NILES: You have a problem with the word "nightmares", Sheldon?

The clock has now hit 9:59 and is flashing red.

SHELDON: D-don't be absurd.

NILES: Well…no, let's stick to pleasant dreams for the moment. Do you have a particular recurrent dream that you enjoy?

The clock climbs back to 40+ minutes once again.

SHELDON: Ah. Well, that's easy…

Scene 6. SHELDON'S DREAM.

The Earth, spinning majestically in the blackness of space. We pass across the day side and through the terminator into the night side, as the cities of the continents put on their spectacular light show. We hover above North America, lit up like an illuminated tapestry, a spiderweb of radiance.

And those points of light rearrange themselves, slowly at first, and with increasing speed, until an ordered pattern emerges from the chaos. A pattern that spells a message.

WELCOME TO SHELDONIA.

We're in the cities now. They soar to the skies, great turrets and giant spires, all sweeping majesty and understated magnificence. The millions of inhabitants bustle about their daily business. There are no cars in sight. Those who wish to travel faster than walking pace utilise hoverboards. Everyone maintains a discreet distance from everyone else.

SHELDON: (voice-over) Glorious, isn't it, Dr. Crane?

NILES: Where are the children, may I ask?

SHELDON: Children are unnecessary. Coitus is obsolete, and with it all the tiresome trappings that follow in its wake. Bars. Romantic comedies. Asking people how they are. On Sheldonia, we are born adults. Thanks to gene therapies, everyone now has an IQ of 186. That's the other reason romantic comedies are obsolete.

NILES: Out of curiosity, what is your IQ, Sheldon?

SHELDON: 187, why?

NILES: No reason. And where are you in this perfect world?

We find ourselves in Leonard and Sheldon's apartment…albeit with a few changes. Things seem much more futuristic. Chrome and silver are everywhere. Leonard is there, as are Raj and Howard. None seem particularly happy. This is perhaps because all three are wearing the exact same retrofuturistic clothing – a none-too-flattering ensemble that makes each of them look as though they have been hit with the shrapnel from a tinfoil grenade.

LEONARD: He'll be here. It's Halo night. He wouldn't miss Halo night.

RAJ: Five more minutes and I'm starting without him, dude.

HOWARD: (speaking through gritted teeth, as if reading from a particularly repellent script) Come on now, Raj…you know how difficult it must be…being President of the UN…being the inventor of…Sheldonomics…

RAJ: Not to mention being responsible for removing humanity's completely unnecessary sex drives! I can't believe how popular I am with women now I have no interest whatsoever in them! Ahhh, the irony of it…you know I'd probably not appreciate every nuance of that irony with my previous IQ, but thanks to Shelcorp's Gene therapies, my new IQ allows me to…

He trails off, as Leonard is making slashing signs across his throat and inclining his head meaningfully in Howard's direction. Raj winces and pats Howard on the shoulder.

RAJ: Sorry dude. Forgot.

HOWARD: (bitterly)Oh it doesn't matter. Being the sole member of humanity the gene therapy didn't work on isn't as horrific as it seems. There's a lot to be said for being officially the world's dumbest person.

RAJ: Yeah. At least you're still the world's best engineer.

Leonard has walked over to the kitchen area. He puts some Pop Tarts in the toaster.

LEONARD: Medium brown please, toaster.

TOASTER: (in Sheldon's voice) Are you sure that's wise, Leonard?

LEONARD: What would you recommend?

TOASTER: After networking with the Wil Wheaton, I'd recommend light brown.

KETTLE: (also in Sheldon's voice) I'm boiled! Commence coffee-making!

Quite unperturbed, Leonard fixes himself some Pop Tarts and coffee and wanders back over to Raj and Howard. Raj is idly solving a Rubiks Cube in each hand as Howard struggles to open a bag of potato chips. Raj takes the bag off Howard with a kindly expression, performs a complicated series of manoeuvres, and the top of the bag opens like a flower's petals. Howard smiles, pathetically grateful.

HOWARD: Thanks. A guy gets hungry.

LEONARD: Say, you guys remember the days before Sheldon had uploaded his neural network to every single electronic appliance the world over?

RAJ: You mean before he achieved the technological singularity single-handed, almost instantly revolutionising what it means to be human, thereby improving all of our lives and really, really showing all those who ever doubted him?

LEONARD: Yes. Yes, before that.

HOWARD: Howard brain hurt.

RAJ: Seems like a lifetime ago, dude. Like when we used to call Wil Wheatons "toilets". How weird was that?

The door to the apartment knocks.

LEONARD: I wonder who that could be? I do hope it's Penny. I so enjoy her company now there's absolutely no possibility of us having coitus.

RAJ: Yeah, just like when you first met.

Leonard is barely out of his chair when the door to the apartment shatters and an ED-209 robot from "Robocop" walks in, bringing its mighty twin machine guns to bear on the three terrified friends. Howard scrambles across to the opposite end of the sofa trying to escape the huge looming form towering over him.

HOWARD: Howard need to go Wil Wheaton!

ED-209: (in Sheldon's voice) Are we ready to play some Halo, gentlemen? Apologies for the inadequacies of this particular remote suit. The real me is halfway to Proxima Centauri on a mission of first contact with an alien race. Normally of course that would mean no Halo night, but I've managed to crib together a rudimentary FTL radio system from the onboard pinball machine.

LEONARD: Oh Sheldon. We're just privileged to know you.

ED-209: Of course you are. (the twin machine guns swivel down to point directly at Howard) Howard. You're in my spot. Please vacate. You have 20 seconds to comply.

Howard moves like a bat out of hell, over to Raj. The guns track him all the way.

ED-209: You now have 10 seconds to comply.

HOWARD: (panicking)W-w-what? But…but I've-I've moved! L-l-look, I'm nowhere near your spot, Sheldon!

Pause.

ED-209: Bazinga.

Scene 7. LEONARD & SHELDON'S APARTMENT.

Sheldon's eyes open.

SHELDON: And that's my dream, Dr. Crane. I look forward to your analysis.

He sits up and frowns. Niles is sitting, utterly and completely exhausted. Sweat is beading on his forehead. His chest is rising and falling with exertion. At some point during the preceding he must have removed his suit jacket and now sits in his shirt, tie and braces. Reams and reams of notepad paper sits around him, all covered in handwriting.

SHELDON: Is there anything additional you wish to ask?

For a moment we go back inside Sheldon's head. The little countdown clock is almost at zero.

NILES: (weakly) Do you…happen to have any sherry on the premises?

SHELDON: Oh my, no. I don't care for alcohol, sorry. Mamma didn't raise her no drunkards.

NILES: Then do you know where I might find some? Your room-mate, perhaps?

SHELDON: Well I'm no expert, but I have observed on multiple occasions Penny keeps what I can only describe as a spectacularly disproportionate level of alcohol in her apartment. It's directly across the hall.

Niles grabs his coat and staggers to his feet. He grabs ineffectually at the notepad pages which scatter as he does so, and then gives up and allows them to fall around him.

NILES: We'll reconvene tomorrow, Sheldon. Goodnight.

He fairly jogs out of the apartment. No sooner has he gone than Leonard appears from the hall that leads to the bedrooms. He notes Sheldon is alone.

LEONARD: Where's Dr. Crane? He sure left in a hurry.

SHELDON: He needed something only Penny could provide. Goodnight Leonard.

LEONARD: (concerned) Uh. Yeah. Night. I'm gonna get a pop tart.

SHELDON: Medium brown?

LEONARD: Uh. Probably…why?

SHELDON: Someday, Leonard. Someday.

He passes a puzzled Leonard and goes down the hall to the bedrooms. As he passes the bathroom, he stops to cast a glance at the toilet and mutter darkly.

SHELDON: Wheaton…

Outside, in the connecting hall between apartments, Niles knocks on Penny's door. She opens it and he almost falls inside.

PENNY: Oh my God! What happened to you?

NILES: I analysed Sheldon's dream.

PENNY: (steering him to her couch) Don't worry sweetie. I have alcohol.