A/n: Still do not own Twilight and I still love it..Lemon alert this chapter contains a lemon that Bella remembers from her past..this chapter is all about getting to know what about Bella's life before college and some things that are happening in the present..ENJOY
Chapter 4
Thinking
After Rose left the room I lay there trying to let sleep take me. My phone was charging and it was 1:00 am I text Ang.
Ang I am ok I will call u in da AM and explain everything…luv ya B
U sure ur ok A
Yes B
U wit James A
No I promise I am with some old friends…get sum sleep I'll call u in da AM *kisses* ;-* B
K B-) ttyl A
Just my luck as soon as I close my eyes I have to pee! I slowly start to slide off the bed trying not to wake Jasper or hurt myself. I hold my breath and place my feet on the floor, inching my way off the edge I grab the bed post and lift myself upright.
"OW shit!" I turn my head slightly and see Jasper's eyes flutter and then he sighs and moves his hand but he is still asleep. I stand still for a few moments and start to put one foot in front of the other holding my torso and biting my tongue. After 30 painful steps I make it to the toilet, I leave the door a crack open so Jazz doesn't wake from the noise.
As I slowly sit on the toilet and relieve myself I hear light footsteps coming towards the bathroom then hear Jasper say "Bella, Bella where are you?"
"Jasper I'm in the restroom."
"Is someone in there helping you?"
"No I'm okay Jazz, I'm almost done."
"Do you want me to get my mom or Rosalie?"
"No Jazz I told-ow you I'm fine. OW fuck! I'm okay Jazz my side just hurts when I move too much"
"I'm coming in!" His voice is full of panic now.
"No Jazz I'm done, I'll be out in a second," just then the door starts to open, as I pull the nightgown down to hide myself and Jasper is standing in front of me with inflamed cheeks. His blush is beautiful and I bet mine in even more scarlet.
"Bella please you are hurt we are here to help don't-,"
"Jazz I'm more than able to use the bathroom by myself thank you for your concern." Then he helps me walk to the sink and after I wash my hands he gently lifts me up and carries me back to the bed. I lean on his shoulder and smell his scent, wow he smells amazing like fresh air, cucumber and green pear, green melon, amber and musk there are also hits of cinnamon and weed. Wow does he smoke weed because he smells like he just smoked a blunt. Maybe I am going crazy but Carlisle will kick his ass if he is using drugs, unless that's what all this secret bullshit is about. I mean, not that I care if he gets high, personally I would rather see someone get high and chill instead of drink and flip out. It has been my personal experience with James that when he was high he was calm and relaxed and when he would drink that fucking ugly monster would appear its fucking ugly head, and I would feel its wrath. I so prefer calm and chill. Hell even I have smoked once in a while until I found out I was pregnant than I stopped everything I wouldn't even drink a "coke" or coffee and I even switched to caffeine free teas. As I think about the baby tears start to well in my eyes. I got to get a grip, I am sorry I lost the baby with every part of my being but I can't help but realize I was in no shape or form to care for a child at this point in my life.
Then I look up and Jasper is starring down at me curiously, "what are you thinking about darlin'? Why are you crying? Am I hurting you? Do you want me to put you down?"
"No Jazz you are not hurting me. I was thinking about, about the baby. Please don't misunderstand I do think it is for the best, I was not ready to be a mother but-
"Bella darlin' please stop putting yourself down you will make a wonderful mother. You are one of the most loving, gentle, and beautiful people I know. Maybe now was not the time for you because circumstances being as they were but one day you will have a beautiful child just like you." As he said this he gently placed me back on the bed and kissed my forehead.
"Jasper it's not that I think I will be a bad mother, it's just that I know I was not ready and he was not the right person to have a child with, I should have been more careful. Ever since Edward left I just make bad decisions when it comes to men. I don't want that to happen anymore and I need to take responsibility too I can't keep blaming it just on him either. Rosalie said some things to me and I realize that I had things all wrong that I was so busy feeling sorry for myself that I did not think or even consider that it was hard on you guys too. Not that I could have known otherwise considering you guys left without any information as to why. All Edward said to me was that he didn't feel the same about me and he wanted to move on with his life without me. But after speaking with Rose I can understand some of the reasons why the rest of you left, I just do not know the cause. Do you think you can explain things in the morning? That is after we get some much needed rest because I am not ready for another roller coaster ride tonight and I do not think you are either." He looked at me with complete disbelief written all over his face and the color in his eyes started to go from blue to black and his whole face was turning red.
"What? He fucking told you that he didn't feel the same and wanted to move on without you! I feel like, like-"
"Jasper are you okay? What is wrong you look like you're gonna blow a gasket!"
"Bella I just can't believe that he could say something so heartless. This whole time I was feeling sorry for him and I wanted to help him get you back. But not now not ever he won't have you! I will not allow him to hurt you like that ever again! I don't care what fucked up ass shit we got our selves involved in he had no fucking right to say such things to you!"
"Jasper it's alright that is the past I am moving on and-"
"No Bella I will have a few words with my brother about this!"
"Jasper please, please I don't want to come between you guys. Do not fight over me especially over something that happened over four years ago."
"Bella now I understand why you feel so unworthy and if it's the last thing I do I will make you open your eyes to the beautiful person you are inside and out. Look, I really thank you Bella for being patient with us especially me and I promise I will tell you why we left in the morning. I am way too tired and angry to talk about this tonight," he said this while stifling a yawn and the color in his eyes and face were going back to normal.
"Come on Jazz lay down and let's get some sleep."
He walked around the bed and gently climbed in and closed his eyes. Then he turned to face me and asked.
"Bella darlin' is it okay if I hold your hand until I fall asleep? If you feel uncomfortable you can say no. I just, just really need some comfort. I have just been lost for so long and now that you are here I am starting to feel like my old self again."
I looked at him and could see the need in his eyes I just hoped he didn't get the wrong idea.
"Yes Jazz I need that too, I have been so lonely without you guys I have always thought of you guys as family with or without Edward. But just as friends okay?"
He nodded his head and I could swear I heard him say "for now" under his breath. He intertwined our hands together in a firm grip, like he was holding on for dear life and within minutes he was asleep and slightly snoring not loud enough to bother me, but just enough that I knew he was totally knocked out. I closed my eyes and drift off as well.
5 hours later its 6:30am
I grab my phone from the side of the bed on the nightstand I slide my finger across to check the time I see it is 6:32am and I frown I have only slept for like 5 hours. I yawn and check my missed calls and text messages (I had turned my phone on silent so we could sleep) there are 25 missed calls and voicemails and there are 55 texts messages, they are all from James.
"Oh not now I cry!" I am not ready for this shit I thought he would at least wait a few days.
"Bella darlin' what is wrong? Do you need a pain pill?" I hear Jasper whisper softly beside me.
"No Jazz I go back to sleep. I was just looking at my phone and that asshole left a lot of messages and I am not ready to deal with this," I sob slightly.
"Bella, honey do you want me to take care of it, I will call or text him from your phone and ask him to leave you alone. But only if you want me too I will not do it without your permission." I can see all the love and concern in his eyes as he says this.
"You know what Jazz, I would love for you to do that but I think I need to stand up for myself for a change because I need to put my foot down or people like him will continue to think they can keep doing shit like that to me. Jazz he is not the first in fact he is the third asshole I got with since Edward. First was Mike Newton. Do you remember him?"
"Yes Bella, I do, how could you date a jerk like that? I am sorry if I offended you I can see it on your face I didn't mean to be so blunt. It has been a really long few days and I haven't had enough sleep. I am sorry, I was just surprised by that, I remember how much you hated him. How the hell did you end up with him?"
"Well Jazz I did hate him but after Edward left I was feeling, well I felt like Mike was all I deserved."
"Oh darlin' you deserve a man that can appreciate you for you. You are beautiful, funny, smart, and loving. Any real man would count his lucky stars to have a woman such as you," now I am blushing so hard I think my ears are as red as cherries and I look away from him.
He places a finger on my chin and turns my face toward him and says "Bella you do not need to be embarrassed I mean every word I say. Now please continue I want you to trust me and be able to tell me anything."
"Well yea Jazz, Mike was a huge mistake he cheated on me all the time and I left him after six months. That's when I applied for several scholarships and choose Northwestern. Then there was also Jacob Black, my dad's friend's son, he just wanted more than I was willing to give and when I told him that friends was all I could handle at that point in my life he went ape shit and started breaking shit and calling me names. He told me I was worthless and lucky he was willing to take pity on a loser like me. I haven't spoken to him since even though he keeps sending me apologies. The fucked up part is he and I were good friends since childhood but that is ruined now."
"Sweet heart you deserve so much more. I just wish you could see just how special you are and I will help you see just how special you are if it's the last thing I do. Now take these meds and get a couple more hours of sleep because I know you need some more sleep as do I."
"Yes Jasper you're right. Can you please get me some fresh water? And I'll take the meds so I can sleep a while longer. I will set the alarm for noon so I can deal with school."
"I'll be right back with that darlin'," he has one of the biggest smiles on his face as he walks out the room.
Why do I get the feeling that he hasn't smiled like this in a very long time. Judging from Em and Rose's reactions last night I'd bet my next pay checks that he hasn't. I am starting to believe Rose that Jasper has more than feelings of friendship toward me and I feel like those feelings were present before they left.
Flashback
I remember catching him stare at me from the corner of his eyes every time Alice or Edward weren't looking, but back then I just thought he wanted me away from his family. The Cullen's were always considered an odd family Jasper, Rosalie, and Edward are the biological kids of Carlisle and Esme, but Emmett and Alice are foster kids. Edward was the youngest and Esme had complications after his birth and could not have any more children but she wanted more. Jasper and Rosalie were a year older than Edward and they are twins. Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett were in the same class in 2nd grade and became best friends and of course Edward was friends with them even though he was a year younger. Late that same year Alice was found in a group home for girls that Esme was volunteering at, she was only 8 years old and she was the same age as Edward. Esme always wanted Rose to have a sister and thought she needed a girl to hang out with because she was always hanging out with the boys, so she introduce Alice and Rose who became best friends right away so Esme and Carlisle decided to foster her and brought her home. I met the Cullen's when I was 12 and in junior high, before that I lived with my mom in Arizona she sent me to live with my dad because she got remarried to Phil when I was 11 and I was issue in their marriage. Alice was the first person I met in Forks I was sitting in the office waiting to be placed in a class when the secretary sent for a student to come get me and take me to my new classroom.
She came hopping along in the office with a huge smile on her face, she grabbed my arm and said "you are gonna be my new best friend my name is Mary Alice Cullen but everyone calls me Ali or Alice."
I was speechless I didn't really have any friends in Arizona because I was always sad and lonely, Alice made me feel happy she was very tiny with short black hair and dark brown almost black colored eyes and milky color skin similar to my creamy white skin but my eyes were lighter brown almost like milk chocolate. From the first day I met Ali I was always at the Cullen's house, I met the rest of them that first night and Esme treated me just like her own kids she threw my birthday parties (Charlie wasn't one for parties) and taught me about becoming a woman and many other things. I met Edward that first night and was awe struck, he and I both could not stop staring at each other, his green eyes were so beautiful they were like emeralds with gold specks just like Carlisle's and they also had similar colored hair it was bronze but Carlisle's looked more blonde and they also shared a slightly tanned colored skin. I also met Rosalie and Jasper that night as well they had crystal blue eyes like their mom's but their hair colors were different Rose had silky blonde hair and Jasper had a honey colored blonde and Esme had a very light brown colored hair however Jasper had the same color skin as him mom it was a slight brown with hints of red giving them the look of Native American heritage but Rose shared the same color as Edward and Carlisle.
When I finally looked away from Edward's gaze to Rose she just rolled her eyes at me and went to her bedroom.
Then I saw Jasper he smiled and said "Hi my name is Jasper I'm very pleased to meet you," Edward ran after him and they both started wrestling on the floor, soon after Emmett came bounding over and jumped on both of them.
I stood there wondering why they were fighting I was about to ask Alice when she pulled me to her bedroom. Later at diner I sat between Alice and Rose with Carlisle at one end of the table and Esme at the other end and Edward sat across from me, Jasper was across from Alice and Emmett who was also visiting sat across from Rose. That was how most dinners at the Cullen's went we all had our places at the table and when I went home Esme would send food for Charlie. All of us kids did get along very good and we would always all hang out together at the roller rink, park, or at the rec center even though Rose and I never really got that close she still spent time with Alice and I. We would all even go to the mall together the guys did their thing and us girls did ours then we would all meet up for a movie and food. However, when I would sleep over with Alice, Rose would never join us she would always sleep in her own bedroom, after we finished whatever sleep over activities Alice would come up with and the boys would always crash the parties with pranks or insist we play video games with them or play baseball or some other sport so they wanted more players for. The teams for the sports games were either guys vs. girls or Japer, Alice, and me against Emmett, Rose, and Edward it was fun and that was the only time Rose would actually be nice to me when girls were playing the guys but when she was against me we were always in fierce competition. Every Saturday was family night because Esme and Carlisle always made sure to have Saturday evenings off and we would all play boards games or have movie fests or in the summer we would go on camping trips or ski trips in the winter. On the camping trips Rose was forced to share the girl's tent and Alice would sleep between us, once in a while she would let her guard down and join in our conversations and actually smile at me and speak to me. Life was so great I felt so happy with them I forgot all about the horrible shit that happened with my mom and just pretended to be a Cullen except when I was home with Charlie. Even though we hardly had ground breaking talks I knew he loved me and we had our ways to show it. When I was 14 Esme asked all us kids we would like to learn how to cook, neither Alice nor Rose or the boys wanted to learn so that ended up being Esme's and my special time, eventually Edward and Jazz also joined in the lessons. Esme was over joyed to teach the 3 of us to cook it was the only time Jasper and I ever really spoke, he always seem so happy in the kitchen, Edward on the other hand was only in there to test the food and sneak touches of me when him mom's back was turned. Jasper would always pinch him and tell him to stop because mom was right there then Edward would punch Jazz and mouth the words "cock blocker or asshole" and then he would leave the room and go play video games with Em until dinner was done. But as soon as Edward was gone Jasper would smile and we would continue to help Esme and that's when I would catch him staring at me from the corner of his eyes. But I would either disregard it or think he just wanted alone time with his mom and wanted me gone. So I decided to stay out of the kitchen for a few weeks but Esme and Jasper weren't as happy and then two weeks later Esme came to me and asked if I no longer liked cooking with them because she and Jasper missed my help.
I told her I felt like I was intruding and she frowned and said "oh heavens no honey we love having you in the kitchen with us it is not the same without you."
So I resumed my kitchen duties and we were all happy until Edward started to demand Jasper play games with him and Em because kitchen work was for women and Em was a cheater and he needed his brother to help him win. That was my freshman year and the year I started to date Edward, and Alice and Jasper started to date as well a few months after us. Em started dating Rose the year before when they were both freshmen. Edward, Alice, and I were sophomores and Jazz, Rose, and Em were juniors when Em's parents were killed by a drunk driver, his grandparents were too old to care for him so they signed their rights over to the Cullen's. During my sophomore year Edward and I were both 16 and had our licenses and he was given a silver Volvo for his birthday we spent a lot of time driving around and even started to go to parties with the rest of the Cullen's. That year I finally went all the way with Edward before that we would mess around a bit and I would always stop him and tell him I was not ready.
Then one night we were all at a party and Edward and I were stoned out our minds and he asked if I wanted to leave and spend some time alone with him in our secret meadow, it was really warm that night and the stars were shining in the sky, which was a very rare occurrence in Forks so I said "hell yes!"
We were laying in the grass and he started to put his hand up my shirt and touch my sides his hands were so hot and gentle and he grabbed and caressed my tits.
I started to get so wet, I wanted more, then he leaned over me and started to kiss my lips very passionately and when he broke the kiss to let us catch our breath he started kissing up and down my neck and across my collar bone until he made his way back up to my ear and whisper "Bella love I want to kiss you somewhere else," as he said this he slowly traveled his hand down my side and to my thighs and placed his hand right hand on my wet pussy and said "I want to kiss you here."
I just nodded my head yes. I was too lost in the heat and passion to speak then he started to undo my button and unzipped my jeans and slowly pulled them down over my thigh to my knees then he opened my panties and placed a gentle kiss over my pussy lips and smiled.
Then he looked up at me and said "I want to see all of you. Can I take all your clothes off please? I want our bodies to be as one skin on skin."
I reached for him and kissed his lips with all the passion I felt for him to let him know I was okay with this and I pulled his shirt over his head and unbuttoned his pants and he slid them down to his knees and off along with his boxers and shoes. Then he took my shoes off and finally started to slowly pull my shirt over my head and I was lying there in only my bra and panties and he was completely nude. I had never seen him completely naked before and I looked at his body and then seen his dick which was pretty big it was the first time I seen it in the light even though I had given him hand jobs before. I was a little scared to make love to him but I decided to do it anyway because I thought we were always going to be together because I loved him and I knew he loved me.
He looked me up and down with lust filled eyes and whispered in my ear "don't worry love I will be as gentle and slow as possible. I would never harm you," then he undid my bra and started to suck each of my nipples while his hand traveled down to my panties and he took those off and started to rub my clit with his thumb.
He continued this for a few moments all the while rubbing his hard cock on my inner thigh and he came back to my lips gave me a very sweet kiss and went to my ear again and nibbled it and whispered again blowing his hot breath there saying "can I taste that wonderful wet pussy of yours," I gulped and nodded my head yes he shook his head no and said "I want to hear you say it."
Then I screamed "oh fuck yes Edward please tasted me I want you to," he gave me his breath taking crooked smiled and kissed my body all the way down stopping to pay my nipples some attention and continued his descent to my thighs were he sucked and nipped until I was screaming his name and begging for more. Then he licked my wet pussy from bottom to top and took his fingers and opened my lips and started to lick, suck, bite, and kiss my clit until I started to tremble all over and then he slipped two fingers inside me and brought me over the edge and as I started to cum he lightly bit my clit and I scream "oh my, fuck Edward, fuck, fuck, yes, yes."
After my breathing slowed and I finished riding out my orgasm he came back up to my lips and kissed me very passionately it turned me on to taste the traces of myself on his lips. Then I started to kiss him down his body I wanted to make him feel the way he made me so I started to kiss, lick and bite him as he did me I stopped at him nipples to suck, nip, and lick then he started to scream my name out, it stirred me on more and I continued my task. When I reached his thighs he was staring down and me with hope and lust in his eyes I had never took him in my mouth before I had only given him hand jobs before but tonight I wanted to make him feel like he made me, so I licked the tip of his cock and made my way up and down his shaft then I took him in my mouth as far as I could handle and placed my hand at the bottom and I started to bob my head up and down, Edward put a hand in my a hair and moved my head at the pace he wanted all the while screaming out "oh fuck yes Bella like that fuck, fuck, fuck, shit Bella that feels so fucking good," he continued this until he was so far gone he could only moan or grunt.
Then when he was about to cum he warned me by saying my name and I popped him out of my mouth because I was not ready to swallow that because EW gross and I finished him off with my hands.
He pulled me back up to his mouth kissed me and said "I fucking love you baby," after he calmed down we started to kiss and touch again so he started rubbing his cock on my pussy making me wet all over again as he started to get hard he stopped and asked if I wanted to go all the way because he needed to be inside me, he needed it to be just me and him.
I nodded my head yes and he said "no Bella say it," so I screamed out again "yes I fucking want you inside me Edward I love you and I need you to be inside me," he gave me that same crocked smiled and I heard a rip of foil and watched him put a condom on.
Then he rubbed his condom covered penis between my wet lips and lined it over my opening and slowly inched his way in and when he got to my hymen he looked in my eyes and said "are you okay and are you sure you want to do this?"
I scream out "Yes Edward just fucking make love to me already," with that he gave on quick thrust and I felt a horrible pinch inside me and I screamed "oh fuck that hurts take it out!"
He pulled out very fast and I turned over sideways with my hands between my legs and he wrapped his arms around me and said "I am so sorry baby but it is supposed to hurt the first time don't worry next time won't be as bad. I love you and I will wait until you are ready to try again don't worry."
We just spent the next few hours under the stars until he took me to his house and I told Alice all about what happened she laughed and said "I wonder when Jasper will finally take me, he wants to wait until I am ready but I keep telling him I am."
A few days later and she tells me they finally went all the way but then she confessed to me that she was not a virgin and had slept with someone our freshman year when her and Jasper first got together but she would tell me who it was. I felt bad for Jasper but she was my best friend so I couldn't tell on her besides I am sure he figured that out when they finally went all the way. Life with Edward was great after our first night together we would sneak off to our meadow or do it in his car or sneak in to each other's rooms. We were happy and he always would tell me how much he loved me. Then the beginning of my senior year my happy life came to an end when the Cullen's packed up and left, after that horrible day when Edward said all those mean things to me, I never thought they would all just up and leave me. I needed Alice so bad to get through the break up with Edward, but they were all gone. For the first few months I was like a zombie I felt like I didn't exist I just went through the motions of life without any emotion but Charlie started to get worried and wanted to put me in a crazy hospital. That straighten my ass right up I started to hang out with Jessica Stanley and then I started dating Mike Newton he just wouldn't take no for an answer so I just went out with him to get my dad off my back.
Sex with him was terrible it was nothing like the passion and love that Edward showed me with Mike it was him climbing on top of me and pleasing himself he never cared whether I came or not he just got his and would say "that was fucking awesome Bella."
Getting with mike was a horrible idea because he and Jessica were fucking behind my back he was also fucking like 3 other girls. I was so glad I only slept with him a few times and we used protection every time, even though I was on the pill I never trusted him and every time we had sex I was so drunk and high I didn't think about what I was doing, I just didn't want to be alone even though I still felt lonely inside. Then after I found out about all the girls Mike was fucking, I cried on Jacob's shoulder and we became close friends again I hadn't spent time with him since I had started dating Edward before that my dad always made me go to La Push every last Sunday of the month that was the only day I didn't spend at the Cullen's but once I started to date Edward he thought it wasn't cool for his girlfriend to hang out with another guy and plus he said the weekends should be his. My dad just gave up complaining and didn't force me to go anymore, until the Cullen's left, then our Sunday's at La Push turned into almost every night. I was somewhat happy again Jacob made me feel alive again but then he started getting weird on me at first I didn't mind he would just hold my hand and it just made me feel warm and comfortable but he started to go too far trying to kiss me or touch me. I told him we could only be friends and he started calling me a tease and a slut and asked if I wanted to get paid if that was the problem. He started throwing things around in his garage breaking the windows and saying I was worthless and he was only taking pity on me anyway I smacked him in the face and never spoke to him again. I didn't tell Charlie because Jacob's dad Billy was Charlie's best friend and I didn't want to ruin that too. Jacob kept texting me saying sorry and he was just drunk and high and didn't mean it. That I just hurt his feeling because he loved me for a really long time and wanted to be with me but it hurt him too much when I turned him down so he overreacted. I never responded back to any of them and decided I was going to get as far away from Forks as I could as soon as I graduated. A month after graduation I moved to Chicago got my two jobs and started college and then met James and Angela.
As I was reminiscing on the past I wondered what happened between Jasper and Alice because they always seem so happy even though I knew about Alice's secrets I wondered if she was still cheating on Jasper more than she said and if he found out and that's why she went her way and he went his. But I still don't see her not being a part of the Cullen family because she was a daughter to them, I don't think Esme and Carlisle would just write her off because of whatever happened between her and Jasper. I still had so many questions and so little answers, someone needs to start talking and I know Esme and Rose are going to be the ones to spill the beans about Alice because Jasper seems so reluctant to talk about her. I also started to cry when I thought back to all the times Edward and I had spent together. It also dawned on me that it seemed as though Jasper had been waiting for me to want him because it was after he wrestled with Edward that he stopped smiling openly at me in front of Edward and all the times in the kitchen he didn't like when Edward would purposely touch me and then after Edward and I got together officially, that was when he finally got with Alice and she was the one to ask him out. Also they didn't have sex until after Edward and I finally had sex. I really need to ask Jasper about all of this but I don't know how. I am scared that I will make a fool of myself and that my suspicions are wrong. What the hell am I going to do? I am so confused and these meds are not helping one bit. After I get some more rest I am going to ask Jasper for answers about what happened to Edward and him that made them leave at least I could find that out because I am too chicken shit to ask Jasper about his feelings for me from the past. I need answers before Edward shows up and judging from what Rose said earlier it won't be long until he does. I know enough about Edward that when he wants something he will do whatever it takes to get it no matter who is standing in the way. In fact that is how he got me, because even though I liked him a lot I was very shy back then and every time we would pass in the halls or I would spend time with his family he would smile that crooked smile at me, then he started showing up at my locker and taking my books and walking me to class or purposely found ways to touch me at his house. After a few weeks of this it was during our freshman year we ran into each other at the little tourist area in Port Angela's outside of Forks, Washington I was dropped off by my dad because Alice was supposed to meet me there but it just so happened that Alice bailed on me. She was MIA so he took me out to dinner and I got a ride home with him from Emmett after that we were together as a couple, until he left me. I remember seeing Jasper really pissed off the day after we got back from Port Angela's and Edward told me Jazz had fought with some stupid ass guys that night and was fine. I never thought about that again because I was so caught up with being with Edward, he was so loving and nice to me he treated me with respect never raised his voice at me or never forced himself on me, in fact I was the one to tell him I was ready to go all the way that night we spent in our meadow.
He said "are you sure? We can wait; I do not want you to feel obligated. I want you to be completely sure," those were his words as we drove to the meadow high and drunk as hell.
After he left me, I was so confused and heartbroken I could not understand what I did wrong. I do want answers from Edward but I don't think I am ready because I want the truth and I don't think he will give it while I look like I got hit by a bus.
I also want to find out about these feelings I am having for Jasper and it seems he feels the same way but I am not sure if I want that right now, I really don't want to lose him though. Jasper has fallen back to sleep and the meds have not kicked in so I decide to read some of the texts that James sent.
Bella please answer me I called and left you like 25 messages please at least text me back J-Dogg
I am soo sorry luv please answer me J-Dogg
I didn't mean wat I said please baby I need u I don't want to lose our fam I was stupid please find it in ur heart to forgive me J-Dogg
Baby r u ok did I hurt u r u in hospital..just answer me..I need to know if ur alright J-Dogg
The first 20 messages continued to be all loving and begging for forgiveness then of course true to form he flipped the script and that ugly monster showed his face. I think at this point he was probably drunk off his ass.
U no good filthy whore if u wanted a pretty boy I could have sold u to plenty at least I could have made $$ of ur whorish ways J-Dogg
Wat u fucking pretty boy & can't answer phone wat is his lil cock in ur mouth J-Dogg
When I find u SLUT u will pay for ignoring me BELLA J-Dogg
The insults and bullshit continued for several more messages then the pleading started.
Look baby I told u I was sorry and I meant it please forget those messages I was just hurt and angry and drunk when I wrote them and now I'm sober and I am gonna get help I promise we could go together I'll do wat eva it takes just please answer me I luv u like no other u know that and our baby means more than anything to me J-Dogg
Baby PLEASE I am on my knees begging PLEASE just let me know u r ok..I'll be at ur job to check on u in the AM J-Dogg
Where r u? I need u baby please u r all I have I was just scared I was losing u I didn't mean any of it….I understand if ur mad but please let me know if ur alive u don't have to forgive me right now I can wait just please let me know ur ok J-Dogg
The messages continued this way until an hour ago, he must have fallen asleep hopefully he doesn't go to my job, I had today and tomorrow off so I hope I will be able to go to back to work on my next scheduled shift because the pain is already starting to be tolerable maybe it's just the meds but I need to go to work to make money so I can move in with Ang. I also need to go to class because I cannot miss or fuck my grades up or I'll lose my scholarship Carlisle said he will give me doctors excuses for the next week or two but I want to go back ASAP. I will call my counselor later to drop the class I am in with James I have to that today because it's the last week to drop without it affecting my GPA. I need to text James back to tell him it's over but I don't want him to destroy my things I need to talk to Rose or Ang to ask their advice on how to handle this. But until then I guess I should just play like I need time to think and let him know I am alive but the baby is not maybe he can wallow in his guilt for a while. So I text him:
Look James u really hurt me bad..u fucked my face up and gave me a few broken ribs and u kicked me in my stomach so hard the baby didn't make it..I just need some time to think...please give me some space B
All most instantly I get a reply he must be awake and waiting at my job. I hope he doesn't make a fool of himself or make me lose my job.
Baby I am so sorry please..where r u I need to c u..r u sure the baby is gone..please answer my call I'm gonna call u right now..don't shut me out I lost our child too..I know its my fault I am so sorry I can't say it enough give me a chance to prove it…I love you baby J-Dogg
DO NOT CALL me I am not ready to speak to u right now..if u r truly sorry and luv me u will give me a few days to think B
Just then my phone rings, lucky it's still on silent I do not want Jasper to wake up and know about this. I hit ignore and text him back:
Look I am in a lot of pain and I am on sum heavy pills I am gonna go back to sleep and I will call u later and please don't go to my job I have today and 2morrow off remember I told u a few days ago when I was off B
OK But I will b waiting for ur call or I'll call u at noon..please answer BTW where r u? can u tell me? R U wit HIM? I am not mad I just wanna know ur safe..I know I don't deserve to know and I know u feel like u can't b safe arournd me but that beating I got opened my eyes..I know how u felt when I did it to u and I take full responsibility and I am sorry I CAN'T lose u ur all I have I luv u too much to just let u walk away baby J-Dogg
I am safe I am staying wit sum friends that's all I am gonna say 4 now I'll talk to ya laters B
After that I text Ang:
Ang I am gonna shut my phone off for a while because asshole won't leave me alone so u can get a hold of me on my girls # it's 312-555-0124 her name is Rose I told her who u r..just ask for me but Imma get sum sleep call me at like noonish k B
K I got it luv ya girl can I c u later to make sure ur good and I'll get ur work from ur classed for ya A
Yea don't worry about mu humanities class wit James I am dropping it later so just get from da others kk luv Bells B
K luv ya girl ur bestie 4 life Ang A
K ttyl I'm turning phone off now Goodnite luv ya to bestie B
Then I shut my phone off and try to go back to sleep for like the fifth time tonight/day. Gosh I really need some rest. I hope my texts to James didn't make things worse I just need to play cool until I get my shit. Ugh! How the hell am I going to get sleep with my mind racing maybe I should take one of the pills Carlisle said will make me sleep. I reached over to the night stand wincing from the pain in my ribs and my breathing hitches and I grab the bottle and take one of the pills, soon after I started to feel drowsy and then everything drifts away.
A/N: BTW Jasper's scent comes from an actual type of soap that is designed to represent the Twilight characters so I decided to use this version but added the weed smell for story purposes.. you can find the link to the soaps on .com