AN: Hi there! :)
Not too much to say but thank you for the reviews and story alerts! I got all stuck in Breaking Free writing mode and had to take a few days to get back in the groove for The MixedTape before writing this chapter. I changed up the Point of View too. I was really debating whether or not I wanted to tell parts of the story from Syaoran's POV but I realized I had to if I wanted to get things across in a better way. We'll see how it turns out. This chapter turned out to be twice as long as the others! o_o.
Oh! So I find myself listening to the "soundtrack" of this story when i'm writing or just...all the time...so I thought I could include the songs in the beginning in case you wanted to listen along too.
This chapter is obviously titled after "Breakeven" By The Script.
Sakura's songs: "If This Was A Movie" & "Back To December" - Taylor Swift
Syaoran's song: "Somebody That I Used To Know" - Gotye
Don't forget to let me know your thoughts, concerns, questions, & suggestions! :)
Summary: Sakura comes across a mixed CD from her ex-boyfriend that she'd never listened to before. With music as her motivation, she sets out on a journey to reclaim the love she's lost and make one last attempt at the less than ordinary life she's always dreamed of.
Disclaimer: Of course I don't own CCS and the characters! I also do not own any of the song titles & lyrics within this story. I DO own this plot and any original characters I decide to put in here.
Chapter 4 – Breakeven
When a heart breaks, no it don't break even – "Breakeven" The Script
There were three things that we found out quickly after being in the city for just one day. For one thing, Syaoran Li ventured here very often; Second, he'd made quite the name for himself as an up and coming musician so it was easy to find some leads; and third, this new found star status made it almost impossible to reach out to him.
But here he was-right in front of me, staring me straight in the eye and the only thing that stood between us was this flat screen television….the 2 and a half miles from this hotel to the studio, the countless fans that stood in the crowd below the television station, the security guards, and not to mention the 6 floors that were below the main recording studio. OK, so there was a lot in my way.
His voice hadn't changed at all, neither did his looks. He hadn't grown much taller but he did look like he'd been hitting up the gym in the last year. He still ran his hands through his unruly almond-colored hair whenever he was nervous and his eyes…his eyes still shown brightly whenever he talked about his passion. The same amount of passion that I'd see whenever he looked me in the eyes when we were together. His personality on the other hand—he'd definitely gained more confidence and charm. The way the interviewer had her eyes glued to him and the way she constantly touched his arm as she asked him question was downright unprofessional but no one seemed to notice or mind for that matter. He'd managed to charm the entire city.
I lay back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, unable to watch him anymore. I'd already muted the TV minutes ago because his voice was starting to get to me. "Why did I decide to go through with this?"
"Because you love to see me happy and seeing you happy makes me happy." Tomoyo said cheerfully, closing the door behind her as she re-entered our hotel room. Room? I meant to say suite. Tomoyo really knew how to take an adventure to the next extreme. There would be no sleeping in some old random motel or catching busses, or hailing down taxis. She'd managed to find us a suite in the most well-known hotel with enough room to house 8 of our closest friends. Of course she paid for all of the expenses—without my consent—and called it a graduation present to us. She also managed to hire 2 drivers for the entirety of our trip so we wouldn't have to worry about how we would get around town. Leave it to Tomoyo to take the grit out of this journey.
She walked across the room and pulled open the curtains, "Why are you being all depressed and gloomy? It's a beautiful day outside." She exclaimed, the sunlight cascading into the room. Grabbing a pillow, I shoved it over my head—I did not want to partake in this beautiful day. I honestly just wanted to run back to our little apartment and spend my remaining break curled up in a ball, watching old re-runs and guiltily eating pounds of junk food. I wanted to be away from his lavish hotel suite, away from this unknown city and away from Syaoran Li. Ok, so that last part wasn't true. I wanted more than anything to just sit down and talk to him but just the thought of his name made my heart race and it wasn't a feeling that I was comfortable with. In the last year, I'd gained full control of my emotions—at least that's what I made myself believe.
Turns out I was wrong. The minute we stepped into this city yesterday morning, my emotions went haywire. Every time I turned a corner, I thought he would be there. Every guy with brown hair that crossed the street resembled him. I was completely on edge and I had every reason to be. I was the one that had ended the relationship in the first place and although he did send me that mixedtape letter, things would definitely be different now. 6 months can do a lot to a person.
I sighed, defeated, as the light sill found its way into my pillow helmet and I sat up in the bed. Luckily, there was a commercial on and so I wouldn't have to see him.
"Tomoyo, am I crazy?" I looked over to my best friend who was busy setting up plates and glasses for lunch. Finally giving into my pleas to spend no further money on anything from this expensive hotel, she agreed to go find something quick and simple. She opened the cartons of fried rice and place a few egg rolls on the center plate.
"Of course not. I know you're worried about how all of this will turn out but remember It's not about what's waiting on the other side…it's the climb!" She smiled.
I rolled my eyes, "Tomoyo, stop quoting cheesy song lyrics. I just feel like a stalker or one of his crazy fans. I mean—yesterday we spent the entire afternoon asking random people about him. They all certainly thought we were crazy"
Tomoyo giggled, "Mainly because he's a big name in this city. Everyone here knows about him and his life. The only reason they thought we were crazy was because we had no clue."
I stood from the bed and walked over to the window.
"I guess it's weird when you go from knowing every little detail about someone and feeling special about it…to then knowing absolutely nothing about them and being the only one." I was a little jealous of these people. From our view, I could see the TV station, the little moving ants were the people crowding around just to get a glimpse of their idol. He would only continue to grow. His fame would spread from this city to every city in the nation and then every city in the world and where would I be through all this?
I shook my head and smiled, "But after all of this—I want to be there to see him flourish. Even if it's just as a friend." I suddenly felt confident that everything would go as planned. Though a slight uneasy feeling still sat in my stomach, I slowly let something else rise to the surface, the emotions that I'd been suppressing in this last year. I missed him terribly and I wanted him to know it. I wanted him to know that I still think about him, that I still wish him well and that as much as it goes against all that I've been fighting to leave behind—I still lo-
My thoughts were cut short by a rhythmic tapping on the suite door.
"I'll get it!" Tomoyo sang while skipping towards the front of the room.
I looked curiously at the smile that dance upon her lips, "Tomoyo, who's here?"
She looked back at me with a wink, "You'll see!" and with that, she opened the door.
He stood just a few inches above Tomoyo, and his dark hair sat neatly atop his head. His eyes sparkled beneath his glasses and a his lips formed into a smirk at the sight of my expression. Tomoyo stood to the side as he entered and closed the door behind him.
My eyes widened in surprise and excitement to see Eriol Hiragizawa standing in our hotel suite.
It had been nearly 4 years since we'd seen him last. The 3 of us were inseparable in High School so it broke our hearts to know that after graduation, he would be leaving to study at a University in England. We kept in touch for a couple of years but of course, life stepped in the way.
I made my way across the room and engulfed him into a friendly embrace.
"Surprise!" Tomoyo cheered gleefully.
"There goes that camera again." Eriol mumbled. Out the corner of my eye, I spied Tomoyo with her camera recording our reunion.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, pulling away from him and dragging him to the other side of the room. It was then that I finally noticed the place settings that Tomoyo had laid out for 3 rather than 2.
"Well, I actually work here. I graduated last year and after working for a year within a hotel chain in England, I was offered a general manager position for one that was opening up back here so…I jumped at the offer!"
"I ran into him just a little bit ago when I went to grab food! What a coincidence, right?" Tomoyo continued to smile.
I nodded, "That's so great to hear, Eriol! I'm so proud of you!" It was true. Honestly out of the 3 of us, he and Tomoyo seemed to have their lives on track. I, on the other hand, would need a couple more years to figure out just what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be.
"I came here to celebrate with you two!" he raised a brown paper bag in his right hand, the champagne bottle peaking out the top.
I looked from Eriol to Tomoyo suspiciously. "Celebrate what exactly?" I backed away from them cautiously. These two were notorious for plotting against me so I had every right to keep my eyes open . Everything they did was for my own good in the end but reaching the end goal was never simple with them.
Eriol pulled out a bottle of champagne from the bag and prepared to pop the cork. He looked back at Tomoyo and they nodded simultaneously.
"To celebrate your reunion this evening with Syaoran!" she threw her hands up into the air just as the cork flew out of the bottle.
"Surprise!" they yelled together, laughing as the overflow from the bottle poured into their clumsily held champagne flutes.
I failed to share in their enthusiasm. "And just how is that supposed to happen?" I asked incredulously. "Do you not see THAT?" I pointed towards the TV as the camera showed the large crowd of fans that still continued to surrounded the television station.
Tomoyo waved her hand as if to brush my thoughts aside. "Sakura, Sakura. Eriol here is practically Syaoran's best friend."
"What?"
Eriol simply nodded. "I met him about six months ago when he first got here. It was right after an audition for the music company that he's working with now, actually. Poor guy was falling asleep at the bar. He wasn't drunk or anything, just a little depressed."
My heart dropped. I knew exactly which night he was referring to and I frowned guiltily, "I think that was the night that we broke up." I whispered.
Tomoyo and Eriol exchanged glances. "It's ok. After tonight, none of that will matter." Eriol gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze and smiled reassuringly. I always believed Eriol. If he said things would be ok, things would be ok. He just had that sureness about life.
Tomoyo clapped her hands together loudly, breaking the somber mood.
"So! Let's eat and figure out what song you'll sing tonight!"
That brought me back from whatever dark place I was and took me into an even darker one. I looked at her as if she was a wild woman, "Singing?" I definitely didn't come here prepared to sing and I definitely wasn't prepared to sing in front of my super-star ex-boyfriend.
"Yeah! Eriol says he'll be able to get you an audition for this new show they're going to be filming soon. It's the first season so it won't be nationally broadcasted or anything but if the ratings are high enough, season 2 most definitely will be." At this point, I'd already blocked her out. My mind was racing. As crazy as all of it sounded and as mad as I thought I was, the only thing I could think of was that I had the perfect song that I wanted to sing. Well, two songs actually, but I think I could work it out so that they fit together to get my message across.
"Did you hear me?" Tomoyo snapped her fingers in front of me, causing me to flinch back.
"Ok, ok. Yeah I heard you!"
"So you're ok with all of this?" she asked unbelievingly. I nodded and sat down at the table. Believe me, I was hungry but I'd lost my appetite. She let out another excited cheer and took her seat next to me. Eriol handed me a glass of champagne and took the seat on the other side. "To special reunions!" he toasted, holding his glass up in the air. I took a deep breath and did the same. "No turning back now!" I said under my breath before tossing back the drink.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x
The audition was a lot different from the one I'd been to just a few months ago. A lot calmer and much more organized. Granted, there were only 11 of us performing so I expected it to be a lot simpler. Originally there were only supposed to be 10 people auditioning but sure enough, Eriol had managed the impossible. As soon as we arrived at the television station we were allowed access in and shown to the waiting room of the auditorium where the other acts waited with a friend or just by themselves. Unlike myself though, I was sure that these people were informed of this audition at least a day or two in advance. I was lucky that I'd even brought my guitar with me on this crazy trip. Tomoyo had convinced me to bring it just in case and much like any other situation between us, I wasn't allowed to say no. I spent the remainder of the day putting the two songs that I wanted to sing together. I wrote them both a few months back just before the last audition.
The way this one worked was that we were all auditioning to fill the 2 last remaining spots for one of the 3 celebrity mentors. The spots were previously filled but the two competitors turned out to be unqualified so the network took to asking for personal references. By tomorrow, one boy and one girl would be chosen and I was crossing my fingers that the girl chosen would be me. And if I wasn't chosen…at least I still had a chance of seeing Syaoran tonight.
I held my breath at the sound of my name being called. A young girl with a headset and clipboard stood at the door that would lead to the stage. "I'm here." I stood, raising my hand. She nodded and motioned for me to follow her into the hallway. I was the last one to audition.
"Do your best, Sakura!" Tomoyo whispered as we hugged. Eriol had to go back to work but he said he'd meet back with us later tonight when we returned to the hotel. I grabbed my guitar and slung it over my shoulder and made my way to the door.
"You must really have some inside connections to have gotten this audition in such a short amount of time." The girl started, as we walked down the hall. "Mhm." I replied quietly. I didn't know how to answer her because honestly I didn't even know how Eriol had gotten me the audition on such late notice.
We walked into the open backstage area. It certainly was a lot larger than the one from the last audition.
"Keisuke? I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were still back here. You're free to go!" The girl said cheerfully.
The person name Keisuke walked towards us, an electric guitar slung over his shoulders.
"Sorry about that, I'd actually gone through the wrong door at first so I had to backtrack." He smiled at the girl before turning his attention to me.
"Well what do you know, the out-of-towner! Didn't think I'd run into you again."
The girl looked from me to Keisuke, quizzically. I too gave him the same quizzical expression although he did look a little familiar.
"Ouch. To think that I believed you would remember me for giving you the extra whipped cream on top of your milkshake." He said, realizing my lack of recognition.
"Oh! You were the one that helped us out at the diner, right?" I nearly shouted as I recalled just when I'd met him. When Tomoyo and I had first arrived in town, we were lucky to have spotted a poster of Syaoran's face plastered on the wall outside of a diner after 3 hours of trying to figure out what to do so we decided to go inside to find out what the workers knew about him. He'd been our server and our first source of information. We told him that we were from out of town and asked if what the poster outside was about. After that, he told us about how much Syaoran had grown in popularity because of his music and that there was a rumor that he'd be in town later that day. But why was he here now?
"Sakura, right?"
I was brought back from my thoughts and nodded. "And you're Keisuke, obviously. I'm sorry about not remembering you at first, it's been a long day." I laughed, extending my hand to shake his. Truthfully, I was just terrible at remembering names and at the time that we'd met, the only name that I was interested in hearing about was Syaoran's.
"So do you work here too?" I asked curiously.
Before he could answer, the girl with the clipboard butted in loudly "Are you crazy? He's auditioning. He couldn't make the earlier auditions so I referred him for these. Keisuke is one of the best performers out there. I think he may even be better than Syaoran." She said sharply and gave Keisuke a wink. Someone was obviously a groupie, I thought with a slight roll of my eyes. Even I knew that no one could be better than Syaoran. The amount of time and dedication that Syaoran put into his music couldn't be trumped.
"Hisae, you're makin' me blush. She's over exaggerating. Syaoran is a legend with his guitar. I couldn't reach his level even if I tried my hardest." Keisuke replied modestly. Hisae scoffed, "If you say so. Everyone knows that Syaoran wouldn't have been where he is today if it wasn't for Meiling Rae. The minute he got with her, his name became so much bigger."
The world suddenly stopped spinning. My world, to be exact. Did she say that Syaoran was with someone?
"Hisae! You really shouldn't listen to those rumors. Syaoran is a talented musician and he's where he is because of that."
"Who's Meiling Rae?" I blurted out suddenly. Hisae turned to face me as if she' d forgotten that I was here in the first place. "She's only one of the best up and coming international singers! Where have you been, under a rock?"
I was really starting to dislike this girl with every passing second.
"Hisae, that's enough. Sakura, don't worry about anything. Just do your best out there, ok?" he said placing his hands on my shoulders unexpectedly. I took a step back and shifted the weight of my guitar. The tension in this current moment was thick. I simply nodded with a small smile. Hisae took hold of my elbow and led me towards the stage, "Whatever Keisuke. Come on, Ms. Kinamoto, we're already behind schedule." She said as she continued to forcefully lead me in the other direction. I took a quick glance back at Keisuke who gave a small wave before he left the room.
"Look, now pay attention." Hisae stopped walking abruptly. This girl was really something else.
"When you get out there, you won't see anyone. They'll be watching you from the skybox. And there's no need to introduce yourself, since they already know who you are. Just start your song and when you're done, just leave."
Well that didn't sound right. I thought it was always polite to introduce yourself and to say thank you before leaving but…she did work here and I didn't want to waste their time. I nodded curtly and with that she turned and left. I watched her retreating figure for a moment before walking through the curtains.
The name Meiling Rae resounded in my mind as I made my way to the center of the stage where a small stool sat in the center of the spotlight. If what she said about Syaoran and Meiling was true then there really as no reason for me to be here but…I had hope that it was all just a rumor.
The stage was a lot larger than the one I'd auditioned on just a few months ago. It was a little intimidating, actually but I took a deep breath and took my place on the stool. Slightly, adjusting my strap I closed my eyes and concentrated on my emotions. If I wanted to win, I had to channel everything I'd felt back when I wrote the songs. It was just 2 months after the break up so everything had been fresh. Taking a deep breath I began the melody.
Last night I heard my own heart beating
Sounded like footsteps on my stairs
6 months gone and I'm still reaching even though I know you're not there
Emotions seeped into me. There was so much regret in these word and I'd changed the lyrics a little to fit the current situation and time.
I was playing back a thousand memories baby, thinking about everything we'd been through
Maybe I've been going back too much lately when time stood still and I had you
I opened my eyes and looked towards the skybox. If he was in there, watching right now, he would know just how I was feeling. I would make sure of that.
Come back, come back, come back to me like
You would, you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out
Come back, come back, come back to me like
You would, you would if I just said I'm sorry
I know that we could work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now
I continued to strum the melody and smiled sadly. When I'd written that song, it was at the point where I wanted so badly just to call him and tell him that I take back everything I said. Logically thinking, I just couldn't bring myself to do it though. I didn't want to get sucked back into the same routine only to end up hurt once again. The second song, I'd written was an instance of what would happen if we ever ran into each other again.
& I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good—busier than ever
Small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why
Because the last time you saw me still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die
I stood from the stool and looked back up to the skybox, singing my heart out with every strum of the guitar. Every emotion that I'd bottled up over the last 6 months, every ounce of hope, I put into these next words.
& this is my swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
& I go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you
Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine
& I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time
I brought the melody down to simple chords at the start of each next sentence. There were tears now but my voice didn't falter. I let them fall. If they were looking for emotion and talent, they'd find it in me.
So come back, come back come back to me
Like you would, you would if I just said I'm sorry
I know that we could work it out somehow
Cuz if this was a movie, you'd be here by now
You'd be here by now
I returned to the stool as I brought the song to an end and finished off the last of the melody.
Baby what about the ending?
I thought you'd be here by now
There was silence and darkness filled the room, aside from the one spotlight that continued to shine on me. I took the guitar off and sat for a moment to compose myself. With a few deep breaths, the tears had stopped and my heart rate was back to normal. I stood and looked back to the skybox. I didn't even know if someone had been watching me at all but it felt good to finally be able to sing everything out. Even if he was with this Meiling Rae, he'd at least know how I've been feeling. I was finally able to be honest with myself about my emotions over the last few months and it was relieving. I would really have to thank Tomoyo for this trip later.
Quietly and quickly, I left the stage area and headed back towards the waiting room.
x-x-x-x-x
Syaoran's POV
"Well that was different." Meiling Rae watched as the girl with the auburn hair left the stage. She twirled a strand of her long dark hair between her fingers before turning her back to the window. Grabbing her coat, she made her way towards the door to leave the room.
"There was so much raw emotion in that song. I just love music like that, don't you? Syaoran?" She'd finally realized that I hadn't spoken or moved from my chair.
I remained quiet. My eyes fixated on the spot where Sakura stood just moments before. What was she doing here? And that song…There wasn't a doubt in my mind that the song was about us or..at least her feelings towards us.
I laughed inwardly, I remember when my sisters would tell me that she'd come around. That true love would always come back and after months of hearing it and trying to make myself believe it, I lost that hope. But here she was, singing her heart out to me and I couldn't think of the right things to do or say.
"Earth to Syaoran!" Meiling shook my shoulders. "I'll be back." I said quickly, standing from the chair and making my way towards the door. There was only one other time that I could remember ever feeling this many emotions at once. But the one emotion that trumped everything was anger. I reached into my pocket and quickly searched through my phone for a number.
"Syaoran! What's your deal?" Meiling yelled after me. I continued to run down the stairs, I needed to get to the bottom of all of this as soon as possible.
Yes?
"What the hell, Eriol?" I growled into the phone. I slowed my pace as I made it into the hallway where the dressing room was. Finally finding one that was unlocked, I walked in and locked the door behind me.
Well that's a great way to greet your best friend. What's your problem?
"Sakura! You didn't tell me that she was the one auditioning!" I paced the room, running my hands through my hair. How could Eriol have not told me that Sakura wanted to audition? I didn't even know that they knew each other.
What about her? She's an old friend from high school and she's an amazing performer. I thought—
"She's THE Sakura, Eriol. The one I told you about forever ago." I'd stopped pacing and leaned against the desk. What were the odds of Eriol asking me to let Sakura audition without realizing that she was the same girl that I'd told him about. Then again, we'd never talked about her again after the first few nights when we'd met.
I hadn't realized it. I'm really sorry, man. Does this mean that she won't be chosen?
I hesitated before I answered him. There were so many reasons why she couldn't be chosen, why I didn't want her to be chosen.
"Syaoran?" Meiling shouted through the door, knocking loudly. I stood from the desk and walked towards the door.
"Look, we'll talk about it later. I've gotta go now." I whispered into the phone and hung up quickly as I opened the door. Meiling's hand was frozen in a fist in front of the door, raised in a knocking position.
"Geez, Syaoran! What's wrong with you?" I walked past her out of the room and she closed the door behind us.
I couldn't tell her about Sakura, it would mess everything up. "It's nothing. I just forgot something in the dressing room earlier. I guess I was a little too excited after watching them perform too." I said over my shoulder, flashing her a smile. Hopefully it would convince her that everything was ok. She caught up to me and looped her arm through mine.
"Then who were you talking to on the phone?" she inquired, still not convinced.
"My sister. She just called to bug me again. Is it time to head to the auditorium now?" I hoped that my weak attempt to change the subject would work. I glanced down at her and she continued to watch me like a hawk.
"Yeah, we have to thank them for auditioning and we promised a duet, remember?. Hisae should be briefing them now. Which sister were you talking to?" Her eyes were still fixed on me in a glare as we continued down the hall. "Does it matter?" I questioned, matching her glare with my own stony gaze. There was really no reason for her to be so curious about something that didn't concern her directly. We continued our staring match for what seemed like a minute until she gave up and sighed.
Fine. But we still have to decide on your two choices by tonight. Honestly, I really like Keisuke. He's already built up a name for himself in this city so he's a town favorite. As for the girl, that last one, what was her name…Sakura? She's got some talent."
The sound of her name made me tense up even more.
"No." I said bluntly.
"What? What do you mean no? She was the best one!"
I shook my head, "She didn't even properly introduce herself or even say thank you. Obviously she's not ready for a competition like this if she forgot something small like that." It sounded foolish, but it was the only reason I could come up with as to why she couldn't be chosen. We stopped outside the door to the auditorium.
"You're being ridiculous, Syaoran. We both know that she was the best one tonight. We'll talk to the producers about it after they watch the tapes." There was a determination in her eyes that mirrored my own. I was determined to not let my past come in the way of my future plans. Which means I would eventually have to confront Sakura. If she were to win tonight, something was bound to go wrong.
The door from the auditorium opened and Hisae popped her head out.
"There you two are! We've been waiting. The performers and the band are all set." We both nodded to her before she disappeared behind the door once again. Meiling took my hands in hers and looked me in the eye. "We'll talk about this later." She said before pulling me into the auditorium with her.
The collision happened before either of us could prevent it. I wrapped an arm around Meiling's waist and reached out for the arm of the person in front of me, stabilizing the both of them.
"I'm so sorry! I was going to look for the restroom and—"
And this was our first meeting after 6 months. Her voice caught midway and the continued silence spoke for the both of us. This was totally unexpected.
"No, I'm sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going. Are you alright?" Meiling asked, genuinely concerned. But Sakura's eyes hadn't left mine. "The bathroom is right through this door to the right," Meiling continued.
"No, I'm sorry, it was my fault and thank you!" Sakura laughed, reluctantly breaking the eye contact and answering Meiling with a cheerful smile. I took this opportunity to make my escape. Releasing her arm, I continued on past her, pulling Meiling along with me, my arm still wrapped securely around her waist.
"Syaoran?"
I stopped in my tracks but was unable to turn around. I kept my eyes facing forward but felt Meiling turn around to look at the girl we'd just passed.
"Syaoran, do you know her?" Meiling whispered.
Without hesitation I shrugged and continued to walk towards the stage entrance.
" I'm sorry again! But hurry back, k? You won't want to miss the performance!" Meiling said hurriedly over her shoulder.
"You ok, Syaoran? Who was that?"She asked as we continued down the hallway
"I don't know. I've never seen her before." I lied. There were a few moments of silence before I heard the click from the door behind us and I released the breath I'd been holding. She continued to watch me before nodding, "Alright then. Well, here we go!" she said joyfully, tugging me through the curtains onto the stage.
"Good evening everyone and thank you for all gracing us with your talent. All of you are truly talented individuals!" Meiling smiled brightly and waved at the small crowd in the audience. I kept my eyes on the back of her head and let her trail me in behind her. The crowd applauded and she waited for it to quiet down before she continued. I took my seat on one of the stools in the front center of the stage. While she finished her greeting, I fiddled with the microphone stand and adjusted and re-adjusted it to my height to distract myself from looking into the crowd. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sakura return to her seat. I was suddenly feeling a little sick to my stomach.
"For those of you who may not know, I'm Meiling Rae and this here is Syaoran Li! We will both be judges for the upcoming show, Star Struck! A lucky pair of you here will have the opportunity to be mentored by none other than Syaoran himself!" The applause and chatter started back up and died down shortly after as Meiling raised her hands for silence.
"To show our appreciation for coming out on such short notice, we would like to perform an unreleased song from his upcoming album. Is that alright with you all?" the crowds response was unanimous.
I looked over at Meiling through all of the cheers as she took her seat beside me. She met my eyes with a nod and I sat up in front of the microphone.
"Good evening everyone," I limited my view to the wall behind the audience members unable to bring myself to look at the crowd for fear or seeing her again. "My name is Syaoran Li. Thank you all for coming out and I look forward to working with you! This song is called "Somebody That I Used To Know". I hope you all enjoy." I smiled briefly at the applause and looked back to signal the band to begin playing. I closed my eyes as the music started. As much as I'd denied there being any personal inspiration for this song, it was ironic now that the inspiration was sitting just a few feet away from me. I looked over at Meiling who steadily moved her head from side to side to the melody and I took a breath. Keeping my eyes on her, I began to sing.
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Meiling looked over at me and smiled. The first time I sang the song to her, she knew it would be a big hit. She insisted that I re-wrote the 2nd verse and have her sing it but I think it made the song a bit too personal for my liking. I agreed to it though but I would never tell her the truth about the song anyways.
I told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
That was love and it's an ache I still remember
After sending out the last mixed tape I'd ever made for Sakura I waited for a month or two with no response. My feelings and emotions towards love began to become indifferent but my passion for music flourished. This would be the last love song that I'd ever personally write and I made it clear to my manager. He, of course, couldn't understand why but didn't argue about it. My talent wasn't suffering because of it. The only reason I'd signed on to sing was because I probably wouldn't make it far enough as a musician with just my guitar. I'd initially written the song as my last apology but throughout the following weeks, it would turn into something more of a portrayal of the hurt that I'd been feeling.
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough
Meiling quickly nodded her head towards the crowd, silently signaling for me to connect with the audience. It was something that I'd always had a problem with. Hand me a guitar and I could play every ounce of anger, happiness or sadness within me. Tell me to sing it and it was a whole different story. This singing competition was supposed to not only put my name out on the market, nationally, but also help me learn to express myself better through music.
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
So I made it up in my mind that one look wouldn't hurt. The minute I turned my head to the crowd, I saw them. Her emerald eyes were glued to me. Those sparkling emeralds that used to make me feel as though I had the world in the palm of my hands, now gave me an unsettling feeling. I couldn't get a complete read of what she was thinking but I made sure she knew how I was feeling. Surprised? Yes. Confused? Even more so. But most of all, through my eyes, I showed everything I'd felt in these last few months and how her presence here would not stand in the way of everything I'd worked so hard for.
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to knowx-x-x-x-x
Sakura's POV
Seeing him on TV was completely different from seeing him in person. Watching him earlier, his eyes held such light-heartedness. There was so much warmth when he laughed and smiled with the interviewer. When we'd run into each other just a few moments ago I was completely speechless. My arm still tingled from the grip he held on me when he kept me from falling. I quickly turned away from the gaze we held. His eyes were cold, the emotion I knew he was fully capable when people bothered him but it was one that he'd never shown to me. So was I a bother to him? Did my presence here have the complete opposite effect that I'd hoped for? My eyes found the raven-haired beauty that sat adjacent to him as she began to sing.
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
She sang those words so beautifully but there was a sense of malice in them. None-the-less, she was a beautiful girl. I could see why there were so many rumors that were swirling about them. There was a chemistry between them as they sang.
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading in to every word you'd say
You said that you would let it go
& I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know
Their voices blended together in a sad, melodic way and my eyes began to sting from holding back the tears that threatened to fall. The only thing I focused on was blocking out the remainder of the song but it was almost impossible. What in the world was I doing here?
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough
They were telling a love-story that had gone terribly wrong. Our love story. The one that I so foolishly ended 6 months ago, the love story that I'd hope to re-write during this trip but with every word they sang together I was finding my mission to be futile.
No, you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
That's what those eyes meant. He was trying to let me know that I was unwanted here, I was no longer needed in his life. Before I knew it, everyone was applauding, the song had finished and they quickly cleared out of the auditorium as I continued to sit. I had no business being in this city and he certainly made it evident that I had no business being a part of his life here.
"Excuse me?"
I looked up at the sound of a female voice. Meiling Rae stood on the outside of the aisle where I sat. Her eyes held a look of concern as she approached me.
"I'm sorry, I just got a little caught up in the song. I'll be leaving now." I said, wiping my face clear of any remaining tears.
"No, it's ok! I just wanted to make sure you were alright. My name is Meiling Rae, we ran into each other earlier."
She extended her hand which I shook with hesitation.
"You're Sakura, right? I saw your performance. It was really good! That song was so…real."
I nodded with a feeble smile, "Thank you. I wrote it a few months ago and…I guess it just really meant a lot to me to be able to finally sing it to more than just my bathroom mirror." I laughed. "Well I'm glad you did." Meiling replied with a smile. A silence passed over us as we walked towards the exit.
"Hey, have you met Syaoran before?" she asked suddenly. Hopefully she hadn't seen the look of shock on my face but I managed to quickly compose myself. I laughed quietly, "No, I thought he was someone that I used to know." I mentally slapped myself for the reference to their song. The door opened before we could continue and Tomoyo stood in the doorway.
"Thank goodness, Sakura! I was so worried about you!" A look of relief swept over her worried expression.
She pulled me into an embrace. A much needed one at that. I'd really wanted to ask Meiling about her relationship with Syaoran but it would have to wait for another time.
"What's wrong? What happened?" she asked, holding me at arm's length and examining my moist red eyes.
I shook my head with a sniffle, "It's nothing, really. Meiling and I were just talking about music and you know how I get when I talk about my songs!" I laughed nervously in a horrible attempt to mask the truth.
"Yeah, definitely. Your friend here really has a special gift for music." Meiling joined in quickly. I was grateful for her response. As much as I wanted to dislike her, she wasn't really turning out to be so bad. Tomoyo looked skeptically between us and shrugged before taking my hand. "Well we should really get going! He's off of work. It was very nice meeting you Ms…"
"Rae. Meiling Rae." Meiling smiled with an extended hand.
"Nice to meet you, Meiling. I'm Tomoyo Daidouji, Sakura's best friend." Tomoyo replied and shook her hand.
Meiling hid a small giggle behind her hand, "I can tell. You ladies have a good night, ok? I've gotta go find that crazy Syaoran. I have no idea where he's run off to!" she exclaimed as she walked back towards the stage area.
"Syaoran? Sakura did you get to meet with him?" Tomoyo whispered as we made our way out of the building. A car was waiting for us right outside the studio and the driver held the door open.
"If you can call literally running into him and his new girlfriend, Meiling Rae, meeting up with him, then yes." I muttered, shoving myself into the car. Tomoyo scrambled in after me and the driver closed the door behind us.
"Girlfriend? Spill the beans, Sakura!" Tomoyo scooted over closer to my side of the car.
I continued to stare out the window as we began the drive back to the hotel.
"He told her he didn't even know me, Tomoyo." The tears welled up in my eyes again. I was such a cry baby and I hated it.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that all of this was pointless and that he wants nothing to do with me." I definitely spilled the beans, alright. "I did what I could, Tomoyo, and that was it. I just want to go home. It's over." I broke down. She pulled me into a safe embrace, slowly stroking my back as the tears rocked my body. I couldn't contain them any longer.
They say that the first cut is the deepest but they couldn't be more wrong. That second wave of heartbreak was almost unbearable. The fact that you should have learned your lesson the first time around but didn't is like re-opening a wound that had barely even had time to close in the first place.
AN: Chyeah…sooooooo. I just realized that both of my stories last chapters end with Sakura crying u_u;. I apologize for all the emotions lol. I promise things get better ^_^. But of course, it won't be easy!
Ehh, I take my last undergrad final today (graduation in 5 days o_o)! It's for Mandarin II so I'm all (x_x) right now from studying but I wanted to finish & post this chapter before getting back to that! (Yeah, my priorities are certainly in the right order lol).
Hope everyone has a wonderful end of April & a super cool start to May! I'll update as soon as I can.
Always,
Synea K.