Sam: Warrior Princess

by FourHourShower

Sam becomes a FanFiction writer after she binge watches her new favorite TV show Xena: Warrior Princess. But when she's invited to attend a Xena Cosplay Convention, she finds the reality of Xena fandom MUCH stranger than its fiction. Contains femslash with an obsessed Xena fangirl OC. Contains suggestive adult themes/humor. Reader discretion advised.

4. Chapter 4

(Chapter 4)

Cat and Dice are shooting some dice against the door. Stacks of dollar bills are on the living room floor. Dre and Snoop's "Deep Cover" roars on the stereo. Cat looks pissed off. Cat throws.

DICE: "Yes! Snake eyes!"

CAT: "AAWW CRAPS!"

Sam walks out of her bedroom and into the living room wearing dark brown leather boots, a very revealing black leather corset, and a skimpy brown leather skirt. She's even accesorized with brown leather gauntlet cuffs. She looks like a damn fine superhero if you ask me. Even the canned audience is whistling and cat calling. She walks out of her bedroom and into the living room, headed for the front door.

CAT: "You can't go out dressed like THAT!"

SAM: "Why? Do you have a problem with the way I dress?"

CAT: "It's just... a little different than your usual style, that's all."

SAM: "I can dress whichever way I want."

CAT: "Sam, I'm just concerned that you might be taking your new obsession too far. All you ever talk about is Xena this and Callisto that. And now to see you dressed like one of... THOSE ...people, it's like you're lost in your own little universe."

DICE (picking up his money): "I, for one, like the way Sam's dressed."

SAM: "HA! See? Some people can appreciate people for who they are."

CAT: "Oh please! He likes it because he's an impressionable, hormonal, possibly-pubescent little boy with a... burgeoning leather fetish for all we know."

Dice is counting a fat stack. He looks up and shakes his head "no".

SAM: "Hold on, I'm getting a text." (pulls out her Pear phone)

SAM: "Holy smoked salmon! I've been invited to Xenacon!"

CAT: "Xenacon?! What's that? Some sort of sketchy construction company?"

DICE: "It's only the biggest Xena convention in the world! A huge gathering of cast members, show writers, producers, and fans alike. And this year it's right here in Venice!"

SAM (reading): "In recognition of your popularity as a Xena FanFiction writer, you, Pam Suckett, are cordially invited to attend Xenacon as a guest presenter." This is it! Finally the years of hard work and determination are paying off!"

CAT: "Years?"

SAM: "Days. Who's countin'?"

(laugh track)

Sam starts pacing back and forth, excitedly.

SAM: "Oh man. I knew Xena would be a great role model for me! Now people actually like me. They really really LIKE me!"

CAT: "Just because you get some strange text, you think you're some big shot? Congratulations, Sam! A bunch of basement-dwelling sickos think you're cool and now you're gonna get your nipples all in a pinch over it!"

Sam, with mild concern on her face, defensively puts her hands on her breasts.

(laugh track)

SAM: "Cat. I'm sorry, but, am I detecting a hint of jealousy in your voice?"

CAT: "NO! ... ... there's a hint of... something in my voice... but it's not jealousy."

A nervous looking Dice, pocketing his skrilla, gives Cat a "shh" sign.

(laugh track)

CAT: "Fine, go to your stupid Xenophobe Convention! But I just got a bad feeling that I'm gonna have be the one to somehow save you from those fanboy weirdos."

SAM: "I'm a grown woman, so... no. You won't. Later, Dice."

Sam goes out the door, closing it behind her.

DICE: "Double or nothing?"

CAT (MAD): "OF COURSE!"

(laugh track)

(picture collage)