Chapter 4

Postponed myriad of words

Before Usagi could decide what to do or feel, the burning man with the burning lips collapsed.

"Seiya! Oh no…"

She dragged him back to bed, put the covers on him and stood there, watching him, trying to force herself to go and get help. But she couldn't leave him this way. He was her friend…her friend with burning lips and sweet taste…She slapped herself for thinking that. But then she took the seat near the bed and just stayed there, hoping he will soon wake up.

In her mind the trial began. She hit play on the MP3 on the desk and hugged her knees. The sweet music was supposed to calm her. It did before. In her moments of missing Mamoru more than breathing, Seiya's music made it bearable.

With all the things he did for her, her safety and her happiness, it made sense for Seiya to love her THAT way. It would have made sense for her to fall in love with him. And the Outers protective behavior made sense too. Because maybe if what she felt back then, that Mamoru was gone for good, would have been true, she could have…

"I could have changed the future. And I can't change the future because I'm in love with Mamo-chan and I love Chibiusa. And now my future makes sense with Mamo-chan, because my love brought him back. And Seiya? What brought him back?"

Her mind was spinning from all the questions, but she was honest with herself, maybe for the first time. Her introspection was brave and pure. And deep down, covered by images of fighting and feelings of loss, between the memories of his time here on Earth, she found a light she never saw before. Warm and peaceful, it made her feel safe. Almost like Mamoru's arms.

"Mamoru's warmth but a different scent…I felt this the day with the date when he protected me. I trusted him when he said nothing bad can happen to me. I felt it and I didn't even know he was a sailor senshi. He does that."

Following the trail of her feelings, Usagi relaxed in the chair. The music made it easy for her to do so. There was no fresh air left in the room. Instead, the symmetry now perfect between the human scent and the masculine perfume Seiya used.

###

I can barely concentrate on her voice. She's smiling and keeps looking behind me for some reason. And then her words make sense.

"I know you said he's a good guy but he's just …strange. He looks at you like…he didn't see you in ages. Or like a stalker."

I frown a little and instinctively try to turn and see who the "stalker" is. She stops me a little violently and I don't know what's scarier – the fact that she believes I'm stalked by someone or that she has the strength to hurt me with a notch.

"Don't look now. He'll know I'm talking about him. Why couldn't you come to my house and why does he have to be with you every second."

I'm even more confused but my lips arch in a smile that warms me from inside. And I can hear the words come out. "That's because I'm…with him Rei. And he wants to protect me." And I know that behind me is not a stalker, but the man I love.

"Protect you from what? Me?"

"You can be kind of mean sometimes," I tease.

"Don't say that Usagi. We're friends right?"

I'm convinced we are. I feel like I know her for a long time now. "Yes, we're friends."

"It's not very friends-like to hide a guy from your friend. We know each other for 2 years now. And I never saw you this happy. I found out first about the college, about your parents but not about him. Six months and I only get to meet him now."

"Gomene Rei. I just…"

"I'm sure he's to blame. He looks like he doesn't really like me. Or he just doesn't like people. Except you of course, he can't take his eyes of you."

It makes me smile the way she's wrong about him. I feel him and there's no hate in him. Only love. For me. And maybe a little sadness I can't figure out why but I'm determined to erase it.

It's true he avoided this meeting. But that's just him, more to himself. I try to turn around and look at the table where I left him to look into his blue eyes and reassure him everything is alright. Rei stops me again, gentler this time.

"Usagi-chan! I can see that he loves you very much. I can feel it in his aura. But the fire is relentless when I ask about him. I can't see beyond him. I'm worried about you."

"Please don't. You'll come to know him and you'll see he's great. He's sweet and gentle and strong. And he is wise for his age. I didn't meet anyone like him before. Rei I… I love him too." I feel the blood rushing to my cheeks after the confession and I know every word is true. I want her to know and be happy for me. She stares at me with that old look she uses every time she "talks" to the fire.

"I'm not sure it's right…Don't do anything reckless."

"I AM sure about him, about us…Please, be happy for me. Meet him and you'll see. He's not trying to take me away from you."

"Fine. He looks harmless enough, except for that look of his. He looks at me like I'm going to drag you outside and away from him. It's disturbing; because it gives the feeling he would do anything to stop that from happening. But then…yea, that look changes completely when he concentrates on you. Look. Even the blue in his eyes is different. And about that - can I just say that your depiction of him is an understatement? I gotta say he looks like a movie star."

I envy her for being able to look at him. I miss him already.

Some of the things she said are true. He does look incredible. I'm in a constant danger of running out of air when I look into his eyes. It's like he bottled up in them the love from all these different lives and now I get to have it all.

He can make me laugh in a way no one ever did and annoy me pretty much the same. But no matter how upset or tired or lost I sometimes feel, I can find myself in his arms. I know Rei would think I'm crazy, but I feel I could save the world if necessary, only with him by my side. She must have been angry at me for keeping him away until now but he's not the only one to blame for it. I need to be with him the way we were. Selfish maybe, but if I can be selfish once in my life, I'll be about him.

"Tell me something juicy. Come on, I've waited for a girl talk for so long."

"Rei-chan…" My face is red again. I'm glad he can't see me. Though he knows this face very well. I can't help but blush when he sometimes stops in the middle of the street, grabs me by my shoulders and looks at me THAT way - like I'm the only one there. Which I'm not. And I can hear people whisper. He never cares. He puts on that cocky grin and defies them. And I snuggle under his arm and I don't care either.

"Come on Usagi. You owe me."

"He's right there. And there are people around."

"You didn't seem to care about that when you walked in. The way he held you and kissed your forehead like you went to cosmos for 10 years…boy, that was unnecessary drama."

Right. I remember that. Only that it wasn't an act. He does that. Kisses my forehead or my hand or my cheek and whispers things like "Come back to me soon". It makes my skin burn.

"He's like that Rei. I guess he likes being with me."

"I guess so because he's coming here and he has THAT look in his eyes. We'll talk about it later. You're not off the hook."

I can feel the heat of his body closer the way two magnets feel each other. Only that with us it works the other way and we attract. I can smell his sweet scent and I feel proud to have him here and introduce him to my best friend.

Rei gets up and smiles a formal smile, holds out her hand and prepares to be as sweet as I asked her to be. She can do it, when she wants.

A second before meeting her hand, he touches the back of my neck and stops his palm on my right shoulder. The touch sends shivers through my spine and a smile on my face. I meet the warmth of his hand with my cheek. Rei must have felt it to because she flinches the moment his hand connects with hers.

She has a weird look on her face and a scary glimmer in her eyes. I look at their hands and concentrate on his ring for some reason. This silver ring that I don't…remember.

"I'm Rei. Nice to meet you. Usagi told me …some things about you."

I snap out and look up at Rei to send her a mean look. She meets my look with a frightened, sad one. I don't understand it. And then I can hear him.

"Hello. Nice to meet you too. I'm Kou Seiya."

###

Usagi collapsed onto the ground from the chair where she fell asleep.

She woke up in an instant and she can still feel the whipping of the year ring on her cheek as she turned to look at the man in her dream. She touches her cheek. And she can't forget the last image before she would wake up. Seiya, towering her, looking away. Tears heap up in her eyes.

"It was supposed to be…Mamo-chan. I thought it was…Mamo-chan, my love."

She can't hold them anymore. She considers the thought of running. She looks for the door. The pounding of her heart drives her insane.

"I…it was not supposed to be..." she looks toward the bed and sees the relentless man. "Seiya…" She can't get her head around what happened. Trembling, she decides she can't just run. Not because of a dream.

She walkes over to the window to think about the strangest and impossible dream in her life. It wasn't that she imagined only that scene. It was like she KNEW that scene even if it never happened. And not only that, but as she stood there next to Rei she could actually relive things that never happened. Like him kissing her.

She felt herself happy in this dream. But the man that made her happy and all the things she told Rei were not describing Mamoru, the way her mind filled the gaps all the time with him. It was Seiya and that choice wasn't in any future that she might expect. Or any thought of hers.

Still, it made her heart beat faster, her head throb, and her eyes to watch him with a newfound maturity. Even if her "dream" was only a dream, that still meant she thought about it sometime along the way.

"No. I never thought of him like that. I…"

She looked at him. He was breathing evenly now. The thought of him safe made her happy. But that was because she cared about him.

"This dream…you don't have this kind of dreams when you are destined for one love," she thought. "But I can't possibly love Seiya that way too can I?" she touched the cold skin on her cheek and found herself missing his hand there. That scared her.

She let a deep breath out and stared out the window with a resigned look. Inside this four walls, with every connection to the world severed, she can look at him and say that maybe he could have been THAT for her, but only if he had meet her sooner - couple of millennia sooner. She brushed the thought of. She won't do that to Seiya.

This is what he said before the final concert. He told her he wished they meet sooner. Maybe this dream was her way of giving him that. Maybe he dreamt it too, because he looked peaceful and radiant.

This new powerful woman was confronting her very deepest thoughts with sincerity and courage. She was realistic and fair. Things did happen to lead to this. Every time she had a new enemy she learned something. And every time she lost someone she suffered and tried her best to get them back.

It's only natural she can decide now for herself. And it's only natural she would decide not the hurt the people she loves. Or not hurt them more, in Seiya's case. So she buried the dream back into her mind and decided to wait until after this crisis to figure it out, if it was more to figure out. Now she will have to look at him the same way. She knew that was going to be hard, but he needed to get better. They will sort everything out after that. After.

In two hours, she changed the ice on his forehead with a steady hand. He was silent. In the morning, she looked sicker than him, after a night of growing up. He was smiling.

"You stayed." He said watching her fiddling in the chair. Actually, she was just trying not to hear his voice and compare it to the voice in her dream.

"Well of course baka, I can't let you die…even if you deserve it." She finished the sentence, not believing what she said.

"Oh…that is cold Odango!" He faked a frown.

"What's wrong with you? Your fever is still high. I'm gonna call a doctor…"

"NO! Um…sorry…just stay here with me."

"I can't stay forever and…"

"I know you can't…" he replied more to himself.

"And…I'm not a very good nurse."

"I'll give you that", he smiled.

"Shut up, it it's not the time to play smart ass. I'm really worried Seiya…"

He looked at her. He could see her distress and that made his heart grow. "I know you only care because you don't like to see people hurting…but I'll settle with your care for me…for now…" he thought.

"I'm still thinking of calling a doctor."

"No…it's too soon. I'm still very popular and I don't need the publicity. But…to make you happy, I'll make you a deal. Stay with me until tonight. If I don't feel any better, call a doctor, and you're free."

"Don't put it like that…Just that…I sort of disappeared. Nobody knows where I am. And we were supposed to meet. It's the first peaceful day in…"

"I'm sorry. You're right. I don't know what I was thinking. Go. And don't worry about me…"

"It's too late for that, don't you understand?" Usagi said and realized she said it a little too loud. "I'm sorry. Just that I need to see you get better."

He just smiled. He had her there and because of her beautiful heart, she will not leave until he has fine. Not bad, this sickness, whatever it was.

"So…do you want anything to eat?" I hope food can make you better.

"No…not hungry", he said with a goofy smile.

"Are you feeling better? Cause you're still hot."

"Well thank you Odango, it was about time you notice."

"Baka!" Usagi slapped his arm playfully, so she doesn't hurt him.

"No, not much better. I have this huge head ache and my whole body hurts…But other that that…just great."

"Then stop smiling. If you smile like that all the time, how will I know you're getting better?"

"I'll tell you."

"I doubt it."

"Oh, so you're onto my plan to keep you here forever…"

Usagi jumped a little at his words and saddened. He could see something different in her body language, but he passed that as embarrassment.

"Hey, I'm only joking Odango. I'm thankful you stayed. I'll be up and running in no time."

"Mm…I hope so."

They stayed a little quiet until a growl from Usagi stomach broke the silence.

"When did you last eat Odango?"

"Mmm…yesterday…at the temple. Makoto made the most wonderful lunch to celebrate peace…" Usagi remembered and then started to think about the girls. "They must be worried sick by now. And Mamo-chan…I haven't seen him since …I wonder if they're searching for me…Maybe…"

"Hey Odango, check out the paper on the living room table. I must have some numbers from the restaurants near by. Order anything. My treat."

"Order…Mmm…I can do that." Usagi disappeared of the door and into the living room. That made Seiya feel strange. He was used to her near him now.

"And that is completely stupid."

30 minutes later, Usagi was eating…and eating and eating…and trying not to face Seiya.

"Watching you makes me hungry."

"That's a good sign…but there's not enough food for both of us," she joked.

"Don't get defensive; I wouldn't come between you and your food …"

"Oh don't start, you sound like Rei."

"I could watch you forever…Munching you food next to me. Odango…"

"I better call the girls after this. But what do I tell them? I can't drop the Seiya bomb…can I?"

"Thinking affects your eating, so stop."

"Mmm." Usagi mumbled, with a dumpling in her mouth.

"I know you think I'm always right." Seiya played with her a little, until she became serious.

"Seiya…"

"Yes?"

"What would you do now?" Usagi asked holding her last donut.

"I would take you away with me. For real this time." He let down his every defense and just said the words. He realized it after they were said. But the words didn't really get through to Usagi. Maybe for the best. She had agonizing things on her mind.

This dilemma she couldn't understand. Because it was suppose to be easy. Just call and ask the help of the others. And she couldn't do it. Now, despite her character, she was considering lying.

"No…I mean what would you tell the others if you were me?" she cut him off without looking up.

"I'm sorry Odango, I never thought about that…" Seiya slapped himself in his mind for thinking too much about his problems.

Her question remained unanswered. It lingered in the room until the possible answers made Seiya sick. He dropped right back into the bed, trembling furiously.

"Ahhh!" his scream scared her. He was holding his head and sweating. The veins on his forehead and neck were pumping blood into a sick head.

###

Hurt. Run! Go! The pain is splitting my head. Little beats of sweat come down. My eyes feel like burning marbles. Go there now! I'm pounding my head in the steering wheel. I NEED to go somewhere so bad it hurts me. And it's driving me crazy that I have no idea where.

Another something stabs my brain. Hurt. And my foot just pushes into the acceleration. Fast! Faster! I see a street corner, and I think I have to take a right. No! Left! I'm sure. I almost hit another car. I can't die but the rest of the world can. Faster. I feel that I'm late.

My heart beats so fast I almost remember …her. A look in the mirror. It's me alright. I still recognize myself. Not even a day older. A blonde on the sidewalk. A peek and I know it's not her. It's been so long. Instinctively I feel it's not her.

My hands hurt. I'm squeezing the wheel. Faster! I'm late. I'm desperately looking for the next corner. The brake sound wakes me. There! It's right there!

I'm not sure if I stopped the car before jumping out, but here I am, keeping her protectively behind me.

"Get out of here. Now!" I'm not screaming but it seems like it.

I can feel her fright. I'm more concerned about the group of vandals in front of me. I know it's her and I know I'm not late and I know I'm not going to see her again for a long time.

The happy party of three isn't so happy. I'm the next target now that she's gone. We fight. I'm ready for this. I take the time to look and make sure she's running to safety. She is.

Time stops when she looks back. I can see her caring. She didn't change a bit. If I could, I would tell her that. But I have to keep these guys busy. "Run! Run Odango!"

They hit like girls. My knuckles hurt. My brain is relaxed.

I'm happy. I was here on time. I could save her. And I can concentrate away from the smell of blood and sweat enough to feel a faint trace of her. She smells the same. Like …only she does. Smiling hurts.

"Odango…"

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