Chapter 4: Backstory?

I was taking a shower when Jane opened the front door. It was well past midnight and the Bennet house was quiet, but I could hear the anger in Jane's footsteps as she walked up the stairs. Hers was always a seething, silent anger; I have to admit I was kind of afraid.

She opened the bathroom door softly and closed it behind her, moving to sit on the toilet. "Lizzie, where were you? We were all worried, especially Caroline." Her tone was quiet. Oh yes, Caroline was really, really worried wasn't she?

"Grr, Caroline!" I peeked my head out from behind the shower curtain and looked at Jane. She gasped, and her anger vanished.

"Have you been crying?"

Damn. I had thought the steam from the shower had erased the puffy redness in my eyes.

"Jane, did you really believe her? What did she tell you?"

Jane fiddled with her skirt. "She told me you disappeared in the garden." She looked at me, confused, "She said you wanted to explore some more on your own, but that you'd be back."

I couldn't tell her the truth. Jane really liked Charlie and I didn't want to make her worry about me when she looked so happy. "Yeah, that's exactly what happened." Note, this was said with a smile and a nod.

"Then why are you crying?"

"Nothing, I was just remembering grade school."

"Did you have a nightmare?"

"Yeah, that's it."

"Was it Bill Collins again?"

"Yeah." All lies, but I had a feeling I would dream about Bill for the first time since eighth grade that night. Stress usually triggered the nightmares.

"I'm so sorry Lizzie, you should have told me earlier. I wouldn't have forced you to go over to the Bingleys."

"It's fine. Did you enjoy the movie at least, or were you too busy flirting with Charlie?"

"Oh, hush." But she was blushing. She fiddled with her skirt again. "He's such a great guy Lizzie. He's really sweet. And he wants us both to go down the shore with him next weekend. He owns a beach front house in Rhode Island."

"The water is really cold there Jane."

"It'll be so private though, so much nicer than the Jersey Shore."

Charlotte's family had regularly invited us to the Jersey Shore with them since we were children, and usually we were always excited to go, but I guess Charlie was better than over-populated beaches.

"I don't want to go, and why does he invite me all the time?"

"Please Lizzie. I really, really like this guy. He invites you because he likes you too." She thought for a moment, "And he thinks you're good entertainment for Will and Caroline." Wahh? Is this girl seriously saying this with a straight face?

I was going to protest, but when I looked at her smiling face I found I just didn't have the heart. "Will you let me shower in peace?" I asked weakly.

She nodded earnestly, her long blond hair coming loose from her hair tie.

"Okay then." After squealing and thanking me twenty times, she left me to my shower. I looked at my shorter brown hair and smiled weakly, trying in vain to push Caroline Bingley out of my head. I slumped against the tile.

Bill Collins used to live in Longbourn. He and I spent all of grade school in the same small class of thirty students. Back then I wore overalls, and hung out with all the guys. I played soccer, lacrosse, field hockey, and, at recess, football. Then, in eighth grade, my eyesight went bad, and I wore glasses for the first time. Soon afterwards, Bill turned all the guys against me. He mocked me and taunted me, and the boys followed suit. "Frizzy Lizzie" and "ugly eyes" they would say. Then the pimples broke out, and I had the braces put on, and "Frizzy Lizzie" with the ugly eyes morphed into softly murmured, "Look at how ugly she is…oh god, and the way she's always around Billy, what a slut". Unfortunately, Bill was handsome, so naturally all the girls took his side, sucking up to him in the hopes of attaining popularity. I spent my lunches in the teachers' lounge, where my math teacher Mr. Meyers tried to distract me from all the taunts of the boys and girls. I quit sports and spent recesses with Charlotte, who would walk over from high school to talk to me. Jane only found out about Bill at my graduation. He tripped me as I walked across the stage to receive my diploma. I started crying, my mother was embarrassed, and I ended up spending the rest of the day in the shower. I stood under that faucet well after the water turned cold. Bill Collins had haunted my dreams for years afterwards, but when I started college they stopped. Now, once again I was terrified, afraid to fall asleep. Caroline and Darcy were undoubtedly the triggers, but I wouldn't tell Jane that.

The next morning I woke up at four o-clock and pulled on some shorts and a t-shirt to go running. I felt terrible, but the nightmares weren't as bad as they had been years earlier, and the exercise helped to clear my thoughts. I passed the house on Netherfield Street and forced myself to smile. I could handle Charlie's family. I could even handle Darcy if it meant pleasing Jane. Six miles later, I was back on Regimental Street. Mom was outside in a lawn chair, an alcoholic beverage in her hand, oversized bedazzled sunglasses on her face. I took a deep breath and walked over to her, putting my iPod in my shorts pocket.

"Eh, ma? What are you doing?" She took off her sunglasses and looked at me.

"Don't you think we need a pool? We need a pool, honey, but your father disagrees with me. So I'm going to be here all day until he gets us a pool. Wouldn't you like that Lizzie?" My brows furrowed, collecting the hard-earned from my run.

"Ma! We don't need a pool, we belong to the local country club, and Meryton already has a pool!"

She shook her head and sighed dramatically. "Tut tut Lizzie! I know Lydia will agree with me!" I left her to her cosmopolitan, walking inside to take a shower and change. Dad was peeping out at mom from his office.

"Fanny!" he muttered, scratching his balding head, "we don't need a pool!"

"That's what I said dad, but she doesn't listen to me." The man nearly fell out of his leather recliner.

"Elizabeth! What did I tell you about knocking?" I gave him a smirk and ruffled what was left of his fluffy grey hair.

"You better watch out, soon Lydia will be on ma's side, and then all hell will break loose."

"We belong to Meryton country club!" I chuckled, walking upstairs to take a shower. Now I had to pack for this stupid weekend of Jane's.