Koopa: How's it going, Luigi? Are you sure you don't want to take a breather?
Luigi: I've got the juices flowing now. If I stop, I probably won't want to move again. So what do I have to look forward to this time? Does any of it involve Piranha Plants?
Koopa: Um...[checks a card from his pocket]...no, I don't believe they do. I mean, it'll still probably leave you crying in a padded room years from now, but...
Luigi: Eh, you underestimate me, Koopa. I've taken on people whose faces would have had Rambo in tears, and I've walked away with cheeks dry.
Koopa: That being the case, you have a bit of a decision to make.
Luigi: Yeah?
Koopa: North of here is World 5, but you can actually do that next instead of World 3 if you want. Of course, you need to beat all the mini-games anyway, so it's not like the shortcut will help you in the long-run.
Luigi: Is World 5 out in the middle of the water like I think it is?
Koopa: Yup.
Luigi: Eh, I'm gonna stay dry a little while longer. I'll take on each world in sequential order, so I'll do 3, then 4, and then 5. Might as well not make things confusing.
Koopa: Well, take care no matter what you choose.
Luigi marches on from the Save Space and takes a look at the scenery. Instead of green grass, he walks on soft sand. He slowly smiles.
Luigi: Well. Finally a change of scenery.
A beeping construction vehicle passes in front of him, spraying sand all over the place. Luigi's smile falls. The vehicle circles around a spot in the sand, filling the air with loud beeping and drilling sounds. Luigi claps his hands over his ears.
Luigi: How long is this supposed to go on for?
Construction Guy: Oh, the next three to four...
Luigi: Weeks?
Construction Guy: Decades, I'm thinking.
Luigi: What's the point of mulching up the place if it's going to be left a crater for the next...? Alright, that's it. [steps onto the next blue space] Toad, let me in. I'll fix this place up.
Luigi disappears and winds up in the spiritual realm to find Spiritual Toad turned away from him, kneeling on the ground and moving some toys in front of him.
Spiritual Toad: "I will end your reign of terror, Lord Evil!" "No, you will not, because you are a unicorn and unicorns are dumb!" "That's coming from the one tromping around Metropolis in his bright purple pajamas? No wonder your minions can't hit me! I just learned how to fight yesterday, and I'm still pwning your army!" "Oh yeah?" "Yeah! UNICORN SUPLEX!" [slams the toys together repeatedly] PEW! POW! BLAM!
Luigi: Toad?
Spiritual Toad jumps and tosses the toys into the air, whirling around in terror. He focuses on Luigi and slowly tries to calm himself. The unicorn toy lands on the edge of Luigi's hat.
Spiritual Toad: Luigi?
Luigi: Yeah. What were you doing?
Spiritual Toad: Just, uh, just...planning my next strategy.
Luigi: With unicorns and Lord Evil?
Spiritual Toad: No.
Luigi tries to ignore the unicorn toy dangling from his hat.
Luigi: It's cool, Toad. I still have my Barbie collection at home.
Spiritual Toad: Really? Could I... [Spiritual Toad clears his throat and shakes his head] Anyway, welcome to the next mini-game, Crazy Cutter. Seeing as you're standing in front of me with all your limbs intact, I trust the moving props in the real world didn't destroy you.
Luigi: I'm still here.
Spiritual Toad: Good, because the guy who ran the hot dog stand wandered around on break and basically got himself destroyed faster than a robot in a Michael Bay movie. Terrible incident.
Luigi: I thought it was a contract dispute with World 8.
Spiritual Toad: It was. He thought the hospital bill was an order from a customer and told the nurses to prepare three Chicago-style hot dogs for "Jimmy Fo'rizzle." He was a little confused. [wanders deep into thought] That happens when your head goes from being shaped like a melon to shaped like a dumbbell.
Luigi: Ouch.
Spiritual Toad: Yeah, horrible mess. The point of Crazy Cutter is to take a jackhammer and cut out a giant fossilized creature from underground. The more accurate you are, the higher the points you'll receive when everybody finishes. You'll win this mini-game by finishing with a score of 80 or higher.
Luigi: Good deal. When do I start?
Spiritual Toad: Now, I suppose. Bon voyage.
Luigi starts to fade into the mini-game.
Spiritual Toad: Wait, let me have - Ah, too late. That was my last unicorn.
The world reappears to show a near-endless scape of parched dirt. Laid out in a 2x2 grid are four impressions of Boo on the ground. Yoshi, Peach, and Donkey Kong stand next to their respective impressions, balancing their jackhammers with one hand. Luigi turns to look at his own jackhammer and stands it up.
Luigi: Good heavens, somebody screwed up.
The jackhammer dwarfs Luigi by about a good foot or so. He stares up at it, wide-eyed.
Female Voice: Start!
Luigi takes a deep breath and jumps onto the jackhammer. It activates for a moment before slowly toppling over and planting Luigi face-first into the dirt. The vibrating of the jackhammer makes Luigi create what can only be called a Face Angel in the soil.
Peach: Need a little hand there, Luigi?
Yoshi: Rup yam muppo? [How does that dirt taste, string bean boy?]
Luigi: [voice muffled through the dirt] I'm fine. Just give me a moment.
Luigi pulls his face out, shakes his head to knock the soil off, and jumps onto his jackhammer, legs dangling off the ground. After a few near falls, Luigi gets the hang of balancing the oversized jackhammer and steers it forward, cutting out the edges of the Boo imprint. He carefully makes his way around the imprint, looking down and seeing little more than a jumping mass of lines. Hearing another humming sound, Luigi turns and sees a completely unaware Donkey Kong following close on his tail, etching a line away from his Boo and toward Luigi's.
Luigi: DK, wake up! You're leaving your own Boo! You're going to mess things up! [starts blowing at Donkey Kong frantically] I've got like a perfect run here! You're going to just cut through the center!
Luigi comes close enough to Donkey Kong to reach out with his dangling foot and gently kick the ape's jackhammer away, sending it off in another direction. Luigi exhales in relief and focuses on completing his Boo. A few seconds later, Donkey Kong drives into a group of barrels, generating a massive explosion that nearly flings Luigi from his jackhammer and bathes the landscape in fiery light. Wide-eyed, Luigi tries his best to ignore the event and finish his Boo. A few seconds later, he comes to the end. His jackhammer mysteriously vanishes beneath him, spreading him over the dirt.
Female Voice: Finish!
Luigi stands up shakily, quaking from head to toe. He takes a few experimental steps, his head bouncing up and down involuntarily.
Peach: You okay over there, Luigi?
Luigi: I'm fine! Will the three of you princesses shut up -
Luigi is interrupted as a dazed Donkey Kong accidentally runs sideways to keep his balance and crashes into him, pinning him into the ground. All the air in Luigi's lungs whooshes out in a split second.
Luigi: I'd always wanted to know what it was like to die without actually dying...so this is it...
A number appears over each carved-out Boo. Luigi cranes his head back to see it. The number over his Boo is 86. It is 95 over Peach's, 79 over Yoshi's, and 0 over Donkey Kong's. With a last bit of strength, Luigi hurls Donkey Kong off him and gets to his feet, coughing. Cracks appear by the Boos of Luigi and Peach, prompting them to step away from their work. A second later, two giant Boos burst from the ground and fly into the air.
Luigi: Well, at least it's a passing grade. [turns to Yoshi] How about it, Yoshi? How's it feel to be the only one who failed besides the narcoleptic monkey?
Yoshi: Erm bum yup meep huppo rawr. [It feels like your neck will be coincidentally snapped in your sleep within the next twenty-four hours.]
Luigi: You're sorry you ever messed with me? Oh, good to hear.
Yoshi: Gum lup meepo bung. [And he is an ape, not a monkey, you unworthy ignoramus.]
Luigi hears horrified screams coming from across the horizon and realizes the Boos are terrorizing some virtual populace. He glances at the Boo-shaped hole next to him, wondering what he's done.
Citizen 1: Run! Run for your lives!
Citizen 2: The ghosts have returned!
Citizen 3: We must summon Mothra!
The citizens begin a steady chant of "Mothra." In the distance, Luigi sees the huge butterflies from Ground Pound fly in, smoking cigarettes, wielding chains, and otherwise looking tough.
Luigi: I should've known they were related.
Butterfly 1: We gonna rearrange your faces so Picasso don't recognize you, punks!
Butterfly 6: We the descendents of Mothra's daughter's sister's cousin's ex-boyfriend's janitor! We tough, man!
Luigi: I have to leave before this gets any weirder. Toad, let me out of here.
Citizen 409: Look! It's the army of the Shy Guys from Paddle Battle! Now we must summon Bowzilla!
Citizen 84: But it is too dangerous too summon Bowzilla! He might kidnap our princesses!
Luigi: TOAD...
Luigi vanishes from the Crazy Cutter mini-game and reappears in the real world. He shakes his head to gather his thoughts.
Female Voice: Clear!
Luigi: Yeah-hah!
Female Voice: Hey, why don't you have a victory pose or something?
Luigi: What? Why?
Female Voice: Because everybody does a victory pose after winning something. You need a victory pose.
Luigi: What if I just take this hand...[holds out his left hand and grabs his wrist with his right]...and slap anyone who thinks I need some goofy winning stance?
Female Voice: That'll work.
Luigi: Huh?
Before he can react, something bright flashes in his vision, causing him to shield his eyes.
Luigi: What was that all about?
Female Voice: I recorded your posture. Now everyone will see you holding your left hand every time you win a mini-game.
Luigi: The intention was to slap someone with it, not offer my hand for shaking.
Female Voice: Kinda looks like you might be holding your hand like a gun, actually. Maybe we should go with that.
Luigi: Great, so first I shoot them, THEN I slap them.
Female Voice: You know what? Go do the next mini-game.
Luigi: Fine by me.
Luigi walks to the next blue space, which is beside a big dome made of sand. Impressed with the relative safety of Crazy Cutter compared to the insanity of the previous mini-games, Luigi tells Spiritual Toad he is ready and is taken to the spiritual realm.
Luigi: What have I got to look forward to this time, Toad?
Spiritual Toad: I think you'll like this one. It's called Buried Treasure. Basically, you dig through the dirt until you find the treasure chest. If you're the first to locate it, you win.
Luigi: Sounds kind of iffy.
Spiritual Toad: It is, a little bit, but there's help along the way. You can uncover signs in the dirt that point you in the right direction, so even though the chest's location is randomized, you should stumble across it pretty quickly if you're a fast digger.
Luigi: That's it?
Spiritual Toad: That's it. Now make like Anna Nicole Smith and find some treasure.
Luigi: Make like...Anna Nicole Smith...?
Spiritual Toad: Gold digger?
Luigi: Ah. Send me in.
Luigi leaves the spirit realm and appears, once again, in an endless landscape of brown dirt.
Luigi: I'm starting to miss the green of the first two worlds.
Wario: I'm not! Do you know what all this boring dirt means?
Luigi: Perfect reproductive grounds for earthworms?
Peach: Gross.
Luigi: Exactly.
Wario: Dirt means ideal places for treasure! Treasure means I get rich! GETTING REACH MEANS -
Wario is stopped cold by a hard ball of dirt thrown in his face. Donkey Kong beats his chest joyously.
Peach: Thank you, Donkey Kong.
Luigi: That was more like the Wario I've always known. Why couldn't he stay the robotic troll he was previously?
Wario: Perhaps I can sell this dirt for money!
Female Voice: Start!
Luigi dives into the ground, pushing dirt out of the way as fast as he can. Wario plunges in face-first like a worm and eats the dirt ravenously, resembling some monster from a horror B-movie. Donkey Kong starts digging a hole straight down, quickly disappearing. Peach hesitantly gets on her knees and scoops dirt aside.
Luigi: Toad said there would be some signs pointing me in the right direction. If I find one of those soon, I'll be a step ahead. [hand bumps into something] Hey, what's this?
Luigi grabs a solid object in the dirt and pulls it toward him. It turns out to be a human leg covered in dress pants and a shoe. Luigi pulls the rest of it out and stares at the body.
Luigi: Is this Jimmy Hoffa?
He hears a loud mulching sound approaching him and looks up, coming face-to-face with Wario chomping down mouthfuls of dirt. Luigi rolls out of the way just in time and places his hand over his heart, praying it doesn't burst.
Luigi: I have never wanted to know what Wario's tonsils looked like, but I think I just figured it out.
Luigi notices something white in the corner of his eye and scrubs the dirt away from it. When he sees a red arrow, he knows it's one of the signs Spiritual Toad told him about. He follows its direction, frantically plowing dirt out of his way and hoping he doesn't bump into Wario again.
Peach: I see that, Luigi!
Luigi: Nonsense. I'm looking for a contact lens.
Peach: [striking a sarcastic pose] You wear contacts?
Luigi: Sure. Now go in the opposite direction.
Peach uncovers another sign pointing to a big gray rock to Luigi's left. They stare first at the sign, then at the rock in synchronization. Luigi kicks a wave of dirt at Peach and scrambles toward the rock. To his right, Wario eats his way through the soil and crashes into the rock with his face. Although his face resembles that of a pug's, Wario's teeth are all intact and he proceeds to slowly eat his way through the rock. Grateful for his last-minute invitation to the Super Smash Bros., Luigi pounds through the rock with his fists, chipping it away bit by bit. Peach approaches the boulder and starts doing the same thing. This continues for a few seconds until Luigi's hand hits something dark brown and hard. With three players nearing the chest, the digging turns desperate. Luigi places one hand on Wario's forehead and beats his way through the rock with the other. At the last moment, he uncovers all of the treasure chest, causing it to open up and release a line of golden coins. He prepares for the impact of ten solid coins, grimacing as they fly into his back.
Luigi: So worth it.
Peach: Curse you, Luigi.
Luigi: Where's Donkey Kong?
Peach: At his current rate...probably getting close to the Earth's mantle.
Luigi: Cool beans. See you around, princess.
Peach: I swear I'll win the next one!
The Buried Treasure world fades into white, and the pain in Luigi's back eases. He reappears in the real world, pleasantly finding the space he's standing on yellow.
Female Voice: Clear!
Luigi stands there silently.
Female Voice: Are you going to do it?
Luigi: Do what?
Female Voice: The victory pose. Or do I have to roll an obligatory clip of you holding your hand out?
Luigi: Roll the obligatory clip. I'm lazy.
Luigi stretches while a picture of himself holding his hand out animates and plays through. After gaining an extra life and some money, he moves onto the next blue space and announces his readiness. He appears in the spirit realm a second later.
Spiritual Toad: Not feeling tired yet?
Luigi: Physically, no. But I can swear I feel my sanity unraveling.
Spiritual Toad: That's why it's recommended you take a rest every now and then, Luigi. Putting yourself through all these tests in less than a day has a tendency to drive people nuts. So this next mini-game is called Desert Dash, and...wait for it...
Luigi hears screaming from somewhere far away. The voice gets louder until a red and blue figure splats into the "ground" beside Luigi. He jumps in shock and steps back.
Spiritual Toad: This is your first 2-on-2 mini-game. You'll be working with your portly brother here.
Mario: [standing up and looking around] What...what is this place?! It killed me! The shrimp innards killed me!
Luigi: They didn't kill you, Mario. You're in some sort of spiritual plane.
Mario: I didn't know enlightenment came with its own air travel.
Spiritual Toad: It's a realm created specifically for Mini-Game Island, Mario. You can learn about the mini-games here without any real physical effects.
Mario: So it's like a Hyperbolic Time Chamber in Mario Party.
Spiritual Toad: ...Yes.
Mario: Suddenly I like this game a lot more.
Luigi: Would you believe he's adopted?
Spiritual Toad: Is he?
Mario: No.
Luigi: Doesn't mean we can't believe it sometimes.
Spiritual Toad: As I was explaining to Luigi, Mario -
Luigi: For the last time, my full name is NOT Luigi Mario! That's just some gimmick the movie cooked up about us! Are you going to believe everything ELSE that movie made up about us, too?!
Spiritual Toad: Relax, Luigi. I meant I was talking to you first, and now I'm going to repeat myself to Mario.
Luigi: Oh. Sorry. I have to put up with that a lot.
Spiritual Toad: Anyway, Mario, this mini-game is called Desert Dash. You'll have to work in tandem with Luigi to reach the finish line before your opponents do. You and Luigi will have boards strapped to each foot, and you'll share the boards on the left and right sides with each other. Synchronization is key here. You must move your right foot when your brother moves his, and your left foot the same way. Try to move at individual paces, and you'll just trip and fall.
Mario: Well that's no fun. I like games I can apply my laser tag strategy to.
Luigi: With reversed roles?
Mario: Why don't YOU take a zillion lasers to the eyeball and see how YOU like it?
Spiritual Toad: Are you guys ready or not?
Luigi: Yeah. Come on, Mario.
Mario: I got it.
They vanish from the spirit realm and find themselves in the desert once again. Mario whips around, stupefied at the sudden change in scenery. The sun is setting on the horizon, slightly obscured by a couple of intimidating Thwomps ahead. Luigi looks to his right and sees Peach and Yoshi strapping themselves onto a couple of boards.
Luigi: Okay, let's do it, Mario.
Mario: Where's civilization?
Luigi: There isn't any. This is another artificial realm conjured up by the owner of Mini-Game Island.
Mario: So how do we get out?
Luigi: We win. Or lose. Either way, we'll leave in less than sixty seconds, but we'll have to cooperate.
Mario: Alright, I got this. [straps his feet onto the boards] Slow but steady wins the race, right?
Luigi: Fast but steady would be even better.
Female Voice: Start!
The same Toad from Limbo Dance starts up another high-pitched tribal chant from out of view. Shudders run down Luigi's spine from bad memories, but he forces himself to stay focused.
Luigi: Let's start right.
Mario: - Left. Wait, what?
Luigi: Right. Let's start on the right.
Mario: Fine.
They move their boards along awkwardly, shuffling forward at a slow pace. To Luigi's dismay, Peach and Yoshi are already ahead of them.
Luigi: Left...right...left...right...
Peach: Right...left...right...right...up...down...freestyle...
Luigi, distracted by Peach, stumbles a bit, nearly falling over.
Luigi: Peach, shut up!
Mario: Just ignore her. Focus on the boards under your feet. I'll write her a stern letter when we get back to civilization.
Luigi: She's not real, Mario. She's just a representation in the virtual world.
Mario: [brightening up suddenly] Oh, she's not real, huh? HEY PEACH! NEXT TIME, I CHOOSE THE FREAKING VACATION!
Peach: The only vacation you'll need is one from work after you break into gravel!
Luigi: Focus, Mario. They're too far ahead of us already.
Mario: Sorry. I've wanted to say that for awhile.
Mario and Luigi shuffle along at a faster pace, trying to stay in synch. Yoshi turns to them and spits his tongue out, creating the world's most disgusting-sounding "PBTHBTHBTH". Mario instinctively pulls his hat down to block the spit. Luigi isn't so lucky and wipes some of the saliva from his face.
Mario: I hate to say it, but I think they've got this one.
Luigi: Isn't there a way we can move faster?
Peach: Too late now, little men. We're almost to the -
Peach is cut off as the Thwomp slams down on her and Yoshi, generating a loud, resounding crunch. Mario and Luigi recoil for a moment, then seize the moment and shuffle forward.
Luigi: Go go go go go!
Mario: Mind the Thwomp! Mind the Thwomp!
The Thwomp on their side of the desert crashes down in front of them, close enough for Luigi to bump his nose into it. It goes back up slowly, creating a squeaking sound as it rubs Luigi's nose. When they have enough space, they go forward again. Luigi notices Peach and Yoshi inflating back to their original sizes, the boards somehow intact.
Mario: What was that about me breaking into gravel?
Luigi: Just focus on moving forward, Mario!
Peach: Get back here!
Yoshi: Gurm yup huppo mawr. [Prepare yourselves for another Wet Raspberry of Doom, fiends.]
The finish line is mere feet away now. With a last effort, Luigi's foot goes over the line.
Female Voice: Finish!
Luigi: That was nerve-wracking.
Mario: Hey, why's everything going all white? Somebody hit the Reset button!
Luigi: No, we're just leaving the virtual world. I guess I'll see you -
Luigi reappears in the real world, but Mario is nowhere to be found.
Luigi: ...Later.
Female Voice: Clear!
Female Voice runs the clip of Luigi holding his hand out and yelling "Yeah-hah!" Luigi yawns and ignores it. Glad to still be in one piece, Luigi moves onto the next blue space, noticing a nearby chasm. He cautiously peers over and sees a giant Piranha Plant below. His heart sinking, he makes the decision to vanish into the spirit realm and stares at Spiritual Toad.
Luigi: Piranha Plants!
Spiritual Toad: Yes.
Luigi: There's another freaking Piranha Plant!
Spiritual Toad: Tough luck, huh? Well, I've got another piece of news that might brighten your day. Here, take this big rope.
Luigi: Uh, okay. [grabs a thick rope as it falls from the air] I don't see what's so wrong about - [sees something sticking out of the rope] Oh, no. No, no, not this soon. It can't happen this quickly again!
Spiritual Toad: Put it this way, Luigi. By the time you're finished with Mini-Game Island, your palms will be diamonds.
Luigi: Another control stick rotation mini-game! Noooo!
Spiritual Toad: Oh yeah, one more thing.
Spiritual Toad snaps his fingers. In an eye-blink, Luigi is suddenly in a big Bowser suit, standing higher off the ground than normal.
Spiritual Toad: You're going to pretend to be Bowser on this one.
Luigi: So I drill a hole through my hand while wearing an ugly Bowser costume and fearing for a giant Piranha Plant below me. Any more good news?
Spiritual Toad: Eh, that's about the end of it. This mini-game is calld Tug 'o War. You'll never guess what you're supposed to do in it.
Luigi: I pull people into the mouth of a giant Piranha Plant? That's cruel!
Spiritual Toad: It's you or them, Luigi. You're gonna pull on the rope and rotate the control stick as fast and hard as you can. Three opponents will be on the other side of the chasm, trying to pull you over the edge. The Bowser suit gives you enhanced strength, so be grateful for it.
Luigi: What happened to the steroids from Paddle Battle?
Spiritual Toad: Janitor thought they were Tylenol, now he's vying for the championship title in the UFC. So we've got the next best thing.
Luigi: Yeah, but why Bowser?
Spiritual Toad: I don't make the rules, Luigi. I only break them.
Luigi: That your life's creed?
Spiritual Toad: In a nutshell. I don't think there's anything more to say on this one. Just pull your hardest and never mind the searing pain in your hand.
Luigi: Fine. I was hoping to be done with all this for awhile.
Spiritual Toad: We can't have it all.
Luigi fades from the spirit realm and finds himself on a bigger version of the desert chasm he saw in the real world. The sun is still setting off to Luigi's left. Wario, Donkey Kong, and Yoshi are holding onto the rope on the other side of the chasm. Wario gives the rope a couple of yanks eagerly.
Luigi: At least this pain is temporary.
Giant Piranha Plant: Feed me, Seymour!
Luigi: Aaand I'm about to lose it.
Female Voice: Start!
Luigi pulls back on the rope and rotates the control stick with the palm of his hand, straining his muscles and feeling the stick already burning through the hands of his Bowser suit. The three on the other side of the chasm lean back and pull with all their might, evenly matching Luigi. A little pain on Luigi's hand tells him the Bowser suit already has a hole in it.
Wario: Fall!
Luigi: You first!
Wario: Don't wanna!
Luigi: Too bad!
Luigi gets pulled toward the chasm for a second, then increases his efforts and manages to take a few steps back. This process continues for about ten seconds as both sides sweat profusely and grimace at the strain.
Luigi: Fall already!
Wario: If I fall, I don't know if I can get back up!
Luigi: Look, I saw some coins in the Piranha Plant's mouth. Chances are you can steal a few before you get swallowed.
Wario: [straightening up] Really?
The distraction allows Luigi to pull the three of them right to the edge of the chasm. Wario catches himself and pulls back, the toes of his shoes poking out over the ledge. The Piranha Plant gurgles expectantly.
Luigi: I don't want to keep you from your date, so...
With a final yank, Luigi sends them tumbling over the edge. They scream, almost falling into the Piranha Plant's open jaws, but they hang onto each other as Donkey Kong grabs the ledge, fighting to keep themselves up. Luigi walks to the edge, rope in hand.
Luigi: Get off my plain!
Luigi whips Donkey Kong's hand with the rope. The ape lets go, and the three fall into the mouth of the Piranha Plant. Its jaws close over them, silencing their screams. It belches, then spits fifteen coins up at Luigi. He catches them all before they hit him in the head.
Luigi: Get it? "Plain"? Like a field?
Female Voice: Finish!
Luigi throws his head back and laughs hysterically at his own joke. This continues until he disappears from the Tug 'o War world and appears on the now-yellow space of the real world.
Female Voice: Clear!
Luigi: No Bowser suit, hand feels better...and only one mini-game left before the end of World 3. Things are looking up!
Luigi walks confidently to the final space of the world, set before a dominating dark gray stone entrance. He concludes it must be the entrance to World 4.
Luigi: Can you say "intimidating"?
Construction Guy: Intimidadida...inmitidilating...itanidil -
Luigi: Alright, don't give yourself a stroke. Toad, send me in.
Luigi fades from the real world and warps to the spirit realm of clouds once more. He stretches, waiting to hear Spiritual Toad's next tidbit.
Spiritual Toad: You're just blazing through the mini-games, aren't you?
Luigi: Yeah. Seems like the virtual opponents are getting more in line with their real selves. Except for Yoshi. Guy creeps me out.
Spiritual Toad: Well, I think you'll be pleased to know there are no real gimmicks to this next mini-game. It's called Teetering Towers. All you have to do is jump from one tower to the next until you reach the floating island at the end. You did a lot of jumping way back in the day, didn't you?
Luigi: Yeah, and a lot of skating, too.
Spiritual Toad: Didn't know you went to ice levels so much.
Luigi: I didn't.
Spiritual Toad: Anyway, that's not the only thing you need to watch out for.
Luigi: Of course.
Spiritual Toad: It's called "Teetering Towers" because the towers will start to fall when you land on them. You need to stand on one end of the tower to make it fall in that direction, then hop to the next one before you tumble down a bottomless pit. Go too early or too late, and gravity will take its course.
Luigi: Gotcha.
Spiritual Toad: Some towers have coins or sacks floating above them, so you may want to head in their direction to nab a little extra cash. It'll add onto your total coin count.
Luigi: Sounds reasonable. I'm ready to go.
Spiritual Toad: Alright. Not quite as easy as it sounds, I'll tell you that.
Spiritual Toad sends Luigi into the mini-game world. When his vision returns, he notices the whole area is dark in contrast to the sunset he saw in the past couple of mini-games. He looks down as the brick tower he's standing on starts to shake, then runs to the front edge and jumps off as the tower starts to fall in that direction.
Female Voice: Start!
Luigi: Cheap move!
The tower rumbles again, prompting Luigi to quickly go to the upper-right corner. He begins to slide off as the tower tilts. Remembering Spiritual Toad's words, Luigi just barely makes it to the next tower.
Luigi: Suddenly my jumping has gone down the toilet. At least I'm not skating around. That would be terror.
Luigi awkwardly shifts the tower to the next one and hops off, almost falling down the pit in the process. He tries to stabilize his heartbeat as his foot almost slips off.
Luigi: Where the heck is solid ground?
Luigi navigates to the next tower, then glances behind him.
Luigi: Was that the Leaning Tower of Pisa I just destroyed?
American Tourist Down Below: Good heavens, Velma! I told you that thing wasn't stable!
Luigi: Another one of the world's great landmarks, destroyed by yours truly. At least it was a fake one. Right?
Luigi continues hopping along, trying to balance leaning the towers in the right direction with giving himself enough room to jump. He realizes Spiritual Toad was right: one little screw-up and he'd be plummeting down a bottomless pit. Off in the distance, he sees something bluish-green.
Luigi: Land! It's floating in the air, but whatever!
Link: And what's wrong with that?
Luigi: Nothing. Go restock your inventory in the Bazaar, wherever you came from.
Link: Good idea. I'll leave you to jump to the finish.
Link dives off the edge of the tower and whistles. A big red bird flies underneath him, catches him, and soars away.
Luigi: Freakin' show-off. Real men get in and do it themselves.
Luigi jumps to the next tower and grabs the sack of coins over it, hastily stuffing it down his overalls for temporary storage. Looking like a farmer with too much to eat, he hops to the third-to-last tower, beginning to sweat from the excitement.
Luigi: Almost there...!
Luigi hops to the next one. The tower begins to fall over, but slightly in the wrong direction. Luigi's eyes "boing" open and he flings himself to the final tower, grasping the edge and beginning to slide off. Knowing the tower will fall his direction if he doesn't move quickly, he scrambles onto the top, redirecting the lean forward. The tower falls toward the floating island in slow-motion. Luigi leaps off, shouting a war cry and working his arms in circles. The slow-motion ends when he hits the island and rolls to his feet.
Female Voice: Finish!
Luigi: I'm not going to lie. That was more tense than I thought it would be.
Luigi vanishes from Teetering Towers and reappears in the real world on a yellow space. World 3 is complete. Even the sweat from the mini-game has disappeared.
Female Voice: Clear!
Luigi: Well, that's a load off my mind. Time to talk to Koopa.
Luigi walks to the Save Space up ahead, right in front of the cave entrance. Koopa appears from nowhere, apparently well-versed in showing up at the appropriate time.
Koopa: Congratulations, Luigi! You're almost halfway done with Mini-Game Island. Feel free to take a rest, though. You're mowing through the mini-games, and there's still daylight left.
Luigi: True dat. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to take a breather. Where's Mario?
Mario: Still catching up. This guy has moving around the island down to a science.
Koopa: I trained for it for years. I'll go ahead and save your game. Take as much time as you want before proceeding, Luigi.
Narrator: And so Luigi triumphed over World 3 and its dangers of dizziness, sand in the eye, and bleeding palms. Up next is World 4, set in an intimidimididding cavern. Luigi will have to cooperate with Mario to the fullest to pass these next trials. Stay tuned for part 5 of Mario Parody: Luigi vs. Mini-Game Island!
Elsewhere on the island, a shadowy figure sitting in a revolving chair stares at an electronic screen. The figure drums its fingers together, contemplating Luigi's progress.
Shadowy Figure: He's not stopping for much of a rest, is he? He's determined to see this through in one day. Should he succeed in that, my plans will wind up in a knot, and it will take too long to unravel them. The plan is to stall him, not to kill him. I could end him in a heartbeat, but we need him. I wonder...how soon shall I start the invasion?
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