I peered out from the closet, Cartman and Kenny were going at it like bunnies again, and I felt as thought I was going to vomit. While I wasn't a big fan of watching real life porn, it wasn't the fatass' naked body that made me ill, it was Stan. What he had become really made me feel sick, he was becoming as bad as the Fat ass, his aura was warping, and he was slowly loosing his mind, and quickly loosing his memories. I wonder if he remembers me? He has too, right? I mean, I loved him, he loved me, we loved each other a lot, he couldn't just forget about me. I wanted to follow him so badly, just run after him and hold him in my arms again, I didn't care that he looked grotesque, because deep down I knew he was my Stan, who helped me so many times, but maybe he forgot because he didn't forgive me?

No, he killed himself for me, he said so, or was it because of me. God said Stan felt guilty that he didn't help me, and Stan was always so quick to take events to heart, he was too sensitive. That means…

I clutched the sides of my head and collapsed onto the back wall of the closet, sliding down, eyes wide and full of diamond tears. He hadn't killed himself for me like I thought, he did it because he couldn't take the guilt; he didn't love me after all. All this made me feel sick to my stomach, I couldn't take any of this, I missed him so much, I missed his smile, the way he fit into my arms, the way his head rested perfectly on my shoulder, running my fingers through his dark hair, the sweetness of his lips, his touch; I moan and slammed my head against the closet wall, tears running down my cheeks.

"Kyle?"

The closet door opened, and I looked up. Kenny was standing over me, a large smile on his face, wearing only a pair of pants.

"Hey Kenny," I muttered drying my tears quickly so that he wouldn't know I was crying, but I knew it was too late.

"What's wrong?" he said sitting down next to me

"Don't you need to, you know?" I motioned to the bedroom

"Cartman left already, something about History homework. I think he's just going to go home and jack off that sex-a-holic. So what's wrong, I could hear you crying the whole time."

"It's just…Stan." I muttered softly, looking away

"Yeah, that kid is pretty fucked up looking,"

My head whipped around, confusion replacing my look of sorrow

"You can see him?"

"I spent some time in hell too, remember?"

"Oh right, sorry. How did you know it was Stan?"

"The same way you know he is,"

"You love him too?"
"No, I know because of the way he acts, but I know he doesn't remember, his mind is degrading Kyle, it happens when you accept an offer from Satan, you become nothing more than a useless pawn, it's how he cuts you off from the world you use to come from. Sever the ties from God completely." He looked over at me, he blonde hair falling in his bight blue eyes " You miss him a lot, don't you."

"I miss him more now that he's right there and I can't have him."

"You know Kyle, you've saved my ass so many times in the past few years, I don't even know what to do to repay you."

I smiled looking down to the brown carpet, shrugging

"You don't have to do anything Kenny, it's my job, what I am destined to do for all of eternity."

"Kyle, go find Stan, please, it's killing me to see you like this." He said slowly "it should always be Kyle and Stan, you two should never be apart, no matter what this fucked up world wants, you should be putting yourself before the world."

"Kenny, you know I-"
"I know I know, and I know you know, but that should be worth shit if you can't be with who you love. If Cartman was ever torn from me, I'd kill everyone in my path to get to him, you know that? Even if it means confronting God himself, I love who I love, and when I love, I love with everything thing I got, just like you do. So go find him,"

"Where would I even start?" I moaned cradling my head in my hands

"I don't know, just go!" Kenny yelled standing up and pointing out the window. I nodded, stood up, and took off out the window and into the dark night sky.

I had no clue where I was going to go, even though South Park was so small, Stan was confused and ran like the wind. He was like a lost, rabid dog, he could be anywhere. I circled high above the city but figured that the higher up I was, the more impossible it was for me to tell Stan from the rest of humanity. On foot, it'd be easier to tell, but I couldn't cover ground like he did, fast little bugger.

"Stan!" I yelled, cupping my hands round my mouth so it'd act like a megaphone. "Stan!" But there was no answer to my cries, no one heard me, no one noticed me. The only reason Kenny could see me was because he'd died so many times, and had even been an angel for a while, he was able to open his mind to the world around him, he could see every demon and every angel that walked the streets of South Park. But I couldn't think of Kenny at a time like this, I had to find Stan before he did something stupid.

I was running around frantically, yelling his name at the top of my lungs, my mind chuckling at the irony of this whole situation, because it use to be the other way around.

"Kyle!" Stan was running around, eyes wide, hair mussed, jacket barely on, making a megaphone with his hands screaming my name over and over, but I'd ducked into an ally and hid behind a few trashcans. I didn't want to be around him, what the hell did he know what was best for me? These, these made me feel great, made me great, and he just wanted me all to himself, he wanted to keep me under his thumb.

"Kyle!" He was crying now, his voice cracking and wavering "I'm sorry, come back, please, Kyle? Kyle!"

Part of me wanted to just run up and kiss the fool, but even more of me just wanted to hid behind this trashcan till he left.

As I look back on it now, I was such a dumb ass back then, I'd hurt the one person that had meant the most to me, I pushed him away and hurt him. God damn it, I was blind to everything, I tangled myself into a web of drugs and denial, and I couldn't get out, no matter how much Stan tugged, I buried myself deeper, cut myself off from him. It was until my very last moments of life, as I felt my soul draining from my body, I knew I'd fucked up, and I spent the last four years following around Kenny, seeing Stan in school, watching him cry. When he cried, I tried to wrap him in my arms, but he couldn't feel me, all he felt was the air around him, it was at these time I cried too, I felt horrible about doing this too him, and as the years went by, I literally watched him waste away in front of me, I watched him fall deeper and deeper into depression, I was even there when he killed himself. God the tore my heart out and stomped on it, I felt as if the last of my humanity died with Stan, I was actually the one that got Wendy to go over there, and I prayed and asked God to spare Stan, but all God said was that Stan had taken his own gift away, and that he couldn't do anything. But now I could, I could help him, and I knew just where he was.

Running as fast as I could my mind was set, I knew where he was. All I could hear was the trees passing, rustling with the wind I generated, leaves uncovered by the snow crackling, it was exhilarating. Just as a smile crossed my lips, I heard a ghastly sound, a lonely painful howl by a beast not from this Earth, I just knew it was Stan, my assumptions were right, he'd wandered out to Starks Pond.

"Stan!" I yelled as the forest broke into a clearing, where a beast stood in the middle of the pond, head up turned, face twisted, eyes flaring a bright red, the dark aura around him whipping violently. I only paused for a second, not even giving myself time to let the picture sink in, I couldn't let it, I had to get to Stan. The darkness around me closed in, began to suffocate me, yet I still ran, I ran to the eye of the storm, all the while yelling his name. But the dark was strong, it was pushing up against me like two stone walls, crushing me, suffocating me, pouring into my lungs from my mouth and nose, I gasped for breath but still pulled forward.

"God," I coughed and gasped "help me."

As I pulled into the eye of the aura storm, I saw that Stan had fallen onto his knees, blood tears running down him face, the lonely scream seeming unending.

"Oh, Stan," I cried wrapping my arms around him, but instead of stopping, he choked for a moment, than began to scream again, except this was a scream of pain.

"Stop!" He howled, his voice like nails on a chalk board, but I didn't, why would he want me to stop, I had to bring him around,

"Stan, Stan, it's me!" I cried, trying to calm him so that I could talk to him

"Get off!" I howled more, flailing, but I just tightened my grip, his bloody tears staining my face, it hurt, burning slightly, but I didn't care.

"Stan, stop, it's Kyle!" I panted as he struggled, "please stop."

He was strong, super strong almost, and hard to hold on to.

"Stop, I'm not Stan!" He howled in an unearthly voice "I'm not Stan. I'm Loki! Go away you fucking Angel!"

He pulled his arm away, time seemed to almost slow down. Eyes glowing red, face drenched with blood, he reeled back, and I knew what was going to happen before it even happened. His fiery claw connected with my face, straight across my cheek and over my nose. The pain was intense, like nothing I'd felt in a long time, blood began to pour from my wound. My hands clasped over the golden blood, running all over my hands. I screamed in pain and horror, the beast grinned, my heart tore in two. He didn't remember, and now he hurt me, like physically. I couldn't bear it anymore.

"I FUCKING HATE YOU STAN MARSH YOU BASTARD!" I cried taking flight, leaving the beast down on the ice to freeze. My heart dropped deep into my feet, and I began to cry. Stan had never hurt me before, I mean, we'd exchanged harsh words once or twice, play fought for fun, but neither of us had intentionally drawn blood before. Pulling my hands away, I found that the bleeding had stopped, but my eyes were still blurred with silver tears as I flew back to Kenny's.

"Kyle? Kyle what happened?" he yelled in concern as I collapsed on his bedroom floor, heaving and huffing. "Kyle?"

I looked up and Kenny fell back "Oh jesus," he muttered eyes wide

"What? The cut, it can't be that bad?" I sobbed, still in a fit of uncontrollable sadness

"Dude, look in the mirror," he whispered face still in awe

I pulled myself over to the mirror and began to swear rapidly.

Instead of three cuts I'd expected, there were three long black lines of singed flesh that send black and purple veins all over my face, even into the whites of my eyes.

"What the f-fu-fu-aaack!" I collapsed onto the floor

"I'll go get Jesus!" Kenny yelled running out, but I barely heard him. My stomach was twisting in knots like I'd never felt before, it felt as if a black hole had formed in the pit of my stomach and was sucking in my organs. My vision was blurring, black spots forming everywhere, my bones cracked and twisted, I flailed in pain, spine bending and snapping. Closing my eyes, I screamed till I lost conciousness.