Chapter 3: Say It's Not So

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I own nothing except for characters that aren't in the show

JJ barely remembered the car ride to the hospital or the team leading her to the emergency room. As she walked in and saw half of DCPD's finest in the waiting room and that overwhelming feeling started to consume her again. She could hear people talking around her but she couldn't understand what they were saying. Dan, Will's partner, had come up to her with the Chief of Police. As the chief spoke JJ couldn't help but wonder why Dan stood in front of her at that moment but Will did not. The thought was still too much to bear that he was gone.

"JJ," Hotch said a little louder touching her arm this time to get her attention. She had not responded the first three times he said her name and that was concerning to him.

"Sorry, what is it?"

"If you're ready the nurse said you could go in."

JJ stared at the door for about a minute before she pushed it open and walked in. The door closed quietly behind her. Inside she walked up to his body, it just look liked he was sleeping she thought. As she touched his hand she truly felt how cold and lifeless his body was.

Outside of the door Hotch, Emily, Dave, and Morgan stood neither of them knowing if it was a good idea for her to be in there alone but they would do this her way. Of all the horrific and devastating things they saw on a regular basis nothing could have prepared them for what happened next.

After touching his hand it hit her, the reality of the fact that he was actually gone. He would never smile, tell he loved her, or touch her ever again. That in itself pushed JJ to a place she had never been before, a deep dark hole that was now part of her heart, this is why she had always ran because she was afraid of being hurt.

"Nooooooooooooooooo"

From outside the door they all heard the blood curdling no that JJ had screamed as the fact that Will was gone finally hit here. At that point Morgan couldn't take it anymore he couldn't leave her alone to deal with this. The others felt the same way and followed him.

Morgan walked over to JJ and put his hand on her arm. She turned to him with fear and panic in her eyes.

"This isn't true!" she told him pointing to Will's body.

"It is true JJ."

She looked at him then, knowing he was right was too much. Morgan wanted to pull her into a hug but she fought him, hitting her fists against yelling, "No, no, this can't be happening we were supposed to get married. In two months we are supposed walk down the aisle and now he's…."

JJ couldn't finish her thought, she could not say those words, all the anger she had dissipated as her body racked itself with sobs as she clung to Morgan's chest.

"Shhh, you're okay, I got you sweetie," Morgan held her tightly glad that she finally gave into the grief. He didn't mind that she took out her rage on him, he was twice her size and could take it but he hated that she was going through this.

Emily watched in shock as JJ rapidly went through the all the emotions she had been holding in for the last two hours. She could compartmentalize on a good day but today this was too much watching her friend go through the one thing that she had always feared most. Swiping tears she told herself that she could not do this not now JJ needed her.

Dave on the other hand wasn't shocked at how JJ reacted in the least. She was right this was not supposed to happen she was on her way to happily ever after. What did unnerve him was that they normally strong, confident woman he was accustomed to seeing was nowhere to be found right now.

Hotch had stepped out to talk to the police chief about the details of the case and how arrangements were to be handled. He needed to do something at that moment because he couldn't just stand there and watch the strongest woman he knew break into pieces. All of it made him think of Haley but he couldn't do that right now JJ needed him.

Morgan exchanged a look with Emily and Dave that spoke volumes that maybe getting JJ out of here would be the best idea.

Emily walked up to where Morgan and JJ were touching her friends shoulder she spoke softly, "JJ why don't we take you home so you can see Cate and rest?"

JJ pulled away from Morgan slightly, her crying slowed but her tears were still there, "Oh God, Cate, how am I going to tell her?" she asked as her tears started to come faster.

Dave took one of her hands, "You will find a way and we'll all be right there with you."

JJ nodded wiping away tears letting Dave and Emily lead her from the room and down the corridor out of the hospital. Morgan followed behind them, as he walked out of the room he met Hotch's stare and shook his head.

When they arrived at JJ's Penelope met them at the door and looks on all their faces told her that the last few hours had been rough at best. JJ walked in not saying anything at all and that worried her greatly. JJ met Sara's sympathetic look as she walked into the living room. She had taken care of Cate since she was one for Will and JJ now she was almost four. They were her family as much as her real family was.

"Where's Cate?" JJ asked her wanting so much for this nightmare to be over so she could wake up and everything could be back to normal.

"She's outside teaching Dr. Reid how to play soccer. She doesn't know anything yet we played it off as this just being a special visit from her godparents." Sara took JJ's hand squeezing it in support.

JJ smiled slightly at this because Reid was about as uncoordinated as they came yet every time he came over Cate tried to teach him how play, "Can you get her and bring her inside so I can talk to her."

"Sure"

Knowing this would take a few minutes JJ wanted to go change, her clothes felt like they had death on them. Hotch stopped her for a moment, "JJ is there anyone that we can call?"

JJ had been so consumed in her own grief that she had forgotten about Will's family and her own they both needed to be called. She knew if she made two phones calls, one to Will's brother and one to her mother, they would take of the rest from there.

"I have to call Will's brother and my parents. I'm pretty sure they'll take care of the rest from there. I just don't know…"

Hotch cut her off before she could finish because she had enough to deal with having to tell Cate. He remembered that conversation with Jack and it wasn't a pleasant one. The least he could do was take care of the other notifications for her.

"Let me so you can focus on Cate"

"Ok, both of the numbers are in my phone," she said handing him her phone off of the side table.

They watched her walk away, all of them thinking she just wanted to be alone for a moment. She walked to the laundry room and shut the door. It was not the typical place that she changed but she couldn't go into their bedroom just yet, not without him.

She reemerged in jeans, a pullover sweater, and her hair tied back feeling a little more normal. JJ stopped in the foyer for a moment watching Cate interact with her team, her family, and it gave her a brief few moments of solace.

Cate had finally caught site of her running into her arms, "Mommy!" she yelled as JJ picked her up and hugged her.

"Hi baby," JJ tightened her grip a little bit as Cate wiggled in her arms.

Cate looked at her, "Mommy how come everyone's here is today a special day?"

A special day JJ thought no today was not a special day, today was the worst day of her life. Cate called their team get-togethers special days; she had been ever since she could talk. This was anything but a special day.

"No sweetie, it's not a special day. Mommy needs some help with some things so that's why everyone is here."

JJ walked over to the couch and sat down with Cate. The room was uncomfortable as they all waited for a cue from JJ as to how she wanted to handle this.

Penelope was the first to break the silence, "Sweet pea, do want us to give you some time to talk to her alone?"

JJ thought for a minute and then realized that there was no strength left in her and having her team around her was making her feel safe. She needed them here for this.

Cate looked at JJ confused, "Am I in trouble?"

Cate's question thru her for a loop for a moment, "No sweetie you're not in trouble," she then looked at Penelope, "I'd prefer it if you guys stayed."

She met each of their faces all of them telling her that they were there for here and they weren't going anywhere. Then she looked back at Cate wondering if there was really a good way to go about this.

"Sweetie remember how Daddy was on special case and he was working all night last night?" as she nodded JJ went on, "Well Daddy and Uncle Dan were catching the bad guy this morning and Daddy got really, really hurt."

Cate's eyes grew wider, "Is he okay?"

"No sweetie he isn't. Daddy was hurt too much for the doctor's to fix him and he died." JJ stopped for a moment but Cate said nothing, "Do you understand?"

"Does that mean that Daddy is an angel like Grandpa?"

JJ thought about this for a moment, as to how Cate knew about that. Then she remembered that a few weeks ago Will and she were looking at a photo album with Will's dad in it. He had died before Cate was born so Will was telling her about him. Then she asked him where her grandpa was. Will explained heaven and angels to her. It all made sense now.

"Yes, Daddy is an angel like Grandpa now."

As soon as JJ said that Cate's eyes welled up with tears and big drops started to fall.

"I don't want him to be an angel, I want Daddddy…."

Cate was now crying harder as she buried her head in JJ's neck and clung to her tighter. JJ herself didn't know what to say to help her daughter at that moment so she just held her tightly. Emily and Penelope were now sitting next to her rubbing her back. JJ's own tears had started to fall again, this could not be happening…

A/N: Thanks to everyone who is reading, reviewing, and alerting! It keeps me writing :)